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Posted in: Corner Time Punishment
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Wednesday, April 20, 2011
The Corner Time Punishment
Posted in: Corner Time Punishment
Posted in: Corner Time Punishment
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81 comments:
I assign cornertime with all discipline, minor or major, because I think it really helps with focusing on the transgression committed. It is a very suitable punishment, without having to always spank. To be honest, I usually give 20-30 minutes of cornertime when used alone or before a spanking. As for positioning, I do make her face the corner with her nose touching the wall. My justification for this is, it helps her really focus on what's she done wrong, without the temptation of turning around. Turning around while having to stand in the corner is considered a major no-no.
Clint, I had considered to use writing lines as a punishment with cornertime for one step up for medium punishments. Last weekend, I assigned them with cornertime and let me tell you I wasn't very popular. How do you feel about writing lines, have you used them or not. I am trying to find another punishment that is fair and meaningful other than cornertime and spanking. Your thoughts?
@Anonymous - My thoughts are this - I personally feel 20-30 minutes is an awfully long time for someone to stand in the corner. The point of corner time is to give your spouse time to think about the mistake and what to do to correct it, and there comes a point where her mind will wander and she'll lose focus. I really don't see the point of doing corner time for any longer than 15 minutes in any one setting, at the most. If you want her doing it any longer than that, then I would just move on to bedroom time.
Your justification for having your spouse do corner time with her nose touching the wall is a valid one. Makes sense. The nose on the wall thing isn't something I'm totally against doing, however I rarely recommend corner time be done in that manner. It seems a bit excessive and unnecessary to me, and it seems it would add an element of degradation to the wife, which is something I recommend trying to avoid. In the end, the nose to the wall factor is up to the head of the household. If your spouse struggles with turning around, then I can understand doing it until she gets her turning around problem fixed.
I personally have not used writing lines as a punishment, but again, I'm not totally against the idea. It's an option in situations where you may be in a hotel or traveling. Other punishments you may want to consider are scripture study (if you're Christian), having your spouse write a 1-page apology letter, or having your spouse do various minor chores around the house she wouldn't normally do. Just some ideas.
-- Clint
Thanks Clint for your advice. This is a great blog with excellent suggestions to make DD really work.
I never thought the amount of cornertime I give was too much, but now you have made me reconsider. The first couple of times I made my wife stand in the corner she didn't exactly behave the way I wanted her to and she knew this. I only insisted that she face the corner and think about what she did, like you said. After a few times of her turning around to see what I was doing, I changed the punishment to nose touching the corner. Since then, I have to admit, she has been cooperative following the expectations of the punishment. Maybe you are right and I should allow her some space. It was never meant to degrade, only teach a lesson. Besides, after too many infractions, it would turn into a spanking. To reduce the amount of time and the positioning, I'm afraid could lessen its effectiveness. Bedroom time doesn't work, too many things to tempt her. She also finds punishment easier to accept when I'm present. She told me that Bedroom time makes her feel isolated and ignored, where cornertime doesn't. I guess we need to review our set of consequences. On the plus side, I have always made her stand in the same corner. As for cornertime before a spanking, do you think it is more effective either during or after?
As for writing lines, it is too soon to see if it worked. I will say that she did not enjoy it, which has shown me it's effective. As you mentioned with cornertime being associated with juveniles, so are lines. They were assigned for provoking an argument like a child, that's why I assiged them. I hope this provides a better and clearer persepctive. I never thought of giving line while I'm not present, great idea.
@Anonymous - Your point about your wife felling isolated and ignored during bedroom time is, unfortunately, a common issue with that particular punishment. Over time it would get better if you stuck with it. I'm not saying you have to, I'm just saying that her acceptance of bedroom time would improve with repetition.
Corner time before or after a spanking can be effective at both of those times. Corner time can be used before a spanking as a means for the husband to calm down from being angry at the offense, or to give her an extra few minutes to think about what she did wrong. It can also be effective afterwards as a reflecting time for her to think about why she was punished, and how she can correct the problem in the future. However, I recommend against corner time after the spanking so that time can solely be spent on comforting the wife.
-- Clint
My wife during corner time will try to hit me the wall and floor and hurt herself can there be a way to stop her and calm her down?
@Anonymous - As I said in the comments section on the "Bedroom Time" post, I happen to believe you're the same person asking all these questions, considering they're all asked at the same time on the same day, and are the same question. Please refer to my answer to the same exact question on my "Bedroom Time" post, as well as my "Advanced Level Spankings" post. If you are the same person asking all the same questions on the same day on multiple blog entries - as respectfully as I can say this - that's really obnoxious. You only need to ask the question once.
If you're a different person, you need to seek professional counsel if your wife is doing this to herself. No advice that I would give you in this situation would help you. Self-harm is is a mental condition that needs to be treated by a professional who specializes in self-harm and self-mutilation. That goes far beyond the realm of Domestic Discipline.
-- Clint
Overall I like this idea and may ask my husband about it. However, step 5 would be a problem for me and possibly for others.
Asking me what I took from the experience prior to the hug & 'I love you' would be fine but bringing the infraction back up after the comfort and reassurance stage seems to negate the comfort and reassurance completely.
Once it was brought up again I'd probably be such a guilt ridden wreck that I'd need another punishment to help me forgive myself again. Then if step 5 occurred again it could get into a nasty cycle.
I only see this a problem for people who need punishment to forgive themselves and 'let go' of an infraction. (And by 'let go' I don't mean forget and not learn. I mean stop dwelling on it and torturing themselves mentally.)
@Lada - The reason for step 5 is to make certain the wife understands why she was in corner time in the first place. Not to stir up feelings of guilt again. I suppose some women could feel that way, like yourself, but that certainly isn't the intention. It's more to make sure her mind didn't wander while in the corner, causing her to completely forget why she was there. That, to me, would prompt an additional punishment since the first one would be proven ineffective at that point.
I understand all women are different. If step 5 doesn't work for you and churns up the feelings you mentioned, then you and your husband need to discuss that aspect of the punishment, and your husband needs to determine if he would like that part included or not.
-- Clint
My husband uses cornertime as well and I hate it! I have to admit though, it IS effective. Unfortunately for me, my husband makes me bare my bottom and KNEEL in the corner which is a killer. The mere threat of corner time straightens out my behavior quickly because he knows I hate it possibly even more than I hate to be spanked. I do find that when I am in the corner, I am able to get control of whatever emotions landed me in trouble in the first place and it does give me time to think of a better reaction. Not pleasant, but it does the job.
Hello,
I'm trying to find an effective punishment for backtalk & disrespect. I remember reading somewhere on your blog that you're also going to be writing about other punishments like mouth soaping/hot sauce. Are you still going to post about additional options for punishments?
Thank you!
@Anonymous - Yes, I'm planning on writing a blog post about additional punishments in the near future. I'm hoping to have it posted in the next two weeks or so. I apologize for the delay.
-- Clint
OK crazy question coming your way.
My wife and I have been practicing the lifestyle for about 18 months now and we were inspired by the DD relationship that her best friend has with her husband. Now that both us couples are using this disciplinary method we are able to chat amongst ourselves about punishments and whatnot. The other day I was having an important video meeting for work in the living room and my wife and her friend were being very noisy. I had to walk away from the meeting to tell them to quiet down and give a warning. That proved to be unsuccessful so my meeting was interrupted again while I had to go put my wife in corner time.
When my wife's friend's husband was told the story he told me that next time I have permission to put them both in corner time and if his wife leaves the corner I'm even allowed to give her a few hard smacks with the wooden hair brush over her clothes.
Should I be able to do this? I did feel like putting them both in a corner when the incident occurred and now that I have permission...Anyways, tell me your thoughts.
I would never let my wife get spanked by another man. But I think I would allow him to give corner time or even hot sauce if he thought my wife deserved it.
So, just wondering what your thoughts are.
-M.T
@M.T - I hope you had that on mute when you were telling your wife to get in the corner! This is a very interesting question and I am dying to hear Clint's response.
-Ash
@M.T - My personal opinion is that this violates the whole principal of having intimacy with one's own wife. ... unless of course, you are intimate with the other guy's wife...
I am not intimate with the my wife's best friend! And I did have the computer on mute of course.
And like I say, there will be things I won't do with his wife (like a proper spanking and other more intimate stuff) and the same would go for him if we do agree to let eachother do minor discipline when the gals are together at one of our houses (which is almost all the time).
thanx for your comments Ash.
-M.T.
@M.T. - That is quite the situation, I have to admit. As crazy as it sounds, it's not the first time I've been asked a question like this.
Like you, I could never allow another man to spank my wife, and I don't think it should ever be done by anyone. Spanking is so much more than just striking a few times on the buttocks. If a man spanks another man's wife and she begins to cry, he's going to want to comfort her and if he does, that pretty much crosses any kind of emotional boundary. So, based on what this COULD lead to - even if that's just embracing and comforting, which I feel is a no-no with another man's wife - I recommend against any kind of spanking of another man's wife, even with consent to do so. It's really not his responsibility.
Other punishments have a LITTLE of that emotional element to them, but not nearly as intense and intimate. So, depending on your comfort level with this man's wife, I feel some punishments are acceptable WITH CONSENT from her husband, which you have. So I think things like corner time and hot sauce are okay to do so long as EVERYONE involved is comfortable with it. I wouldn't do any kind of spanking though, even if it's just a few swats with a hairbrush, and I wouldn't do any kind of physical comforting after any punishment of another man's wife.
That's my two cents on this kind of situation. It's definitely an interesting situation and I hope my take on it helps. Best of luck to you, M.T.
-- Clint
That was my instinct going in. I was comfortable with the corner time and even hot sauce or soap...and even a longer bedroom time if very necessary, but not spanking. And my wife has now told me she is not comfortable with me doing any kind of spanking of her best friend.
If a spanking is warranted then I think I will tell her husband and he can do that himself when they get home.
It is nice to hear someone expressing my own thoughts on the matter. This way I know I have a sane opinion.
I will update you if and when I act on giving out any of the smaller punishments.
And it makes sense about the comforting. I will comfort my wife if needed and she can comfort her friend or again, we can wait for her husband.
One more question is...is it okay to spank my wife in front of her friend? I only ask because I think it would humble her more to have her friend watch her be disciplined...only in certain situations of course. She says even having had the corner time in front of her friend was humbling and made the punishment worse.
Just curious...I'm thinking this would be over the panties rather than bare, even though I only spank bare-bottomed in private.
--M.T.
@M.T. - Right. I agree with what you said about punishing another man's wife. Spanking is best left to any woman's husband.
Spanking your wife in front of her friend is ultimately up to you, however I would advise against it. The point of punishing or spanking the wife isn't to embarrass her, but more to correct a behavior as I've said throughout this blog. I feel it's best to spank in private, out of the view of others. Spanking is an intimate thing and although I understand your point about it humbling your wife to have her friend watch it be done, I think spanking is something that should be kept between the husband and the wife only.
Again, this is ultimately your decision and it probably WOULD humble your wife more to be spanked in front of her friend, but I think it's best to spank privately. Just my opinion, of course.
All the best.
-- Clint
Great answers to that interesting question, Clint!
-Ash
@Ash - Thank you! Definitely a tricky situation, but one that can be appropriately handled.
-- Clint
ok, just wanted to say this, sense I had my first ever experience reciently. Corner time sucks!!!!
@Newbie - It's not supposed to be fun, ya know. :)
-- Clint
Hi Clint, I have a question for you. My husband does not know about your website and would be upset if I was on here questioning his authority. However we have been practicing DD for several years and are advanced DD couples. I have read your website many times and it sounds similar to our practice. I wanted to get your input (without him knowing that I'm questioning his punishment methods). Last Wednesday night, I disobeyed my husband when he asked me to get off of the phone with a friend who I had been talking to for about 2 hours. After 2 1/2 hours, he asked again but I sneaked away and talked for another hour. He was upset which made me upset and I then refused to do any of the chores (dinner, clean-up, etc.). He finally ordered me to stand in the corner and then ordered pizza. We usually watch my favorite tv shows (Modern Family and Happy Endings) after dinner. But he would not allow me to watch them. Instead of being able to eat pizza and then watch the shows, I had to stand in the corner in the next room, while he ate and watched the two shows. I was in the corner for 1 1/2 hours!! he said that was the amount of time I stayed on the phone after he asked me to get off and prepare dinner so that is my punishment. He said I was spending too much time on the phone racking up minutes and slacking on chores and dinner and couple's time long enough. I was begging him to let me eat and watch the shows, but he said I was being punished and the punishment will stand. I didn't get spanked fortunately. But standing in the corner for that long was awful. As well as having to smell the pizza and hear the show theme song and just enough where I knew he was watching the show but I was not able to understand or actually hear the actors/the words of the show. I'm still furious. Is this kind of punishment reasonable??? Don't you think 1 1/2 hours standing in the corner is excessive??!! He did not warn me earlier that he would make me stand in the corner that long - he just said I'd be punished if I didn't get off adn then when he put me in the corner, he said I will stand in the corner for 1 1/2 hours adn think about my misbehavior and how I will correct it. Do you think he is unreasonable? Oh well, I'd like your input. Thank you...angry wife
Dear Anon 6:49
I would like to make a few comments about your post because it raises some key issues about DD dynamics.
You seem to be making things more difficult on yourself because you and (maybe your husband as well) take a too broad a meaning of submission to authority in a DD setting. If the sanction that your husband imposed on you, 1.5 hours of corner time, falls within the scope of your consent to DD sanctions, then he had the authority to impose the sanction, and you had the duty to comply. From you comment, it appears that you did comply with the punishment he set even though you hated it.
However, I think that the wife always has the right to offer comments about the punishment after the fact. While couples may have different views of how long is after the fact, five days would certainly qualify. If the punishment has left you still furious five days after the punishment and feeling that it was an excessive punishment, you should tell your husband that. I don't know what will happen in that discussion, but it will most likely bring you two to a better place where you will understand each other better. Remember that communication is a key pillar of DD.
Another piece of unsolicited advice. If you raise the issue with husband, it will always be better to talk about your feelings, rather than attacking his actions. A good HOH will want to know how his wife processes a given punishment. An HOH will not like to be attacked as being unreasonable in his selection of punishments. His choice of punishment may have seemed a perfectly reasonable choice, and may have been the right choice for other women guilty of the same type of offense. Yet, if it has left you so angry almost a week later, the HOH needs to know that and probably modify his approach going forward.
Asking Clint's opinion doesn't seem to help you or your relationship. If Clint says your husband was unreasonable, that just reinforces your sense of anger. If Clint sides with your husband, will it really help you let go of your anger. I don't think so. Talk to your husband.
I was wondering about others' opinion on this: my husband knows very well that I love to be submissive and I daydream about being given corner time a lot; I want that really badly. But I'm worried that I'd feel utterly silly actually going through with it, and I worry about his ability to take me seriously after that. Spanking is different; we easily give and get that from each other with real reasons or through mere punishment scenarios. Why should the corner be any different? I wish I knew how to deal with these feelings, especially as I feel he and I have a pretty nonjudgmental and understanding view of DD in general.
@Anonymous (October 31st 11:07 PM) - I understand it can be difficult trying new things, whether they be an aspect of Domestic Discipline or otherwise.
Ultimately it's best to have a discussion about corner time and your feelings in regards to it with your spouse to determine if it's in the best interest of your marriage. You may feel differently after experiencing corner time, and you may learn a great deal from it. I've always said that something is worth trying ONCE, and if it is a negative experience or isn't beneficial in anyway, then don't do it again. It's not going to hurt you to try.
Whenever feelings like this are felt, it's best to discuss them openly with your spouse. Sometimes just talking about feelings can make a person feel a lot better in the end.
I wish you the very best of luck going forward.
-- Clint
I agree to DD. I wanted it and my husband think it is a good lifestyle. We avoid a lot of arguments. But sometimes I think it is very hard. If i really disagree with my husband it is very difficult for me to obey him and i start to argue and it upsets my husband because he thought that this lifestyle would stop arguing. I know i should obey but sometimes i can not do it because I feel what he says is wrong and if we have guests my husband can not do anything. my husband gets frustrated if he tries to stop me and i do not do it and he thinks it is all meeningsless. what to do in that situation...pease help...
@Anonymous (November 5th 4:45 AM) - With all due respect, it sounds to me like there is a communication problem in your marriage. If you disagree with something, you should be able to approach your husband in a civil manner and discuss your concerns/disagreements. If you truly believe in your heart and mind that your husband is being unfair with the punishments, then you two need to discuss your feelings and come to a solution that works for you both. No arguing is necessary - just a simple, level-headed, mature discussion between husband and wife needs to take place.
In a situation where there are guests at the house, the first thing I encourage you to do is really do your best to follow the rules. I'm not your husband and I'm not trying to be, but it's important to really step up and show your husband he can trust you to follow the rules when others are at the house. By doing that, it would show a lot more respect to your husband, and a lot more maturity on your part.
Secondly, if the situation does arise where your husband feels he needs to punish you for your behavior while others are at the house, it's best not to do it while your company is still present, obviously. If the offense is serious enough, I'd recommend your husband politely ask your guests to leave at which point you two can carry out the appropriate lecture/punishment. Every couple should have a phrase or a "look" where both spouses understand the behavior needs to stop/improve or there will be further action taken. Use that phrase or "look" first, then escalate as needed.
Again, this all comes down to communication and respect for one another. I recommend you two have a serious discussion about DD and the expectations you both have with it going forward. Come to an agreement between you both on all situations and aspects of DD that will work best for your marriage.
Good luck!
-- Clint
thank you Clint.
You are right we need to talk about it.
We do not have many rules. In must cases we are equel but ifour discussions turn into arguments my husband will stop them so we do not start a bad argument which destroy our marrige. Accepting to stop an argument when I know i am rigth is hard for me. And I know I must be working on that but it is not easy.
I think I will talk to my husband that I will try to accept his guidance but afterwards when guests have gone home we have to talk about it otherwise I feel bullied.
sorry for my spelling. wendy
@Wendy - The things you're telling me are the things you need to tell your husband. Your feelings of when you feel you're right it's difficult for you stop trying to make your point, that you feel bullied in certain situations, etc. Those things need to be discussed, addressed, and cleared up otherwise things WILL lead to arguments. Also, generally speaking, it's not always about who's right and who's wrong in the discussion. It's about hearing each other out, listening to a different perspective on the situation, and putting yourself in the shoes of your spouse to see where they're coming from. You may be right, you may be wrong, your husband may be right, your husband may be wrong, but it's about communicating constructively to come to a conclusion/agreement that works best for you both. Even if that means agreeing to disagree, it's best to come to some sort of resolution rather than arguing to prove who's right. Just my opinion.
Good luck to you, Wendy.
-- Clint
I HATE CORNER TIME SOO MUCH!!!! It is the most humiliating thing ever. I already am getting a spanking and it is torture thinking about it.
-Jenna
Wife and I just started several days ago. Today I gave her her first discipline for something she did yesterday. I told her that as soon as she is done taking the kids to the bus stop to come to my office and see me "To have a Talk". I work at him by the way.
I had he kneel in front of me while I gave her a lecture. She was smiling at first but I told her this was discipline and not to smile. After I was done I had her get up and do corner time. There isn't really a corner to stand in in my office so I had her stand in the doorway with her pants down around he butt and hands on her head.
When it was over 5 minutes later I had her kneel in front of me again and I hugged and kissed her and told her I loved her. She obviously did not like it. She did not cry but she had that look that she wanted to.
Was that too harsh or am I just having first time remorse?
I am new to this and this is my first comment so please forgive me if its not rightly said...
having your wife kneel down in front of you seems a little bizarre to me, just my opinion but that seems like a way to humiliate your wife, which isn't the point of DD
@Jenna - Sorry I missed your comment earlier. If you truly feel corner time is "the most humiliating thing ever", it wouldn't hurt to discuss this with your spouse and find something that is less humiliating for you that would work for the both of you. Just a suggestion. Good luck.
@Anonymous (January 18th 8:59 AM) - Congratulations on beginning a DD marriage! I'm confident you'll find it as beneficial as so many other marriages have.
The only part of your comment I have an issue with is having your wife kneel before you when you conduct the lecture, as well as after the corner time. Kneeling can be rather humiliating for a wife and isn't necessary in correcting a behavior. She may not feel as though you're both working together with this when you make her kneel, and this aspect of the way you punished may have been what nearly triggered her crying response.
I can only speculate on how this made your wife feel, so the only way to truly know how the punishment made her feel is to discuss it with her. Take her feedback as constructive criticism and work with her to find what works best for you both.
This may be the trigger to your remorse as well. It seems you could see in her eyes that something about this punishment didn't "feel" right. Talk about it with her, and I'm confident you two can work together on this problem. Good luck to you!
@Anonymous (January 19th 8:30 AM) - I agree with you, and I appreciate you offering your feedback as well. Congratulations for bringing DD into your relationship! I think it will be great for you and your relationship.
All the best to you both.
-- Clint
Thanks to everyone on commenting about the kneeling in my first discipline of my wife. It was not meant to be humiliating and was not taken as such when we discussed it together. I guess it is hard to "splain", as Ricky would say, in a a few paragraphs.
It really just felt natural in the situation and not in anyway bizarre.
I hate corner time. I already know what i did wrong and dont need to focus on it. I get bored easily. Used to be too long(30 minutes or more) making me very mad .
If just a very few minutes long prior to the spanking I admit it does help me to accept the spanking more, but I still dislike it very much.
I should say that in the corner I always have to have my pants down and hands on my head. No ipod and no talking or even reading allowed.
We have had DD for 7+ years and I have never liked CT but have to do it if my HOH says to for speeding or other things that are dangerous.
Its important for the husband to listen to what the feelinggs of the wife are because the long period of ct and my refusing to stay there w/o complaining resulted in a lot more extra spankings at first in the beginning of our DD.
My hoh say he will never do away with "a good dose of CT" because he wants it in the offing (as a deterrent)
btw Clint--I think your recommendations length of time for CT are more reasonable than most HOHs.
Layla
@Anonymous (January 26th 10:35 AM) - You're comment made me laugh. It is hard to "'splain." Lol. The bottom line is that the kneeling wasn't taken as humiliating by your wife which is the most important thing. If she understands why kneeling is necessary (to you) and doesn't find it humiliating, then I would say it's okay to continue with it. It's not something I typically recommend, but at the same time, it's not something so far fetched that I completely disagree with it (assuming it's consensual). If it works for you, then go with it.
@Layla - Thank you for taking the time to share your experience. It's always good to get another perspective on different topics. I hope things are going well for you.
All the best to you both!
-- Clint
I was reading your blogs because we are interested in trying this to save our marriage, but my husband and I were wondering that eventhough he is the head of household,
why
is it only the wife who is to be punished.
Could the punishment be used on the HoH as well
?
@Anonymous - It's recommended there only be one HoH in any given household. A single family should not have two HoH's as there would be a conflict of interest. Think of it this way - a company will not be as productive as it could be with two CEOs. There will be a conflict of interest, different ideas, different directions the two CEOs want the company to move in, and a lot of arguing and a stunt in growth will result. It's counter-productive to the goals of the company. Sure, this CAN be done, but it's not recommended. The same idea applies in a marriage.
It's best to have one HoH in any given household. So, for that reason, it's recommended the punishments not be administered to the HoH. It will cause a lot of unnecessary issues.
-- Clint
The good thing is that in being the role of the HOH i think it makes the husband act better in order to set a better example. For instance, if he is punishing his wife for raising her voice too loud, he will keep his own voice softer.
BTW--Clint,I have heard of HOHs who voluntarily put five dollars or so in a vacation jar if they violated a rule like swearing, but this is not something the wife would make him do as the HOH has the authority in the home.
@alana - Your vacation jar idea is a very good one. I've heard of that as well. I think a lot of people/marriages would benefit from doing something like that. Thank you for sharing that idea with the readers, as well as myself. I appreciate you taking the time to do so.
All the best to you.
-- Clint
ok so i have a question.
so my hubby and i are new to this and i hate when he threatens to spank me. when he threatens it i always say no and argue with him. y is that? i also hated corner time as a child and dont see y i wouldnt hate it now. so what happens when a girl is in cornertime and she keeps turning around? what about groundation? how does that work? i read all this advice and love it and the stories. they make me laugh cause its happening to them and not me. i have been lucky and never have gotten spanked or cornertime well not yet anyway lol
Hi Clint,
I have a question about corner time and what is reasonable or not as to time. Last night, my husband and I had an argument about having male friends as my friends on facebook. Well, I talked back quite a bit and also used a couple cuss words. I also walked away from him while he was explaining why he didn't want me to have male friends on there (ex-boyfriends). Anyway, he sent me to the corner to stand there for 40 minutes. I was not pleased but knew I had to or else it could lead to a spanking. It calmed me down, and I was able to think about why I was put there and how I was going to handle myself afterwards as I was pretty disrespsectful in tone and everything. I am still upset however about the length of the corner time he insisted on; he also continued to watch television and go about his business the entire time I was standing in the corner, warning me not to move until the he said it was ok/the 40 minute corner time was up or speak. I stood there with my face to the corner on the same wall of the television quite and furious. And after corner time, he sent me up to bed (it was 8:30 pm). Don't you think it was an unreasonable amount of corner time and bed time???? Now that the cornertime over, the fact it was so long, makes me want to add more male friends to my facebook profile to get back at him lol.
In the precedent post, the wife seems criticize his HOH for a long corner time. I think she's disrespectful. A HOH knows very well what his wife needs. When my HOH give me a hard punishment, I never say a word and bend over for the belt. If I cry, it's my own problem. If I have bruises on my fanny after the lesson, I accept it, and I never got the idea to ask in a blog if my HOH is wrong or wright. It's a matter of respect.
@Anonymous (May 26th 3:50 PM) - I apologize for the late response. I'm trying to do a better job of keeping up on the comments, although it's probably hard to notice. Thanks for being patient.
It sounds like you're challenging your HoH and testing the boundaries. It's a common thing in DD relationships, but it would be in your best interest to stop doing so since it will likely lead to additional punishment.
If the wife keeps turning around during corner time, I recommend one of the options on the "Corner Time Escalations" post be used to address it. I would recommend the forehead on the wall option, but what option to be used is ultimately determined by the HoH. Here's a link to that post:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/12/corner-time-escalations.html
A grounding is essentially a period of time (to be determined by the HoH) with multiple privileges revoked for the duration of that time frame. There isn't much more to it than that. It's pretty straight forward.
I hope these answered your questions! All the best to you.
@Anonymous (June 11th 9:03 PM) - I'm only hearing one side of the story, but it sounds like there were repeat issues of defiance/disrespect on your part, which is what contributed to the lengthy corner time and early bedtime. Your numerous ignored opportunities to get your behavior to an acceptable level lead to his decision of 40 minutes of corner time. That's his decision to make as HoH of your home and marriage, not mine.
With that said, I do feel 40 minutes of corner time is quite lengthy. Rather than escalate corner time to any longer than 15 minutes, I'd recommend an HoH escalate the punishment to a spanking beyond that. It would be clear that the wife has no intention of respecting his decision of a mild corner time punishment, so it would be best for the HoH to escalate the punishment to a spanking after repeated defiance from the wife.
I hope this helps your issue. All the best to you.
@Anonymous (June 12th 10:06 PM) - Thank you for offering your perspective on the matter. All the best to you.
-- Clint
Well, my husband saw my June 11th 9:03 PM post and decided that a spanking was in order - TWO pretty severe spankings (1 for the previous infractions as he agrees with your opinion to escalate and 1 for posting this comment without his permission). He says that i might see it as being punished twice (40 minute corner time which I already served AND now a spanking for the same infractions), but he insisted that it was necessary to teach me a lesson!! Starting tomorrow, he is going to do that spanking and I'm also grounded for the day and then administer the second spanking on Saturday for posting on here and grounded all day. As long as I behave, Sunday will be free of any punishments. He said he enjoys your blog and that he asked me to respond to your post to inform you of what is going on and to apologize for wasting your time complaining about the 40 minute corner time. My HOH's name is James and he will be posting something on here after the punishments are carried out (whether it be on Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday... depending on my behavior, meaning he will continue to punish me as long as it takes for my behavior to be corrected (attitude-wise). I'll be sure to behave so that it ends by Sunday. I'm feeling a bit stupid for even mentioning my complaints in the first place as it is very embarssing and has put me in a worse situation. thank you anyways. I'll remember to acccept whathever my husband says and not complaint or disrespect him. He reviewed this post and has approved it.
@Anonymous (June 14th 10:49 PM) - I appreciate your apology and I certainly hope things work out for you both. I'm sorry to hear of the additional punishments you're going through, but if James feels they are necessary, then so be it. I'm confident you'll come out of the punishments with a better understanding of the situation, and you'll come out as a better person. A DD marriage is about growth as a person in addition to growth in a marriage, so hopefully things improve for you in both areas. :)
All the best to you.
-- Clint
Another post that was informative and thorough! You explained everything pretty well. There are many men that have a hard time with the lecture portion of discipline, I guess it's just difficult to stay calm and collected when the wife misbehaves consistently, but it needs to be understood that this is a major part of the relationship and the wife needs to understand why she's being punished or it won't be a successful punishment.
My wife does her cornertime completely naked and it is usually for 30 minutes. She has to go on tiptoe and hold the calf raise position for three minutes followed by three minutes break and then another three minutes of calf raise and so on... for the full 30 mins. It becomes quite painful for her towards the end and i know she is near her limit when her legs start to shake but she knows that if she lowers herself early she will get the cane so she usually manages it.You can make it more interesting by making her hold a set of dumbells to increase the stress on her legs and of course you can gradually increase the weight to keep pushing her to her limit.This is also excellent exercise for toning her legs so it has a double benefit!!!
I agree with anonymous 28 june corner time is a far more effective punishment if stress positions are included a period in the calf raise position followed immediately by the squat position and alternate these for the period of the corner time is a very effective punishment!
@Ava Wayland - I couldn't have said things better myself. You're spot on, and I certainly agree with you. Your comment is very well said. I'm glad you enjoyed the post and I'm honored to have you as a reader/supporter of LDD. Thank you so much.
@Anonymous (June 28th 9:55 AM) - I find your comment a bit disturbing, to be perfectly honest with you. I'm struggling to find the loving intentions behind your corner time techniques. To have a wife stand in the corner, completely naked, for far too long (30 minutes), while holding dumbbells and doing calf raises is cruel, unusual, inappropriate, and completely unnecessary and uncalled for.
This is just my opinion, of course, but I have a hard time believing your wife has consented to being treated this way. I can only imagine how the spankings go (which I'm not interested in hearing about, by the way).
At any rate, I wish you the best going forward.
@Anonymous (July 3rd 12:41 AM) - We agree to disagree on these methods, but I appreciate you offering your opinion and sharing your thoughts.
All the best to you.
-- Clint
Hi Clint,
My girlfriend found your blog a little bit ago and has been reading some of your posts as we begin our DD journey. She showed it to me and I have been using it as a guideline to make some decisions as our HOH. After her last two spankings I have been incorporating corner time to allow her a moment to calm down before she comes to sit on my lap and talk about it with me. After the first one it seemed to help, but after today's spanking and corner time she expressed that she didn't like it because it seems so childish. I told her it was my decision on what to use as a punishment, and it ended up turning into a disagreement because she thinks its my way or the highway because I haven't changed my mind about it. How do you think I should approach this? Should I let up and not use it anymore, or is this a sign of defience that needs to be delt with?
Thank you for your help
@Anonymous (July 10th 6:09 PM) - If you've made the decision to implement corner time after spankings, AND have seen beneficial results from them, then I would continue to do them as you see fit despite her dislike for them. I wouldn't let up. You make the final decisions.
HOWEVER, with that said, I feel it's important to talk to her about HOW the corner time makes her feel childish. Is it that she stands up the whole time? Is it that feels isolated/like you don't care? Is it what you say to her just before she does corner time? Something else? Once you learn the reason why, you can then make adjustments to how you conduct it (for instance, have her sit or kneel rather than stand if that's the problem, change what you say if it makes her feel like a child, etc.). You should certainly hear her out and take her feedback into consideration. Then, use her feedback towards finding a way to conduct the punishment that works for you both. Communicate and compromise, basically.
I would only recommend additional punishment for her "sign of defiance" if it's excessive, rude, or disrespectful in some way. Constructive criticism is fine and should be taken as such, but if she's being blatantly confrontational/disrespectful about her opinion, then address that accordingly.
I hope this helps you two out. Good luck to you, and thank you both so much for being a loyal readers of the blog. I'm honored to have your support.
-- Clint
My wife has a bit of a cussing problem. We have discussed the issue countless times, she knows its disrespectful but she says she just cant help it, that "it just slips out" when shes talking and she doesnt even realize it. When she does swear, I usually give her 7 minutes of corner time, which usually stops her from swearing, but only for a short period of time. Im just concerned that corner time isn't really helping the problem, do you think spanking is too much of a punishment for cussing? I know I'm the HoH and that I make the overall decision but it would be nice to get a second opinion. -Mark
@Mark - I don't think spanking is too much of a punishment, particularly when she has illustrated that corner time is not going to fix the problem.
With that said, have you considered doing immediate swats? Immediate swats are ideal for breaking a habit like swearing. If you aren't familiar with immediate swats, this post explains what the are:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2012/04/immediate-swats.html
I think they would really help with a cussing problem. Also, something like hot sauce in the mouth or soap in the mouth are ideal punishments for a cussing problem as well. Those punishments are discussed on the following post:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/07/additional-punishments.html
I would recommend giving immediate swats a try first, and if the swearing problem does not improve after a week or so, then spank traditionally.
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the best of luck in getting the cussing problem corrected.
-- Clint
Very informative... And effective, I know it for experience ;-)
@Mlkklm - Thank you! It is an effective punishment if done correctly. No doubt.
All the best to you.
-- Clint
I don't like corner time, i find it really boring,but it does do the trick .
I hate cornertime because it is very childish and uncomfortable. I have to stand with my hands on my head and my nose pressed to the wall. Normall I get 20 minutes unless I fail to comply which can be extended to an hour. When I am confined to my school uniform this is even more humiliating since I am now a full time college student. It does make me improve my behavior but is I think severe.
I got more cornertime in uniform yesterday following my slovenly dress for Church attendance. I had just come from an extra pre-clinical class but could have made more effort and did lie about how much time I'd had to change. I received some other discipline too but deserved it. Is uniforming a severe punishment? I agreed to it and it certainly teaches me a lesson.
@Anon 5.Oct 7:50am and 9.Oct 2:34am - I am assuming that the same person posted both of these comments. If I am wrong, I apologize.
I'm not quite sure if you are posting here to try to get support to show your HoH that cornertime is severe, ask a question, or just blow off steam. I understand that you do not like cornertime (don't know anyone who does), but I really do not see how you can call it severe. Discipline, in whatever form, (cornertime, spanking, etc.) is your HoH's decision and should encourage you to change your behavior which it seems as if it is doing.
Good luck in your journey,
Cat
I apologise if my posts seemed to imply that cornertime was in anyway an inappropriate or overly severe punihsment. I do into believe, in my case, that either of these is true. I do not like it but it's application when I misbehave is wholly deserved and effective. I am also rightly punished in many of the other ways decsribed when I offend. My one query is whether laso being confiend to one of my old school uniforms whilst serving my cornertime or some of my other punsihemnts is generally viewed as severe. I do not see anyone lese appearing to suffer this humiliation. Whilst I do not want to query my HoH in applying this I would like us to have a shared view of the severity of this imposition. Personally at my age simply having to wear ankle socks, a Gingham dress and a school cardigan is an exceedingly humiliating and saluatory lesson even before application of cornertime and appropriate corporal punishment.
@Anon 11.Oct 8:31am - I apologize for misunderstanding your question. Humiliation should never be a part of DD so if you are being intentially humiliated as part of your punishment, then I think you do need to have a serious conversation with your HoH. Depending on your viewpoint, discipline is to change a behavior and/or punish for a behavior - never to humiliate. Hope this answers your question a bit better. Again, I truly do apologize for misunderstanding.
Good luck,
Cat
@Anonymous (Sept. 18th 4:30 AM) - Any punishment isn't designed to be a pleasant experience. They're designed to improve behaviors, and from the sound if it, they do for your relationship. That's wonderful.
@Anonymous (Oct. 5th 7:50 AM) - I don't understand the school uniform aspect of your corner time. It sounds like your partner is entertaining a fetish of some sort. Regardless of the purpose of that, it's unnecessary in my opinion.
Also, up to 60 minutes of corner time is excessive. Again, this is my opinion, but anything over 20 minutes (give or take) should be escalated into a more serious punishment, like a spanking for instance.
That's my perspective on what you've shared. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience. Good luck to you in the future.
@Anonymous (Oct. 9th 2:34 AM) - I wouldn't say requiring you to wear a uniform is "severe" - it's just clothing - however it is rather unusual. It should make no difference what you're wearing when you do corner time, which leads me to believe there is some other agenda from your HoH with it. It sounds as though he gets some kind of enjoyment out of it, and highly doubt that enjoyment has good intentions behind it.
Just my perspective, of course. Good luck to you.
-- Clint
I feel very sorry about the misinterpretation my queries have caused. The wearing of school uniform is not something originally proposed by my HoH but by myself about two years ago when we agreed boundaries of my disciplining. At the time, and as you saw even still last weekend, one of my issues was being always relatively relaxed even scruffy in my appearance. We both enjoy being relaxed but in my case this extended to all times. I agreed that for Chapel on Sundays and when visiting my or Cameron’s parents I should honor them and myself by dressing in a way becoming a more mature lady – this basically means in a dress or skirt. Since this dress code was clearly a challenge for me I agreed that I needed an appropriate deterrent for transgressions. The wearing of my school uniform at the time seemed like an appropriate sanction; we agreed this would not be in public. In part it was because this was a childish as some of the other punishments I receive such as corner time, mouth washing, lines or essay writing, being sent to bed early and of course corporal punishment. I find not only wearing school uniform humiliating but also most of these other punishments and the humiliation is part of the deserved penance. I would be very surprised if most of the other women do not also find being punished like a child, by being sent to a corner, sent to bed or smacked somehow, humiliating in some part. This is what makes these punishments effective and how they serve as a deterrent.
For example following my transgressions last weekend – poor dress, lying and laziness – I was subject to a very deserved set of sanctions which punished me by their humiliation, physical discomfort, loss of freedom and focusing my own shame for the offences I had carried out. I spent time in the corner hands on head in my school uniform both before and after a hard smacking with my hairbrush, had my mouth washed with soap (I am never spared this for lying), spent four hours writing lines relating to my misbehavior whilst my HoH went out cycling as I would have done and was sent to bed in the spare room at 6:00 PM without supper. I will certainly not repeat my misbehavior again soon. Indeed I have agreed with my HoH that I should dress more smartly for all visits to the Chapel, not just Sunday service, and for visits to friends as well as family until I have shown longer term compliance. The deterrence of school uniform will assist my behavior and perhaps in hindsight my surprise is that this is not used more by others as an additional and deserved childish punishment.
I apologize for any confusion and since to date have not shared my posting with my HoH will perhaps do that this weekend. I have not been trying to avoid deserved punishment but as ever he can judge whether what if I have done here deserves any further punishment.
Anyway have an early ward round today.
My fiancee and I have been practicing DD for about 2 months now, things have really improved between us because of it. My question is should the time-out corner be within eye-sight of the HOH. My time-out corner is in a different room and I find it very difficult to stay facing the corner for the entire time-out (generally 10 minutes). My fiancee always lectures me and I know why I am in time-out I just cannot seem to stay turned to the wall. When I know my fiancee is watching I always stay toward the wall, so my question is should my time-out corner be in eye-sight of my fiance?
@Anonymous (October 12th 7:47 AM) - I appreciate you taking the time to clarify your comments. They did cause some concern, so your clarifying comment was very helpful. Thank you.
@Anonymous (October 17th 7:44 PM) - Yes, corner time works best when the HoH visually monitors it for the exact reasons you alluded to - it helps the wife to maintain focus, essentially. If you're having trouble turning around during corner time, I'd recommend looking into some corner time escalations to help with that issue. You can read over some suggestions here:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/12/corner-time-escalations.html
They're designed to address the exact problems you're experiencing.
I hope this helps, and I wish you the very best of luck going forward. All the best to you.
-- Clint
Many thanks for accepting my apology. I can assure you that HoH has assigned appropriate further penance for me using your blog to try and justify withdrawing from the wearing of school uniform as a discipline measure which I had agreed to and has always worked. Your blog has helped with the suggestions for maintenance punishments and reviewing my behavior we have agreed that these may help deal with my continuing failures to smarten myself up. Every Sunday afternoon for the next 4 weeks (starting yesterday) when back from Church I will change into my school uniform and spend the rest of the day either in cornertime, doing detention and extra chores. In addition I will receive a thorough smacking by slipper or hair brush and due to me not being open about misusing this blog have my mouth washed with soap and water. I am also being sent to bed without supper by no later than 6 pm. I am sure this will finally help to remove my dress failures. In addition I have agreed that I should wear dress or skirt/blouse at all times until after the Winter holidays to help learn a more mature attitude - thankfully this does not apply when I am playing support. Many thanks for the ideas you have portrayed and if there are further discipline approaches I am sure my HoH will be pleased to hear of them - particularly from anyone whose wife has similar dress failures to myself. Anyway another early ward round today.
@Anonymous (October 22nd 7:41 AM) - I'm glad you and your HoH have found what works best for you both. Thanks for sharing your experience. All the best to you.
-- Clint
We have made use of clothing restrictions as a disciplinary mechanism in our relationship for over 2 years now. My wife does not wear school uniform but rather has to wear more drab and unfashionable clothing than she would like including in public. If you want to set up a category section on this I would be happy to explain the different tiers I have used in imposing this and have my wife explain what she experiences from this and how it helps her behaviour. It would also be interesting to hear from your earlier poster excatly how the school uniform punishments are applied and work or from others who use restrictions on what their wife/partner has to wear as part of dd.
Your wife should be able to feel beautiful and pretty anytime she wants!! making her dress in ugly clothes or making her dress in any way in public that makes her think less of herself is wrong. your introducing insecurity issues. You should not ever try to bring your wife down with her apperance!!
Whilst I understand your concerns being made to dress in a certain way is used as a punishment. My wife says she does find this in someways humiliating as well as aloss of independence but that helps her to focus on not repeating her lack of self-discipline. Whilst at worst being made to dress in plain grey unfashionable jumble sale clothing is used only as a severe punishment she says that she also feels humiliated and even more childish when made to do corner time or have to go to bed at 6:30 PM for misbehaving. We think it is good to have a variety of agreed penances which can be applied dependent on the need which is why we were also interested in the application of school uniform as desrcibed by someone who posted earlier.
We are at the airport waiting to get home and I cannot believe how awful my behavior has been this weekend and how much I have let Hoh and myself down. I have been cussing, broken the dress code I agreed to, spoken disrespectfully to my in-laws, been dismissive of the Bible and very opinionated with the Pastoor at the local Chapel where the in-laws live. I still don't know why I did these things but know that HoH is not happy and quite rightly so. I know that I need to be disciplined and very severely. As I sit here I am trying to think what would be a severe and long enough set of sanctions - I know I deserve to be back in uniform and receiving a full set of childish impositions and punishments for many weeks to come. If HoH had taken me across his knee in front of the Pastoor at the Church it would have been deserved. If anyone has any sanctions which have helped them when they have really misbehaved it would help me ensure I receive a real penance which I know I deserve.
Hi there is some great stuff here which I can sympathise with. As a response to the last poster I would say that from my experience it is possible to both receive and accept severe discipline for such wrongdoing. A few years ago when we had already been practising dd for a couple of years I, like you, was unnecessarily disrespectful to my in-laws. I was disciplined by my HoH and the most severe aspect, which I hated at the time but now realise and has helped me in the longer term, was that I had to apologise to my in-laws personally and explain how I had been disciplined. This made overt to them our dd relationship and meant that since then they have been able to support my HoH in pointing out any sub-standard behavior which they become aware of. As they live in our neighborhood this has ensured I have needed to display greater self-discipline than might have been the case. I have never received corporal punishment in front of them but have been subject to, both at the time of original misbehavior and on a few other occassions, cornertime and mouth washing. Having to apologise to them at the time was mortifying but I deserved it and I amsure it has helped be more supportive in my role than I might have been otherwise.
Dear Anon,
My HoH has asked me to share with you the dress punishment I receive when my behaviour is sub-standard. I see from your posting you are seeking examples of sever punishment so I will limit my description to the highest tier of dress punishment which I may be allocated. I would stress that I have received this punishment only six or seven times over the last five or six years. It is alwasy proceeded by lower tiers of dress limitations and plentiful and deserved allocation of the more usual sanctions such as corner time, early bed times, lines, mouth washing, grounding and of course appropriate smacking or in extremis the cane. I am confined except when at work to full set of clothing which I purchased at a Church jumble sale (having to do that was in itself part of my original punishment a few yeasr ago). This clothing is both unfasionable and somewhat worn. It consists of a long grey dress or gown, grey knee socks, flat black laced shoes, large nylon pants and a knee length baggy charcoal cardigan. All of this was second hand. In addition when wearing this as punishment I am not allowed make-up or jewellry and kepp my hair in a bun. Unlike the unforming you experience, which sounds very humiliating, other than going to work I am seen by visitors to our house as well as inpublic when I go to shopping and attend Church. Typically I have to dress like this for only 1 to 3 days and the longest period was 2 weeks after some exceedingly loutish and ancy behaviour on my part. Whilst dressing liek this I am of course also at the same time a deserevd recipient of other sanctions. I can confirm to you and your HoH that I always find this a very saluatory lesson and makes me sort myself out as well as punishing me for my failings. I hope this may be of use to you and I would be keen to hear how you are progressing following your own admitted misbeahviour. It would be interesting to hear if you think your uniforming is as svere as what I have described.
My wife is 68 ys old, and till performs cornertime session non for punishment, but for ordinary training. She comes from Azerbaijan, when in met her when she was sixteen. She and her two sisters were subdued to cornertime by their father. and i kept on this costum. She performs two 30 minutes cornertime to day. She enjoys this practice as a meditation time.
Hi Clint,
I tried to post on the new website and could not find where to do so. I am not sure what section I should write this on, but since it deals with cornertime, I think this would make sense.
Yesterday evening, my wife had dome something minor, not worthy of a spanking, but I felt punishment was necessary. I told her to stand in the corner for 15 minutes. She is usually quite compliant when asked to do so as she obviously prefers this to a spanking. During the time that she was in the corner, a friend of mine came over to drop off a software program I had asked for. He and his wife started DD long before we did and were influential in getting us on board. They are the only ones in our social circle that practices DD and knows about us doing the same. I invited him in and obviously he saw my wife in the corner. She had about 5 minutes left of her time. I immediately made a gesture to him to ignore her and not say anything as I thought would disrupt the punishment. We then went downstairs to my computer for about a minute as I had something to give him. When we came back upstairs my wife had left the corner without permission. I didn't say anything until my friend left. Before I go on further, it is important to state that we would never spank our wives in front of anyone else, although I have seen my friend's wife in the corner on more than one occasion, not purposely, just coincidentally (my wife has too). In fact, we recently watched a game while she served her cornertime (about 10 minutes I think). This was the first time that the shoe was on the other foot. When I asked her why she left the corner she said it was too embarrassing for her to do in front of others. Now, while I can appreciate her point of view, I don't think she was justified. She always behaves in the corner and has never done this before. I told her to back in the corner and redo her time, while I would consider if this was worthy of a spanking. In the end, I settled for just the corner, but warned her if she ever did that again, she would most definitely get a spanking. I haven't been able to get this off my mind, I regret not giving her a spanking for being defiant. What do you think? Too lenient, just right or too strict? I know you will say 'it's really up to the HOH in charge', but do you think I should let it go or give a spanking?
Your responses are always so logical, kind and well thought out.
Thoughts?
Pete- I believe since you already settled for just the corner and a warning, you shouldn't now go back on you word. If my husband went back on his earlier decisions, I would be pretty confused and not sure what to expect anymore.
Also, with all due respect, I can certainly understand your wife's embarrassment. I would die of it if I had to stand in the corner in front of anyone else!
Hopefully I will be successful at posting this at the third attempt. I wanted to share the most severe discipline which I receive and which reminds me of my upbringing in Scotland from where both my HoH and myself emigrated. This is reserved for severe transgressions of the behavioural norms I have set for myself and although I hate the punishments this is nothing to my dissatisfaction with myself for the stupidity which has led me there. I do receive lesser disciplinary measures for more minor failings but I list here the components of my severe disciplining as you requested and hope these may be of use to you. I last received this form of sanctions about ten months ago after I smoked, failed to turn up on time for a Church meeting (as I was out with some work colleagues) and then was insolent to HoH and lied about where I had been – overall a real catalogue of disobedience compared to my own standards.
For this, when not at work, I was confined to a set of clothing, which I hate, of thick knee socks, a long pleated tartan dress with long sleeves and button collar and either a thick arran cardigan or sweater. This reminds of how I dressed on a Sunday when I was a child so is a very constant reminder of the immature behaviour which has consigned me to this. On this occasion I had to dress like this for two whole weeks and in addition to this had all my spare time filled with housework, Church activities and hours of essays and lines under detention conditions. This is awful, as we now live in Western Australia, and involves being confined to a non-air conditioned box room overlooking our pool for many hours (upto 8 hours a day at the weekend) in this uniform writing out lines with only occasional interruption by HoH to check on my progress and inspect that I am properly dressed. Confined to the same uniform day after day is a very unpleasant experience clothed in a long dress and wool top. I, of course, also experienced mouth washing and humiliatingly early bed times (without supper) to make clear to me my status. In addition I rightly received a plentiful allocation of corner time during which to consider my misbehaviour in addition to proceeding and following each application of corporal punishment. During these two weeks I received an application at least every other day. The most severe of these being at the start which was four strokes of the tawse to the palm and back of each hand followed by eight strokes to my backside. For those who do not know a tawse is a thick leather strap with in this case two thongs at the end and was traditionally used in Scottish schools. Hence it is yet a further reminder to me of my childish misbehaviour. I hope some of these sanctions may be useful to you and I can certainly vouch for their effectiveness in deterring me from stupid and careless failures in meeting my own behavioural standards.
Hi I’m Melissa’s HoH so I thought I would try again to drop a note to those who kindly responded to her request for appropriate punishments for severe misbehavior following her transgressions when visiting my parents at Thanksgiving. She cannot respond herself as loss of intenet access is one of the sanctions she has received except when she is at work. When we got home Melissa was very remorseful for her awful behavior and she did not shirk from realizing that severe sanctions were necessary. She herself suggested that she should be uniformed at all times when at home and have a regime of housework, corner time and written punishments, regular maintenance corporal punishment together with an immediate severe caning and mouth washing as a minimum. She said that she expected the uniforming and maintenance punishments should last for weeks. In addition she said that she needed support to recommit to her faith and that perhaps this could be achieved via consultation with our Pastoor who understands our relationship and could provide a program of Bible study and Church work. I told her that it was good that she saw how childish and petulant her behavior had been but that even with what she had suggested that I was not confident that it provided the lesson for her specific offences let alone a deterrent to reoccurrence given her recent behavior. I have therefore imposed an even more comprehensive and severe set of sanctions and there are still options to refine as necessary. Interestingly they embraced at least one of the suggestions made on this blog as a response to Melissa’s request. Melissa is now in her full old school uniform at all times when at home. This means blue blouse, tartan pleated tunic, tie, green knee socks, green cardi and blue blazer. Every day when she has completed all the housework she has a mixture of corner time and lines or essay writing to occupy her spare time with confinement to the spare room at all other times. Whenever our shifts allow she is sent to bed early and without supper so that she learns that childish behavior begets childish treatment. Mouth washing and maintenance corporal punishment is applied a minimum of 3 times a week. Unless she is going to work, Chapel or doing the grocery shopping she is grounded. She is banned from drinking as this may have been partly to blame for some of her misbehavior. In addition she has spoken with Tom our Pastoor and he has given her a schedule of study and works for the Chapel. This means Melissa spends about 10 hours a week of private Bible study plus a two hour group session and in addition does at least four hours of pretty menial work for the Chapel like cleaning the rooms and Church or providing much needed support for some of the older church members by doing housework chores for them. She had 10 strokes of the cane to her bare behind. One sanction she did not accept well was that she apologize over the phone to my parents and explain how she was being dealt with. This meant revealing overtly the nature of our relationship to them. She hated doing this and it required a thorough application with the hairbrush and a long period in the corner with her hands on her head before she accepted it was appropriate. I have said that I do intend to give my parents the freedom to impose corner time on her independent of me so that she understands that there are long-term consequences to her of misbehavior of the scale she carried out. She also knows that she will have to apologize in person to them again when we go there for the Winter Holidays. We are still discussing if wearing clothes from a rummage sale would also be a deserved addition to Melissa’s discipline and she has also been instructed to discuss this with Tom, perhaps as a further punishment when carrying out her Chapel work. We have also not yet agreed how she should apologize to my parents’ Pastoor during the Holidays but this will have to be done. At some point I will get Melissa to describe her disciplining to help others as well as an additional sanction.
All I can think of to say is, "Wow!"
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