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Learning Domestic Discipline
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Posted in: Misconceptions
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Monday, June 27, 2011
Spanking vs. Abuse: Clearing Up Misconceptions
Posted in: Misconceptions
Posted in: Misconceptions
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55 comments:
I recently found your blog and I just want to say I hope you continue to post and share within it. While the information isn't new to me, its well presented and easy to see the love and caring you show your wife, in the tone of the writing. It takes courage to display your beliefs on a public forum where anyone can make a comment, especially considering the manners and often times foul language of the naysayers. Geez, my butt would be so sore if I used language like some of them do!! LOL
DD has been part of my relationship with my husband long before our wedding, while we were still dating and coming to the point where we decided to share our lives together. Neither of us are uneducated (both hold Master's degrees), he's not bent on acting like a power hungry caveman who thinks he's perfect 100% of the time and I'm not a doormat with low self esteem (as has been suggested by one commenter elsewhere on your blog). Nor is shame, humiliation or degregation part of the way we deal with eachother.
At different time, we have discussed, altered, and even called a short hiatus to the DD, as each of our needs have changed over time. While I absolutely dread the actual event if punishment is called for, and I might not think particularly nice thoughts about him at the specific time, I wouldn't change any of it for anything. I know he loves me, as he shows me in many ways, not particularly roasting my rump if I'm out of control or have made a careless decision. That isn't going to be something that everyone is going to understand.
I agree with you that while judgement isn't passed on those who chose not to practice, neither should judgement be passed on those who do. We're consenting adults.
Christina
The first difference between DD and abuse is consent. We both agree on the rules and the consequences when those rules are broken. The results are different too. In DD we grow closer, there are fewer fights and more communication. She is built up and encouraged. Her walk with Christ deepens and consideration for others grows. An abused wife hides and is fearful. She feels unloved and suffers from low self esteem. She is isolated from her family and friends to hide the abuse and her pain.
The proof that Domestic Discipline (a spanked wife) is a good thing, is in the fruit of the relationship. It sounds crazy to those who don’t understand it. Some think it is abuse. Maybe they need to have an open mind and take another look.
To both Anonymous posters above - Thank you for your comments. They're both wonderful. It's great to see folks understanding what DD is all about.
-- Clint
Excellent entry. Very well written..I love your blog.
@Hector - Thank you so much. I really appreciate your kind words.
-- Clint
An abused wife is hit out of anger to relieve his frustrations. A DD wife is spanked to discipline her heart for the good of the family and harmony in the home. A DD wife is never hit in anger. That is one of the many uses of corner time. For him to calm down and spank for the right reason.
@Little Missie - Extremely well said. Thank you so much for your comment. I could not have said it better myself, and I agree with every word.
-- Clint
I told my husband tonight. I feel so much safer since he started spanking me. An abused wife wouldn't feel this way.
@Anonymous - It sounds like you and your husband are doing well with Domestic Discipline and understand what it's all about. Thank you for your comment, and I wish you two the best of luck with this lifestyle. :)
-- Clint
Ughhh. After a year and a half of blogging, I got my first comments like this today. That my husband is beating me, that my kids should be taken away, etc. I should send the poster a link to this post because I think it explains it so well. Thanks for writing this!
loved the info EXCEPT your definitations of sadism and masochism are a little "opinionated"
Now understand i am NEITHER into sadism or masochism...
but its really wrong to say that for instance a masochist takes pleasure in "being abused"...or a 'sadist" is just some one who enjoys being "cruel". Thats fasle.
You may not agree with or practice either of these things..but you are casting judgment by using your own opinion and stating it as FACT. There are several definitions out there for both s & m
Perhaps you should read you final "In Conclusion" and take your own advice. You may not realize how you are coming across. Your saying its wrong to judge, but at the same time you have USED the definitions you find that only support your views...NO OFFENE but that seems really hypocritical of you. The other thing I want to ask..you seem really "hung up" (negative)about the idea of spanking in a sexual context. I kinda get that but what I dont get is to state when you stated in this artical.... "Nowhere on this blog has sex been mentioned as part of Domestic Discipline"....uummm don't you and your wife have sex? Domestic Discipline is practiced in marriage between a husband and wife, and they (i hope) have sex. One almost HAS to address the issue of the sexual relationship of individuals that practice Domestic Discipline to define the "lines" and boundries of the individual/seperate activities. If DD is used and a couple has sex then its part of DD..... I'm just saying>>>>>>>> Sorry if I seem to be getting down on you..its hard to express in written word what I am trying to say.
thanks
@'Till Death do us Part - You're very welcome. As I said in the post, there's always someone out there who will disagree and judge you for what you believe in. ALWAYS. It never fails. If there's on thing you can count on people to do, it's judge others, which is unfortunate. Don't let it get to you. Can't we all just get along? :)
@Anonymous - Thank you for your comment! My wife and I just had a baby, so I think that pretty much answers your question.
Sex has nothing to do with Domestic Discipline. It just doesn't. Sex is certainly an important aspect of marriage, but this blog is about Domestic Discipline, not marriage. DD and sex are two important aspects of a marriage, but they're two completely different things. I'm not a sex therapist. I'm a Domestic Discipline counselor.
I completely disagree with your point of "If DD is used and a couple has sex then it's party of DD." Never in my life have I heard of anyone using sex as a way to correct an unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental behavior.
-- Clint
Clint- no that wasn't it b/c I didn't actually read this whole post.EVER. And on this you say "As I have stated " So where did you first state it? That is the quote I am looking for!
I could have swore that it was in one of the very first posts.
@His First Mate - If you're referring to my "your reading the wrong blog" statement, that's on the "Punishment #3: Beginner Level Spankings" post. I apologize, I thought you were referring to my "two completely different things" statement.
-- Clint
Honestly it doesnt matter except for the fact that my latest blog seems to have cause quite and uproar, and i wanted to find the correct quote and clear it up rather than use my paraphrased quote.
I love your blog, and after talking to you and reading some of the comments,totaly understand that what you seem to be saying is this: Not that the two cannot co-exist within a marriage. Simply that that is not what your blog is about and you will not be discussing those things.
It appears that I am not the only person who took that wrong, so I wont apologise for my misconception of your words, but I like your site, and I am going to say so on my next blog. i am probably going to pull a few quotes from posts and comments, with your permission.
@His First Mate - I'm fine with you using quotes from my blog as long as you reference them appropriately. And yes, that's essentially what I'm saying in regards to this issue. There have been several people that have misinterpreted what I've written, so I'll likely write a future post to clear things up.
-- Clint
http://www.facebook.com/generalhospital/posts/10150249168483731?notif_t=feed_comment_reply
a husband and wife started a war on your lifestyle becase he literally whorships his wife and doesn't beleive in causeing her pain at all. I've seen pics of him and he's pretty big guy and works out, and brags that he won't ever cause her pain no matter what she does. And would never have her in fear of him. He says he spoils and caters to her and does romantic stuff for her all the time. And does all the chores. But they got a lot of others in on degrading you guys in this lifestyle.
Kristin
I had a quite peek at the facebook battle listed above, more for something to do. It's ridculous and not worth the time. So what if they don't agree. Who cares. They don't have to read your blog then. I enjoy it and just finished catching up on what's new. When is the next one coming?
Thank you for sharing.
Congratulations on your son!! May God watch over and protect him as he journeys through life.
@Kristin - It's unfortunate he feels that way. It sounds like DD isn't for his marriage. I wish he and his wife the very best.
@Anonymous - I have a few ideas for new posts. I'll get a new post up later in the week. It shouldn't be too much longer. Thank you so much for reading and I'm glad to hear you enjoy the blog. Thank you for the blessing on my son as well! Very thoughtful and kind of you. Thank you so much.
-- Clint
I don't consider DD being abuse what-so-ever, but people practicing this lifestyle must be careful, as the law sees it differently. :(
@Mbottom - Do you have some legal documentation saying a consensual practice is illegal? I'd love to see it if so.
Thank you!
-- Clint
I really don't think Mbottom is saying its "illegal". Domestic Discipline in and of its self is not illegal. BUT..there are examples out there of what I think he is refering to. One example is the Travis Frey case
http://www.wowt.com/news/headlines/2552921.html
This man was convicetd of sexual abuse and was give prison time. I am not debating if he was guilty or not, that I do not know, only he and his wife know the truth. BUT to me, it seems to be a case of a couple, that practiced BDSM and something went very wrong. Either the husband took it to far, or there was a break down of the marriage and the wife cried wolf.
Now I know Domestic discipline, BDSM, D/s, M/s are all different things, but those "out there" that are not part of these life styles, or are not educated about these life styles feel they are all the same thing.
I think he is just saying "you" have to be very carefull, and he is totally correct in that statement.
Most of the case against Travis Frey stemed from the "contract" that was given as evidence. As I read it, it seems like a "normal" M/s (Master/slave) contract. As M/s contracts go, it is pretty mild. Many couples in DD have written agreements about things like, rules, discipline and punsihment. Imagine if a break down in the marriage happened and, for this example, the wife decided she was going to make her husband "pay", well...taking those documents to the police and claiming she was "forced" is a very easy way to seek revenge.
It can and does happen, unfortunatly.
My husband and I are considering incorporating DD in our marriage. I have one serious reservation ,though. I grew up in a home with a mentally ill parent and suffered physical and mental abuse. My husband knows of this for the most part, but there are things that happened to me that I've never told another living soul. He is already a very strong, kind, and loving head of household, and I feel like I really want the structure and release that could come from DD. I'm just afraid that it could bring up feelings of shame and memories that I've shoved down for so long. Then my husband might see me in a different light, and I don't want to disappoint him. We really feel DD could help me with some self abusive behaviors, though, and I want to try. I guess my question is, can you have a successful DD marriage if the wife has abuse in her past?
@Anonymous - Let me start by saying I'm terribly sorry to hear about what you've been through in the past. I can't imagine how hard that was for you to endure, but you made it through it all and I certainly hope you're doing okay emotionally with everything. My heart goes out to you. Stay strong.
This obviously makes the situation much more delicate, but yes, I feel a successful DD marriage can be achieved with someone who has abuse in their past. In fact, it may be therapeutic in a way when trust is built between you and your spouse, and when you see that this CAN be done in a very loving and caring manner. That will come with time of course, but I think it would really help you come to terms with your past.
There are elements that may have to be done a little differently, given your past. For instance, there may be implements your extremely afraid of (like a belt or a cane) and don't want to use. And you shouldn't use them until that trust with your husband is built, if you ever even want to use them at all. Also, something like bedroom time can be tricky if you feel an escalated fear of being left alone for any period of time. These examples may or may not be the case in your particular situation, but what I'm saying here is that adjustments on how DD is practiced between you two may need to be made to accommodate your situation, and that's okay.
I know this isn't easy to do, however if possible for you, I would highly recommend you discuss your past with your spouse. He needs to know, especially if you're wanting DD in your marriage. The more he knows, the better he will understand your fears and therefore he'll be able to make the necessary adjustments to help you both in your DD marriage.
Hope this helps you out, and I certainly wish you the very best of luck with everything.
-- Clint
Thank you for your kind words, Clint. You've given me some things to think about. I think I want to open up to my husband, but just thinking about how to go about that is terrifying. I'm really kind of thinking about showing him these comments and going from there. I think your blog could be a really useful tool for us. I may just have to take a leap of faith and do this. Thanks again.
Anynonous 5:19
You certianly can have a DD relationship when there has been abuse in the past. You just have to go very slowly.
You said you and your husband are interested in the life style, so that means you are both familar with at least the basic dynamic yes?
What I have learned is, communication, openness and honestly are the MOST important part for BOTH HoH and wife. That and only that fosters the next most important thing (in my opinion) TRUST.
You mentioned showing the comments to your husband. Is he fimilar with the blog??? I mean has he read all the posts? If not, my suggestion would be to start reading the blog TOGETHER and when you reach the August couples challenge, that is your opportunity to reveal your past issues, and your fears of what the life style with bring out of you.
No one says you have to jump right in and start using physical punishment, or any punsihment at all. Just start establishing "accountability", and work from there.
My heart really goes out to you, and I wish I could actually help =), I doubt I know or understand any more than you do, but, I wanted to offer my thoughts any way.
USE this blog to learn from others, and comment often, everyone (well most everyone) here is always willing to help in anyway they can. Your gonna see some negitivity once in awhile, and thats always to be expected.
If there is EVER something in this blog you don't understand, or just doesn't "sound right", just ASK, Clint is always willing to explain and clearify anything.
Best wishes
newbie
Thank you,newbie, for your support. We are familiar with the basic tenets of the lifestyle.I know that the husband is the head of the household and the wife submits to his authority and discipline. I feel like this could work for us ,because he is the strong one who has it together, and I'm the one with self destructive behaviors. Plus I am naturally submissive. I think your idea to read the blog together is a great one. I'm sure my husband would do this with me, because he sincerely wants to help me. And maybe I can improve myself and be the women that he deserves and that I want to be.I definitely want to learn all I can, go very slow, and build up more trust in time. Thanks for the advice.
I'm just going to throw in my cent's worth of advice as well. My husband and I have had DD in our marriage from the very beginning, which is soon to be 22 years.
The advice of Newbie, "my suggestion would be to start reading the blog TOGETHER and when you reach the August couples challenge, that is your opportunity to reveal your past issues, and your fears of what the life style with bring out of you".... is fabulous advice and one I completely agree with.
I'm sure its very hard to share a history of abuse, but if there is one that you can share it with, its your husband. This is the man who pledged to stand by your side no matter what life threw your way.
I hope you keep us informed, if you feel comfortable that is, of how it is working out for you.
I wish you all the best!
Thank you, Christina, for your encouragement and words of wisdom. You've all been very helpful. :)
@Anonymous - You've gotten terrific advice from both Newbie and Christina, and there isn't much I want to add to their comments. Both of their comments are great, and I certainly hope my blog can help you and your husband through your delicate situation. Just based on what I know from your comments, it sounds like DD would be perfect for your marriage. And, as you can see, you will have plenty of support here, or in the network if you'd ever like to join.
@Newbie - Thank you so much for your help. Just know your level-headed advice is always appreciated.
@Christina - Thank you as well for your advice contribution. You give terrific advice as well, and it's always appreciated.
-- Clint
This is Anonymous from the last few comments. I had a good talk with my husband, Jack, and he's on board with reading the blog together and doing the couples challenges.(I thought it would be good to give our names, because I think we will have some questions and names might be helpful.) I have to say I'm feeling kind of hopeful, but worrying about the August challenge. But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
@Denise - That's wonderful! I'm so glad to hear it. Let me know if you need any help or have any questions. You can comment on the blog, or you can email me at LearningLDD@gmail.com. It's always a little worrisome when first starting out, but I think you'll quickly find that DD is a great thing to have in a marriage. Best of luck to you two!
-- Clint
Jack and I have been researching DD for several weeks now. Although we have yet to actually incorporate it into our lives, I feel this learning process has already brought us closer. However, this experience is forcing me to face traumatic memories and issues from the past. I am feeling extreme anger and worst of all this incredible sadness. I am not giving up, though, because I really feel like something more powerful has led me here.
@Denise - I'm happy to hear that you're not giving up, and that DD has brought you and your husband closer without even implementing it into your marriage yet. I'm not going to claim to completely understand everything you've been through, but it's important that you understand your husband didn't do those things to you in your past and he's doing everything he can to work with you. He wants to help you, and, if you're reading this blog, you're likely interested in receiving that help. I know it's really hard for you, but please stay strong and find the courage to give it a try. I promise you won't regret it. You can start small, and work through all the emotional problems you experience with it all. I wish you and Jack the very best of luck.
All the best.
-- Clint
We are doing it. I'm going to try. I've read everything I can find on the subject.(I think I have your entire blog memorized). I guess I've just been stalling. I'm just so scared of things getting out of hand. Maybe I'll never mess up and get in trouble anyway. Fat chance:-)
"a husband and wife started a war on your lifestyle becase he literally whorships his wife and doesn't beleive in causeing her pain at all. I've seen pics of him and he's pretty big guy and works out, and brags that he won't ever cause her pain no matter what she does. And would never have her in fear of him. He says he spoils and caters to her and does romantic stuff for her all the time. And does all the chores. But they got a lot of others in on degrading you guys in this lifestyle."
I know this couple from a DD forum. Originally their story was that she (I'll call her "N")desperately wanted DD, but that he was having trouble getting past his reluctance to 'hurt' her. They were allegedly acquainted with another couple who *did* practise DD successfully and she looked to them as a desirable role model. These people were also members of the same forum and they both posted quite frequently about how well they were doing. "N" posted for a while along these lines, while her husband "J" claimed to want to learn to fulfil her desires, but never missed an opportunity to point out how good he was to his wife and how he could never 'hurt' her in the way that the other men on the site 'abused' *their wives*.
Gradually, his wife appeared to change her view to match his, and the wife from the DD couple they knew conveniently 'realised' that she didn't want DD after all and that her husband had forced it on her. With the help of "J" and "N", she divorced her husband. Finally the forum owner discovered that all four "people" were actually posting from the same address at the same times and that they were actually one and the same person or couple.
This is by no means the only occasion on which I've encountered this type of 'pretend' couple and it seems that quite often when people can't find a legitimate way to interfere in our chosen way of life and 'prove' that it's 'abusive', they will 'invent' other couples to do the job for them. To me the fact that they have to do this speaks volumes about how consensual DD can work and how little they understand it. It really is quite sad.
Let me take a wild guess and say this dude's name is Josh. There is a facebook picture of his completely tatooed body with his wife straddling his hips. Personally, I think all his bashing is to hide the truth that he has a very small penis and can't truly satisfy his wife in bed! LOL There are always misinformed, sometimes well meaning but just as often, ignorant people out there that will spout off about something they don't know anything about! This Josh is well known as someone like that!
Hello Clint, My husband and I recently celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary, and we started living a DD lifestyle about a year ago. After much reading and research, I brought up the idea of DD with my husband to help improve harmony and communication in our marriage and he was completely on board with the idea. There are several issues I want to bring up, but I will only address one in this entry.
Sometimes during discipline sessions (spankings), my husband gets hurtful with his words. He makes me stand and he holds my wrists behind my head with his left hand and spanks with his right. In the middle of the spanking he was telling me why my behavior was unacceptable and then called me the "C" word. Right then and there, I stopped thinking about why I was being disciplined and could only focus on how hurtful that was to me. I did corner time after the spanking and continued to focus on my hurt feelings. I cried more over this than the spanking itself.
How would you suggest I handle this with my husband. He knows I hate that word. I've tried talking to him about not using it. It's very degrading and belittling to me and goes against everything I believe a loving DD lifestyle is supposed to be about. Thanks for your advice and for developing a very sensitive, informative, and meaningful web/blog site.
abuse
@Anonymous (November 3rd 1:36 PM) - My goodness. I'm terribly sorry to hear about your experience. It sounds like your husband isn't understanding what Domestic Discipline is all about.
I'm worried about you, because the way you described the manner in which your husband conducts a spanking is nothing close to DD, and could lead to some very serious problems in the future. Not only is he belittling you, he's conducting a spanking while standing up, which can cause serious problems with the lumbar region of your spine if you react in a jolting, jerking way when the strikes fall. It's very very dangerous to spank while standing straight up.
My recommendation to you is to stop practicing Domestic Discipline until you and your husband discuss ALL aspects and expectations going forward with a Domestic Discipline lifestyle. The way things are currently going is inappropriate and should not continue. I wouldn't consent to DD with your husband until your husband has a better understanding of what exactly it is, and what exactly it entails. This may require a discussion between you both, or it may require one on one marriage counseling sessions with a psychologist in your area. But again, until your husband illustrates he COMPLETELY understands DD and how it should be done, I would put a stop to it immediately. If he never gets to that point, then DD isn't for your marriage, unfortunately.
Good luck with the discussion with your husband, and good luck in getting everything worked out so you two can enjoy a Domestic Discipline lifestyle in the way it was intended to be done.
-- Clint
Thanks for your input Clint and Kant. I will attempt this discussion in the next day or so. My gut feeling is it isn't going to go well. Since this lifestyle is consensual, I should be able to discuss all aspects and concerns freely and openly with him. If he becomes defensive, though, it could lead to another spanking. I'll keep you posted.
I feel the need to clarify that my husband does have some very good qualities. He tells me more often than not that I am beautiful and that he loves me very much. He's a great dad to our 5-year-old son. (We do not spank our child.) He has a good deal of patience with him and goes to great lengths to explain why something is right and wrong and how to make better choices in the future when he does something wrong. Ironically, our DD lifestyle would be much healthier if he would deal with me in the same way.
@Anonymous (November 3rd 8:09 PM) - I agree with you 100%. If your husband applied those things to your marriage, I think things would be a lot better for you both. Definitely keep me posted. I certainly hope everything works out for you.
All the best.
-- Clint
Hi again Clint. So I had the discussion with my husband. Much to my surprise, things went better than I had expected. He said I didn't give you the whole picture of the particular incident with the "C" word. He said his use of the "C" word was a consequence of my not referring to him in a certain way. I said to him that I didn't think it was appropriate to use that word as a consequence under any circumstances, because it is so degrading and belittling. He didn't disagree with me. I think I have him thinking about it.
He also didn't argue the point about the spanking position. He did say that since our privacy is limited in the house, he does what he needs to do in locations that may not be ideal for discipline (i.e., his small home office). Thankfully, I do believe he is going to stop spanking me in the standing position.
We have been at odds with the DD lifestyle for awhile now. I had a revelation last night. My husband has a very strong sexual component in his makeup and I believe he is blending his sexual needs with DD in a way that I find very difficult to deal with. I believe your sex life and DD should be independent of one another. Of course, he's the HOH, so if he wants to blend them, do I really have a say about that. I don't know the answer to that. But I think that is the root of why we have been at odds with one another. If there is something he wants me to do sexually that I am not comfortable doing and he makes it a rule, then I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. Do I have a right to feel that way, or am I supposed to just do what he asks without question. Your incite would be appreciated. I really need to hear another HOH's perspective on this.
Submitting to his discipline and following his lead with respect to rules, does not, nor should it ever, mean you don't have a say in anything you do together. Being a DD wife does not mean that ever give up your right to your feelings, only that you commit to express them in a respectful manner (eg. no name calling, screaming etc).
Just one DD woman's opionion...
@Anonymous (November 6th 12:08 PM) - I'm so happy to hear the discussion went well with your husband. A lot of women dread doing that sort of thing, but nothing will ever improve if you don't talk things out. Kudos for having that courage. It sounds like you made a lot of progress.
I'm also happy to hear your husband is considering a different spanking position. Spanking standing up truly isn't healthy.
Yes, you should absolutely have a say in how you and your husband practice all aspects of DD. I feel a lot of men take advantage of the practice and incorporate sex into it, often times against the will of the wife as it sounds like is happening in your case, and I 100% disagree with that. I wrote a post on the blog called "Discipline Spankings vs. Erotic Spankings" that goes into more depth on my reasoning behind my feelings on why sex should not be mixed in with Domestic Discipline practices. I encourage you to read it. You most certainly have the right to feel as though you're being taken advantage of, and, forgive me for being a bit blunt, it sounds like you ARE being taken advantage of if this is not something you're comfortable with or have consented to.
After hearing this, I understand completely how you and your husband have a lot of disagreements when it comes to DD. In my humble opinion, it sounds like aspects of the way you're currently doing things are crossing the line into BDSM. It's a fine line and a hard line to define, but there shouldn't be any forced sexual situations on either partner in a Domestic Discipline marriage.
I hope you two can work this out, because it's most certainly a concern and one you need to address and correct as quickly as possible.
All the best to you and good luck.
-- Clint
@Anonymous (November 6th 1:10 PM) - Thank you so much for sharing your opinion, and I completely agree with you. I'm sure the other anonymous poster will find your comment helpful. Thank you.
-- Clint
The evolution of domestic discipline over the past half a dozen decades has been interesting to watch. Marriage counselors and marriage counseling texts didn't always treat spanking in the master bedroom as abuse. Sometimes, women would talk semi-privately about an odious peer needing to be "beat". Occasionally, a man would be heard to tell an overbearing woman, "If you were mine, I'd spank you!" It wasn't that marriages were perfect back "in the good old days". They weren'tWhile there was occasional abuse, marriages tended to be more stable than they are these days. Given time, most couples could work ut their differences As an added benefit, children were happier and got into less trouble. .
It was understood that there were certain behaviors which women understood might merit a spanking from a husband, fiancé, father, or even a brother. Then, as now, when it came to spanking, there was more talk than there was practice. The difference was that women knew it could happen. After all, scenes of difficult women winding up over a man's lap appeared on television and in the movies of the day. That is the single biggest difference between then and now. Moreover, so long as a maa confined himself to where a woman sits down, it was not considered abuse.
@Anonymous (December 20th 7:24 PM) - Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and insight. It's great food for thought for some of the blog readers.
All the best to you.
-- Clint
Hi Clint,
I know all the DD folk get defensive when compared to BDSM folk. But we all should acknowledge the reason the world at large sees the similarity. There are some corollaries; in BDSM the D is for discipline and in DD a D stands for Discipline. The S for sadistic - hurting another (sometimes with a belt, strap or cane until they cry)looks like a spanking, also punishing with hot sauce in the mouth, candle wax or an enema looks kinky to many because BSDM do that too. And of course the M for masochists are for the submissive who crave the attention of their Masters just as submissive wives crave the attention of their HOH. The worst experience for a sub is to be ignored by the master. We like spanking maintenance and we spank to reconnect.
I think that we all live in the real world our spouses our children and family and friends too. And if we cannot bear the comparisons without all the defensiveness, then I perhaps the comparison is accurate? Methinks the spanker doth protest too much!
I was always under the impression that BDSM stood for Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism. Discipline might have a place in BDSM, but generally it isn't the other way around where BDSM has a place in a DD lifestyle. That's not to say that there aren't some DD relationships that don't incorporate BDSM, but it usually tends to be for sexual play and/or pleasure. DD isn't about sexual pain/pleasure, or at least it shouldn't be.
Sometimes the line blur a bit and over time one may lead to another. There can be some overlap at least in our experience.
Laurie
@Anonymous (March 10th 7:11 AM) - Sure there are similarities between DD and BDSM, but they're not the same thing. To say DD and BDSM are the same thing is like saying the chimpanzee and the human are the same thing since the genome sequences between the two species are 96% similar (source: National Geographic). It may be a fine line, but the two are clearly different.
I don't feel the comparisons between DD and BDSM are all that accurate, but I understand if you do. It's a line that's hard to define clearly and differs with virtually every person. Some people incorporate BDSM practices into their DD practices, which is their choice. There's nothing wrong with that, but I think comparing the two is a little silly. Just my opinion, of course.
Thank you for your comment. I wish you well going forward.
@Anonymous (March 10th 8:51 AM) - I couldn't have said it better myself. I very much agree with you. Thank you for your comment.
@Laurie - I appreciate you taking the time to comment. Thank you for sharing your experience.
All the best to each of you.
-- Clint
My wife and I are interested in a DD relationship but NOT exactly the same as you suggest here.
My WIFE is the head of our household and we are both very happy with our relationship. She is a very kind and loving woman who is very intelligent and a natural leader, I however am much more inclined (and happy) to have her take charge. To be honest, I don't ENJOY being corrected, in fact I hate it when it's happening but when it's over I always feel a love and appreciation that's quit frankly hard to express. My wife NEVER corrects me in anger and she know's I NEED to be corrected at times to save me from myself. We have a lifestyle that we love and couldn't be happier. My question is, am I the only man who feels this way? I mean everyone seems to discuss the man being in charge of DD. I personally would HATE the responsibility! My life is SO much more complete with the knowledge that I have a wife who will take responsibility for me and the control of my behavior. I wouldn't change anything in our relationship but I am worried that something is wrong with ME. Any suggestion would be appreciated.
I hope you don't mind but I had nothing to do so I'm using my secretarial skills to go through your posts and remind you on what pages you have outstanding questions/comments to answer. Oops, another one missed while you were enjoying the summer heat. I hope you and the Mrs. had a lovely summer!
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