The Learning Domestic Discipline Social Network

  Since Learning Domestic Discipline launched a few months ago its popularity has grown beyond belief. Because of this, I've decided to create the first reputable Domestic Discipline social network. The goal is to make this easier for everyone to communicate, get/give Domestic Discipline advice and meet other Domestic Discipline couples.

So, here's how this works: The first 30 members to sign up on the Learning Domestic Discipline Social Network will get a free lifetime membership. After the first 30 members sign up then memberships will cost $5.95 per month for an individual membership, and $9.95 per month for a couples membership (which would give you and your spouse each an account). We cannot offer refunds, however, you can cancel at any time and currently the only accepted method of payment is PayPal. Keep in mind that the first 30 members will get a free, lifetime membership.

How to sign up: To sign up for the Learning Domestic Discipline Social Network, click here. You must sign up with a valid birthday (to confirm that you're over 18 years of age) and a valid email address (to help prevent multiple accounts, and spam). 

EACH NEW MEMBER WILL RECEIVE A ONE WEEK FREE TRIAL!

If you have any questions: Feel free to leave them in the comments, or email LearningLDD@gmail.com. 

*****UPDATE*****

Current Members: When you refer someone to the Learning Domestic Discipline Social Network, you will receive one month of free membership for every referral, and those you refer will receive 20% off of their monthly membership for the LIFE of their membership!

New Members: Once you become a member, this same referral offer will apply to you.  Once you join, the more referrals you bring to the network, the more free months of membership you will accrue.  If you were referred to the site by a current member, include their name in your sign up form to claim your 20% lifetime membership.  Come join us and bring your friends!


  There are a lot of great people already in the network.  I'm really impressed.  There are people of all ages and all levels of experience.  Some are just starting out, and some have practiced Domestic Discipline for 20+ years.  If you're looking for more opinions or different ways to approach Domestic Discipline, this social network is a great avenue to gather that information.  We hope to see you there!

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Posted in: Domestic Discipline Marriage,Social Network

The Woman's Perspective: "What if my husband breaks a rule?"

   

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This is Chelsea again and I wanted to briefly (well, hopefully I'll be able to keep it brief) talk to everyone about one of the most common DD questions I think I've ever heard- "What if my husband breaks a rule? Can I punish him too? It's not fair." (or some sort of variation of that). 

Image courtesy of the Roxiticus blog.

To be perfectly honest, I don't have a genius answer to that question, even though I've been asked it many, many, many times. I really think everyone has different views on how they practice DD in their marriage and this is just one of those topics that goes along with that. 

I know there's a concept out there called the Spencer Discipline Plan that is structured where the husband and wife both hold each other accountable. That's not how my husband and I decided our marriage would be, but the bottom line is that if a couple wanted to structure their marriage in that way, they could. 

The only way I can really answer this question is with my personal views on DD and my views on the Spencer Discipline Plan because, like I said, it's really a matter of opinion and what you find works the best for you and your marriage when it comes to DD. Everyone is going to practice differently, and have different beliefs. Below are mine.

Personally, I think DD works the best when one party is the "head of the household" (so to speak) and the other party isn't. The reason for this is because if you're both "in charge" it messes up what I believe the DD dynamic to be, and, in turn, can create a power struggle of sorts. I also think it would lead to one party punishing the other party out of spite. What I mean by that is say you and your husband decide to incorporate the Spencer Plan method of DD into your marriage. You break a rule, and your husband punishes you. You get upset because you feel like he "spanked too hard" or "put you in the corner too long"..something like that. So, you begin to look for reasons to punish him back. Feeling angry and resenting your spouse would commonly occur and I think acting on that resentment is something a lot of people would do. In turn, I feel it would create a problem and a power struggle.

So, because of what I just listed above, I'm obviously against the Spencer Plan method of DD. However, it IS out there and it's another DD avenue that couples can explore and see if it works for them. DD doesn't HAVE to be one person as the head of the household and the other not, but I find it works best that way and that's how we've chosen to incorporate it into our marriage. I don't find it "unfair" (as it's often phrased) that I can't (or choose not to) punish my husband because I trust my husband that the decisions he makes (whether in day to day life, about the rules, my punishments, all of that) are in the best interest of our family and I trust that my husband would follow those rules himself as well. He isn't perfect, but he's an AMAZING person and when he does make a mistake, I've chosen to leave it up to him to self-correct because, so far, he hasn't shown me that that's something he's incapable of. 

Hopefully this helped clear up the ever so famous "well what if my husband does something wrong" statement that, before we started practicing DD, is a question I had as well. It's all about choosing what works best for you, your spouse and your marriage.

-Chelsea

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Posted in: Domestic Discipline Marriage,The Woman's Perspective

Spanking vs. Abuse: Clearing Up Misconceptions

   

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  It never fails - someone, or a group of people, will proclaim those in Domestic Discipline relationships/marriages as being in abusive relationships/marriages, or that they're participating in sadistic or masochistic relationships/marriages, or declare the entire practice as bondage, or domestic violence, or some other type of accusation they feel they need to throw out there.  I understand their concerns.  Often times these folks could voice their opinions in a much more appropriate way, but that's just the way of the world these days.  I won't get into my thoughts on that.

  For someone just hearing about Domestic Discipline for the first time, this thought process is an understandable one.  I wouldn't expect a first-timer to understand everything about Domestic Discipline and how it should be done, or what exactly it is.  On the same token, I don't expect first-timers to understand what exactly abuse is, or what exactly sadism and masochism is, or what exactly bondage is, or what exactly domestic violence is.  On all of these subjects, including Domestic Discipline, opinions mold a person's definition.  This entry is to address these topics and the misconceptions of them, and to provide strictly facts.  My opinion from this point on will not be expressed.  Only facts.

Definitions will be taken from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary if you'd like to follow along.

Image courtesy of Visual Photos.

Misconception #1: "Domestic Discipline is BDSM under a different name."

Definition of BDSM - Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism.

Definition of Bondage - Sadomasochistic sexual practices involving the physical restraint of one partner.  In addition to this definition, sadomasochism is defined as the derivation of pleasure from the infliction of physical or mental pain either on others or one's self.

  Nowhere on this blog is physical restraint advised, condoned, or recommended.  Furthermore, nowhere on this blog is sexual gratification advised, condoned, or recommended when practicing Domestic Discipline.  By definition, Bondage is not the same thing as Domestic Discipline.

Definition of Discipline - Training that corrects, molds, or perfects mental faculties and/or moral character.

  Everywhere on this blog is the correction of unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental behaviors advised, condoned, and recommended.  By definition, Discipline is the same thing as Domestic Discipline.

Definition of Sadism - A delight in cruelty.  In addition to this definition, cruelty is defined as martial conduct held to endanger life or health and to cause mental suffering or fear.

  I've stated on this blog that if you take "delight" in Domestic Discipline, then you're reading the wrong blog.  I've also made it clear everywhere on the blog the importance of comfort, love, support, communication, and reassurance in regards to your partner and their feelings when practicing Domestic Discipline.  By definition, Sadism is not the same thing as Domestic Discipline.

Definition of Masochism - Pleasure in being abused or dominated.  I'll go into the "abuse" factor later in this entry, so we'll set that part of the definition aside for the time being.

  Again, I've stated on this blog that if you take "pleasure" in being punished or disciplined, then you're reading the wrong blog.  Nowhere on this blog is abuse or domination advised, condoned, or recommended.  As I said earlier, I'll get into abuse in just a moment.  By definition, Masochism is not the same thing as Domestic Discipline.

Conclusion: After examining the definition of BDSM and the subsequent elements (and definitions of those elements) within, as well as the definition of Domestic Discipline, it's evident BDSM and Domestic Discipline are not the same thing.  In addition, the dictionary failed to go into aspects of BDSM such as collaring, slaves, restraints, and whips - all of which have never been mentioned as part of a Domestic Discipline relationship/marriage anywhere on this blog.  Even the most intelligent presumptuous naysayer should clearly see, after reading these definitions, that BDSM and Domestic Discipline are not the same thing.

Misconception #2: "Domestic Discipline is abuse, and the wife is too brainwashed to notice."

  The word abuse is broken into three categories: physical abuse, sexual abuse, and psychological abuse (or more commonly known as emotional abuse).  I'll break down each category to cover the entire topic.

Definition of Physical Abuse - Infliction of physical pain, discomfort, injury or physical coercion by using means of hitting, shoving, pushing, burning, or physical restraints.

  Nowhere on this blog is hitting, shoving, pushing, burning, or physically restraint advised, condoned, or recommended.  By definition, Physical Abuse is not the same as Domestic Discipline.

Definition of Sexual Abuse - Illegal sexual contact that usually involves force upon a person without consent or sexual contact inflicted upon a person who is unable to give consent.

  Nowhere on this blog has sex been mentioned as part of Domestic Discipline.  In fact, it has been stated on this blog that if sexual gratification is your interest, then you're reading the wrong blog.  It has also been stated very clearly on this blog that consent is needed from both partners to engage in a Domestic Discipline relationship/marriage.  By definition, Sexual Abuse is not the same thing as Domestic Discipline.

Definition of Psychological (Emotional) Abuse - A form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to a behavior that is psychologically harmful.  In addition to this definition, the United States Justice Department defines psychological harm as emotionally abusive traits caused by using intimidation, threatening physical harm, threatening destruction of property, threatening to isolate one from family and friends, and forcing isolation from family and friends.

  Nowhere on this blog is intimidation, threatening tactics, or isolating anyone from friends and family advised, condoned, or recommended.  By definition, Psychological (Emotional) Abuse is not the same thing as Domestic Discipline.

Definition of Brainwashing - Forcible indoctrination that induces someone to give up basic political, social, and religious beliefs and attitudes to accept contrasting regimented ideas.

  Nowhere on this blog are any political ideas, social ideas, or religious beliefs advised, condoned, or recommended.  Domestic Discipline can be a religious belief (this would be referred to as Christian Domestic Discipline), but it isn't always a religious belief.  I refer to DD as Domestic Discipline and not Christian Domestic Discipline for this exact reason.  Also, there is no such thing as an "Anti-Domestic Discipline" church, nor any political party that specifically opposes Domestic Discipline.  Therefore, Domestic Discipline is not a contrasting regimented idea to any political, social, or religious belief.  By definition, Brainwashing is not the same thing as Domestic Discipline.

Conclusion:  Abuse is a common term used by those who disagree with Domestic Discipline.  Often times these "abuse" claims are ignorant, presumptuous, uneducated, and not researched whatsoever.  I've done all the research for you, and the definitions prove Domestic Discipline and abuse are not the same thing.  Next time you and your significant other are accused of doing abusive practices, refer that person to this blog entry.  Don't take offense, that particular individual is just misinformed.  It happens.

Misconception #3: "Domestic Discipline is just a glorified name for Domestic Violence."

  There are two aspects to this - the definitions and the legal parameters.  Domestic Violence is a crime almost everywhere in the world, and certainly in every state within the United States.  I'll cover all legal aspects so we're all perfectly clear on the difference between Domestic Discipline and Domestic Violence.

Definition of Domestic Violence - The habitual pattern of inflicting physical injury by one household member onto another.  In addition to this definition, violence is defined as the use of extreme force.

  By legal standards, this definition is incorrect, which we'll get to momentarily.  Regardless, nowhere on this blog is a habitual pattern of Domestic Discipline described, advised, condoned, or recommended.  Furthermore, nowhere on this blog is the use of extreme force advised, condoned, or recommended.  In fact, this blog has made it clear that punishments are to only be administered when a mistake is made (not whenever the mood strikes a person), and is only to be done calmly and without force.  By this definition, Domestic Violence is not the same thing as Domestic Discipline.

LEGAL definition of Domestic Violence - Every state will have a different legal definition of Domestic Violence, but all will essentially say the same thing.  One state legally defines Domestic Violence as physically harming someone in the same household or placing another person in great fear by use of hitting, punching, pushing, shoving, choking, kicking, threatening with a weapon, rape, sodomy, electronic communication harassment, holding a person against their will, and stalking.

  Nowhere on this blog is hitting, punching, pushing, shoving, choking, kicking, threatening with a weapon, rape, sodomy, electronic communication harassment, holding a person against their will, or stalking advised, condoned, or recommended.  By LEGAL definition, Domestic Violence is not the same thing as Domestic Discipline.

Conclusion: Domestic Violence is something that should be taken very seriously.  As we learned with the definition, Domestic Discipline does not fit that definition, and therefore is not Domestic Violence.  Domestic Discipline cannot be called Domestic Violence if the practice is consensually agreed upon, and does not fit the definition - both legally and otherwise - of Domestic Violence.

Misconception #4: "Spanking is the same as beating/hitting."

  This is probably the most common misconception, and very easy to prove false.  All we need are the definitions.

Definition of Spanking - To strike especially on the buttocks with an open hand or implement.

Definition of Beating - An act of striking repeated blows with the intent to severely injure or damage.

Definition of Hitting - Delivering a blow by action forcefully or suddenly.

  Nowhere on this blog is spanking advised, condoned, or recommended to be done with intent to severely injure or damage, nor is it advised, condoned, or recommended to be done forcefully or suddenly.  Spanking however, IS advised, condoned, and recommended by myself to be done in a calm, safe, loving, healthy, controlled, and composed manner throughout this blog.  By definition, Spanking is not the same thing as Beating, nor is Spanking the same thing as Hitting.

IN CONCLUSION

  Even with these facts, definitions, and legal definitions right in front of people, there will always be those who disagree with Domestic Discipline, or make uneducated assumptions about the practice.  Never will every man and woman walking the planet completely agree with Domestic Discipline and all it entails.  That is a fruitless battle that nobody should take on.  Even after reading this entry, there will STILL be people that make these assumptions, accusations and misconceptions.  The bottom line is there will always be someone that wants to prove you wrong, or negatively judge you for what you believe in.  Always.  That will never ever go away, which is unfortunate.

  This blog entry was not written to prove anyone wrong, it was written to educate those who may not have the appropriate resources, or who may not have the time to seek the truth about what they're accusing or implying.  We live in judgmental societies, and a judgmental world.  That's just the fact of the matter.  People will continue to judge based on opinion rather than fact.

  If you disagree with Domestic Discipline, then don't do it.  It's as simple as that.  I won't judge you for not practicing.  All I ask in return is that you don't judge those who DO practice, particularly when you have no factual information to back up your assumptions or misconceptions.   As always, feel free to ask any questions you may have in the comments.

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Posted in: Domestic Discipline Marriage,Misconceptions

Punishment #6: Advanced Level Spankings

   

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  Given the fact that this blog is just over two months old, I debated on whether or not to post this entry this soon.  Ideally couples should be practicing Domestic Discipline for a solid 3-4 months before escalating the spankings to this advanced level.  I've had a few requests for it already, so I figured now is a good time to post it.

  Before we get started, let me say a few things.  If you happen to be a first time visitor to this blog and are looking into a Domestic Discipline relationship/marriage, please read the explanation of Domestic Discipline first, and read over the earlier posts on this blog to get a better understanding of what exactly it is before jumping right into spankings.

  Second, if you're new to the spanking concept, please start by reading the beginner level spankings entry.  If you jump right into this advanced level spanking from the start,  chances are things would go wrong and there is a strong possibility you and your partner would do it incorrectly.  This spanking stuff is complicated, and it's very important you do it correctly.

  Lastly I'd just like to say that there is no rush when it comes to escalating spankings to the advanced level.  If you feel you and your spouse are not ready to escalate the spankings yet, then don't.  If you're currently doing intermediate level spankings and are happy with the results, there's no need to escalate the spankings to the advanced level right now.  If you're currently doing intermediate level spankings and you're finding yourself having to spank rather frequently (2-3 times a week or so), then I would recommend advancing to advanced level spankings.

  I had a lot to preface this post with, but I felt it was all important.  Now that we have all that out of the way, let's get started with the advanced level spankings and how I recommend they be done with a step-by-step breakdown.

Image courtesy of ebay.com.

Steps 1-5 are exactly the same as beginner level spankings.  Click that link to go over them.

Steps 6-8 are exactly the same as intermediate level spankings.  Click that link to go over them.

Step 9: After the five minute "break" (two minutes of rubbing, three minutes of the wife being left alone to think about her behavior), the wife should get back into spanking position, and the husband should spank again the same way (same implement, alternating cheeks with each strike, etc.).  The point of reference on the number of strikes should be about 20 again, adjusting that number based on the wife's behavior and based on the implement that is used.  In step 8 I recommend using about 1/2 of your strength, but on this second set of swats I recommend the strikes be about 3/4 your strength.  This is where the spanking gets much more intense than the intermediate level spanking, and thus more effective long term.

Step 10: Break #2.  I recommend this break be done exactly the same way as the first one.  Check step #9 of the intermediate level spankings post on how I recommend this break be done.

Step 11:  After the five minute "break" (two minutes of rubbing, three minutes of the wife being left alone to think about her behavior), the wife should get back into spanking position, and the husband should spank one last time, again alternating cheeks with each strike.  For this last set of strikes, I recommend between 6-10 strikes, with a wooden paddle, using nearly full strength.  At LEAST 3/4 strength, but preferably harder than that.  It is very very intense, and very very painful for the wife.  This isn't easy to do for either person.  This last set is difficult, but extremely important to get the behavior corrected long term.

Steps 12-15 are exactly the same as steps 10-13 of intermediate level spankings.  Click that link to go over them.

  The advanced level spankings are not for the faint of heart.  Only experienced couples within a domestic discipline relationship should be spanking this way.  Do NOT jump right into spanking this way if you're a beginner.  I cannot stress that enough.

  All steps are important, but perhaps the most important step in this entire spanking is the warm up spanking.  Do NOT forget to do the warm up spanking.  The warm up spanking is what assures there will be no bruising.

  After conducting an advanced level spanking, you shouldn't have to spank again for quite a while.  Probably a month or two.  It's such a painful experience for the wife that it will be very effective.   Look at it this way - doing advanced level spankings a handful of times a year is much better than doing intermediate level spankings a handful of times a month.  That's the point of Domestic Discipline relationships.  To get problematic behavior corrected long term.  Feel free to ask any questions you may have in the comments.

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Posted in: Advanced,Domestic Discipline Marriage,Spanking

Recipe - Potato Skins

   

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  Up to this point there has been a whole lot of seriousness on the Learning Domestic Discipline blog.  It's time to lighten up the mood a little bit.  Every now and then I plan on posting some of my wife's recipes since I think she's such a wonderful cook.  With the 4th of July holiday right around the corner, I figured one of my favorite snack items would be a perfect way to start.  These potato skins are seriously one of my favorite things my wife makes, and they work great as a snack item at any family get together.

Potato Skins

6 Baking Potatoes
4 tablespoons of olive oil
2 tablespoons of grated parmesan cheese
1 teaspoon of salt
1/4 teaspoon of paprika
1 teaspoon of garlic salt
1/2 teaspoon of pepper
2 cups of shredded cheddar cheese (Colby Jack cheese works as well)
1/2 cup of sour cream
2 bacon strips (cooked and crumbled)

-Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
-Wash the baking potatoes, poke them with a fork (to allow them to cook faster) and bake for 50 minutes.
-Let them cool then cut them in half, lengthwise, and scoop out majority of the potato inside (leaving just a little bit of the potato, and the skin).
-Preheat oven to 450 degrees.
-In a separate bowl, mix all the seasonings, parmesean cheese and olive oil together.
-Rub the inside and outside of the potato skins in the olive oil/seasoning mix and place face down (so the potato skin is up) on a greased baking sheet.
-Bake for approximately 7-9 minutes.
-Remove from the oven, carefully turn over the potato skins and fill with shredded cheese.
-Put back in the oven for another 7-9 minutes.
-Top with sour cream, bacon, whatever toppings you want.

 These do take some time to make, but they are so worth it.  I'd love to hear your thoughts on these amazing potato skins if and when you make them.  They're a big hit in our house!  More recipes will be posted as time goes on.  Enjoy!

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Posted in: Recipes

Frequently Asked Spanking Questions - Part II

   

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  Last week I answered a few questions people regularly ask when it comes to spanking. This week I'll answer a few more. No sense in a lengthy introduction. Let's get right to it.

If you'd like to review the questions I covered last week, you can do so by clicking here.

Image courtesy of businesstag.org.

My wife gets really scared before a spanking and has a hard time cooperating. What do I do?

  First thing is first - you need to understand why she's acting the way she is. It's one of three reasons: 1) she disagrees with the reason she's getting spanked; 2) she's trying to avoid or get out of being spanked; or 3) she isn't quite understanding the dynamic of a Domestic Discipline marriage/relationship and is having a hard time accepting her part of it.

  If her poor behavior before a spanking is a one time thing (meaning generally she's cooperative, just not this time around), she likely disagrees with why she's getting spanked. If this is the case, it's important to hear her out and listen to her side of the story. In this situation I recommend having a calm talk with the wife about why she feels the way she does, and why she doesn't see her behavior (the reason for the spanking) as a spankable offense. Discuss the entire situation and come to some sort of agreement on the punishment. Don't let your wife "convince" you or "persuade" you into not spanking her, but if she has a valid point and gives a legit reason for a lighter punishment, then so be it. Use your better judgment and be fair. There's nothing wrong with that.

  If your wife is throwing a fit, storming out of the room, slamming doors, yelling, and generally acting like a child prior to a spanking, then she's trying to avoid or get out of the spanking. There really is no excuse for this kind of behavior. In an instance such as this, I would recommend having your wife spend some time alone in the bedroom until she's ready to handle the situation like an adult. If this is a persistent problem, rather than get angry and increasing the punishment, I would recommend you sit down with the wife on the bed and comfort her BEFORE the spanking. Often times when the husband is understanding and loving, the wife will calm down and realize she can handle her punishment. Hold her, reassure her, and calm her down before the punishment. Let her know things will be alright, and she will be alright as well once the punishment is over.

  If the wife just isn't understanding the dynamic of a Domestic Discipline marriage/relationship and refuses to cooperate on a regular basis, I'd advise you to seek the counsel of a professional. An ongoing, persistent lack of cooperation from the wife is, in my opinion, the ultimate level of disrespect. At that point, it's time for a professional psychologist/DD counselor to help you both.

My wife has hidden/thrown away our implement. Now what do I do?

  This is more common than I thought. This happens a lot, and it's a very serious problem. There are three issues within this act, and all of them need to be handled individually. Generally speaking, the wife doesn't know what she's gotten herself into when she does this. Wives, if you're reading this, throwing away the implement is a really really bad idea, and here's why:

  The first problem is the disrespect factor. Throwing away or hiding the implement isn't "accidentally" done. This is premeditated, deliberate disrespect which is a major, major problem. I recommend spanking for the disrespect, and since the primary implement is gone, you're going to have to use something else. A hairbrush works well (a wooden one, not a plastic one), as does a wooden spoon. For more experienced couples, a belt would be an option as well. The extent of the spanking is ultimately up to the husband, but for deliberate disrespect I recommend it be a fairly serious spanking.

  The second problem is the unnecessary financial factor. You're going to have to buy a new implement (if she threw it away) which is a complete waste of money. There was nothing wrong with the implement to begin with, and now it's thrown away. For this I recommend telling your wife the new implement cost $XX.XX amount of dollars, and she now cannot do something that cost the same amount of money. For instance, if she threw away a $15 wooden paddle, then the next time she wants to go see a movie with her friends, she can't go. A $15 paddle and a night at the movies roughly cost the same amount of money. The idea is to get her to think, "Wow, if I hadn't thrown away that implement, I could have went out with my friends." It isn't so much about the monetary value, it's about the fact that the money spent on a new implement could have went to something else.

  The third problem is the act itself of throwing away the implement. I would recommend spanking for this as well, and I would recommend spanking as soon as the new implement arrives.

  In addition to these punishments, I recommend giving a fairly stern lecture to the wife to make it clear this cannot happen again. Hopefully the wife will understands that hiding/throwing away the implement is a terrible idea, because it is.

How long does the pain last after a spanking?

  This is a difficult question to answer since there are so many variables within a spanking (over or under the clothes, the number of strikes, which implement is used, etc.). All of these factors contribute to the extent and intensity of the pain experienced afterwards.

  After a beginner level spanking, the buttocks should be a pinkish color and the intense pain should last anywhere from 15-30 minutes immediately afterwards, depending on the factors listed above and the pain threshold of the wife. After that initial intense pain period, the wife generally experiences soreness/uncomfortableness for 2-3 hours if the spanking was done correctly.

  After an intermediate level spanking, the buttocks should be red, and the intense pain generally lasts anywhere from 30-45 minutes, depending on all the factors above. After the initial intense pain period, the wife generally experiences soreness/uncomfortableness for 4-5 hours if the spanking was done correctly.

  After an advanced level spanking, the buttocks is a very bright red, and the intense pain generally lasts anywhere from 40-60 minutes, depending on all the factors above. After the initial intense pain period, the wife generally experiences soreness/uncomfortableness for 8-12 hours if the spanking was done correctly.

  I apologize for so many generalities within the answer to that question, but it truly depends on a lot of different factors when it comes to how the spanking was conducted. This should give you an idea though.

   I know there are a lot of questions to address when it comes to spanking. There is just so much that goes into a spanking, how it should be done, what to expect, etc. I understand you may have other questions, so please feel free to ask them in the comments.

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Posted in: Domestic Discipline Marriage,FAQs,Spanking

Frequently Asked Spanking Questions - Part I

   

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  It's common for any couple to come across a few problems when going through the spanking process.  It isn't easy to do.  I'm going to go over a few questions that I get asked on a regular basis by husbands when it comes to spanking. We'll start with the most common one asked, by far.

Image courtesy of Massachusetts Bible Society.

My wife moves around a lot during a spanking. How do I get her to hold still?

  It's very important that the wife hold as still as she possibly can during the spanking for a number of reasons. The biggest reason is so the husband does not miss his mark. The strikes need to fall directly on the sit spot of the buttocks. If the husband strikes too high, he could crack or break the tailbone, and that not only would cause immediate intense pain, but long term pain and uncomfortableness as well. Also, the husband may accidentally strike the hips, or even the stomach if the movement is extreme enough. These areas could immediately bruise, and thus cause a lot of long term pain. So, it's important that the wife hold still during the spanking.

How do we fix this?

  The first thing the husband should do is communicate to his wife how important it is that she hold still during the spanking before the spanking even starts. "I need you to hold still during the spanking so I don't miss my mark. We don't need to drag this out and make it longer than it needs to be. It's very important that you hold still. Understand?" Get some sort of verbal acknowledgment from the wife indicating she understands the importance of holding still.

  If the wife starts moving around during the spanking, I recommend giving ONE warning and using the non-spanking hand to move her back into position. "You're not holding still. I'm not going to ask you again. If you can't hold still, we're adding punishment." At that point she's been warned, and it is now up to her if additional punishment is added. If she still moves around after the initial warning, then I recommend additional spanks (approximately 5 or so), or 5 minutes of corner time after the spanking is over.

  Husbands should NOT expect their wives to hold perfectly still the entire time. That just isn't reasonable. She's going to move around a little bit. It hurts. But at the same time, if the movements are causing the husband to potentially miss his mark, he must take action to get the problem corrected so he doesn't end up harming his wife long term.

How do I get my wife to stop reaching her hand back during a spanking?

  The importance of getting this problem corrected should be pretty obvious. If the husband accidentally strikes his wife's hand with a dense implement (like a wooden paddle), it could break her hand. DO NOT SPANK HER HAND INTENTIONALLY. That is NOT the point, and should NOT be done to teach her that she shouldn't reach her hand back. There's a better way to handle it.

  This differs from moving around during a spanking in the sense that reaching the hand back during a spanking is done intentionally, and moving around generally isn't done intentionally. It shows an element of disrespect. Moving around can be unintentionally done since the body's natural reaction is to move away from a pain source. Reaching your hand back is deliberately and consciously done, and therefore should be punished a little more strictly.

  Just as with moving around, it should be made clear before the spanking starts that the wife should NOT reach her hand back during the spanking.  Get a verbal response from the wife indicating she understands she must not do that.

  If the wife reaches her hand back during the spanking, I recommend calmly and gently moving her arm/hand out of the striking area, and striking much harder than usual on the next three strikes. If it happens a second time, I would add approximately 5 additional strikes to the end of the spanking.

For a more in depth look into this problem, click here. 

How do I get my wife to not rub her buttocks immediately after the spanking?

  This may be the most difficult thing for the wife to stop doing. It's second nature for any human being in pain to do whatever they can to relieve themselves of that pain. Totally understandable. However, it's important that the wife - and the husband for that matter - not rub the buttocks immediately after the spanking as it will defeat the purpose of the spanking to an extent. The point is for the spanking to be painful so it gives the wife incentive not to repeat the unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental behavior in the future.

  After the spanking is over, I recommend the husband give his wife ONE warning not to rub her buttocks, to be fair. She's not thinking about this at all after the spanking, so in fairness the husband should give her one warning not to rub it.

  If she rubs it, there are two options I would recommend doing. Option one is to do 5 minutes of corner time, but do so a little bit differently. For this particular offense, I would recommend having the wife stand in the corner of the room for 5 minutes with her hands on top of her head so she isn't tempted to rub her buttocks.

  Option two is to repeat a portion of the spanking. I would only do this if the corner time (with her hands on her head) did not correct the problem initially.  Also, I do NOT recommend conducting another full spanking since she'll be pretty sore at this point. I would recommend doing anywhere between 5-15 additional strikes, depending on how persistent of a problem this has been, and how well she is cooperating.

  Those three questions tend to be the most frequently asked.  These three are all important to correct for different reasons.  They all will take time and patience to correct, but will absolutely be worth the trouble in the long run. For a few more frequently asked questions, click here.  As always, feel free to ask any questions you may have in the comments.

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Posted in: Domestic Discipline Marriage,FAQs,Spanking

June Couples Challenge: Great Qualities

   

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  It's the dawn of a new month and you know what that means - another Couples Challenge! This one may be even more difficult that the May Couples Challenge. Speaking of which, it's never too late to do the May Couples Challenge if you're new to the blog. It's a must of any Domestic Discipline relationship.

 JUNE COUPLES CHALLENGE

  List at least 10 positive qualities you find in your spouse and elaborate on them. Write each quality down separately, then when finished discuss them together with your spouse. This exercise will help you appreciate the things your spouse does on a daily basis, and it will help your spouse feel more appreciated. It will also show your spouse that the little things don't go unnoticed in your marriage. 

Image courtesy of Profimedia.

I'll give an example to get you started.

• My wife is extremely caring - My wife cares so much about other people and their well-being that she will make time to help those in need whenever she can. She regularly contributes to charity and regularly makes donations to Goodwill. My wife never puts herself first, and it's a quality I'll always admire about her.

  Hopefully this exercise isn't too difficult for you. The goal is to help you realize how much you love your spouse, and how much you appreciate everything they do for you and your marriage. Ideally this exercise will bring you two closer together. Good luck!

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Posted in: Couples Challenge,Domestic Discipline Marriage