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LDD's Weekly Recap: July 29th - August 4th
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Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Frequently Asked Spanking Questions - Part II
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55 comments:
great information. when are you going to post information about what the advanced level is? I am interested in knowing.
thank you!
@Anonymous - I'm hoping to get the advanced level spankings up by the end of the week. It's in the works.
-- Clint
Thank you, I appreciate it.
Should my wife have a choice as to rather or not we enter into DD? What if she no longer wants this after it is started?
@Anonymous - Yes, she should have a choice. Practicing Domestic Discipline needs to be consensual. If she's hesitant to do it, research everything you can, help her gain a complete understanding if what it is and why it's beneficial to a marriage, and see how she feels after that. I've always said it's at LEAST worth a try ONE time, and if it doesn't work for you, then don't do it after the initial trial run.
If she doesn't want it anymore after you've started practicing, get to the bottom of what her concerns with it are. Be understanding and hear her out. Discuss how you both feel about it, weigh the pros and cons since you've started practicing DD, and if it truly has done nothing to benefit your marriage, then don't do it anymore. For the record, I have never in my years of counseling heard of anyone saying DD was NOT beneficial to their marriage in some form after they started practicing it.
-- Clint
There seems like there are different types of DD - CDD, DD, LDD etc. What is the difference? What type do you practice with your wife?
Without having a profile on the blog website - is there a way to post without using anonymous? Thanks!
@Anonymous - CDD stands for Christian Domestic Discipline; DD stands for Domestic Discipline; and LDD stands for Loving Domestic Discipline. There's really no difference between the three. I prefer to call it DD since I personally feel you don't HAVE to assign the practice to one religious group (Christian), and you should always do this practice lovingly. I truly feel anyone of any faith can do DD. Since they're all essentially the same thing, there isn't a specific one my wife and I practice. We just practice Domestic Discipline.
You know, I'm not exactly sure if there's a way to post without using anonymous. Perhaps another reader would know. You may need to create a Google account, or a gmail email address..but I'm really not sure. Sorry.
-- Clint
My wife seems to deliberately push the limits and test me to see if I'll spank her.If she wants dd why do things to deliberately get in trouble.Its confusing some times.
My husband and I have talked and decided to practice DD, yet he never follows through. How can I get him to actually practice? He says he agrees with it and thinks it would be beneficial, but he isnt doing his part in it. Should I drop it?
@Anonymous (7:02 AM) - Your wife is testing the limits of what she can and cannot get away with. She's trying to find where the boundaries are. It's up to you to set those boundaries. I don't think she's deliberately getting in trouble, she just wants to know what will and what will not get her punished.
@Anonymous (2:22 PM) - No, I wouldn't drop it because it WILL be beneficial to your marriage. Sometimes the wife has to do the encouraging. This is a new experience for your husband (for you both actually), and he's probably nervous to do it, or scared to do it. My guess is he doesn't want to hurt his wife. It's a common thing, so I hope you don't feel alone in this situation. The key is getting him to do it the first time. Once he sees you're ok with doing this, and that you're ok afterwards, he'll become more and more comfortable punishing as time goes on. Just be patient, and keep encouraging him in a non-pushy way.
-- Clint
I spank my wife if she breaks a rule we had both agreed on.If its very serious I've used a paddle or a strap. I agree completely with having to do it in a calm loving manner and if I need to calm down I put her in the corner.I don't see any harm in a hot red butt and she does benefit from it but kills me to have her cry and know its because I've spanked her.Makes me feel so low and mean, which makes her feel bad for making me feel bad.What do you do? There is benefit to discipline for her...Thanks, Dan
@Dan - I certainly understand how hard it is to hear your wife cry, particularly when it comes from a punishment you administered. That's a totally normal and reasonable feeling. This is where the comforting comes in. You and your spouse need to be there for one another after the punishment is over. This is why I stress the importance of comforting each other after the punishment. You truly learn how much you love your spouse in moments like this. Discuss what happened. After you two talk about the problem and subsequent punishment, you'll both have a better understanding of why it happened, and you'll both feel better about it. You'll both feel closer emotionally as well. It's very very important that you comfort your spouse after the punishment so there aren't any feelings of resentment or guilt. This is how you two grow together as a couple.
-- Clint
Clint, after doing some more reading on the blog, I realized you've answered the question about crying a few times so I'm sorry for the duplication. Still, I appreciate the answer. Dan
@Dan - Not a problem. Anytime.
I need some advice. My wife has been having a serious attitude problem, one that I think I need to start spanking for. Nothing else is working, and we have agreed on DD as a way to correct the issue. My question is this: do I spank her in the middle of her having the attitude, or do I wait until she sees the error in her ways and then spank? I am not sure that spanking when she is right in the midst of being defiant would cause her to begin to have a better attitude because all she is concentrating on is getting her way. I have to get this problem under control. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
@Anonymous - I would recommend against spanking her right in the middle of her attitude problem. The reason for that is this - you're on the right track when you say she isn't in the right frame of mind in that "heat of the moment" instance. Neither are you. I'm making an assumption when I say that I think you're probably annoyed or angry in this moment (since most people are/would be), which is perfectly understandable. As I've stated numerous times before, when you spank your spouse, you need to be in a calm and level-headed state.
Having said that, I would recommend you wait until you're both in a calm and collected frame of mind. That's really important. At the same time, you want to spank as soon as possible AFTER you've calmed down. The sooner you can punish the more effective it will be, but you MUST be in the correct frame of mind before doing so.
Hope this makes sense, and I certainly hope it helps. I agree that excessive attitude is something that warrants a spanking, especially if nothing else is fixing the problem. It's time to escalate the punishment at that point.
-- Clint
I think if the wife feels the need to throw the implement away then there is a BIG problem. And to me it has nothing to do with DISRESPECT. She either feels that that implement should NOT be used. Or perhaps she is rethinking the DD relationship all together. Either way she should not just be immediately punished for it. The WIFE should have a say so in what is used to punish her. That should of course be something to discuss at the begining of the DD relationship. Some couples may decide to only use the hand.
My heart goes out to any woman who feels the need to throw her husbands cane, paddle, strap, etc.. out to get him to stop using it on her. That's Abuse. I'm sorry but it is. If she doesn't want you using it then you shoudln't be. It has to be concensual. ALWAYS. And just because it was consentual before doesn't mean she hasn't changed her mind. There should always be open comunication. I may be new to this relationship but I've done months of reading, countless hours of reading and I have a pretty good idea of most of the aspects of it.
Thank you for all the great information. My husband and I have been living DD for about two years now and we have definitely seen the benefits. You mention finding a DD counselor, would you be able to help with how to identify/find a DD counselor near us? We re in Connecticut.
@Anonymous - You're very welcome. I'm glad you find the blog helpful and useful for your marriage. That's what it's all about.
There are two ways to find a DD Counselor in any state, not just Connecticut.
1) Your church. This is by FAR the easiest way and the least embarrassing way to find one. Some (not even close to all, but some) psychology firms have churches as clients, and church officials (like a pastor or bishop) will send a husband and wife to their chosen DD counselors for help. The best recommendation I can give you is to talk to your church official. You don't even have to bring up DD. Just say, "My husband and I are going through a rough stretch the past few months. We're coming to you to see if you have any recommendations for us, or any counselors you know of that we could talk to." Something as simple as that can lead you to a DD counselor.
2) A psychology firm. You're not going to find "DD Counselors" in the yellow pages. It's not going to happen. DD counselors are essentially marriage counselors who specialize in DD. So, what you would need to do is seek out a marriage counselor as you would normally. Contact local psychology firms and tell them you need marriage counseling. I would recommend you request a counselor that is pro-DD, but I understand that can be embarrassing. But, if this is what you want, the firm needs to know.
Most churches and psychology firms view DD as an absolute last resort, and won't even suggest/recommend one unless you and your spouse are seriously considering divorce. Just a heads up there.
Hope this helps, and good luck!
-- Clint
@Tink - You're absolutely right. If the wife feels any implement is overboard in her DD relationship/marriage, she should discuss this with her significant other/husband. All implements should be consensually used which I felt was implied throughout this blog, but yet again, sometimes things get confused in my explanations evidently. But I agree with you - implements should be mutually agreed upon.
With that said, how I recommend the problem of throwing out the implement be handled should help you feel a little better, considering I was under the assumption readers understood all implements are consensually agreed upon before they're ever used. I really need to stop assuming.
-- Clint
Your description of spankings is very helpful, the step by step approach is very clear. What are your thoughts on "Maintenance" Spankings? We've read a bit about them on other websites, and would appreciate your view.
Thanks, Anon
@Anon - Wonderful! I'm glad you find the blog helpful and I certainly hope you find the information beneficial to your relationship/marriage.
Maintenance spankings are something I'm 50/50 on. I don't typically recommend them, but I don't encourage couples NOT to do them either.
Personally I don't particularly like them since I feel spankings are to correct an unwanted, dangerous or detrimental behavior and I don't like the idea of women/wives being punished essentially for no reason at all. I just feel they're a bit unfair to the wife. Again, that's just my personal opinion.
However, with that said, I understand how maintenance spankings would be beneficial to a marriage. A lot of couples like them and I've spoken to both husbands and wives that WANT them in their relationship/marriage. Maintenance spankings can be helpful in keeping the wife "on the right track" so to speak, and it can also serve as a means of emotional release if the wife is upset. Those two reasons make me feel comfortable with maintenance spankings to a certain extent.
I plan on doing a post on maintenance spankings in the near future to elaborate about my thoughts on them, but this - like everything else on this blog - is something you and your spouse need to discuss to see if it's something you both would like to include in your relationship/marriage and whether or not you both feel it would be beneficial.
-- Clint
If the wife suffers from bad PMS, should allowances be made for misbehavior that stems from extreme irritability?
@Anonymous - This type of situation is up to you as the head of the household, but in my personal opinion I would say no. I understand irritation levels increase when a woman is going through this, however I feel it doesn't give her an excuse to break the rules of the household. Rules are rules, regardless of how irritable a wife may be.
Again, that's just my personal opinion, but ultimately this is something that you need to decide.
-- Clint
I totally agree with Clint, "Rules are Rules" and PMS is not an excuse to break the rules. BUT, I say, "rules" are not "broken" because of PMS, unless you have a rule that your wife can not be "irritable" from PMS.
What I think you may be referring to when you said misbehavior is her "attitude" during that time of the month... more irritable, short tempered, extra tried, "snippy" comments etc.
Lets say, your wife becomes angry or mouthy with you, and you KNOW its her hormones getting the best of her...first you would want to acknowledge that...let her know you understand she is not completely in control of her reactions. BUT, it is not acceptable behavior, and can result in punishment if the behavior continues.
I guess what I am trying to get at is, in DD, the most important thing is communication. Punishment is a last resort. Your wife also has a responsibility to let you know when she is suffering with PMS so the two of you can find ways to reduce its effects.
For SOME women, using a "maintenance" spanking will help with the hormone in ballance. Clint is not crazy about the idea of maintenance, but, I think some of the ladies would agree that a maintenance type spanking will help work through those feelings of frustration (from PMS) better than any drug store remidy or prescription from her doctor. Every one is different and you have to find what works in your situation.
Bottom line, dealing with the effects of PMS should be something you and your wife TALK about and deside what works in your relationship. But it is not a 'free pass' to break rules for sure.
Maybe some of the other ladies will give additional advise on this.
Hello, I'm interested in getting some information on spanking boot camp. I can't find anywhere that talks about how to do one that isn't full of bdsm or fetish ideas. I love my wife but think we need to do one. Do you recommend boot camp? Do you know where I can get information? Thank you for your time and well written blog.
@Riva - Thank you for the kind words about the blog. I'm glad you enjoy it and thank you so much for reading.
I do recommend a version of boot camp (some versions can get rather extreme and include aspects I completely disagree with), however I do so on a case by case basis. I would only recommend DD boot camp to a couple that is truly going through extremely rough times (as in contemplating divorce), or to a husband who has an unbelievably disrespectful and defiant wife. In addition to that, I'm happy to share my boot camp recommendations with those interested in it, such as yourself. With that said, I've chosen not to write about boot camp on this blog since I feel too many people would misinterpret/misunderstand it, and do it incorrectly.
A wonderful place to find information about Domestic Discipline boot camp can be found on the following blog, written by a friend of mine. Here's the link to the boot camp post:
http://redbootywoman.blogspot.com/2011/09/boot-camp-for-dd-woman.html
I agree with every word of that post and I highly recommend you read it. There is a lot that goes into boot camp, so if you have further questions about it, email me at LearningLDD@gmail.com and I will reply to you as soon as I possibly can.
Best of luck to you and thank you again for your support of the blog.
-- Clint
I was surfing around on the internet a couple nights ago and came across DD and D/s, what are the differances? Both DD and D/s use CP and open conversation. Both have pros and cons that are the same. I understand that D/s is more sexual in nature but DD can lead to a better sexual relationship. I don't respect my husband at all and have made the descission that I want to try becoming completely submissive to him in every way for both our benifits. Me for ovious reasons I don't want to be this way. I have always done what I want when I was a child till now and I'm almost 30. I usealy act on pure instict and out of emotion. Most of the time I can be dangerous to others or myself (i tend to skip mad and go to rage, most of the time I tjrow a fit and throw things across the room.) No one was ever there for me and I really never learned how to act or how a woman should treat their husband. Truth be told I don't think I know how to change without my husband reteaching me everything. Anyway I have already talked to my husband. He is already HOH and feels confident that he will be able to do his part if this is what I want to do. Do you have any advice for me?
@Anonymous - I'm sorry to hear that your upbringing was perhaps a bit of an unstable one, and that some of the behaviors you've described are possibly a result of it. The important thing is that you've come this far, and you acknowledge that you need guidance and stability from your husband. That's not an easy thing for a lot of women to admit, so I commend you for having the recognition in yourself that you need Domestic Discipline in your marriage. That's a big step.
When it comes right down to it, there aren't any MAJOR differences between a DD marriage and a D/s marriage. It's no secret that I hate the words "Dominant" and "submissive". I never use those words. I don't feel one partner should "dominate" another. To me, a marriage is a life-long partnership between two people who love each other. The word "dominate" doesn't sound very loving to me, so I never use it. It's just a personal feeling of mine. Perhaps this only makes sense to me.
Anyway, I sort of look at it like this: there are numerous ways to practice a DD lifestyle. All of which sort of fall under the same umbrella. An analogy I use is this - whether it's a drama, comedy, action, suspense, horror, family, or children's motion picture, in the end it's still a movie. They all fall under the same overall concept. They're all unique to themselves, but they're all still movies when it comes right down to it. Keeping that analogy in mind, whether it's DD, or CDD, or LDD, or D/s, or a "Spencer Plan" marriage, or a FLR, or none of the above, they're all variations of a marriage dynamic. You just have to find the one that works best for you and call it whatever you want to call it. In the end it doesn't really matter unless it gets into BDSM, which I think is something entirely different, but I won't get into that.
That probably didn't make any sense, but my point is that it's not really necessary to put one specific label on how you practice DD. That's why personally I call it DD. Calling it DD covers all the different variations, in my opinion. It's just easier that way.
Advice is all over this blog, particularly in the comments, but my advice to you is to trust your husband, listen to both he and your conscience, and do your best to make the BEST choices in every situation you're in. Think everything through before speaking, and taking action. Be patient and understanding, and always cooperate with your husband. That, in a nutshell, is the best advice I can give you.
I wish you the very best as you and your husband start your DD journey together. Good luck!
-- Clint
"My question is this: do I spank her in the middle of her having the attitude, or do I wait until she sees the error in her ways and then spank? I am not sure that spanking when she is right in the midst of being defiant would cause her to begin to have a better attitude because all she is concentrating on is getting her way"
Hi Dan,
The best thing to do in this instance is to discuss it with your wife at a time when you are in a relaxed situation and she isn't showing the attitude. I say this, because judging from some recent conversations I read on a DD forum, the right course of action tends to differ according to the woman.
There are some women for whom action in heat of the moment would escalate the problem and increase the attitude. There are others who recognise that they have a problem with controlling themselves on occasion and who would therefore *prefer* that it wasn't allowed to get out of hand and was nipped in the bud. That doesn't mean that there won't be a battle of wills when it happens, but immediate action can sometimes 'shock' the woman off the destructive course she's on and cause her to think again. As I say, it depends very much on the individual woman and how she thinks.
Another thing that was suggested was a 'time out and think' system. This can be useful when you don't have privacy to spank because it can be done in a 'code' that other people don't understand. For example, you could ask your wife to find something in the bedroom and this could be code for her to spend time out. What you did after the time out would be up to you and it could involve discipline, but talking and establishing a system whereby you are able to stop her when she gets near the mark would also be an option.
Don't you just *love* the degree of carefully considered violence advocated by those who purport to be against the alleged "violence" of DD. Let's face it folks, no respectable person in a DD relationship could ever have come up with a suggestion like that!
Nope. Just questions about making their wife "kneel on a bathroom floor" for her "time out" and other questions seeking advice about how to further her "shame and humiliation." But apparently mine are the only comments you read?
Unmen, why are you here?
Clint can't control what people write in comments. Kneeling on the floor, humiliation and shame are not what this is about and you'll notice that Clint says that very clearly. If you disagree so much, go read a blog on a topic you agree with. Simple.
I am a DD wife. I asked for this, encourage it and benefit from it. Flu shots are painful and always need to be repeated. I choose to do that, too. Traffic tickets are painful and people repeatedly get them. If I'm okay asking my husband to punish me that's my business.
Of course, you have made up you mind on this . You are very hostile and seem to enjoy inciting others. Unless you are able to bring calm logical discussion and appear to genuinely care about the people you are criticizing the, Further discussion with you it pointless and in my opinion should be ignored.
My wife was punished growing up by having several ice cubes placed in her panties and sometimes her parents made her wear a diaper to bed as a punishment. She says that this would be a much more effective form of discipline for her. Should I use this form of discipline?
@ anonymous 6:37. For parents to do those things to a minor is sexual abuse.
@Anonymous (December 20th 6:37 PM) - The punishment you described is not something I would recommend you do, nor is it something I condone/agree with. While your wife may prefer it, I feel it crosses into something considered to be cruel and/or unusual, therefore it's not something that should be considered in a Domestic Discipline relationship.
All the best to you and your family.
-- Clint
For severe punishment my husband spanks me with a belt and then places 2 ice cubes inside my butt hole one after the other and then makes me lay tummy down on the bed with my hands placed behind my back until they have melted in me :( i dont like being punished and hate this way he uses :( do u guys as husbands think this is a fair punishment for severe offences ? i normally get it when i swear at him, completley diss obey him and walk away when he is talking to me all at once. For lesser offences he punishes me by only spanking me and giving me corner time.
Janie
@Janie,
Although I am not an expert, I do practice DD. I feel that punishments should have been somthing that y'all dicussed before entering into DD relationship. I personally completly disagree with what your husband does to you. I believe that putting ice cubes (or anything for that matter) in your anus is abuse. I would recommened talking to your husband about this form of punishment and how you disagree with it. DD isn't about being scared of your spouse. I believe that i would be scared to do anything wrong if my husband were to punish me this way. I made it very clear to him in the beginning what could be done and not be done. I am very confortable with just about every form of spanking on the buttocks and thighs (NO WHERE ELSE, AND NO STICKING THINGS INTO MY ANUS OR STICKING ANYTHING INTO ANY "HOLE" I'M NOT CONFORTABLE WITH) I feel that its very important for you to very CALMLY talk to your husband about how you feel with this matter.
-Ashlee
ok so the other night my boyfriend wanted me too dance for him and i didnt want to and kept telling him no. we live in different states. and now he sais that when he comes up next time im going to get spanked to where i will learn how to act and behave. and now im really nervous about it. how do i get out of getting it?
Hi Clint this is a double question. First, my HoH is really getting aggravated that it takes so long to discipline. To take 20-45 mins out of his schedule is really tough since we are so busy. He thinks I should get no warm up and go strait to volleys of hard spanks with no breaks for waiting and rubbing.
Second, from light to intermediate spankings the pain and redness go away way way earlier than what you have posted. Is this because he is spanking for a long time but not as hard as he should? your thoughts would be appreciated! Thanks, Anna
@Janie - I don't feel the punishment you described is fair, nor appropriate in a DD marriage regardless of the severity of the offense. I would classify that punishment as cruel and unusual, and from the tone of your comment I get the impression you do not consent to it. If this is in fact something you do not consent to, I would recommend discussing this with your spouse and changing the way you practice DD in your marriage. The punishment you described is completely unnecessary in my opinion.
I hope your husband is receptive to your concerns and makes the appropriate adjustments in your DD practices. Good luck to you.
@Ashlee - I agree with you, and I very much appreciate you offering your take on the matter. All the best to you.
@Anonymous (February 8th 2:39 PM) - Getting out of a punishment isn't something I recommend you do since often times it will make matters much worse. I don't want you to get into MORE trouble over the advice I gave to you.
With that said, I find your boyfriend's request to be a rather unusual one, I must say. If you're uncomfortable "dancing" for him, I would recommend you express those feelings to him in a respectful way by having a calm adult discussion with him about it. DD isn't about "making" you do something, or "forcing" you to do something against your will, or something that you're completely uncomfortable with doing, particularly if that request has sexual implications behind it.
Rather than focusing on "how to get out" of punishment, I think it would be more constructive for you two to discuss the rules, expectations, guidelines, and punishments within your relationship. Set very clear boundaries for yourself. Let him know what is and is not acceptable to you. Remember, this is a consensual lifestyle, and if you disagree with any aspect of it, you need to talk to him about it before going forward with it. If he is unwilling to change, or unwilling to practice this lifestyle correctly, then perhaps DD is not for your relationship. Be very careful here. The request your boyfriend is making seems to be geared towards some sort of self-gratification than it is to the overall health of the relationship. Requests like these raise red flags.
My best advice to you is to proceed in this relationship with caution. You don't want to get involved with someone who doesn't fully understand the intentions of a Domestic Discipline lifestyle. Satisfying personal agendas is NOT what this lifestyle is about, and I worry that this guy may end up hurting in more ways than one in the long run.
This is just my opinion of course, and you can do whatever is in your heart. Just be careful. That's all I'm saying. Good luck to you!
-- Clint
@Anna - The whole spanking process can take a great deal of time. I certainly understand that. I have two suggestions for you to consider to address this.
1) - Cut out the breaks during the spanking. There should still be a warm up done, WITH a 2-3 minute break before the "main" spanking, but cut out all other breaks. It sounds like this is something your husband is already considering, but it's important to keep the warm up if he plans on striking the buttocks upwards of 30 or more times.
2) - Strike very hard approximately 8-10 times using a wooden paddle with no warm up. This would be done very quickly, but it's important that the strikes be done extremely hard to get the desired results. Not full force, but close. If you choose this option, DO NOT EXCEED 10 STRIKES IN ANY ONE SETTING WITH NO WARM UP. Any more than that at this strength would require a warm up to ensure there is no bruising. Even with a warm up, I would not exceed 25 strikes doing it this way at this strength.
Both of these options speed up the process, with the second option being the quickest. However, it's important that he not "rush" through the comforting afterward. He needs to comfort you until you're ready to carry on about your day.
On your second question, it sounds like he is not striking hard enough, although it's tough to know exactly with minimal details of how he is spanking. It could be the implement as well. For instance, if you're using a belt, pain from a belt tends to go away quicker since the "damage" is strictly on the surface of the buttocks. With a denser wooden paddle, the "damage" is slightly deeper, meaning the pain will last a little longer. The denser the implement used, the longer the pain will last (assuming same strength, same number of strikes, etc.). Also, if you're spanking over any clothing at all, the pain will be less and go away quicker than if you were to do it bare-bottomed. Again, without all the detail it's difficult to say, but my educated guess is that the strikes aren't quite hard enough.
There's nothing wrong with giving your husband a little feedback. If you feel you aren't getting the full benefit from the spanking, he needs to know. Once he knows, he can then take the necessary action to improve upon how he spanks.
I hope this all made sense, and I hope it helps. Good luck to you!
-- Clint
Thank you Clint, I emailed him my question to you and your response. Your answers are always informative! We really appreciate your help and blog.
~Anna
@Anna - You're most welcome. I enjoy your blog as well. Keep up the good work.
-- Clint
My long-term boyfriend has agreed to use domestic discipline in our relationship. Good so far. The 'problem' is that he sees no reason to spank me. We do get along extremely well - we have very compatible personalities. I have said that he needs to spank sometimes just to keep me from taking over in the relationship. He doesn't recognize that there is a risk of this happening. So, we have only had a few 'practice' spankings so that he can learn how to do it - how hard, how many, how I will react and recover. I have pointed out behavior that he could rein in, but he just doesn't do it. I think he iMay be too sweet to do Dd! How do I get him to spank me in order to prevent me taking over the relationship?
@A-Non - From the sound of your comment you're doing everything right. Not only is your behavior very good, but you're also pointing out your own personal behaviors that could be addressed. It's not easy for a lot of women to do that, so I commend you for having the maturity to do so.
As you probably know, the consequences and punishments are determined by the HoH in a DD relationship, and if your boyfriend doesn't see any spankable offenses exhibited by you, then he must feel your behavior is perfectly acceptable. You can ask for his help in getting (whatever behavior problem) fixed, but in the end it's his choice and his responsibility to do so. That is, assuming you need his help in getting it fixed, of course.
I don't recommend this often to couples, but perhaps maintenance spankings would benefit your relationship. I've written about them on the blog here:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/08/maintenance-spankings.html
I don't really like the idea of spanking for no apparent reason, however in your unique situation maintenance spankings may be worth considering. They serve as a "reminder" for you to follow the rules, respect your boyfriend, have a good attitude, etc. Repetition with spanking would also help your boyfriend become more comfortable with spanking in general, and build his confidence in enforcing the rules of the relationship/home.
I hope this helps, A-Non. Good luck to you both!
-- Clint
Clint, thank you for taking the time to create such a great site and provide such useful information. I really appeciate it.
I am curious what you think is the best way to cause tears to flow during a spanking? Should you spank harder to make it more painful, or is it better to keep a steady pace over a longer amount of time? Do you consider a spanking truly successful if there are no tears?
Forgive me if this question has been asked before, I tried to look over everything, but there are just so many posts I may have missed it.
how do i tell my boyfriend i want a spanking
@Anonymous (May 25th 11:02 AM) - I apologize for the late response. I must have missed your comment in the shuffle. Thanks for understanding.
Getting the wife to her crying point can be tricky. So much depends on the wife. The individual will power and pain tolerance of any given woman varies so much that it's difficult to answer your question.
Often times striking harder earlier in the spanking helps with a crying issue. Spanking very very hard from the first strike can bring tears by the end of the overall spanking. One must be careful doing this, however. If one strikes extremely hard from the start, the strikes need to slightly decrease in strength as the spanking continues. Also, striking very hard from the start increases the chances of bruising. So there are certainly pros and cons to that suggestion. You need to know what you're doing to consider this.
I don't recommend a "steady pace", as you put it, since the wife essentially becomes numb/immune to it. However, tears can come from a lengthy spanking session, so long as the strikes vary in intensity throughout the spanking, if that makes sense. For instance, start with 50% strength strikes, then switch to 75% strength strikes mid spanking, then switch to 50% again, and so on and so forth until the spanking is over with. Mixing it up like this can bring tears as well.
I don't necessarily think a spanking that yields no tears is unsuccessful. Some women just don't cry. That doesn't mean it's not painful, or that the message was not received. I think a spanking can be successful without tears from the wife. As long as the behavior improves over a long period of time, the spanking is successful.
It really depends on the woman though. What one woman may respond to, another may not. I hope this helps and I hope it made sense. Good luck to you.
@snowflake2 - If you only want a spanking, I would simply ask him for it outright. If you're looking to implement DD into your relationship, I'd approach things a little differently. The following post discusses how to approach your significant other about DD:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/09/getting-husband-on-board-with-domestic.html
I think reading over that post will help you with your issue, if in fact DD for your relationship is what you're seeking. Good luck to you.
-- Clint
hey i posted a question in the first lot of questions after this lot was done so going to post it here in case the first post isn't getting looked at. How can my husband disipline me if i am pregnant, i need the disipline but don't want to harm the baby?
Im a women that loves to push buttons and need this in a man to keep me in line. im single but when i wasnt i tryed to do this. it just didnt work. and when i find a new guy and start dating how do i bring it up to him?
@Anonymous (July 1st 9:05 PM) - I interviewed a doctor recently about disciplining while pregnant. You can read over that interview here:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-ldd-interview-ask-doctor-part-ii.html
I hope that helps to answer your question. All the best to you.
@Anonymous (November 2nd 4:28 PM) - I feel it's important to establish a relationship with a foundation of trust, respect, loyalty, and honesty before considering bringing domestic discipline into the relationship. With that said, I've written a post about getting the husband (or boyfriend as the case may be) on board with the lifestyle:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/09/getting-husband-on-board-with-domestic.html
My wife has also written about this, and you can read her suggestions here:
http://knowingyourroles.blogspot.com/2011/08/how-to-convince-your-spouse-to-try-dd.html
There are three parts to her suggestions, and I've linked to part one. Be sure to read parts two and three as well.
I hope this helps you out! Good luck to you.
-- Clint
My wife and I are young she is 18 I am 25 she knows the rules and is very obedant how ever when I leave town she thinks she can disregard the rules and dose what she pleases in this Cse my wife decided to smoke a bunch of pot with a high school friend of hers I found out of corset gave her a good spanking and left her to think about her acctions when I returned she was popping Vicodin she's not allowed comfort after being punished but since she was in a car accident and has a precipitation I don't know if I should punish her further?
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