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Saturday, April 23, 2011

The Bedroom Time Punishment


Image courtesy of Morrison Hotel.
  We offer tips and a step-by-step recommendation on how to safely and appropriately administer the bedroom time punishment.  You can now find this article on our new website by clicking here.

46 comments:

Sam said...

Love your blog, it's been a great help to my marriage. I was wondering if you had any advice for me. When I send my wife to our room, she cries (usually not until the lecture part). Its not really cause she feels bad its more just because she wants me to stay, she is bored, etc. which I know is the point but I cant help but feel bad and after like 10 minutes of hearing her cry and scream for me, I let her out.

How can I teach her to handle it better, and how can I be more firm? She's not really learning anything from this, I know, but as her husband its just really hard to hear her screaming.

Clint said...

@Sam - Thank you for the feedback! It's nice to know my advice is helpful to some people out there.

This is a tough situation. I know exactly how you feel. My wife and I went through this same thing. The first step is to get to the bottom of why she's so upset/scared. It could be something stemming from her past, which would make this a much more delicate situation. It could also be because she knows that if she just cries, you'll let her out sooner. The latter is probably the case, but I'd still talk to her about why she gets so upset.

There are a couple of ways to go about this. First, you can tell her ahead of time that she's going to be in there for X amount of minutes and hold firm to that. I know hearing her cry is really hard, but you would have to hold firm to the time frame and comfort her after the punishment is over. Trust me, I know it's hard to hear your wife cry, but if she's going to cry, she's going to cry. The comforting should be done afterwards. As always, be nice and calm about it because she's probably more scared than anything else.

The second option would be to stay in the room just outside of your bedroom, but keep your bedroom door closed while she's in there. This is a bit inconvenient for you, but if she knows you're at least nearby, it may help her handle this a little bit better. Over time she'll become more and more ok with you being further and further away from the bedroom until you're at the point where you can go anywhere in the house while she's in there. I hope that makes sense.

Sorry for the lengthy answer, but there was a lot to cover there. I hope this helps!

Cheers,

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

my wife usually sleeps when its bed room time... what to do?

Clint said...

@Anonymous - There are a couple things you can do. You could have her stand up during the entire bedroom punishment so she doesn't lay down and fall asleep. Another option is to have her do the "bedroom time" in the bathroom where there is nothing to play with and nowhere to lay down to sleep. If it's a persistent problem, then I would escalate it into a spanking. Her falling asleep during bedroom time makes the entire punishment useless. You'd have to punish again if it happens.

Hope this helps!

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Can you place your wife in the restroom on her knees to get away from sleeping during the punishment?

Clint said...

@Anonymous - I suppose you could, but it seems a bit excessive to have her kneel down the entire time on a hard surface (in most bathrooms). If she's standing up, she shouldn't fall asleep. If you feel you must have her kneel, I would at least provide her something soft to kneel on (like a pillow) so there isn't any unnecessary pain on her knees.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

One productive option is to make her do your foot washing while kneeling. And then a thorough foot massage.

Anonymous said...

My wife hits me while taking her to the room and trys to run away and hide is there some thing you can do to stop her?And while in the room she hits her self the wall door and floor can i find a way to calm her down and stop her?

Clint said...

@Anonymous (3:40 AM on June 17) - I missed your comment before, but I must say I respectfully disagree with your comment. Foot washing and a foot massage is taking advantage of what DD is all about and is completely unnecessary.

@Anonymous - Considering these comments were posted at generally the same time on the same day, and have the same general questions in them, I'm assuming you're the same person asking all these questions. If this is truly the way your wife behaves, you need to see a professional counselor. You need much more personal attention with your problems than I can give you. I answered these questions on the "Advanced Level Spankings" post if you happen to be a different person.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

If your wife has a headache and feels dizzy,allow her to lie down during bedroom time rather than have her stand. It will make it a lot easier for her to accept her accept discipline from you as the husband. On the other hand if you don't believe your wife, don't expect cooperation from her.

Anonymous said...

Bedroom time was not working for us until my wife was required to do the time naked on a chair in the room. This was the key to a submissive spirit.

Clint said...

@Anonymous - Thank you for your comment. I'm happy to hear you and your spouse have both consensually agreed to this method and find it helpful to your marriage.

All the best.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Sometimes my husband puts me down for a nap...and I have to take the nap or it's not that good for my bottom...that's what "bedroom time" is. I was sort of surprised that you didn't think it was OK to fall asleep. If a wife falls asleep maybe you need to put her down for a nap when she really doesn't want to.

Anonymous said...

@Sam and @Clint - we used to have the same problem when my husband would put me in time out in the bedroom. I really hated it and I would panic and scream and run out because of my dad locking me in my room when I was a child. I know it was very frustrating for both of us and we almost called off bedroom timeouts completely until my husband decided to try something different.

We now have it worked out that for time out in the bedroom, he sits in the room too (away from me on the other side of the room) and he reads a book or works on his laptop. If I fidget at all or move around he will add time and if I try to talk to him he will spank me.

I know this may seem like not a big deal, or take away some of the point of "bedroom time out" but I still really hate it because I have to sit very still and think about what I've done and I try to avoid bedroom time as much as possible. Even though I hate it, I don't feel the panic that I used to since he is there and sometimes he will leave the room for a few minutes to grab something but I know he will be back so it's okay.

Thanks so much for your blog!! :)

Clint said...

@Anonymous (September 27th 12:53 PM) - Sleeping during bedroom time makes the punishment pointless to me since there really isn't anything being thought about or learned while sleeping (in regards to the mistake/problem). However, if an HOH views sleeping as a punishment, then so be it. Whatever works best in the marriage is what any particular HOH should do.

Thanks for your comment! All the best to you.

@Anonymous (October 10th 10:59 AM) - That's certainly a different and unique approach to bedroom time, but I think it could be effective in the right situation, such as yours. Thank you so much for sharing! I'm sure that will give Sam another possible option to consider when he and his wife do a bedroom time punishment.

I'm glad you enjoy the blog! Thank you so much for reading.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

When I mentioned that I was put down for a nap, you have to understand a little bit where we're coming from. First of all, I could hardly believe any grown woman would act as childish as some of the scenarios proposed, also in some of the fiction I have perused occasionally, I find myself shaking my head at the thought that any adult woman would act like that.

I would have an itching hand if I saw anybody act like that myself....couldn't but heartily agree with any husband who decided a spanking was in order, and a good hard one at that!

I taught elementary school for 12 years before I married and had my first baby. I taught special needs, boys, kids from difficult situations. You have to be mature if you're going to succeed in any job, and especially in teaching. There's just no room for childishness.

Fast-forward nine years of marriage, we now have five children. I am pregnant with the sixth (and whoever came up with the name "morning" sickness evidently never met me!), homeschool the three oldest, field the needs of a preschooler and a toddler, work part-time from home with a modest clothing for ladies sewing business, shuttle children to violin and piano lessons and supervise the practicing. This is in addition to attempting to keep the house in reasonable order and trying to get meals on the table on time.

I get disciplined for slip-ups in the schedule, within reason. For example, right now a lot of rules are off the table because of my severe nausea. I am lucky if I can stand up to prep. a meal, much less actually cook one, so we are doing a lot of salads and sandwiches with me usually having to eat whatever doesn't repel me. Same with housework; I do as much as I can when I can stay standing. Right now, school is the priority and we manage that first before anything else.

I also get spanked when I am really weepy and having a huge difficulty just keeping my temper. This is not done because I have been "bad", but to help me stay evenly keeled. Sometimes I just go and tell him I'm having a hard time, and I think I need it. Most of the time, though, I don't, because he notices and does the deed without me having to say a word. It puts me over the edge, I can cry freely, and my heart is made light again.

But never, never, ever would I act like some of the scenarios....for one thing, I don't have a cell phone and if I did there wouldn't be text on it. Don't get me started on that one; my husband has already heard my strong opinions on "The Downfall of the English Language through the Lack of Proper Spelling in the Texting Generation". And nope, he doesn't spank me for such pronouncements because he (1) heartily agrees with me, and (2) even if he didn't, he knows his children will never be coddled by their mother. We're pretty strict parents, and by the same token he is pretty strict with me.

GMD said...

We have what we refer to as the "Dungeon", when minor things happen, we will talk and then she is sent to the dungeon to think about what has gone wrong with her behavior. We have a set of guidelines that we go by and in these guidelines the dungeon is one of the ways to handle things before boarding(spanking) is considered. We have been Master/submissive for about 7 years, and in that time we have used both dungeon and boarding to get submissive correct.

Clint said...

@GMD - I'm happy to hear you and your spouse have found what works best for your marriage. I wish you nothing but the best!

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I have never had bedroom time, but I would say that for me at least 30 minutes of it would be much too long if i was allowed no distractions at all. I would feel much the same as when i used to get long corner times--like resentful coz a waste of my time.

Also I think if i was having trouble staying quiet in the corner and obeying that, it would be no easier for me to stay in the bedroom w/o reading or doing xword puzzles which is probably why my husband has never imposed it --i would find something to do to pass the time and hard to remove all books, writing paper, pencils etc.
As it is, I am very glad my hoh has so far never thought of imposing this.
Layla

Clint said...

@Layla - Bedroom time isn't for everyone. I certainly understand that. In fact, some women feel as thought they're husbands don't even care about them while in the bedroom, which is why the discussion before hand is so important. It's important that the wife know her husband DOES care, and that this is a punishment situation - not a "I'm going to leave you alone because you're driving me nuts" situation. Anyway, I'm rambling a little bit, but some couples choose not to incorporate bedroom time into their punishments which is perfectly understandable. In the end you both need to do what works best for you both.

Good luck to you, and thank you for taking the time to comment. All the best.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I guess I am in the wrong thinking. With five kids running amuck in the house this would be a reward. To sit in peace for even ten minutes, oh what peace.

Anonymous said...

I think bedroom time would be a nice treat. Time alone, no kids, no husband. 30 minutes without anyone needing anything would be a little piece of heaven. I guess that is why we don't have this.

Clint said...

@Anonymous (May 11th 7:04 AM) - It's unfortunate to hear you would enjoy being away from your children and husband, even for a brief time. That really saddens my heart, actually. :( It appears you aren't alone, however. The previous commenter feels the same way. I find that terribly terribly sad, but if that's how you feel then that's how you feel, I suppose.

Thank you for taking the time to comment. Best of luck to you in the future.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I have read the who other anonymous answers about being away for their children for half an hour is a peace of heaven. clint i normally look up to you but I certainly not agree on your commets.
having 5 children around you all day wanting everything well sometimes it must feel like heaven just having a little break. It is not a matter og wanting to be away for your husband and children it is a matter of having a break. Well i have grown up kids now but I remember having 5 little children all day.i was working in the evening so everything could work out financially and mu husband loke after the kids theese hours. i telle you I loved to work. I am nurse. I could actually sit down and talk to my patients eating my dinner without five children wanting me to do everything. I loved my break and that has nothing to do with not loving my children. so I think you are a bit harsh here.....maybe because you have never tried to stay at home with five children a whole day:) Thanks for listening
vivian

Anonymous said...

These ladies are right. Busy mom's need time away from their husbands and children and should not be made to feel guilty about it.

Anonymous said...

Your wife should leave you alone with your son for a few days ( or even 1 full day)and I think you will change your tune!

Anonymous said...

Not only should mothers take a break from children now and then, but a husband with his wife's best interests at heart would make sure that she gets the proper time away to rest and regroup. It is very unrealistic and unfair to be saddened that a mother would be glad for the opportunity to have time away from the husband and kids.

Clint said...

@Vivian - Perhaps I was a bit harsh. You're right - I do not have 5 children so I don't have the right to express my opinion in such an inconsiderate way. I spoke from my heart and not my head, which is a mistake I should not have made.

You're most welcome for listening, and I apologize if my above comment offended you in any fashion.

All the best to you, Vivian.

@Anonymous (June 16th 8:39 AM) - I agree, and although their comments did make me sad, my intent was not to make anyone feel guilty about their opinions. My initial comment was inconsiderately expressed, and I apologize to you, and the others, for that.

@Anonymous (June 16th 9:55 AM) - My tune has already changed - now I'm singing "Wheels On The Bus" and "Camptown Races" rather than my usual choice of music. :)

On a serious note, I would love nothing more than to spend multiple days alone with our son. My wife would never want to be away from our son for any longer than necessary, but I understand the point you were trying to make. Our son is an absolute blessing and I enjoy every single moment that I'm fortunate enough to have with him.

If my insensitively in expressing my opinion offended you, I certainly apologize for that. I wish you nothing but the best.

@Anonymous (June 16th 10:19 AM) - I agree with you. I would hope an HoH would find a better way to provide a break than a 30 minute bedroom time punishment to his wife, but the point you're making is a valid one. I agree women need some time away from their husband and children from time to time, but I disagree that the break to be provided should be in the form of a punishment.

I apologize if my inconsiderately expressed opinion in my previous above comment offended you. Bedroom time punishments certainly are not for every marriage. If a wife takes it as an opportunity to be away from their husband and children, then this punishment should not be a part of their DD practices. It would seem a wife would deliberately break rules to get that "break" if that were the case, which would obviously be an unhealthy situation.

My intention was not to make anyone feel guilty about their opinions. I expressed my thoughts from my heart rather than from my head, which I realize was not the correct way to express my opinion in this situation. I take full responsibility for that, and I offer those of you offended my sincerest apologies.

All the best to each of you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I would just like to add:
Rest assured that if a mom is away from her young child, it all probability she is still thinking and worrying that the child his safe and happy.

Anonymous said...

Clint thanks for your comments. I do hope your wife will leave you alone with your son . That gives you a chance to bee very close to your son,Normally moms know best but if mum is not around well daddy is the best and that is a good experience for a daddy. My grown up children are very good at letting their husbands look after their children and going out for a girlnight or weekend with their friends. That is good for everybody . I think. I was not very good at it myself . breastfeeding ofcource makes it a bit difficult to leave your children.One child is easy . I am sure when you get your second or third child your wife would love to have some time of her own:))) have a wonderful day ....Vivian

Anonymous said...

Bedroom time for me is being sent to bed early having to stay there until the following morning. This can be as early as 7 o'clock depending on what I've done. It can be a long lonely time with no T.V. especially in the summer when I can see neighbours relaxing in their gardens in the sun. Occasionally if my husband is going out and cannot supervise my bedroom time he spanks me instead. I much prefer the spanking but he won't revert to this as a main punishment.

Clint said...

@Anonymous (June 16th 12:31 PM) - I know that to be a fact with my wife. No question about it. Thank you for you comment.

@Vivian - You're most welcome. I definitely enjoy my "daddy and son" time with my baby boy. He always puts a smile on my face. :)

You have a wonderful day as well. All the best.

@Anonymous (June 19th 6:54 AM) - I'm glad you and your husband have found a variation of bedroom time that works for you both. Thank you for sharing your experience/thoughts.

All the best to you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

When I am sent to my room as punishment, I have to literally get on the bed on all fours and stay that way until I'm allowed to get up. It is much more tiring and more of a punihsment than just sitting in the bedroom. I HATE IT!! It is so borring and you can't use your hands/do anything while in the room because you must have both hands and knees ON THE BED or you get an additional punishment (sometimes completely NAKED!! which is SO EMBARASSING!! and sometimes just in my panties up by behind which is embarssing AND uncomfortable. I also have to make sure my head is up (not resting or hanging). It has to be an alert position pretty much. It is difficult to keep and MUCH HARDER than just standing in the corner. Your arms and neck get tired faster. The longest I had to stay in that position and that he left me that way was about 20 minutes and it felt like an eternity!!! Afterwards I get a spanking and then bedtime. Most of the time, he uses this as punishment if I talk back or don't my household chores. I haven't been in trouble for at least 2 weeks and part of it is because I HATE TO be punished in this manner. I'd rather he go straight to the spanking. He won't though LOL. Alicia

Anonymous said...

HI Clint, I have not heard from you as to my entry (June 21, 6:18 pm). Any input is appreciated. I am glad to have this blog for advice:) Alicia

Clint said...

@Alicia - If you hate the punishment so much, I would have a level-headed and respectful discussion with your spouse about it. There should always be open communication between spouses when it comes to what they feel is acceptable during a punishment, so I would recommend you discuss your hatred for this punishment with your husband and he can decide from there. It may be effective for your marriage, however if you aren't consenting to this type of punishment, your spouse will need to re-evaluate how he carries out this punishment with your feelings towards it in mind. Feedback is always helpful to an HoH. It's important that he take your thoughts, opinions, and health into consideration when deciding how to punish.

If you DO consent to this type of punishment, then I'm certainly happy that you and your spouse have found an effective way to carry out bedroom time that benefits your marriage.

Also, I apologize for the late response. I've been away on vacation and had a busy vacation week. Thank you for your patience.

All the best to you.

-- Clint

Johnny said...

Okay, I need some insight here. I told my wife to be home at 11:00pm after she went to have a drink with her friend. She came home at 1:00pm pretty tipsy, I think she honestly spaced out the time her friend bought her a cab ride home. The next day I tried bedroom time with my wife. She knew why I was upset to begin with. She did alright in the bedroom after she left once she stayed in there for the remaining time after I told her what the next step would be if she didn't comply. The only problem was that after she was done and I tried talking to her about everything she glared at me and walked off. What do you do with situations like this? Because, she obviously didn't get the point of being in there. I feel like the punishment I picked wan't even that bad considering what she did.

Clint said...

@Johnny - It certainly sounds like a frustrating situation, no doubt. Depending on the rules you have for your home and marriage, I see two potential infractions here - 1) losing track of time and not respecting your wishes for her to come home at a reasonable hour, and 2) perhaps drinking a little too excessively. If these two things are in fact rules in your home/marriage that were broken, I would recommend two punishments, one for each infraction, to keep them separate.

Since you asked what I do (or what I WOULD do) with a situation like this, here's what I, personally, would do:

First, I would have a rather lengthy lecture/talk with my wife, when she's sober of course, and discuss the problem(s). I wouldn't stop talking to her until she clearly understood why I had a problem with her behavior. The lecture is perhaps the most important part of this entire process.

Second, I would punish for the two infractions. For infraction #1 (outlined above) I would remove privileges/ground my wife for a period of time. She would not be going out with her friends again for a while (a couple of weeks or so, give or take depending on her behavior during that time).

For the second infraction (outlined above), I would spank.

What you do in this situation is ultimately your choice, but that's how I would handle something like this. I hope this helps you out, and best of luck to you both in moving past this issue.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I would love to meet you Clint, and your wife.... Then I would gladly kick you in the balls, but you'd probably like that. Bedroom time for a grown woman? Are you into Sharia law too ? You are exactly what is wrong with the world. Please - do not breed - ever. - Sincerely a Stay at home Mom and Wife - whose wasn't bought - and doesn't get treated like a fucking slave.

Christina said...

Stay at Home Mom - I'm sure that with such a lovely invitation, Clint will just run and get in his car and drive to meet you! After all, as you suggest, what man would not want to have his balls kicked? If you knew anything about Clint and Chelsea, you would know that they have already "bred" and he's a beautiful child. With all due respect, which is more than your comment has shown Clint, you might wish to read elsewhere if the content of this blog offends your delicate sensibilities. Bless your heart!

Sincerely, a DD wife, mother of 7 children, who was also not bought and isn't treated like a slave.

Cat said...

@ Stay at home Mom and Wife 10.Nov 4:11p - . If you do not agree with the ideas on this site, fine. But, I have to wonder why you are reading posts and commenting on a blog dedicated to something you are so vehemently opposed to. There are many sites I come across, find I do not agree with what they are saying, and simply leave. You’re so angry with Clint regarding bedroom time that you have to curse at and threaten him with violence?

I am not going to try to explain DD to you in a brief comment but I will say that this lifestyle is not for everyone and no one is trying to shove it down your throat. It is 100% consensual by both parties. No one is bought, no one is a slave. Actually, if you were to take a poll, I think you would find it interesting that a good percentage (no I do not know the numbers) of the wives have approached their husbands about integrating DD into their relationship. DD is not for everyone, there will be those that cringe to even think about it and those that try it and decide against it. And of course, there will be those of us who embrace it and would not live any other way.

Respectfully,
Cat

Christina said...

Stay at Home Mom - I was thinking about it and have a follow up question, in light of the fact that you've tried to post several comments about bashing, gluing and kicking Clint's balls. Why are you so facsinated with that part of him? I have to wonder what your own husband would think or say if he knew you were preoccupied with another man's dangly bits! Sad.

Anonymous said...

@ stay at home mom Im not sure which is more upsetting you leaving a nasty comment to Clint and Chelsea or the fact that your a mom talking that way. I have taught my children from the moment they could speak"if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all" Just because you don't agree with something doesn't make it a bad thing we're all different its about finding what's right for you not finding wrong in others. --- Deana

Anonymous said...

I'm with Cat, Christina and Deana! Why in the world are you reading blogs you find so offensive??? Maybe, it's not as offensive as you make out, eh?

Queenie

Clint said...

@Anonymous (November 10th 4:11 PM) - I published your comment to make one thing perfectly clear to you - I would not enjoy being kicked in the genitals.

Yes, bedroom time for a grown woman. No, I am not into Sharia Law. Two excellent questions, thank you.

Despite your clear dislike for me, my family, and my blog, I hope you eventually find happiness in whatever marriage dynamic you choose. It's always unfortunate to see such hostility in a person, particularly a mother and a wife, but I understand your reaction. Domestic discipline isn't for everyone. I think domestic discipline would greatly benefit you and your marriage, but something tells me your husband will never have that choice.

Best of luck to you in all your future endeavors.

@Christina, @Cat, @Deana, @Queenie - It appears we're all baffled. What's particularly baffling is how a person would find bedroom time to be so horribly offensive, yet kicking genitals to be acceptable. That's not a DD dynamic or punishment I recommend, support, or condone, for the record.

Thanks to each of you for offering your thoughts. All the best to you all.

-- Clint

The Secretary said...

Going through your posts, you haven't missed any here that I was going to remind you of, but I have to say, "Oh my goodness Boss!" Can't believe there are women like this one out there! Should I give her a poke with my secretarial pencil for you?

Anonymous said...

From what I have read, my wife believes that no punishment is worth than having to wear the "pants" for a day. That day, I make her earn money, manage/disipline the children, manage the finances, and everything else. Meanwhile, she also has her normal work. She knows how, just simply hates it. I think it is effective.

 
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