10:49 PM
Learning Domestic Discipline
We offer tips and a step-by-step recommendation on how to safely and appropriately administer a spanking (beginner level) on our new website. You can now find this article by clicking here.
Posted in: Spanking Punishment
LDD's Weekly Recap: July 29th - August 4th
11 years ago
122 comments:
Have you used a physical punishment other than spanking? What are your thoughts on these?
My HoH uses a variety of physical means that are more effective on me than spanking (although he also spanks me). For anyone reading this that has a problem with this comment, I just want to remind you that this is consensual nonconsent relationship. I am not being abused.
Additionally, my HoH is reading this with me and asked what your rationale is for the 20 strike limit.
@Anonymous - I personally have not used any other form of physical punishment outside of spankings. I believe I know what you're referring to, and my thoughts on them are this: Although they may be effective, I personally see no need for them. Some of them I feel are a bit excessive and unnecessary. I don't practice them within my marriage, and I don't recommend them to my clients, or anyone else for that matter. With that said, if these forms of punishments work for you and your spouse, and the practice is consensual as you've stated, then more power to you. Ultimately you and your spouse should do what makes you both happy and makes your marriage/relationship stronger.
The 20 strike limit is, essentially, so the buttocks doesn't bruise. Using a dense implement like a wooden paddle can bruise if no warm up spanking is done. This entire entry is for beginners, and for those just getting a feel for what DD and spankings are all about. For those doing this for the first time, 20 strikes may seem excessive. For those that have practiced DD for numerous years, 20 strikes may seem extremely light. It all depends on where you are at with this practice. The way I've outlined a spanking in this particular entry is to get couples familiar with what exactly a spanking is, how it is done, and how the dynamic improves a marriage.
I hope this helps! I tend to talk a lot. Sorry about that. :)
-- Clint
How many times a week do you limit this to? at least when starting DD?
@Anonymous - There isn't a set number of times, really. Most couples when just starting out find themselves spanking several times a week. I would try to keep from spanking multiple times a day, but at beginner level it's safe to spank daily if need be.
-- Clint
that's real helpful. we are starting this after seeing how valuable it may be for our marriage immediately.
Is this 10 strikes per cheek? and the warm up spanking strikes dont count correct?
@Anonymous - Yes, up to 10 strikes per cheek. There's no warm up spanking necessary with a beginner level spanking. The (up to) 20 strikes is the total amount for beginners with no warm up.
-- Clint
We are just starting DD and I am confused about one aspect. What if I decide to spank, but then feel she has learned the lesson during the lecture? She always seems to be sorry and so I haven't been spanking, but I'm trying to figure out if the spanking is to teach her the lesson or if it's to punish her for not following the rules. Because we are new to this, it feels strange to punish her, especially when she seems sorry. We are finding ourselves arguing a lot, and we thought DD might help eliminate that, but I'm confused as to why to spank.. Also, what if something happens while I'm at work? (example: She is disrespectful to me on the phone.) Do I spank when I get home? I have had a very hard time spanking after time has passed since the offense. Sorry for the lengthy post, but I'm pretty confused..
@Anonymous - It's a good sign that your wife feels remorse during the lecture. She's showing she understands her actions were inappropriate/unacceptable. You basically answered your own question when you said, "to teach her a lesson" and "to punish her for not following the rules." Both of those reasons are reasons you spank. You spank to hold your wife accountable for her actions, to help her learn the right way to handle herself next time, and to "wipe the slate clean" so to speak so there are no feelings of guilt that night or the following day. After a spanking your wife will feel completely forgiven, which is important.
For your second question, it's important to hold your wife accountable for her actions even when the offense happened while at work. In a situation as the one you described, I would recommend you not let her go anywhere until you get home, at which point you spank right when you get home, or at some point that evening.
-- Clint
My husband and I just started thinking about trying DD. I was wondering should he make a list of rules?
@Anonymous - Congratulations on taking the first step in a DD marriage! That's wonderful. :)
Yes, I recommend you and your husband sit down together and make a clear rules list, as well as make sure you both are on the same page when it comes to what is expected within the household. Check out my "May Couples Challenge" post on the blog. It's all about creating a rules list for your home.
Welcome to DD, and please feel free to ask any questions you may have. I'm always glad to hear about new couples bringing this practice into their marriages. You won't regret it. :)
-- Clint
I'll go to the Challenge. The problem is we are having problems making rules, so I want it to to be left up to him to just decide whether or not I need to be punished. But he is insisting we have a list of rules too to start with. I was wondering what are some rules other people typically have?
-Ashley
@Ashley - It's difficult to say what rules people have because every marriage is different. One couple may see drinking as a spankable offense, and another couple may not. It just depends on the people. I listed 25 rules in the comments section of the "May Couples Challenge" post if you'd like to read those. Those 25 rules I feel are appropriate for a marriage, but again, not all of them may be good for YOUR marriage. It should give you a start on a rule list though.
-- Clint
I was just re reading (again) many of your posts and the comments. I swear I get someting new each and every time I read your blog.
This particular post is the one that caused ALOT of my (and I think others) confusion on your views of erotic spankings. After reading it again, I just wantet to make a suggestion to you.
May I suggest you "edit" this part of the post to state your self a little differently?? you wrote..
"....This is NOT a "fun", "exciting", or "sexual" activity to be done whenever you feel like it. If you find a spanking to be any of those things, you're reading the wrong blog....."
That last sentence is what TOTALLY confused me! Every misunderstanding I had of your views after that was directly related to that statement. (I am so glad we cleared it up! I would be missing out on alot of good information if I had given up reading your blog)
I just think if you explain RIGHT HERE on this post, that who ever practices Domestic Discipline AND enjoys erotic spanking MUST make sure the lines between the two types of "spanking" are very well defined.
They are two completely different and seperate things that can and do co-exist in a relationship.....etc etc...and what every else you think you should say on the subject.
I think it would really help people avoid the misunderstanding to state your self a little differently on this particular post sence it is one of the first ones that someone reads. (or perhaps write a completely new post that can be accessed/linked directly from the original post, don't know which would be best)
Just a suggestion =)that I think may help
newbie
@Newbie - I'm glad you learn something new each time you read the blog! That's wonderful and I certainly hope the information is helpful to you and your spouse.
I've learned in recent days that the statement you quoted me on has confused a lot of people. You're exactly right. I plan on clearing up my statement in a future post. It has caused more confusion that I could have ever imagined. Once I get that post written, I'll link it just under my statement in this post.
I appreciate your suggestion, and I apologize for any confusion/stress it may have caused you.
-- Clint
My husband and I are very new to DD. He has spanked me some but it's always been lighter hits more times. 12-20 hits with a paddle (we have one) that hard seems difficult to endure. I'm not sure about it. But I have agreed to allow my husband to spank however, with whatever, and how hard he seems fit. I also showed him this blog and asked him to read it. He's going to punish me this way next time.
We only practiced DD for about 3 weeks over a month ago and had troubles. So it's bern a long time since I've been spanked.
In your experience how do women fo with this type of spanking the first time? I don't want details about the actual spanking. Just how the woman reacted. I'm quite scared and worried. I have been spanked to tears before but the way this spanking is described seems like very hard hits to me. Sorry for writing so much.
@Anonymous - I certainly understand your concern and it's perfectly normal to feel a bit scared and worried the first few times you and your spouse go through a spanking. This isn't easy to do for almost everyone.
In my experience, women getting spanked for the first time absolutely hate it, naturally. Most women feel it's done too hard, or too many times, and nearly every woman struggles with holding still and not reaching their hand back during the spanking. That is perfectly normal, and perfectly understandable. Spankings hurt. It's the body's natural reaction to move away from a pain source. Don't feel like you're the only one to feel that way. Nearly every woman also wants to rub their buttocks afterwards, and nearly every woman wants ice, lotion, or something else to help subdue the sting. All totally normal requests from most women just starting out.
From the emotional side of things, most women are really really scared the first time. They don't know what to expect. Again, that is a totally normal and understandable feeling. I would be nervous about it too. Nobody likes to step outside their "comfort zone", and being spanked for the first time is stepping WAY outside the comfort zone. It's normal to have feelings of fear or apprehension. This isn't an easy thing to get adjusted to.
On the opposite side of the token, most women feel great after the pain from the spanking is gone. Most women feel very relieved, and any feelings of guilt and remorse that they had before are gone. It's sort of like a reset button. The guilt of knowing they did something wrong and how they disappointed their husband is lifted after a spanking since they have now been held accountable for it, they've been punished for it, and can now move on and put the issue behind them. There is a sense of forgiveness from her husband felt, and the feeling of disappointing her husband usually goes away. The slate has been wiped clean and it's time for a fresh start, which is always a good feeling.
Also, most women feel a stronger connection to their husband on an emotional and spiritual level (as do the husbands with their wives). They feel the trust is stronger with their husband, and they feel the communication is better with their husband. There are many many positives that come from spanking and DD in general, which is why I'm such a strong supporter of it.
I know my answer got a little long there, but there are a lot of feelings women feel throughout the entire process. Being scared or nervous about it is normal. In fact, if you didn't feel those things before a spanking I would find that a bit strange. Those are all perfectly normal and common feelings.
Hope this makes you feel a little better about things. Best of luck!
-- Clint
Clint,
This is truly an AWESOME answer!! I guess you really do listen when women talk about these issues, huh? Wow!
@Christina - Thank you! I talk to a lot of women/couples about DD nearly on a daily basis, so I know a thing or two about how the women feel. And yes, I do listen. It's important. Amazing, right? :)
-- Clint
Clint,
My wife has been a little mouthy and disrespectful lately...not enough to get a spanking but it is building up. She is also slacking on her chores. Should I tell her that for her behavior lately has been below expectation and give her a spanking even though none of her smaller infractions alone would warrant a spanking but put all together they are punishable? And should the spanking be intermediate or beginner. I want the punishment to be effective and make an impression on her. So, I think maybe it should be hard to give her an attitude change.
I also know the way she has been acting lately that she might not submit to the spanking right away...should I increase the punishment if she refuses? I don't want to feel like the bad guy here but like I say, I think she needs an attitude adjustment.
Thanks for reading and if you have any suggestions I would appreciate it. Thanks for the blog. Very informative.
sincerely,
Tim
@Tim - Thank you for your appreciation of the blog. I'm glad you find it helpful.
There are a lot of variables with this situation. My recommendation on whether or not to spank for something like this depends on how long this as been a problem, and what you have or have not done in the past to help your wife get it corrected. I have to assume you're starting from the beginning in getting these problems corrected, so here's what I recommend:
For the mouthy and disrespectful problem your wife is having, I would start out small (if the disrespect is minor, which it sounds like it is based on your comment) with something like corner time, or bedroom time, or something like hot sauce in the mouth. The punishment is your choice, but I would start with something like that to give your wife the opportunity to get the problem corrected without having to jump right into spanking. I feel it's only fair. Then if this problem continues, you can escalate to a spanking if you feel it necessary to do so.
With the chores problem, I recommend you take away privileges and have her earn them back with completion of each chore. For instance, take away computer privileges until all the laundry is done or something like that. If the procrastination continues, then escalate to spanking.
The extent of the spanking is more about where you're at in DD rather than the extent of the offense. If you and your wife are new to DD (as in only a month or two of practicing) then I would go with beginner level spanking. If you're more experienced than that, I would go with intermediate level. It all depends how long you've been practicing, and what you're comfortable doing.
Check out my "Frequently Asked Spanking Questions - Part II" post for the answer to your question about your wife not cooperating during a spanking. Its the first question I address on that post. Hopefully that will help you out.
There's a lot going on here Tim, so my answer was pretty long. Sorry about that. I hope this information helps you out. Best of luck!
-- Clint
@Tim
I would talk to your wife about the situation fully. You seem to indicate that under the present rules, she has not committed a spanking offense. As Clint teaches on this blog, during the lecture, the wife is supposed to be brought to the realization that she has earned a spanking. In this case, you may convince her that she deserves a spanking or she may convince you that you shouldn't spank her. I would not be surprised if you convince her, and you may even find that she is surprised that she hasn't been spanked yet.
In any event, your problem in this situation reflects a flaw in your domestic discipline approach which needs to be addressed going forward. Your instinct that she may deserve a particularly strong spanking even though she has not committed any single spanking offense shows something needs to change in your DD rules. Clint's approach on this site which indicates that there must be lighter punishments than spanking available to the parties is something that you could incorporate going forward to address small issues. Alternatively, you could choose to incorporate a point type system formally since this is how your thinking is actually working right now - you feel that many minor things should be added up to justify a spanking. Both approaches have pros and cons which you should analyze in discussion with your wife.
The very large silver lining in your problem that it provides a strong impetus to create a stronger DD plan for the future.
Thanks guys.
Had a talk with the wife earlier this evening about her recent behavior. She was defensive at first but then admitted to being difficult lately. I told her about beginning littler punishments like cornertime...she thought that would make her feel like a child. And I told her that when she acts out like a child she should be treated like one. She agreed and sincerely apologized for her actions of the last week. I said I think she needs to be punished to clear the slate and to signify our new agreement on the smaller punishments (I also mentioned removing privileges for the chores). I asked her what she thinks her punishment should be. She said she thought she deserved a light spanking.
I told her I thought she needed either a harder spanking or a light spanking followed by 20 minutes of corner time. She agreed to the spank plus corner time.
Anyways, point is the slate is now clean and we are better for it. I'm glad that we can now improve on our previous DD relationship. I think the smaller punishments will work. so Thanks again.
sincerely,
Tim
@Tim - I'm glad you and your wife were able to compromise and come to an agreement. I'm glad that you found my advice (and James' advice) helpful for your situation. A clean slate is always a good feeling, and I wish you and your wife the best going forward.
One thing I want to add is that I wouldn't get into the habit of "negotiating" with your wife. Yes, you should listen to and address all of her concerns, but if you feel the offense is a spankable one, then spank. If she wants an explanation, or feels the punishment is unfair, then address those concerns accordingly. But my point here is to remain consistent with the punishments, and always do what's best for your marriage and family going forward. Generally speaking, wives will naturally try to "negotiate" down their punishment to make it lighter or to get out of it completely. Just be careful with that. Hear her out, but continue to do what you feel is in the best interest of your marriage and family.
-- Clint
Thanks for the concern. To be honest she looked really scared and upset about the idea of a spanking and it made me feel badly for her...so I offered her the lesser punishment option. As you can tell we are fairly new to this whole thing (5 months) so I'm still getting used to my role. I don't want to feel like I'm abusing my power. I also think we both feel unsatisfied if I do not stand up and be a strong HoH. So there is the dilemma I'm sure all guys go through at first.
I will require her obedience though and I plan to be more firm, especially now that I have all my new strategy with the smaller punishments. Going forward her and I both have things we plan to work on and in the future when she does need a good spanking over my knee I will definitely give her one, with no negotiations. And she has to work on her respect and her chores.
If she is good this week I also plan on giving her a reward. Like a night out. Do you encourage giving rewards for good behavior to reinforce them?
thanks again.
Tim
I notice that you advise the husband to lay their non-spanking hand across the wife's lower back. My husband does this, and although I hate being spanked and my bottom is hurting, the feeling of his strong hand on my back makes me feel loved and protected. I think it actually gives me strength to endure my spanking. Thanks for your great blog!
@Tim - Yes, I absolutely encourage rewarding/reinforcement. In fact, I plan on doing an entry in the near future about that very subject. Stay tuned.
@Anonymous - My wife feels the same way about my hand on the lower back. It's certainly a good thing. I'm glad you enjoy the blog! Thank so much for your support.
-- Clint
well my wife and I just started this however, she laughs and said "the point of this is..." is this when you move up a level or what do you suggest?
@Anonymous - If your wife is serious about not understanding the point of spanking or DD in general, then the first thing I would recommend doing is discussing how spanking/DD is intended to strengthen a marriage and help get certain behaviors corrected that you feel are dangerous or detrimental to the marriage.
If she understands that and is making a mockery of spanking/DD, then perhaps you should increase the spanking to the "Intermediate Level Spankings" as described on this blog. Typically I recommend beginners spank in the manner described on this entry (Beginner Level Spankings) for at LEAST a month to familiarize you both with spanking and DD in general, however, if these spankings are having little to no impact/results, then yes, I would recommend increasing the spankings to the "Intermediate Level Spankings" as described on this blog. Obviously the "Beginner Level" is having no impact on her whatsoever if she's mocking it.
Best of luck to you going forward.
-- Clint
hi Clint, I am Rosemary. I've proposed DD to my husband. He has been open to listen to my point of view, but he says he's afraid he could waste our marriage if he spanks me. He says that we have no serious problems, no worse that the average, so he's afraid that spanking me for the minor mistakes I seldom make would be too much. he is afraid I could hate him, and worse, he could hate himself. I am sure I am not going to hate him at all, but how can I convince him about himself? what can I tell him? Please, give me an advice!
Why do you recommend using a paddle or hairbrush? Why not the hand or a switch?
@Rosemary - This is a common issue with husbands just starting out. As I've said before on this blog, starting a DD lifestyle isn't easy to do. It's a complete lifestyle change that puts people out of their comfort zones, so your husbands feelings are understandable.
It's difficult to explain the dynamic of spanking in a way that your husband will understand. I thought all the same things your husband does at first as well, and the way I got over them was by actually going through with the spanking. Once I saw how the dynamic worked first hand, it became much easier to do.
You're going to have to reassure your husband that you will not have any feelings of resentment if he spanks you. Your husband needs to know that you are ok with this, and he needs to know that you will stand by him through anything, even after a spanking. I'd imagine this is what he's most concerned about. Once he knows that you're fully on board and that you consent to him spanking you, that should help him to at least give this spanking thing a try. It may take a great deal of persuasion and convincing on your part, but once you get the message of "I'll always love you no matter what...I feel this will be best for our marriage...I'm not going to be upset with you when you punish me...etc." across to him and he actually agrees to spank ONE time, I believe it will be much easier for you both after that. Once he sees how spankings help the marriage and once he sees that you WON'T hate him for punishing you, he'll be much more open to the idea of spanking in the future.
Hope this helps you. All the best.
@Anonymous (September 7th 8:28 AM) - I recommend a paddle or hairbrush over a hand or switch because the hairbrush/paddle is more dense, which creates a more intense stinging sensation in the buttocks. The stinging sensation is what makes the spanking effective. That isn't to say a hand or switch wouldn't work, but I feel for best results a paddle/hairbrush should be used. Also, the HOH can hurt his hand by spanking with it, and some couples feel a hand shouldn't be used at all to spank. Some couples feel a hand is to love and comfort, not to punish. Not everyone feels that way, I'm just pointing it out. What implement is used is ultimately determined by the HOH, but this is why I recommend a hairbrush or paddle.
-- Clint
I am not so sure about this. I have talked this over with my husband and what do you do if you both partners feel like this is some sort of foreplay? I mean my husband told me that all people make mistakes and nobody is perfect but one, and if were to make a list of rules, what would he do if he breaks a rule? we just feel like this if we do this it should be a team effort and it should be treated fairly. I mean by your logic, (no disrespect, we are just trying to figure this out)I have not seen anything about the male breaking rules.. I mean if he breaks a rule, say texting and driving for example, is that really a good example for me that he can do it with no consequence and i would get blamed for it?
Well, the husband is supposed to be the good example. And if he makes a mistake he should confess and be sorry. This is maybe a bad example, but children don't have the right to punish their parents, even though the parents might not be perfect all the time. But being a parent puts you in a position of great responsibility and so a good parent will do better and follow rules to be a good example.
If the husband is not willing to improve himself in the lifestyle and hold himself accountable, than it isn't the lifestyle for him.
Also, a wife may not formally punish her husband, but it doesn't mean there aren't consequences for really bad behavior. Having an angry wife is not a place any husband wants to be.
that's my thoughts anyways.
PS And for a lot of people I do think it is in a way foreplay, maybe sex doesn't follow right after or both are not aroused during...but I think the wife is excited by the fact she has a strong dominant man and the husband is turned on by being in control. Anyways, I haven't heard of a couple where their sex life wasn't also improved by the experience. It is just adding a little extra spice to a marriage and connects the two people even more.
Amber
I understand what you are saying Amber, but what we are having trouble understanding is if he breaks the rules he kinda feels like something should happen to him since he is supposed to be the one setting the good example. He wanted me to bring up that if anyone has studied child care, time out is a form of punishment you would use for a child just like i guess he would use corner time or bedroom time for me, but the point I am trying to make is I have heard of teachers getting frustrated or setting bad examples for children and putting themselves in time out to blow off steam. I thought this was a great idea for them to do because it shows all children of both genders a good example of how to handle those types of situations, so finally to my main point, doesn't everybody need a time out every now and then to think about things? Could the wife suggest he should take some time to think because she loves him and wants to protect him for his sake also? I'm not really sure this is for us..
It's Kelly buy the way..
Thanx for replying Kelly. I agree that this lifestyle maybe isn't for you and your husband. If your intuition is saying this isn't for your marriage then you have to listen to that. It certainly isn't for everyone and this site is definitely not a marriage how-to guide.
My husband sometimes needs time to himself to think things through, but again, it isn't a ritualized punishment and it isn't because I told him to. He just takes some time to think. If I'm upset with him or his behavior, like most couples, he has to earn me back so to speak with flowers and doing the dishes and stuff...but again he doesn't have to, he just wants to in order to make things right with me.
But that is us and I think it is similar to some others on this site. There are certain life styles that do go both ways, but I don't really see the point in that because it takes away the "everybody has their role" aspect and I honestly (for me anyways) can't see me having the same respect for my husband as a leader if I also punished him. And the last thing I'd want to ever do is emasculate him. And I think it may start to be like a score card in the marriage, like who gets punished more and all that.
Anywho, I'm sure clint can suggest a site or something about a plan where both partners punish eachother.
best of luck in your search for what works for your marriage.
Amber
Thanks Amber I'm not sure if we are going to do this or not, but it helps to hear from another persons point of view. I think we will just have to experiment some and see what works the best for us.
Thanks again.
Kelly
Clint,
I'm not sure how to go about this. Right now my girlfriend and I are long Distance for a while, and we started DD a couple months ago. I would say we are still in the beginner stage. She still breaks the rules when im gone, and some i can correct her from here, by telling her to get on video chat . some when it comes to more serious things, i obviously cant. so right now, the next time i come back she will have to get punishments for 2 separate things. Should i spank her twice? or once? I'm not sure what to do, this i the first time shes done more then one thing while i was gone.
Your Blog has lead us the whole way so far. i love it!
Thank you
cory
@Kelly - You have some very valid concerns and perfectly understandable questions. I think Amber made a lot of great points in her conversation with you, and a lot of what she said would be a lot of what I would say in response to your concerns as well.
I think another big aspect of this is the religious perspective. I don't really like bringing religion into the discussion as I feel a lot of people use it as an excuse/crutch, but I think that aspect of DD is obvious. DD is widely acknowledged as a Christian practice. It doesn't really matter (at least not to me) what denomination a couple is a part of, nor do I really care what a particular couple chooses to practice. That's absolutely none of my business. But, what I'm getting at here, is that a lot of couples feel the Father (as in God) holds the HoH accountable for his mistakes. And if you feel having your husband hold you accountable sucks, try having God hold you accountable.
That's just another perspective to think about in addition to the points Amber made. For proof of this, all you have to do is look around you. You may or may not believe in God and as I said earlier, I don't really care whether or not you do. But, Christians that have given up on basic Christian principles in life generally have a pretty difficult life. That's a generalization of course, but I believe it to be rather accurate. If you give up on God, then God will stop helping you. Again, just some food for thought.
If both partners feel this is some sort of foreplay, then I don't think they'll get everything out of Domestic Discipline. They can spank all they want, but if it leads to sex, it will be much less effective. I've written a post on this very problem that a lot of people struggle with. It's the "Discipline Spankings vs. Erotic Spankings" post.
Check out my wife's post on this blog called "The Woman's Perspective: What if my husband breaks a rule?" post for an answer to your 'what if he breaks a rule' question. I felt my wife could answer that best, so she wrote that post on it. She also links to a concept called the Spencer Plan, which is where both partners hold the other accountable in the marriage. Perhaps you'd find that interesting/helpful to read.
No, I don't see any reason why a husband would blame his wife for mistakes he made. That's not how the DD dynamic should work. If a husband makes a mistake, he should come clean to his wife about it, and take the necessary measures to make things right again.
Holy smokes this is a long answer! Sorry about that. I hope it helps clarify things for you. Whatever you and your husband decide to do, I wish you both the very best.
-- Clint
@Cory - I will answer/respond to your comment via email as you've requested. Look for that in the next couple of days.
-- Clint
I'm curious to hear how to begin a DD marriage. I attempted to discuss it with my fiance at the time (now husband) and although he listened, it was obvious that he was very uncomfortable and I think a bit embarrassed. He was pretty stiff after the conversation to the point where I became moritfied about even bringing it up. I am still interested and I think it would work well for both of us, but am not sure how to bring it up again.
His reaction to our first conversation was that he was brought up to never hit women, and to treat the marriage as an equal entity. ALthough, I'm confused because he is also interested as being head of the house....he just won't enforce his position.
Any advice?
@Anonymous - This is a common issue, and a question I get asked a lot. It's never easy to start a Domestic Discipline marriage, but once you do, you can't imagine your marriage without it. Funny how that works.
Your husband's feelings are also common, and expected. No man (no GOOD man, anyway) should WANT to strike his wife willingly whether out of anger or otherwise. It's not that simple to just start spanking as if you've done it before, and when you've had an upbringing like your husband has had. These feelings of apprehension are totally normal and they're very difficult to work around.
I wrote an entry on this blog about this very problem. The entry is entitled "Getting the Husband on Board With Domestic Discipline." I encourage you to read that entry. That may help with this problem. All it takes is trying DD one time to understand how it works. If it's something you want, then hopefully your husband will be willing to give it a try. I mean, it's not going to kill him to spank once. If he hates it and doesn't see results, then he doesn't have to do it anymore. But it won't hurt to try.
I wish you the best of luck and hopefully the advice within the entry I referenced helps you. All the best!
-- Clint
"We are just starting DD and I am confused about one aspect. What if I decide to spank, but then feel she has learned the lesson during the lecture? She always seems to be sorry and so I haven't been spanking, but I'm trying to figure out if the spanking is to teach her the lesson or if it's to punish her for not following the rules."
I don't think you have anything to worry about because you are doing exactly the right thing.
There can be no set formula for DD because every individual and couple is different and it's vital that each situation is considered on its own merits and that appropriate judgement is used by the HoH. For the same level of 'offence' one woman might only require a few stern words, another might need a couple of swats and still another, a full on spanking. The only person who can be in a position to decide when the lesson has been learned is the individual HoH. It's a huge mistake to try to 'standardise' discipline, especially spanking. Should this be deemed necessary, you should never stick rigidly to a pre-decided prescribed time or number of swats. What matters is that the discipline has achieved its desired effect and there is no point in spanking after the point has been made, or not spanking until it has. Either of these things will only cause frustration and possibly long term resentment.
Do you think it would be a good idea for my husband to give me my first spanking for no reason other than to see how it works and if he is comfortable with it? We are having our big discussion about this Sunday and I thought that if I asked him to just try a spanking that night he might feel a lot better about using it as a punishment.
"If both partners feel this is some sort of foreplay, then I don't think they'll get everything out of Domestic Discipline. They can spank all they want, but if it leads to sex, it will be much less effective. I've written a post on this very problem that a lot of people struggle with. It's the "Discipline Spankings vs. Erotic Spankings" post."
In my experience, which is considerable, I believe that *this* belief is the "misconception". One of the main advantages of domestic discipline is that it gives you a way in which to deal with and put behind you (no pun intended)once and for all, issues which, in one way or another, have been a cause of disharmony and disconnection between a couple. Once discipline/punishment is over, it's over and it's time to move on and reconnect in whatever way seems natural for the couple concerned. This won't necessarily always be sex, but sometimes that might seem the right thing to do. The essential thing to remember is that what you choose to do *afterwards* can't in any way distract from the effectiveness of the discipline, because the discipline is finished and done with and closure on that phase has already been reached. There's no question at all of confusing a disciplinary spanking with "some kind of foreplay", because that and what you do *afterwards* are completely different things.
I've seen so many people agonise over this and worry about doing the 'right' thing. At the end of the day, the only thing that usually helps them is to accept their own instincts and feelings and to do whatever seems right for them.
"I'm curious to hear how to begin a DD marriage. I attempted to discuss it with my fiance at the time (now husband) and although he listened, it was obvious that he was very uncomfortable and I think a bit embarrassed. He was pretty stiff after the conversation to the point where I became moritfied about even bringing it up. I am still interested and I think it would work well for both of us, but am not sure how to bring it up again.
His reaction to our first conversation was that he was brought up to never hit women, and to treat the marriage as an equal entity. ALthough, I'm confused because he is also interested as being head of the house....he just won't enforce his position."
There are a wealth of very good articles around on the internet on this topic. To name but a few, the 'Taken in Hand' website has one by Egghead68 in which he explains his own early conflicting feelings about spanking his wife and there are several articles on the subject in the 'free' area of 'Bethany's Woodshed', including a trio of articles by Brenna.
@Anonymous (October 28th 11:35 AM) - For your particular situation this may not be a bad idea, although I don't typically recommend couples do that. The reason I don't typically recommend something like that is because I feel there should be some sort of lesson or learning experience behind any kind of discipline spanking, and where this would be spanking essentially to "try it out", that wouldn't be the case. Also, when spanking for the first time for some kind of mistake or offense made by the wife, the HoH typically sees immediate beneficial results in getting the behavior corrected. These positive results act as reinforcement of spanking, thus making the HoH much more likely to continue spanking in the future. Without that element behind the act of spanking itself, I don't know how effective it would be in getting your husband to continue on with this lifestyle. He would spank to "try it out", but nothing would really come of it.
With that said, if you have a reluctant husband, your idea may work best for your particular problem. Every couple is different, and every couple should do what they're most comfortable with doing when it comes to spanking, or anything else in a Domestic Discipline lifestyle for that matter. If you both feel this would be best for you, then I don't want to discourage you from doing so.
Best of luck to you both!
@Anonymous (October 28th 2:08 PM) - Thank you for sharing your thoughts and giving readers another opinion as well as more resources to find what they're looking for. I appreciate your comments.
-- Clint
Spanking is all about attitudes and growing up. Not all people grow up equally!Noy all have acceptable attitudes. A wise husband spanks a wife when she acts like a child. Parents should definitely spank immature children, until they grow up. That is a sign of authority given them by God! If they do not exercise this authority, God has said He will take it away from them! The "taking away" can be a divorce, or a myriad of other marriage-destructive things, like a bad marriage.It can also be delinquency, laziness,stealing, or drug addiction. This is why I believe that immature wives and children must be matured by spanking! Children from previous marriage should be told that "that not people mature equally, and mummy is still in need of growing up, and therefore is being treated as a child." Children need not see the spanking. It is enough for the teenage son and daughter to hear the awesome sound of daddy's law descending relentlessly, and be able to appreciate the grateful "thank you, daddy," after each explosion of the strap, meeting the well-deserving and asking for it mummy's buttocks! That is how the concept of the father's authority crystallizes in the mind of a teen! It will help them to know who wears the pants in the house.
@Anonymous (November 27th 4:19 AM) - Thank you for sharing your perspective and giving your opinion on the matter. All the best to you in the future.
-- Clint
My wife always rubs her bottom after a spanking. I tell her not to but she doesn't stop and continues doing it after corner time. Should I administer I harder spanking if she doesn't stop to teach her to listen?
@Anonymous (December 22nd 6:41 PM) - Wives rubbing their buttocks after a spanking is a common and natural thing. In fact, a lot of wives would say it's second nature to rub it afterward. It is, but at the same time I understand why you want to get it to stop. I recommend doing one of the following things:
A) "Swats." Swats are similar to a spanking, however they're done without the whole "routine" of a traditional spanking. Essentially swats are striking directly on the buttocks with the hand right then and there to send the message that her behavior (the rubbing) needs to stop. I recommend they be done privately and quickly, and I recommend there only be approximately 5 or so swats whenever this is done. It acts as a warning, basically, for her to stop rubbing her bottom otherwise the punishment can and will be escalated into another spanking.
B) Corner time after the spanking. The moment the wife goes to rub her buttocks after the spanking, the husband can punish in the form of corner time. Since rubbing the buttocks is the issue, I'd recommend the corner time punishment be done with her placing her hands upon her head so she isn't tempted to rub it in the corner, and this will also act as a reminder that she shouldn't be rubbing it afterward.
C) Spank again. I would only do this as a last resort (as in, you've already tried the above options and they didn't correct the problem). I would also recommend waiting at least two hours after the first spanking to conduct a second one.
What it comes down to is that the husband needs to punish for the rubbing afterward. The three options above should give you some choices on how to help her to get this behavior corrected.
I hope this helps and good luck to you!
-- Clint
my husband and I are very new to Dd so my suggestion comes from limited experience - and I have found that rubbing can be reflexive, like slapping a mosquito or brushing a hair away from the face - I am not allowed to rub so I hold something in my hands until my bottom stops stinging...usually knitting or crochet but anything that makes it so I have to free up my hands before I could rub helps me alot...
Why should we get punished again just for rubbing the bottom its NOT fair! I know my husband reads this blog and its annoying because he gets sucked into it and believes everything clint says which is highly annoying! as I used to be a aloud to touch/rub my bottom after being spanked but now i get punished if i do it, so my husband has obviously read this blog he follows everything on here. I know I need to be punished and it has saved our marriage. but your posts are really annoying me I wish my husband would stop reading it, what ever you recommend I get so can you stop writing on your stupid things! I know you wont reply I don't care.
@Anonymous (December 29th 8:45 AM) - That's a great suggestion to those struggling with the rubbing issue. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your ideas with the readers on the blog. I'm sure it will help a lot of people with this problem.
All the best to you, and happy new year!
@Anonymous (January 2nd 2:53 PM) - Rubbing the buttocks after a spanking weakens the overall purpose/results of it, which is why I recommend against doing so. You've made it clear you're frustrated with my advice, which I certainly understand. The recommendations on the blog are to help couples in the DD lifestyle, or those just starting with the DD lifestyle. I've encouraged couples discuss all suggestions and recommendations throughout the blog together and decide if they're best for the marriage. Perhaps your husband has seen positive results from the information on the blog, which is why he continues to incorporate the recommendations into your marriage. While you may not agree with all of my advice, I hope you can see that your husband is doing what he can to enhance your relationship.
It's always unfortunate to hear hostility, but I understand why you're frustrated and I hope things get better for you.
Happy new year to you and your family. All the best.
-- Clint
Clint
Thankyou for these ideas and situations, my wife and I are going to move forward in dd , she says i need to be more assertive in our relationship, which i hope this helps
Your punishments are unfair! I dread my spankings more than ever, I know they help our marriage and my husband is trying to help me/us but Your punishments frustrate me! Things will start getting better if you give up your stupid posts! I know everyone looks up to you but I don't care!
My husband spanked me like this yesterday at 5:00pm. We did the beginner level spanking but tweaked it a little. He did a warm up even though it doesn't say to.
He did 20 hits with his hand for warm up.
2 minutes of rubbing.
16 hits with the wooden paddle.
Now over 15 hours later I'm still VERY sore. I also have several small bruises on each cheek.
Now I'm wondering if this is because of our paddle. It is very wide. Twice as wide as the pics of the paddles on your advanced level spanking page. It is also very thick. At least 1/2 thick. Is this maybe why? We have another wooden paddle that we could try next time it's not nearly as wide or thick and has holes in it.
I just don't know if it's because of our paddle or what. The pain was intense during the spanking and I cried. But I only barely cried right at the last 2 hits and afterward I kind of wished he had hit me 2-4 more times. It would have really had me crying. Any suggestions?
@Anonymous (January 3rd 6:25 PM) - You're most welcome. I hope it helps as well. Good luck going forward.
@Anonymous (January 3rd 8:27 PM) - Unfortunately for you, I'm not going to stop writing on my blog, despite your frustration with it. If you feel your punishments are unfair, I'd recommend discussing how they are done with your spouse since he is the one punishing you, not me. By your own admission they're helping your marriage, so it's difficult for me to understand where your hostility is coming from. Regardless, I'm happy to hear your marriage is improving and I certainly wish you the very best going forward.
@Meg - I'm sorry to hear that there was some bruising after the spanking. From what you described, it sounds like everything was done correctly.
I don't believe it was due to your paddle. If the paddle is wide, that would dispense the strike over a more broad area of the buttocks, which would actually decrease the likelihood of bruising. However with that said, if he was striking very hard, he may have inadvertently broken some blood vessels in the buttocks that would cause bruising. Paddles deliver a "deeper" sting that, in some cases, can effect blood vessels if used incorrectly. My guess is the paddle was used incorrectly somehow..it wasn't the paddle itself, if that makes sense.
It's difficult to say exactly what when wrong. It could be a number of things, honestly. What I would recommend you do is start spanking with a belt after the warm up. A belt keeps the sting/pain more on the surface of the buttocks. The sting is a little more intense initially, but not as long lasting or as "deep" as it would be with a paddle.
Also quickly, I'd let him know about wanting a few more strikes at the end to really get you crying. You clearly understand the benefit of crying, which not a lot of women admit to. Kudos to you for doing what's best for you and your marriage. I truly commend you for that.
I hope this helps, Meg. I certainly hope you're doing ok. It's never a good thing when there is bruising, but that's part of the learning process. This takes time to find what works best for you both, but if you keep working at it, I'm confident you'll get where you want to be.
All the best to you Meg!
-- Clint
Clint, Thanks so much for your helpful advice. I did tell my husband that I wished he had struck me more times. I try to tell him what I think i need always. :)
And I will tell him of your advice here.
Should he hit with the same strength with the belt?
@Meg - When using a belt, a very slight increase in the strength of the strikes would be best, but it's not necessarily essential. If your husband were to spank with a belt using the same strength as he does with a paddle, it will yield similar results. I'd recommend just a small uptick in strength is all when using a belt.
I'm glad you found the advice helpful, and kudos to you again for giving your husband some good, honest feedback. All the best to you, Meg. :)
-- Clint
Hi Clint,
I am interested in this lifestyle but I haven't started practising it with my husband. What I am curious about is, if we decide to practice domestic discipline, and start at the beginner level, what happens if after the ten spankings, I'm not emotional or upset, or even worse I'm angry at him for spanking me?
@Anonymous (February 8th 9:42 PM) - The beginner level spankings are to familiarize couples new to DD with the concept of spanking, and this post gives a basic guideline on how to go about it as beginners. If you're having these feelings after the spanking, I'd recommend discussing all aspects of the spanking with your husband and working together to create the most effective way to spank for your marriage. I wouldn't jump right into intermediate level until you're both completely comfortable with the spanking process. Start with beginner level for a month or two, then work up to intermediate if you both feel it necessary to do so. There's no need to rush things.
The steps outlined aren't going to work for everyone, but they do give couples a solid starting point. The couple should then discuss how they want to proceed with spanking in the future. All it really boils down to is communicating with your husband and working with him to get the best results.
I wish you the best of luck, and welcome to a DD marriage!
-- Clint
My husband and I have been practicing DD for a little under a year, and our marriage is stronger than before. I am, however, beginning to become concerned in that the spankings have been taking a turn that scares me. Last month he said that I needed to be humliated along with the spankings for reinforcement. At first I understood, and was prepared to accept whatever he felt was necessary in my discipline. But he has begun to spank me in the car in places that are public. I was over his knee in the back seat of our car with my clothes pulled down to my ankles in a parking lot with the windows open with people walking by. A few men came over and I thought I was going to die from embarassment. My husband says that this humliation will strengthen my understanding of his power in the marriage. I thought that public discipline was not allowed in public this way? My husband is now talking about taping the spankins and sharing them with his male friends. This doesn't feel right anymore.
@Anonymous (March 17th 12:37 PM) - Deliberate humiliation should never be part of a Domestic Discipline relationship. There's no need for that, nor any place for that in this lifestyle. You have every right to be concerned. I'm concerned for you as well.
I strongly recommend you discuss how you feel with your husband, and get all of your concerns about the direction your relationship is headed out in the open. You both need to ccnsensually agree to this lifestyle and the way it's practiced in your marriage, and if you do not agree with the direction it's headed, your husband needs to know immediately. At that point he needs to change the way DD is practiced in such a way that will work for you both. If he does not agree to practice DD appropriately and in a way you are comfortable with, then I'd recommend withdrawing your consent to the lifestyle. He's illustrated he does not know how to practice DD correctly. It's not going to work for you two at that point.
It's best to address this problem now rather than remaining quiet and doing nothing about it. I fear this could become really bad for you if you don't make yourself clear to him on how you expect this lifestyle to be done within your marriage.
Best of luck to you.
-- Clint
Hi Clint,
We are fairly new to DD. It has improved our lives and our marriage beyond description.Our issue is bruising.He spankes me bare bottomed with his hand( like the warm ups) and I bruise terribly from that. This makes him feel bad.Not bad enough to stop though. Anyway to prevent this considering his spankings are what you describe as warm ups?
@Anonymous (March 29th 9:08 AM) - Yes, warm up spankings are preciscely for this purpose - to prevent bruising. I am a bit surprised that just his hand is causing this bruising in you. Is he spanking extremely hard?
-- Clint
We are new to DD but we can see the results already. Thank you for the blog we have learned alot, is their any books you would recommend?
@Anonymous (April 2nd 6:03 AM) - Unfortunately I don't know of any good books on the lifestyle. There really aren't many available. Not books I'd be comfortable recommending to a beginner, anyway. Sorry I'm not much help.
Perhaps there are other readers who will give you some recommendations.
Good luck in your search.
-- Clint
First and foremost, THANK YOU for your blog! Because of you , I was finally able to bring to light my deepest desire for a DD relationship with my husband. I have been "hinting" for 5 years and finally had the courage to ask by showing him your site a few days ago. He understands and has agreed to the lifestyle. He has spanked me twice now for being "disrespectful" using your, beginning spanking suggestion. My problem is that I don't thing he's spanking me hard enough. He used a wooden spatula, 17 times the first time and 16 last night. Don't get me wrong, it hurt, but I feel like it should hurt much worse. Any suggestions? By the way, this has already made me respect him so much more and trust me, I did NOT respect him. I'm a strong willed, independent woman who has always worn the pants. It's nice feeling like I don't have to.
Dear Sir Clint, my husband and I are new to trying DD in our marriage. I found your site and showed it to my husband. We have been following your advice and see improvement in many areas of our life already.
Now for the problem - it's me. Since we have been practicing this I have been unusually excitable, unable to relax, am filled with the need to be with and near my husband all the time and am reading everything I can find about this lifestyle. I read somewhere that it affects hormones in a woman creating in her exactly what has happened to me.
While my husband is really interested in moving forward with this he wants me to "back off" and let him lead. I understand that, I really do but I am unable. I seem to have some kind of energy that I haven't had before and I don't know how to constructively channel it. Neither does my husband. I fear I we will burn myself out before we get off the ground.
Have you heard of this? If so, how can I channel this immense power within me? Please help us and me.
We are very confused as to what to do.
Thank you for your time.
@Anonymous (April 18th 2:01 PM) - I'm glad you enjoy the blog! I certainly hope you find it helpful for your marriage, and from the sound of it, it appears the lifestyle is already making wonderful improvements in your marriage. I'm so happy to hear that. Congratulations!
Before advancing to intermediate level spankings, I recommend you and your spouse look into using an implement with a little more density than a wooden spatula, or an implement that provides a more intense stinging sensation. For instance, I would recommend using a wooden paddle (more dense) or a belt (more intense sting), but continue spanking at the beginner level until you both are comfortable with the entire spanking process and all aspects of it (over or under clothing, what implements to use, what position is most comfortable, strength of strikes, etc.). Once you both are comfortable with how spankings will be conducted in your marriage, THEN move on to intermediate level spankings.
I'm confident this will help you with your current issue. Best of luck to you both and congratulations again on an already stronger marriage!
@Anonymous (April 18th 12:21 PM) - I have heard of this, although it does sound as though in your particular situation the feelings are a bit stronger than other couples experiences with it. I understand it can be difficult to deal with.
What you need to do is find some way to release your energy and "get it out of your system". A lot of women do this by exercising, or by keeping a blog/journal, or by cleaning the home, or by doing some other activity that keeps their mind occupied. These activities mentioned can be cathartic for those seeking an emotional release or "cleansing" of sorts.
I hope this recommendation helps you both in your situation. I wish you both the very best of luck going forward.
-- Clint
I am looking for suggestions as to what to say while I am spanking my wife. Do I discuss what she has done in detail while spanking?
@Anonymous (May 5th 5:08 PM) - If you've chosen to conduct the lecture during the spanking itself, I'd recommend you still achieve the main components of the lecture at some point within it - she mentally goes back to the moment just before she committed the infraction, she understands why the infraction is a problem, and she understands how to conduct herself the next time she's in a similar situation. Whatever you want to say, and however you want to get those points covered is up to you, but I'd make sure all of that is covered in the lecture to see long term results.
I know that may not be very helpful since you specifically asked what to say while spanking, but hopefully it guides you down the correct path on how the lecture should go. Every husband is going to say different things and every wife is going to respond differently to certain phrases/lectures. You ultimately have to find what works best for you both.
Best of luck to you.
-- Clint
My husband spanked me last night for the very first time we have talked about this for few days, he used his hand and then the belt I did not cry, it did sting a little but honestly it is not making me dread the next spanking at all. I want and need to be submissive how do I get him to make me cry.
@jaycee - Where you're both just beginners, I would discuss this problem with your husband and let him know that the spanking wasn't as effective as you had hoped, and you feel it may need to be intensified to get the best results long term. It's important, however, that you not push him into doing something he isn't quite comfortable doing yet. After all, he makes the ultimate decision on whether or not to intensify the spanking. However, generally speaking I recommend beginners spank at this level for a couple of months to gain familiarity with the process and become comfortable with it before escalating the intensity.
In the end you both need to decide together if you're ready to increase the intensity of the spanking, with him making the final decision on that. Work with him and let him know you understand it's hard for him to spank you, especially to spank you to tears, but that you feel this would be the best way in making the behavior change and the best way to get all the feelings of guilt, remorse, sorrow, etc. out so you both have a clean slate going forward.
I commend you for acknowledging this problem and for your willingness to correct it. Not a lot of wives would do the same. It is important, as you know, to get the spanking process to a point where you "dread the next spanking" (as you put it) so you have some incentive to think before you act and keep your behaviors on the right track.
Good luck to you. I wish you nothing but the best.
-- Clint
Clint,
Why the opposition to lotion or rubbing? for us, the point of the spanking is a reminder to be respectful, but also a way to clear the air. Do you not comfort your wife after a spanking? In fact, you suggest that it's very important. I ask this because part of our ritual involves him putting lotion on me after a hard spanking, to show me that, just as he would before, he loves me and wants to comfort me, despite the fact that he disciplined me. Being in the worst possible discomfort after a spanking is over is not part of our discipline process (I'm in plenty of discomfort during!) Thoughts?
@Anonymous (May 20th 4:50 PM) - I'm not sure if you missed it in the post, but the reason I recommend no lotion be applied and that no rubbing of the buttocks occur after a spanking is because doing these two things essentially defeat the purpose of the spanking. Spankings are supposed to be rather painful, and these two things ease the pain, thus render the correcting influence of a behavior less effective. For more information about rubbing, I encourage you to read this post:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2012/02/rubbing-before-during-and-after.html
Yes, I comfort my wife after a spanking.
If your husband feels that the lotion is beneficial in the whole process in some fashion and aids in correcting the behavior long term, then that's wonderful. If it works for you both, then stick with it. In the end you both should do what is most effective and makes you both happy, and I'm glad to hear that the lotion application does just that for you two.
All the best to you.
-- Clint
Clint,
My wife and I just recently decided to start doing domestic discipline. She has been very grumpy and lazy for the past couple of days, and it really needs to stop. I tried corner time, and she seemed repentant afterwards, but she was very whiny and reluctant about the punishment and the problem has continued. After eating pop-tarts for dinner last night because she couldn't be bothered to cook and receiving an earful of snarky comments all day today I have decided it is time for our first spanking. I am very nervous and as my wife is very energetic and loud and argumentative, I am really scared about how she is going to act throughout the spanking. Do you have any information about how I should expect my wife to act and what kinds of behaviors/protests I should prepare myself for? Do most women scream or yell or beg or physically fight throughout the punishment, or what?
Please help!
@Anonymous June 27th 11:32- I'm not Clint obviously, and I'm sure he'll give a better answer when he's back from vacation.
Speaking as a woman, I don't fight my HoH when he has decided on a spanking. We both agreed to a DD marriage and that's part of it. I may not always be happy about his decision to spank, but I always submit, maybe reluctantly, but I still submit. Personally, I think once the decision is made to spank, you can not back down without losing respect and creating more problems in the long run. It sounds like your wife may be testing you to see if you can and will follow through when she behaves badly. If your wife agreed to DD, she really shouldn't physically fight you or scream. Begging you to stop during the spanking once it starts to hurt is pretty common.If you stop as soon as she asks you to, she will be grateful in that moment, but she will lose respect for you as an HoH. It sounds harsh and it probably won't be an easy thing for you to do the first few times, but you have to continue with the spanking even if she's begging you to stop or crying. You should be in control of the spanking, not her. Her hand will probably reach back at some point to protect herself. Clint has an excellent post about how to handle that and other problems under the heading "addressing spanking issues." Good luck to you and your wife,it sounds like DD could really benefit you guys in the long run if you can get past this first spanking, which is hard for everyone. Don't be nervous :)
I have a friend Platonic she recently confided in me & asked me to spank her y me i ask I trust u she replied.I'm scared I'm gonna hurt her .I'm willing but scared.I'm very strong it'll be like a bear spanking a cat. Wat to do
@Anonymous (June 27th 11:32 PM) - I've talked to and counseled hundreds of people in the Domestic Discipline lifestyle and I've never heard anyone of them describe the wife as "screaming and yelling" during a spanking. Some women begin to cry and some women are vocal during the spanking ("please stop", "that hurts", "that's too hard", etc.), but it's not to the level of screaming or yelling. From my experience, most women are reluctantly cooperative with the spanking since they know any defiance will make things worse for them.
I agree with the anonymous commenter that responded to you - it seems as though your wife is testing you and trying to find the boundaries. It's important that you draw the line where you want it to be drawn so she understands what is and what is not acceptable in your home/marriage.
I agree again with the anonymous commenter that responded to you - the "Addressing Spanking Issues" series here on the blog would likely benefit you both a great deal. There are many common problems couples face when spanking, and those entries offer suggestions on how to work through them.
Good luck to you!
@Anonymous (June 28th 12:20 AM) - You offered great advice for the previous poster and I thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I'm sure they were helpful to the previous commenter.
@Anonymous (July 2nd 8:21 PM) - I wouldn't recommend spanking her unless you're in a committed relationship together. Spanking is a very emotional thing for both individuals. What you do is your choice of course, but I think spanking her would complicate your relationship with her, which could lead to a lot of unnecessary problems.
I hope this helps. All the best to you.
-- Clint
I'm impressed, I must say. Rarely do I encounter a blog that's both educative and interesting, and without a doubt, you've hit the nail on the head. The problem is an issue that too few men and women are speaking intelligently about. Now i'm very happy I stumbled across this during my search for something relating to this.
I like your blog. Thank you for your efforts to write it. I am not in a relationship yet. But I would like one day to have a man who loves me enough to correct me even with a spanking, when necessary. This type of men is missing these days.
@Anonymous (July 11th 12:02 PM) - Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoy the blog!
@stellianos - I'm glad you enjoy the blog. Thank you so very much for reading it and supporting Learning Domestic Discipline. I wish you success in finding a partner soon to potentially share this lifestyle with.
All the best.
-- Clint
Quick simple question..i have a very high pain thresh hold and hubby and i are very new to this. If 20 doesnt do what its purpose is then how would one know (my hubby) when im truly repentent and he should stop? When i cry? It probably sounds silly but id like to knoe your opinion
Thanl you
@Anonymous (July 17th 9:10 AM) - Yes, crying is usually the strongest indicator that the spanking is "getting through to you" so to speak, but with a high threshold for pain (as you've said you have), it may be difficult for you to get to the level of pain necessary for you to cry from it.
Your mannerisms and demeanor say a lot, for better or for worse. Body language often times says more than words do. If you show no remorse after a spanking, or show little to no pain from the spanking (in your body language), or show a lack of understanding of how serious your negative behavior was/is, then these things would convey the message to your husband that the spanking had little to no effect on you and needs to be done harder/differently.
You can also flat out tell him. Tell him you feel the spankings aren't hard enough and ask him to spank harder/differently. You can ask him directly, or if you feel he may take offense to a direct approach, you can ask delicately as I've described in this post:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2012/05/faqs-reluctancy-edition.html
I hope this gives you a few options that will help your situation. Good luck, and all the best to you.
-- Clint
Clint,
My husband and I are new to the DD lifestyle, and have learned a lot from your blog, thank you so much for creating such an amazing resource!
I have a question about spanking while pregnant. I'm currently 6 months along, and have yet to be spanked by my husband. I just wanted to make sure that there aren't any real safety concerns. His intention for now was just to use his hand, because we are both getting used to the spanking thing and we thought it might be better for him to feel what I am feeling, so there is less risk of overdoing it, like there might be with an implement. We both just want this to go smoothly. :)
Any thoughts or tips would be very appreciated.
- Christi
@Christi - Hello Christi. Congratulations on the pregnancy! That's wonderful! I'm really happy for you and your family.
It's best to ask your OB/GYN for advice on spanking while pregnant. Every pregnancy is different, and every woman is different, so your best source of info on spanking while pregnant would be your personal doctor.
In the comments of the following post, there are many strong opinions offered on the spanking while pregnant topic, some of which are from individuals in the medical field. I encourage you to read those comments.
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2012/02/domestic-discipline-obstacles-injury.html
Sorry I'm not of more help to you. I wish you nothing but the best, and congrats again on your future addition to your family.
-- Clint
My Husband of 20 years decided he wanted a DD marriage because he felt I didnt respect him anymore. He had been reading your blog and showed it to me. I so wanted our marriage to survive I agreed to this though secretly I was appalled. Here was a 50 year old woman agreeing to let her husband dicipline her.
Anyway we worked together to lay out reasonable rules and effective punishments. On the whole I have to admit we have been happier and we are showing each other a lot more respect.
Until last night the punishments have been small ie sent to bed, grounding, loss of privilages all which have made our marriage stronger. Then last night we were tested....We had friends in and I said something real nasty which embarrassed him in front of them. When they left he told me to go upstairs. He sat down and calmly explained how I made him feel and even though I consistently apologised (which he accepted) he insisted on going through with the spanking. I felt totally humiliated and degraded. Then after it was over we had this wonderful experience of lots of tears, cuddles and kisses. An incident that previously would have caused friction in our marriage for weeks was over in a matter of minutes. So yes I am a convert now and wish I had started my marriage like this 20 years ago.
If anyone is thinking of DD marriage I would highly recommend it. I am so grateful to you for this blog as I feel it has put my marriage on solid ground again xx
@Anonymous (July 29th 5:18 PM) - Wow, your story is wonderful and I'm so happy to hear DD has impacted your marriage in such a positive way. It really does help a marriage, and I hope those considering the lifestyle see your comment and realize that it isn't such a bad thing.
I'm a little concerned that you felt "humiliated and degraded" when spanked, but perhaps that's due to the fact it was the very first one. I'm not sure why you felt that way, but I hope that isn't how you feel every time you get spanked. It should be a loving experience, albeit a painful one, but your husband should still treat you with respect and make sure you're comfortable the entire time throughout the spanking process. I hope that's the case.
Anyway, it's great to hear your marriage is doing better. I always love hearing success stories. Thank you for sharing yours.
All the best to you.
-- Clint
I was introduced to DD at quite a mature age. My first marriage was disasterous. There were unpleasant arguments which gradually increased and inevitably we finally got divorced. Thankfully my husband never struck me. I was determined not to get married again but after a few years I did meet someone who was totally different to my first husband. He was ten years younger than me but was kind, loving and caring and we have never had a cross word. However there have been times when I have done things which he hasn't approved of but he has dealt with these indiscretions quietly and without any anger or shouting. I well remember the first time he had to chastise me for not paying an important bill. He sat me down and calmly told me that I would have to be punished and he was going to spank me. It was such a contrast to being shouted at and belittled and I did not object. He fetched his slipper and guided me over his knee and pulled back my skirt. There followed a very painful spanking and my bottom was really sore when I stood up but we hugged and all was forgiven. Despite the pain and discomfort I felt much better for it and realised how much better it had been than those dreadful outbursts and insults I took from my first husband.
Sue
@Sue - Your story is a wonderful one, Sue. Thank you for sharing it. It's moments like this in a marriage that Domestic Discipline helps to overcome in a peaceful, stress-free, constructive manner. What you have described is exactly what DD is all about. I'm so happy to hear that you've found it beneficial to your relationship.
Thanks again for sharing your story. All the best to you.
-- Clint
Really, just 20?!
Somewhere a reader commented that she is spanked about 3 to 5 times a week. You, Clint, replied by telling her that frequent punishment spankings are quite normal in a beginning DD relationship.
But why should that be this way? I really wonder because at the beginning of DD the wife is particularly motivated to improve her behaviour, to submit to her husband, to keep to the rules and so on - at least if it was her who initiated the DD lifestyle. Consequently, spankings should be rarer at the beginning than, maybe, after several months or a year when the lifestyle has lost some of its initial spark and the wife possibly gets a little more careless about sticking to the rules, fulfilling her submissive tasks and controlling her attitude towards her husband.
I would be happy if you could give me an explanation why it seems to be the other way round!
Best wishes
Tamira
Hi there Clint
Wife and I have been practicing DD for a couple years now and things have been going well. We use hand only for spanking because of various negative child hood memories. No matter how hard or long or how many rub down breaks I use, the pain afterwards only lasts a few minutes for her. She says that while getting spanked the pain is at a 9 by the end of it but as little as 10 minutes later she hardly feels any discomfort. Is it possible to correct this? I worry that perhaps te spanking isn't being as good of a deterrent as it could be.
Regards,
Thomas
@Anonymous (August 14th 1:29 AM) - Yes. Really just 20. All the best to you.
@Tamira - I've read your comment three times now, and I'm officially perplexed by it.
When couples begin the DD lifestyle, they typically address multiple issues at once throughout the first few weeks/months. Thus, they end up having to spank much more frequently in the beginning since they're addressing multiple negative behaviors. Then, over time, the spankings become less and less frequent as issues get corrected and as the behavior improves.
This is how a healthy DD dynamic works in a marriage. I apologize, but I simply do not follow your logic in suggesting the opposite of this dynamic. Perhaps I'm not clearly understanding you.
Best wishes to you as well, Tamira.
@Thomas - If the sting is subduing after only 10 minutes, I definitely agree with you - the spanking isn't being a strong enough influence on correcting her negative behaviors.
I would suggest finding an implement (or multiple implements) that you could use that wouldn't trigger any negative childhood memories. It's difficult to suggest which ones since you did not specify the implements that trigger those memories, but the first one that comes to mind is what's called a "spanking buddy." You can read more about it on the Spanking Implements post listed below:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/04/spanking-implements.html
Despite the "spanking buddy's" ridiculous name, it offers a means of achieving a deeper, longer lasting sting on the buttocks (similar to a hairbrush or wooden paddle), which would in turn be a stronger correcting influence for your wife.
Also, a silent spanking is an option, however I would only use that method of spanking as a last resort.
I hope this helps Thomas. Good luck in finding something that works for you two.
-- Clint
Thank you, Clint, for taking your time to answer and explain even if you could not relate to my considerations. Well, for more clarification, I'd like to suggest the following image:
Beginning DD for a couple: The wife, who introduced the lifestyle to her husband, is very eager and motivated to please her husband and consequently behaves very well. DD is new and she concentrates a lot of her energy on being submissive, on fulfilling all her tasks perfectly, on keeping to every rule, on checking her behaviour and so on. The husband is indeed very pleased about the positive change in their marriage and therefore there's little need for spanking or other punishments.
DD after some months: The first excitement is gone. Both partners got generally accustomed to the dynamics of the lifestyle and to their roles. As the husband has got used to the submissiveness of his wife, he may develop higher expectations then at the beginning of DD (when he was just overwhelmed by the idea that his wife could simply obey him). The wife, however, may have lost some of her initial enthusiasm and therefore behave less careful than at the beginning of DD - which eventually could lead to more spankings/punishments.
Do you think this image is completely unrealistic?
Have a good summer time!
Tamira
@Tamira - Now that you've illustrated what you meant in your original comment, I understand much better. Thank you.
No, I don't think what you've described is completely unrealistic. It's very possible that may be the case with some couples. Just because I haven't heard of it from a couple in my experience doesn't mean it hasn't happened before. The idea of DD is obviously to improve upon the marriage and make things easier/better for both spouses as time goes on, but I would hope this type of mentality does not develop in either spouse. That isn't the idea, of course, but I fully recognize that this IS a possibility, I suppose.
Thanks for offering a different perspective on the lifestyle. It's certainly something to think about.
-- Clint
My significant other and I have been trying to find the right severity of spanking. Like how hard he should swing etc.
Do you have any suggestions?
@girl 20.Sep 9:41pm - You don't say how long you and your s/o have been together or if you are actually in a DD relationship and if so, for how long. Between Clint's post here where you commented, along with all the questions/answers here, you should have the information you need.
I read your post last night for the first time. it was very informative!
My HOH started spanking me a few years ago but sex was always involved. and even tho some were intense something seemed off. missing.
I printed off a few main parts of your blogs for him to read. He read it and was immidiately on board! He too knew something was missing. He was glad I found this blog. He has agreed to separate the spankings and sex. I know that all the spankings wont be schedualed but tonight is. He told me there are a few things he will be talking to me about tonight. I have known spankings were coming before but the anticipation of this spanking is different. Maybe its because its over real issues and no pleasure/all pain. I dont know. I hope I can accept the spanking for what it is, accept my mistakes, become submissive and allow him to take control of "our future".
We shall see.....
(continued from 9/30/12 11:28am)
we started our DD lifestyle tonight. He told me last night there were some things we needed to discuss...instead I got a spanking for an occurance this evening. OUCH! It wasnt as long as his spankings have been in the past but was more effective! Tonight was the first time I ever cried during a spanking! It was the spanking I always needed! This is going to be interesting!!!
(9/30/12 11:28am)
can I ask what passage in the bible it states that a woman is to be disciplined by her husband?
I am really disappointed that noone has replied. I thought I could find some support here with this new lifestyle. guess not. can not afford to join the forum!
Dear October 1, 9:29PM Anonymous,
Be patient. If you are the one who asked about the bible. There is no where in the bible where it specifically states that a woman should be disciplined by her husband. The bible does discuss the roles of both the husband and the wife in marriage. You can further discuss what these roles means with your pastor if it interests you. Being a Christian myself, the way I look at it is this: Being disciplined by my husband is a choice that I can make. If it helps me and does not lead me astray or force/allow me to take my eyes off the lord, then it is alright. If discipline is accepted by me with submission and respect and given to me in a way that cherishes me--- then I find it to be an acceptable part of my Christian marriage. All that being said, if it doesn't work for you - there is no mandate in the bible that tells husbands to discipline their wives.
-Lasey
I am very curious to known if you, Clint, have ever been disciplined yourself by your partner over an extended period of time; and by this I mean chastised, put in a corner, been forbidden to attend to the needs of your body (rubbing, lotion) or spanked with implements until you cried from the pain.
Have you experienced firsthand the treatment you give to your wife?
-H
@girl - If you're just beginning, which I assume you are since you commented on this particular post, I would follow the steps as outlined in the post here. Don't rush things, go at your own pace, and work together with your spouse to find what works best for you in all aspects of spanking. You have plenty of time to perfect this for you both. Good luck to you.
@Anonymous (September 30th 11:28 AM) - I'm happy to hear you and your spouse are starting a DD dynamic in your marriage! That's wonderful. I would recommend, since you're just starting out, that you and your spouse outline a "Rules List" for your household. The May Couples Challenge here on LDD discusses a rules list. This will help set rules, expectations, and boundaries for your marriage as you two move forward with the lifestyle. Good luck to you!
@Anonymous (October 1st 9:29 PM) - Waiting just over 13 hours for a response isn't all that long. It sometimes takes me days to get to comments, and that's when I'm not on a break from writing. I know it isn't always easy to be patient, but there are several who comment on this blog daily and sometimes patience is needed when waiting for a response from me. I'm only one man. I thank you in advance for your patience.
With that said, I feel Lasey gave you a tremendous response and I don't have anything to add to it. I'm not one to get into Bible verse interpretations, so I also recommend you discuss this with a church official if you seek clarification on anything in the scriptures. Good luck, and all the best to you.
@H - No, I have not. My wife and I have chosen not to conduct our DD marriage with her being the HoH, nor have we chosen to implement the Spencer Spanking Plan into our marriage. We've mutually agreed upon the dynamic of the husband being the HoH in the relationship, and it's a choice that has made us both extremely happy.
I wish you nothing but success in finding the same happiness, or even more happiness than my wife and I share in our marriage, in your relationship/marriage.
All the best to you.
-- Clint
Clint,
Thank you for your response. The reason I ask: Solid leadership requires experience as well as the wisdom and empathy gained by first being a follower. Without a baseline of experience on the receiving end of your punishments, you have no authentic frame of reference. You do not know what your wife is going through simply because you are lacking the experience. Conversely, your wife does not have any firsthand knowledge of what it feels like to be in your shoes as HOH.
I wonder what your views on DD would be if you traveled the path - however briefly - that your wife travels.
Ultimately my question is why would a HOH not want to truly experience what he or she expects his or her spouse to endure? Would it not at the very least be enlightening? Make you a better leader? Give you the opportunity to authentically speak from experience?
@Anonymous (October 7th 8:39 PM) - Perhaps there are HoH's out there who would want to experience what he or she expects his or her spouse to endure, and they may indeed find it enlightening, and it may indeed make them a better leader. It's something for all HoH's to consider, certainly. I would not recommend it given my stance on the Spencer Spanking Plan, but in the end, as always, it's the HoH's decision in any given relationship.
All the best to you.
-- Clint
Well two days into DD. Day one resulted in a half hearted attempt at a spanking with a wooden spoon four times. It seemed more like a game. So I showed my husband this particular blog, which was printed off and read tonight before I got the spanking...I guess I could say bad move on my part, but then I asked for it, so I cannot complain. I did something royally, stupidly wrong today and then disrespected my husband. Then just to top it off lets try some manipulation of the spanking too. Thank you for your pages containing the information that my husband needed to read. Your site is extremely helpful for beginners and has a myriad of information. This is the site that we keep coming back too each time we are unsure of something.
I am in for a treat tomorrow...we are going shopping for spanking implements since we don't want to use what is in the kitchen drawers. These ones will be kept separate in the bedroom. We have also come up with code words that my husband can use as warnings about my behaviour in public.
Clint,
Thank you again for your response. I appreciate your diplomacy. I've also read your wife's blog and I must say, she is a very sparky gal who obviously loves you as much as you love her.
My amazing husband and I are new to this DD journey and I felt the need to challenge you because while I think much of what you say is compelling and wise, another piece of me kept screaming in my head "how can he possibly decide on these punishments without first having experiencing them himself?"
I am a very petite woman - 108 pounds and 5'1". While my husband isn't a big man, he is very big to me at 5'9" and 170 pounds. He is *far* stronger than I am. It is nothing for him to sling me over his shoulder.
So, naturally, while he has been very intrigued by this lifestyle that *I* brought to him, he is hesitant to hurt me in a way that would last more than a short amount of time - and I feel *very* strongly that he should know what each implement feels like - as well as what a lecture feels like.
He's been spanking me (more practice spankings, but yikes!) all week. We're trying it out. Last night, I used every single implement at my own half strength (significantly less than his but still strong) so that he knew what every single thing felt like. And he said that he was glad, because without a frame of reference he wouldn't know what I was experiencing, truly.
I now feel more confident about this - I can take the pain, if my HOH has at least an understanding of what that pain actually feels like physically and emotionally.
I don't want to have a 'switch' relationship with my husband unless it's of the erotic variety. My husband is a wonderful, intelligent, very talented man who doesn't always believe that due to his previous high-conflict marriage. He says I am a beautiful, intelligent, driven woman who doesn't realize the positive qualities I possess. I want for him to know how very much I respect him, and I want him to feel confident in our relationship. I also tire of being the 'stronger' one in our relationship because I don't think that's how it needs to be. He is truly an incredible person. I want him to lead us. I know I will learn so much from him, from our journey, of myself. And he will too.
My husband has many times devastated me with his words in moments of anger - he struggles to manage his anger. I have cut him to the core with my calm, intellectual sarcasm. I feel that this lifestyle will help us with both of these issues - he can't shout and yell awful things (that he says afterward he doesn't really mean) if he is to be the leader. If he has the right to spank me, he must first address himself. In the same manner, if I choose to be sarcastic and use my intellect to cut him down, then I deserve to be disciplined.
Can you help me with this? Are we on the right track, with incorporating DD into our relationship? We absolutely adore each other in every single way - our affection and love for one another is nothing either one of us has experienced. And we are blessed that we have very successfully raising a blended family.
Our issues (and we have gone to therapy, together, which helped immensely) are the walls from the past. He primarily due to his high-conflict, very difficult past marriage (BPD ex-wife and the issues never end) and I with complicated past family of origin issues.
The walls we still erect are hurting the immense love we have for one another. We both know and discuss at length what we want for this last marriage - we also know what baggage we both bring from the past that hurts our future. We want to stop the cycle. I think this will work wonders - and he does too though he is hesitant to hurt me physically and emotionally. Are we heading in the right direction?
H.
@M3 - I appreciate your support of the blog, thank you so much. It's always best to start slow and adjust accordingly the further along you go in the lifestyle. Good luck with your implement shopping, and welcome to the DD lifestyle.
@H - Yes, I do feel you're moving in the right direction. It's important to address whatever past issues both of you have with a professional counselor, which is sounds like you have done (which is wonderful), before diving right in with the DD lifestyle.
I'm sure your counselor said something along the lines of the past being the past, and moving forward together in a constructive way. Dwelling on the past will stunt future growth, so the sooner you can move past those issues, the sooner your marriage can blossom and grow into a healthy, stable and happy one. There's no shame in admitting you may need help with those past issues, and if that's the case, then definitely continue getting professional help from your counselor. That's what they're paid for, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to better YOURSELF, not just your marriage. It's important.
I can tell you two love each other very much, and DD will only enhance and strengthen that bond between you two. I feel it's important for your husband to not think of this as "hurting" you (though there is obviously pain involved), but rather helping you become a smarter, safer, better person/mom/wife. Relationships grow immensely from incorporating DD within them, and I'm certain yours will be no different. Stay committed to it, and you'll experience all the benefits from it that so many others already have.
Good luck to you, and I wish you nothing but the best going forward.
-- Clint
My partner believes strongly that a woman should never ever been hurt physically and he thinks that if the relation has gone so far as to lose control and hit a wife the rezlation should be over . I don't agree and I wish i would be spanked for any wrong deed but yet be loved and respected by him .When I read this blog I understand what you say on how it may bring relief and makes the woman feel less guilty and more obedient .Any advice of how to convince him without sounding odd or have psychological problems lol!!!
@Anonymous (October 21st 1:59 AM) - I wrote a post about this very question a few months ago. I think it will help your particular situation. You can find it here:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/09/getting-husband-on-board-with-domestic.html
I hope that post helps you in bringing the DD dynamic into your marriage. Good luck to you.
-- Clint
Recently I broke two rules during the same day while my husband was out. I owned up to them both when he arrived home and after listening carefully he made his decision that I should be punished for both. Fair enough.
I asked, respectfully, whether the two spankings that he had decided on could be combined into one harder one but he said that each offence should be treated separately, and both on that same evening. I had asked whether the second one could be put off until the next day, but he said it needed dealing with sooner rather than later and anyway, what if I broke another rule tomorrow? We would get into a 'backlog' of punishments, which he couldn't allow to happen.
So I received two fairly hard spankings that evening, the second one while I was still sore from the first. (When I say fairly hard, it was fairly hard for us, but we are still relative newbies and only use beginner level spankings).
Without questioning my husbands authority, I am interested in views about whether my questions (combining the two punishments or deferring one of them until the next day) are something that others would consider, and what decisions they might come to.
@Ezz 7.Nov 2:30am
Every HoH seems to be different Ezz. Some insist on separate punishments for each rule violation to be carried out on the same day as the rule was broken and some insist on separate punishments to be carried out on consecutive days. I know of one woman who received three separate spankings the same day. Can we say ouch?!!! I do understand your husband’s reasoning but can’t say I would appreciate it if I was on the receiving end. I personally don’t know of anyone that had two spankings combined into one harder but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened. As with any relationship, DD or non-DD, the rules/requirements should be tailored to suit the two of you and the needs of your relationship. I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help. Hopefully, everything was resolved and you two can move forward. Take care and keep out of trouble! :)
Blessings,
Cat
@cat
No need to be sorry for not being able to be of more help! I was just after some opinions and you've given your point of views. Firstly that you wouldn't like to be on the receiving end of two spankings in one day, and I have to agree with you there. It was harsh, but at the same I couldn't really disagree with my husbands reasoning, so I'm in agreement with you on that as well.
Thanks for taking the time to reply.
Ezz
Make a note on this page too, Boss. I hear you've been busy, so don't feel too bad about missing some comments, but as soon as your schedule allows the time, Get'r'done!
I got my first spanking today and my one side is a lot more sore than the other. We are both new to this and I was wondering if it was normal for my husband to favor one side and how to make sure we have an even spanking. Also, I got two spankings in one day, kind of just to get ourselves acclimated to it. It's helping already and I'm so glad we decided to enter this lifestyle. For the second spanking, I was bent over with my hands on the coffee table. It was a little easier for him to get to both sides than over the knee. What would you suggest to make sure that the spanking is evenly distributed?
My wife clenches her buttocks while spanking and is constantly squirming and reaching. We've addressed these, multiple times. Clenching is the biggest problem and it makes the spanking ineffective, any tips?
My husband and I are fairly new to DD, and are maybe 2 months in. There is no better feeling than when I am obeying all the rules with a loving and cheerful attitude. It gives me true happiness to follow his direction. DD was my idea at first, and it has worked wonders for our marriage and the closeness of our relationship. I usually do the right thing and have only been spanked a small handful of times. But there are times when the spanking I receive doesn't feel like much, and I just don't know how to get that..."cheery, obedient feeling". I try to be a peacemaker and just go about my day....I don't want to annoy or exhaust my husband, always seeking more control and discipline. But in those moments, the chores slip, household things and rules slip, and I don't feel as happy or satisfied. I love when there is a clear order and structure to things and thrive when I feel very accountable, but how do I get myself feeling eagerly or cheerfully obedient when I just don't feel it? Any advice from the veterans? I want to keep this lifestyle so badly. :)
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