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There isn't a more important punishment within a Domestic Discipline marriage than a spanking. Spankings are also the most difficult to do, and the most misunderstood. I'm sure most of you have tried to find good information on how to conduct a spanking, and I'm sure most of you have found out that information isn't easy to find. Spanking is such a complex form of punishment. There is a lot that goes into doing this correctly, so this entry may be a lengthy one.
We're starting with a Beginner Level Spanking. This entry is specifically for those just starting out with Domestic Discipline, or those in the very very early stages of Domestic Discipline. I know many of you are far more advanced than this, and I plan on doing Intermediate Level Spankings and Advanced Level Spankings soon. Again, this entry is specifically for those just starting out with DD and/or spankings.
We'll start with a definition of what exactly a spanking is. A spanking is a punishment in which the husband (or head of the household) strikes the buttocks and/or sit spot of his life partner with his hand or an implement in an effort to correct an unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental behavior for the greater good of the marriage/relationship, and the family dynamic. Spanking is only to be done in a calm, collected, level headed, reasonable, rational, and loving manner. The husband (or head of the household) MUST be under control when administering a spanking. Spanking should only be done when a mistake is made, or poor judgment is used. This is NOT a "fun", "exciting", or "sexual" activity to be done whenever you feel like it. If you find a spanking to be any of those things, you're reading the wrong blog.
If that last statement confuses you, read this.
Just as with corner time and bedroom time, I'll break this down in a step-by-step process. This is how it is recommended that a spanking (beginner level) be administered:
Step 1: Spanking is for major offenses/mistakes, so the husband will likely be rather upset about the behavior or poor judgment of the wife. Step one is that the husband MUST get himself calmed down. Before doing anything else, the husband must be in a calm and collected state of mind so he is in complete control of his actions.
Step 2: It's recommended the husband walk with his wife to the bedroom. This doesn't ALWAYS need to be done in the bedroom, but it is recommended to be done in the bedroom for intimacy and privacy reasons. It's recommended that the husband place his arm around his wife and comfort her, since she's likely going to be scared. It may be difficult for her to cooperate. The husband should be firm, but understanding as well. The husband should calmly encourage his wife to come with him to discuss what happened.
Step 3: Once the couple is in the bedroom, it's recommended the husband sit down with his wife on the bed (or a chair/couch if you have one in your bedroom) and conduct a lecture. The lecture is extremely extremely important.
Step 4: The husband must decide to spank over the clothing, over the underwear/pajamas, or bare-bottomed. For more about the pros and cons of each option, click here. "Alright sweetheart - let's get this done. I know it's uncomfortable for you, but I'm going to need you to take off your jeans please. Let's not drag this out any longer than we need to."
Step 5: The wife then gets into spanking position. The spanking positions are outlined here, and the one recommended most is the leaning over the bed position. "Go ahead and get into position honey. The more you cooperate with this process, the faster it will be over with. You're doing great. Thank you for cooperating."
Step 6: It's recommended the husband strike directly on the buttocks and/or sit spot of his wife with the spanking implement of his choice. A list of spanking implements, and the pros and cons of each, can be found here. For beginners, it's recommended either a hairbrush or a wooden paddle be used. It is also recommended that the husband use his non-spanking hand to assist his wife in keeping her position by laying his non-spanking hand across her lower back. The husband then strikes her buttocks using about 1/2 of his strength, alternating cheeks. The recommended number of strikes is 15 for beginners, adding or subtracting strikes based on the wife's cooperation with this entire process. DO NOT EXCEED 20 STRIKES IN ANY ONE SETTING. At the same time, I wouldn't strike any less than 12 times, otherwise it's not going to have much of an effect.
Step 7: Upon completion of the spanking, the husband then comforts the wife. This is absolutely vital to this entire process. The husband should NOT just leave his wife lying there, crying, alone. That's the worst possible thing the husband could do. The wife needs her husband in her most vulnerable moments. This moment is one of those moments. The husband should embrace her, comfort her, kiss her, tell her she's going to be ok, tell her everything is alright, and simply be there for her. It's recommended the husband hold his wife and continue to comfort her until she's completely calmed down. This is usually done lying next to one another on the bed.
Step 8: Once the wife is completely calmed down, it's recommended the husband then ask her again why she got spanked so he can ensure that she understands the problem, and that she understands what to do next time to correct it.
Step 9: The husband then gives his wife another hug, then the couples goes on about their day/evening.
Step 10: Rubbing the buttocks after the spanking, or providing ice/lotion/aloe vera is NOT recommended. Rubbing or providing a soothing pain reliever essentially defeats the purpose of the spanking. The spanking must be painful to act as a deterrent to repeating the unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental behavior in the future. If the wife sneaks lotion/ice, or if she starts rubbing it, it's recommended the husband add an additional punishment. I would start with corner time, and escalate from there as needed.
There are a lot of steps to a spanking, but all of them are important. This isn't easy to do for both individuals involved. It's important that the husband reward his wife for any and all cooperation. Reinforcing cooperation increases the likelihood of cooperation next time.
If this is your first time spanking, or if you're in the very early stages of DD, the recommended steps for spanking outlined above will be great for introducing you to this process. I think you'll really start to see how the dynamic of DD works, and why it's so helpful to a marriage. Not only will the wife's behavior improve, but it will bring both spouses SO much closer emotionally and spiritually to one another. That's what DD is all about. You'll find out how much you truly love your spouse after incorporating this practice into your marriage. Feel free to ask any questions you may have in the comments.
Are Beginner Level Spankings yielding mild results? Ready to take the next step? If you answered yes to both of those questions, it's time for you to move on to Intermediate Level Spankings.