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Posted in: Spanking
LDD's Weekly Recap: July 29th - August 4th
11 years ago
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Timed Spankings
Posted in: Spanking
Posted in: Spanking
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35 comments:
Happy birthday to your son! -Becky
We tried both timed and 'numbered' spankings and found them somewhat regimented and unnatural.
The problem is that, for us at least, no two situations are ever exactly alike and there are always variables. This means that different measures are often called for, even if the infraction is technically the same. For example, state of mind can differ and if there is guilt and regret, rather than anger and/or defiance, it can take far less to make a point. Similarly, physical condition can differ and pain tolerances can vary. Those are just two of many possible variables.
We found that rather than risk spanking unnecessarily and to no useful avail *after* the point is made, or not spanking sufficiently to put the point across, both of which can cause frustration and resentment, it works far better to forget about number, or duration, or any other pre-set 'formulas' and spank according to actual needs at any one time.
If you were going to spank for lying, what would a guideline on a timed period be? This is the second time she has lied about the same issue. Thank you!
Great blog, I've found many pieces of advice that I could use here either in your posts or your answers to commenters.
@Paul 10.Jul.12 3:08pm – I think part of the answer is going to depend on how long you have been practicing DD. In my personal experience (have been in DD relationships for many years), if I had to be punished for a serious matter that we had previously dealt with, I would not be sitting comfortably for several days! If you have been in this lifestyle for over 6 months, then IMHO, the timing should be approximately the same amount of actual spanking time as an advanced spanking. To me, lying is one of the most destructive behaviors for any relationship and needs to be dealt with in a very firm manner.
One suggestion, do not set a timer – just place a clock where you can see it and set a time in your mind. If you feel the spanking has gone on long enough and intense enough to deal with the problem and she has been cooperative and remorseful, then you may stop a bit early. On the other hand, if you feel she is rebellious and/or not remorseful, you may need to go a bit over what you had originally planned.
Of course, this is just my opinion which along with a $1 will get you a cheap cup of coffee. :) Clint will probably have much better advice from an HoH point of view.
Hope everything works out well for your relationship.
I'm having trouble with the "husband should use half his strength" recommendation. That's something that varies greatly for each individual. One man's "half strength" could very well be equal to another man's "whole strength" Seems like this sort of thing should be based on the way a couple already spanks and a husband's own knowledge of what his wife can handle and what he feels comfortable doling out. Just my two cents. - Brandy
@Becky - Thank you Becky! He has a great birthday. :)
@SWL1 - That's wonderful, SWL1. I'm so happy you and your husband have found what works best for your marriage. That's what it's all about. Thank you for sharing your story.
@Paul - Your question is a difficult one to answer. There are a lot of variables that come into play (how serious you consider lying to be, how experienced you are with spanking, how remorseful your wife is about the deceit, the pain tolerance level of your wife, etc.) which can factor into how long the spanking would work best for you two.
Since lying can be so harmful to a marriage, and can lead to multiple issues down the road, I certainly wouldn't take the problem lightly. I would recommend doing what you would consider to be a rather serious spanking. A "rather serious" spanking differs in every marriage, and can fluctuate based on experience of any given couple. The first time frame that come to mind is a solid 4-5 minutes of timed spanking for something like this, but again, that time frame is arbitrary. 4-5 minutes may be brief for some couples, or 4-5 minutes may be an eternity to some couples. This is where your experience comes into play. If you feel 4-5 minutes would be a "rather serious" spanking, and consider the offense to be a big one as well, then I would work with that time frame and use your personal judgment on what time amount would work best in your marriage.
I know this answer is a little vague, but I hope you understand how difficult it is for me to give a recommended time frame without knowing the details of your personal situation.
I hope this helps and I wish you luck in addressing and moving past the lying issue.
@Cat - You offered sound advice to the previous commenter. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
@Brandy - You make a great point and I hope readers understand that the content in the post is a recommendation and a recommendation only. You're absolutely correct that the strength will vary from HoH to HoH. The half strength recommendation is, in my opinion, a solid starting point for couples just giving the timed spanking method a try for the first time. The couple should absolutely adjust the strength from there to find what works best for them.
All the best to each of you.
-- Clint
Hi Clint,
This is Holly. John and I are trying to become members but we just don't understand the process of how to. Anyway, I've never chatted online before and don't know how to do that either. And what the heck is URL?
John and I agreed that I will not know when a maintenance will be because knowing I dread it until I am sick. I'm suppose to get one per pay period and the pay period is almost over and there were plenty of good moments to conduct a maintenance that he passed up on. I never said anything because if he forgot I don't want to remind him but I was beginning to wonder, just when will it be?
This morning he announced I was getting one tonight and I immediately became depressed, knowing I'm going to spend the entire day worrying about it. I told him not to tell me it's time until it's time. Now I'm going to spend the day dreading it. He then said that wasn't fair of him and told me I won't be getting it tonight. For some reason that only frustrated me. I've been waiting over a week, thinking, perhaps tonight. Then he tells me tonight and then tells me not tonight because he announced it too soon. I was not only depressed but had a strong desire to act out. Not to provoke him into spanking me but because I was left frustrated and depressed. I wanted to deliberately be disobedient and disrespectful. I wasn't but now my whole day is off. I don't know if it would have been better to go through with it tonight or not. He couldn't then because I wasnt out of bed yet or dressed. (I sleep in the nude) and spanking me while naked is just kinky. (not into that pal) I think he is going to ask you sometime if I should know when a maintenance is coming. I say no because I dread it. Knowing it's within a pay period narrows it down so I know it's got to be sometime between now and then. Perhaps tonight? No? Perhaps tonight? No? Perhaps tonight? Still no? Oh well. It's got to be tonight. Still no? Did he forget? See what I mean? Do you think perhaps he should do a maintenance more often? Or perhaps he shouldn't do a maintenance at all?
Holly,
The easiest way to join the Network is to go to the tab at the top of the blog that says LDD SOCIAL NETWORK and follow the instructions; you'll be asked to answer a couple of general questions and then submit your profile. Once you have a confirmation email, you click on the link in the email and it is sent to me and I approve it.
You need a PayPal account so if you don't have one already, go to www.paypal.com and set one up. Any financial information is NOT SEEN by us at all!
You can sign up for an individual or a couple's membership (your choice and can be altered afterwards) but to be a couple, you'll need your husband to also sign up for a profile the same way. Two seperate profiles make a couple's membership. If you have any problems with these steps, email me directly at jimandchristina2000@gmail.com and I'll walk you through the steps.
Hope you'll join us in the Network - there are a lot of wonderful people who have a variety of experience with DD, from many years to just starting or curious about it.
@Holly - A URL is the address of the web page you're viewing/wanting to view that you type (or paste) into your web browser.
Example: http://learningdd.ning.com/
The "http://learningdd.ning.com/" is a URL (Uniform Resource Locator).
If your husband has decided to incorporate maintenance spankings into your marriage, then it's important for him to follow through with them. It's best if the wife not know exactly what day they're going to be conducted, and you can read more about them here:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/08/maintenance-spankings.html
(That's a URL, by the way)
That post discusses maintenance spankings at length and I think you'll find it helpful.
If he tells you you're getting a maintenance spanking tonight, then he must do it tonight. It's unfair to you if he does not since it will drive you crazy, as you've illustrated in your comment. If he says he's going to do something, he needs to do it and do it in a timely manner.
I hope this helps your situation, Holly. Good luck to you.
@Christina - Thank you for your help. You do a great job with the network and we appreciate it so much. I say this a lot but keep up the good work!
-- Clint
Clint,
Remember my comment about John postponing my maintenance this morning and how sick, frustrated and depressed I became?
Today when John saw I was depressed but didn't know why, he decided to leave work early and take me to the mountains. We had a fun day of picnic, swimming and hiking. I had a wonderful time. On the way home I thought tonight would be a good night for a maintenance so I inquired about it, asking if I was getting one tonight. He said no because he thought he wasn't being fair to warn me that morning and make me dread it all day. But I wanted him to and just couldn't come out and say it. So again I got depressed and sick to my stomach. There are only three days left in the pay period. I read your reply to my delima and decided to address it to him. He then spanked me. Of course I became apprehensive but when it was over I felt so much better. We talked about it and cleared everything up. Told me what I can expect from now on and he agreed he will be more consistant and not tell me until minutes before the time comes. Thanks for your support.
Clint, I have followed this blog for some time now and for the first time have the courage to post. A few years ago, my husband approached me with the subject of a DD relationship. I did not see a need, but agreed. I work ful time as a high school principal and have 2 sets of twins. The rules he set were nearly impossible to follow and they weren't up for discussion. I was responsible for all cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and getting kids to various events. However, the majority of my discipline was a result of working late. He didn't seem to understand or care that I simply could leave work at a set time every day. If I tried to explain I was waiting on a parent to pick up a child who was in a crisis, i was talking back or resisting Punishment. Maintenance spanking were administered when he had a bad day. I had been voicing my dislike of his DD rules for some time but the final straw came with a timed spanking. I was running late to pick up one child from soccer practice, I had already picked one up from gymnastics and 2 from baseball (all practices ended within 30 minutes of each other on separate sides of town). Anyway... There was an accident and I was stuck in traffic. I was nearly 20 minutes late picking up our son. The coach called my husband who in turn was furious with me he had decided for 4 nights in a row I was going to get a solid 5 minute spanking. His favorite implement was a paddle. 5 minutes of a paddle is not a spanking it's abuse! I was swatted over 100 times ( a swat every 3 sec). My bottom literally bloody in spots I was badly bruised and it hurtful move. I didn't feel loved I felt abused. In my case, we are no longer practicing DD, I fear my husband, I no longer trust him and to be quite honest, I'm not sure the relationship is salvageable. That being said, I am disturbed by the fact you advised some to spank their wife for 5 minutes using implements.
My husband reads your log on a regular basis and values your thoughts. I fear other husbands may cross that line from spanking to abuse.
This doesn't have to do with Times Spankings. I just have a question. Yesterday my HOH wanted me to write him a letter in my best hand writing. It was just something fun he wanted me to do. So I wrote him a nice letter. When he got home from work he startled me awake. I had been napping. He read the letter and said it was very nice, but I should rewrite it because it wasn't my best writing. He was right it wasn't my best. However, I got grumpy. Probably because got woke up but I said it was because he critisized my writing. Then I proceed yo beat the issue to death...even after I said I would let it go.
I don't want to behave like thos. It is not healthy for the marriage. Can you please help shed aome light on how we can resolve tjos or should we just let it go? -Becky
Sorry for spelling errors...I wrote it on my phone.
Interesting approach Clint. Thanks for the advice as always.
C
Okay, Anonymous July 11, 2012 10:18
I am sorry that a way of life that is supposed to bring couples together and closer has been twisted in such a manner that it has caused fear in you. It is always heart breaking to see that one person feels their marriage is unsavable. That being said.
Accidents happen. A new implement used can cause unexpected bruising. I try very hard to be fair and objective. In my opinion, your husband lost control of either himself, the implement, the situation or all three. Bruising is one thing, I find it hard to believe that he missed you were bleeding. Discipline is to teach something. When it is done correctly and in love and with self control, we learn a way to improve our behavior. When is not, we learn fear and mistrust of the person who is supposed to be exercising control.
Nowhere on this site will you find that Clint agrees with or condones or tolerates abuse. You have many questions to ask yourself in regards to your marriage, and only you have the answers to them. I see that you have children. I wonder if your husband would be okay with your daughter being "disciplined" by her husband in the manner in which he just conducted yours? Or whether he would want your son to "discipline" his wife in this manner?
I'm not going to get into what I consider to be the unequal division of labor or unrealistic expecations in your marriage because I'm not there. I'm sorry that you are hurting and that you are fearful. I will say this. TTWD should NEVER, EVER cause you to fear the one who is meant to protect, love, and nurture you. Healthy fear of consequences is one thing. Fear of another human being is quite another.
Dana
@Anonymous 10:18...
Your post makes me incredibly sad for you. I do not believe that your husband is being reasonable. There should be discussion and communication regarding the rules that are set. This does not sound like a set of rules that are designed to help guide you and your family...instead they sound like your husband is using them to force all of the work onto you. When both the spouses in a household work, there should be a more fair and equitable division of the household chores and the care of the children.
Sorry to jump in there Clint...but her anguish truly spoke to me.
Carol
@Anon 11.July 10:18pm
I am so sorry to read what you have gone through. In all honesty, this does not sound like a true DD relationship.
“The rules he set were nearly impossible to follow and they weren't up for discussion.” What? The rules are set by agreement of both parties and should relate to those things that helpful to the health and well-being of both parties and the marriage. They should then be reviewed and refined as the relationship and parties grow.
“If I tried to explain I was waiting on a parent to pick up a child who was in a crisis, I was talking back or resisting Punishment.” Excuse me? Any true HoH will listen to his wife and would not consider an explanation as “talking” back.
“Maintenance spanking were administered when he had a bad day.” Whoa, right there! NO, NO, and just NO! NOT RIGHT! DD is not an excuse for a man to take out his bad moods on his wife!
“5 minutes of a paddle is not a spanking it's abuse! I was swatted over 100 times… My bottom literally bloody in spots I was badly bruised… I didn't feel loved I felt abused.” I don’t blame you at all for feeling abused – IMHO, you definitely were. Also, in my opinion, the punishment was because he was angry and totally ridiculous and out of line. In his post above, Clint clearly states that there should be a warm-up spanking and that if the timed spanking goes 2 minutes or more, then he recommends alternating implements.
“In my case, we are no longer practicing DD, I fear my husband, I no longer trust him and to be quite honest, I'm not sure the relationship is salvageable” You are 100% right to take DD off the table and I wouldn’t trust him either. I’m really sorry to hear that you aren’t sure if you can salvage the relationship but I totally understand.
“That being said, I am disturbed by the fact you advised some to spank their wife for 5 minutes using implements.” In reference to Clint’s reply to Paul, he actually said that the time frame was arbitrary and depended on Paul’s experience – Clint also stated at the beginning of his reply that there were unknown variables which would factor in.
My husband reads your log on a regular basis and values your thoughts. I fear other husbands may cross that line from spanking to abuse. IMHO, your husband may skim Clint’s blog but he definitely does not read it or he could not treat you the way he has. NO WHERE on this blog will anyone find Clint recommending the type of behavior your husband has exhibited. Unfortunately, there are times when husbands (DD & non-DD) cross the line but actually, a true DD relationship is less likely to be abusive because the wife has more power in the relationship than the husband. If he abuses her in any way (verbally, physically, etc), she can withdraw her consent to continue DD.
I hope and pray that everything works out for you – NO ONE SHOULD EVER LIVE IN FEAR!
I am Anonymous who wrote about my husband who crossed the line. First I want to thank you for the support.
I apologize if some of you took my post to say Clint or other HOH find my husbands behavior acceptable. That truly was not my intent. This blog presents DD as a positive and loving experience for both husband and wife. While my husband reads this blog frequently, he only pays attention to phrases like HOH has final word but completely disregards statements like "communication is essential." Additionally, Clint has made it very clear in various post a spanking should never occur when the husband is angry.
Any true man in a DD relationship knows common sense should always prevail. Unfortunately, my husband turned something that could have been a strength in our marriage to a marriage of distrust. I simply panicked when I saw the heading "timed spanking."
My husband merely went too far. While I say DD is off the table, the truth is he wasn't following a DD model. He is abusive and tried to justify his abuse by calling it DD. I truly envy all of you wives who have a husband who truly loves and charishs you enough to follow a true DD model.
Lisa
I am glad you realize that it was abuse and take necessary steps to make sure he never has that oppurtunity again. As for maintenance when he had a bad day, I offered to let my HOH do that when he had a bad day. Sort of like a stress relief for him, he refused stating that would be crossing a line. Maybe someday you can be in a DD reltaionship just not with your current husband. That trust is long gone but with a loving man it is possible to recieve loving correction.
Lilly
Lisa,
I hope you are safe and doing what needs to be done to remain that way. No apology is needed. That is not how I took that. My intention in pointing out Clint would never condone nor tolerate such behavior was in hopes your husband actually read my comment. It was to encourage you that you are absolutely right, your husband went too far.
I wish you well.
Dana
@Lisa - I very much understand "hot buttons" - we all have them and I can definitely understand yours. I'm with Dana - no apology necessary. I did not take your comments as criticism and if I came across that way to you, please accept my deepest apologies.
My intention was more to let you know that what you were experiencing was not a normal, loving, supportive, caring, DD relationship and that neither Clint nor regular posters on this blog would condone that type of behavior. Ok, maybe a bit of it was to tell your husband "hey you - not cool and we don't support your type of behavior". But mainly to let you know that you were taking the right steps to protect yourself and that you were not wrong in feeling he had gone too far.
I hope you can move forward with your life in a positive manner. Wishing nothing but blessings for your future.
Cat
I personally wouldn't recommend DD to anyone who found it made then depressed. DD should make you happier, not sadder. If it doesn't enhance your relationship, I don't think it is a good thing.
Louise
@Holly - I do remember your previous comment and I'm happy to hear about your trip to the mountains. It sounds like it was very beneficial to you both.
Your comment also illustrates the importance of communication to a couple and how helpful it can be, so I thank you very much for sharing your story. Many couples can learn a lot from your story. All the best, Holly.
@Anonymous (July 11th 10:18 PM)/Lisa - Hello Lisa. I don't even know where to start with your story/comment. There's a lot I'd like to say.
First, I hope you understand that you have plenty of support here, including support from my wife and I if you ever need it. It may help you to join the LDD Network as well. There is plenty of support within it. Your health is concern number one, and your situation most definitely sounds like a dangerous one for you, so please take the necessary measures to ensure your own personal safety, and the safety of your children. That's priority number one. Please be careful and get you and/or your husband the necessary help needed in your area. I'm worried about you, as are others judging from the comments you've received in response to your situation.
What you have described is not how a healthy Domestic Discipline dynamic works. It troubles me that you said your husband reads this blog, yet treats you in the manner he does. He clearly isn't reading LDD closely enough since his behavior and how he enforces the rules is not supported, recommended, or advised anywhere on this blog. This blog very heavily stresses the importance of practicing Domestic Discipline in a healthy, loving, supportive, and constructive way. From what you have described, your husband is doing the exact opposite of that.
Here are a list of things I think you both need to re-evaluate:
1) - Above all, you MUST consent to DD. If you "don't see the need", or if you feel you cannot trust him to practice DD correctly, then don't do it. He needs to respect you if you don't want to practice.
The following things are assuming you DO consent to DD.
2) - You should have a say in the rules. The fact that you don't needs to change.
3) - The rules need to be reasonable, rational, and obtainable within your personal capabilities - physical or otherwise. They should not be "nearly impossible to follow." I'd suggest you re-do your rules list.
3) - He needs to understand that he cannot punish for things that are out of your control. Working late and traffic jams are things you cannot control. If he cannot accept this, then I do not recommend you consent to practicing DD.
4) - Punishments must fit the "crime." Meaning one spankable offense does not require 5 consecutive nights of excessive spanking. That's absurd, overboard, and completely irrational and unfair. Your husband needs to get a grip on reality and punish fairly.
I did not advise anyone to spank for 5 minutes, as you stated I did. I ask that you go back and read my response to Paul carefully. You'll see how carefully worded it is, and how the recommended time is arbitrary and ultimately HE decides on how long to punish based on his experience. I simply provided him a time frame to work with. I also advised in the original blog entry to alternate implements if it's a lengthy spanking session. NOT to use one particular implement the entire time. Please read things carefully.
I hope your husband values my thoughts because he needs to read this response to you. He's doing DD incorrectly and in an unacceptable, abusive way. It needs to change and change immediately. If it does not, I would take the idea of DD in your marriage off the table completely - forever.
I hope you're okay, Lisa. It's certainly a concerning situation that I hope improves for you very soon. Good luck to you.
-- Clint
@lovehonorandobeyhim/Becky - It's easy to get discouraged or frustrated in this type of situation. I can understand that. You and your husband need address this problem together if it's something you want to correct.
The only person that can control your temperament is you. If you don't want to behave this way, do what you must to ensure that you don't. Before responding to your husband in a situation like this, take 5 minutes to completely "wake up" from your nap if you must. Take a few deep breaths or something. I don't know what will help you to remain calm and not get an attitude, but whatever calms you down, I would recommend you do it and think before you speak. I don't really know what else to say.
As for your husband, if he wants it corrected then he must consistently punish in some fashion for it each time it happens. There's no shame in asking for his help, either. If you want to better yourself but need his help in doing so, then ask him. I'm sure he'd be happy to help, particularly if it meant your attitude towards him would improve.
I hope this helps and don't worry about the spelling issues. It's amazing anything is coherent when I type on my phone. :)
Good luck to you, Becky.
@SpankedWifeUK - Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed the post.
@Dana, @Carol, @Cat, @Lilly - Thank you all for offering your thoughts and support to Lisa. I can't speak for her, but it means a lot to ME that you would take the time to do so. I appreciate it very much.
@Louise - Yes, indeed. I agree with you. Thank you for your comment.
All the best to each of you.
-- Clint
Clint,
Thank you for your help. My HOH has addressed the problem and has decided on a system to help. 1. Warning 2. Hot Sauce 3. Spanking. I am confident, I will behave better. My sore bum is better than disrespect. -Becky
Hi this is my first comment on a blog ever I have been a lurker on many blogs since my husband and I started domestic discipline about a month ago. I am having trouble changing my behaviors that we both agreed need work and he has done soooo wonderfully changing his behaviors but is having trouble on staying consistent with the follow through with me. This led to a very big serious talk where we both agreed on where to go from here and just to step it up in general, it also led to the biggest spanking to date. Well long story short while we have been both doing great I did fall back to an old bad habit that is going to lead to an even bigger spanking than before this is where I need the help.... You see I come from a bad history with another guy where the relationship was very abusive an my husband is very sensitive to this fact (I think even more than myself at times). Well I haven't told him yet about how the last spanking led to MAJOR bruising on my behind (I'm very pron to bruising)and I know he is going to get very upset when he sees it tonight. To the point where I don't think he will follow through with what's coming;not that my behind will mind; but I am afraid he may get very discouraged about things all together. So please help how do I help him through his fears and struggles and also do you have any other advice on how to help prevent most bruising. Thanks for your blog and your advice it has helped us with getting started and also in finding our way into this community of blogs.
If you are brusing easily, I would see the doctor. You will bruise easily if you are anemic or lacking in sufficient vitamin C. Either of those will cause excessive bruising where under normal circumstances there would be little or none.
I fought anemia for many years and I bruised without even being aware of the cause. I rarely went without a couple small bruises somewhere.
Take care of this, even if you aren't practicing DD, if you are bruising easily it could very well be an underlying health problem. Personally, I would recommend the suspension of the DD until you see a doctor. (I am sure you do not want to go to your physician wiht a bruised back side.)
G
@lovehonorandobeyhim/Becky - I'm happy to hear you two have found a system that works for you both.
Good luck to you.
@his italian gal - Thank you so much for reading LDD, and I'm honored this blog was the first one you've ever commented on! That's exciting! I encourage you to comment on other blogs as well - there are so many knowledgeable and friendly bloggers that live this lifestyle. They have a lot of support and advice to share.
Your last spanking leading to "MAJOR bruising" (as you put it) is a serious concern. Are you two conducting warm up spankings? If not, I highly recommend you do them. Their primary purpose is to prevent bruising. You can read about them here:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/05/warm-up-spankings.html
I don't want to sound like I'm saying bruising is acceptable because it isn't, but it does happen to some. It can be discouraging for beginners, but I want you both to understand that it is a relatively common thing. I'm sure your husband will feel terrible about it, as he should, but it isn't the end of the world. It takes time and experience to master how to spank properly. Something went wrong with the spanking and without more information I don't know exactly what it would be, but my educated guess is that you didn't do a warm up spanking (which I alluded to). You need to do those. They're important.
If you ARE doing warm ups and have no underlying health problems (as the anonymous commenter suggested as a possibility), then please comment again with a little more info on how you spank and I can advise a little better on how to prevent the bruising.
I would advise your husband not to spank you until your bruises heal, however I would also advise him to NOT let the most recent infraction go. If it's a spankable infraction then he should spank, but I would advise him to wait until you're completely healed before doing so. In the meantime he can conduct a lighter punishment (corner time, for instance) each day until you're healthy enough to spank again. That way he is remaining consistent with enforcing the rules.
I hope this helps your situation and I certainly hope the bruises heal up soon.
@Anonymous/G - Thank you for offering your thoughts on the bruising as well. You gave very good advice, and I certainly appreciate it. I'd imagine 'his italian gal' does as well.
All the best to each of you.
-- Clint
Thank you so much for all the advice and support with my first blog it was nerve racking for me but I'm glad I did! Thank you anonymous I told my husband about ur coment and he agrees with u I hate going to the doctor exspecially when its for an nonimportant issue has I put it but he has made a deadline for me making an appt soooo I guess I will lol ..... clint I really apperciate ur information and support my husband and I both agreed that this spanking thing is deffinatley a learning and changing thing as we start and actually he wasn't as upset as I thought he said he dealt with those emotions when we started this ..that this is an consensual thing meant to help not a forced thing meant to leave fear .We have gone back through the last spanking and ur posts on how to do them and agree we need more of a warmup than probably most and also he was having me rub instead of him durning moments of rest and I wasn't able to do it as well as he can so that will be changing also ....and yes my bruises have healed as of yesturday and tonight will be the up coming punishment for he had already said what u did clint which was a corner time every night to think it over untill the bruises were. healed and then we could try our new way of spanking wish me luck to get though it bruised free!
are two spankings in one day too much?
@hisitaliangal - It sounds like you two are making the necessary adjustments and searching to find what works best for you both. That's what it's all about and I commend you both for working together on the bruising issue.
Good luck to you both.
@Anonymous (July 23rd 8:12 PM) - Your question is difficult to answer since it depends on so much.
If you're spanking at the beginner or intermediate level as described on this blog (or close to it), then yes, it's safe to spank twice in one day. With that said, however, I would recommend you wait several hours between spanking sessions.
If you're spanking at the advanced level as described in this blog (or close to it), then no, I would not recommend spanking twice in the same day. I would wait for at least 24 hours between spankings at the advanced level (or close to it).
Best of luck to you.
-- Clint
Forgive me for disagreeing again, but I do have to say that to me these carefully regimented timed or numbered spankings make absolutely no sense and fail entirely to take into account the individuality of circumstances that most people routinely experience in their normal everyday lives.
What earthly good can it possibly do if you continue to spank someone who is more than contrite with all guilt and other negative emotions as fully assuaged as they can possibly, be after five minutes, for ten or fifteen minutes *after* that point? By the same token, what use is it to stop spanking someone who hasn't reached that point just because the clock dictates that?
Surely this is something that rather misses the point of DD, which is not to inflict a set amount of pain regardless, but to communicate and respond lovingly and appropriately to the individual circumstances, needs, requirements, pain thresholds and emotions of your own unique partner at any one time. I don't really see how you can achieve this essential connection if you are restricted by pre-conceived notions about times, numbers, "levels", particular implements etc, that might suit someone else's wife perfectly but be completely unsuited to the needs of yours.
Ros
@Ros – Hello again, Ros. It's great to hear from you again. I was starting to wonder where you went. My response to you is incredibly lengthy, and is broken into three parts. I apologize ahead of time if it takes you an hour to read. This is part one.
I respect and appreciate every commenter that comments on Learning Domestic Discipline, and I hope that is reflected in my responses to them. There are some, however, that I have an elevated amount of respect for and an even deeper appreciation for. You, Ros, are one of these people. Even in disagreement, you're respectful, you offer excellent opinions/advice, you have the experience to make intelligent, relevant, and important points about any topic I cover on the blog, and you've done things for the community that few others have done. As long as your comment does not degrade women, does not insult my readers, and does not insult my family, your comments will ALWAYS get posted, despite whether or not you agree with me. Of course I forgive you for disagreeing with me, and you are ALWAYS welcome to share your thoughts on my blog, even if it's at my expense. If fact, I encourage you to do so. Your comments are always well thought out and well written. I have a tremendous amount of respect for you, and always will.
Timed spankings are an option for those that practice domestic discipline. I gather, from your comment on this post on July 10th, 2012 at 1:42pm when you commented under the username “SWL1”, that even you and your husband experimented with timed spankings. By your own admission in that comment, you found them to be “somewhat regimented and unnatural.” So, you and your spouse moved on from them, finding what works best for you both, which is precisely what I encourage every single domestic discipline couple to do.
I agree, unequivocally, when you said, “[the point of DD] is not to inflict a set amount of pain regardless, but to communicate and respond lovingly and appropriately to the individual circumstances, needs, requirements, pain thresholds and emotions of your own unique partner at any one time.” I disagree with the rest of that paragraph, but that isn't the point of my response to you.
Continue to part two.
@Ros - This is part two.
The point of my response to you is this – I, from the beginning, had a very structured vision for my blog. That vision was to take a couple new to the lifestyle, and walk them through how to go about bringing this dynamic into their marriage. This blog is for couples who, not unlike my wife and I at the beginning of our DD journey, have NO clue what they're doing, or how to go about doing it. I wished so badly there had been a website like this for my wife and I when we were first starting out, but there wasn't. So I took it upon myself to create one.
If you go back and read the posts from the very beginning of the blog, you'll see that illustrated in the timing of the posts. I started the blog assuming the reader had NO idea what domestic discipline was or how to do it. I still write all of my posts that way. There's a lot more thought that goes into this blog than you think, Ros. It's very structured, and a new concept is not introduced until I feel completely comfortable introducing it to someone who I would be talking to at that same point in their DD journey as it correlates with the inaugural post of Learning Domestic Discipline.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because what you're alluding to is precisely the correct way an experienced couple should be spanking. Whether you believe it or not, a post on exactly what you're alluding to is in the plans for Learning Domestic Discipline, but I, personally, felt it was irresponsible of me to introduce it this early. This is why I gave you a very generic answer to your July 10th comment. Learning Domestic Discipline is simply not there yet.
Continue to part three.
@Ros - This is part three.
I felt that me recommending couples essentially spank until they feel the wife has learned, or is “contrite with all guilt” (as you put it), or until they feel the wife is sorry, etc. within the first few months of this blog existing would be irresponsible on my part. In my humble opinion, it is very risky to recommend that to a beginner, or someone still trying to figure how in the world to even do this correctly. They could easily spank too much, too hard, too long, too short, etc., injuring or bruising the wife, or causing some other kind of problem. They need to know how to do it correctly first, and they need to have experience with different implements, over or under clothing, different spanking positions, etc. before even thinking about spanking with no structure or time limit until the wife is “contrite with guilt.”
I still feel that way and always will, and the post I have in mind for this method of spanking will be posted in due time. It simply will not be posted on LDD until I feel the timing is right. That's my personal choice. That may bother you or it may not, but that's the plan. I feel couples need to be carefully walked through how to do this stuff, and I feel it's my responsibility as the owner of this blog to ensure they safely know how to do it, and are comfortable with all that goes into spanking in general.
It is of very little surprise to me that someone as experienced as yourself would disagree with timed spankings. Someone with your experience level should not be spanking this way (unless they have found it works best for them). This particular post was written for those that needed an alternative, just as you and your husband did when you experimented with timed spankings. If you take yourself back to that moment in your marriage, then read the post again, I doubt it will be as unsettling to you.
I'll wrap this up now. Sorry for the lengthy response. As I said before, I appreciate every comment you make, I appreciate every conversation you and I have in the LDD Network or anywhere else for that matter, and I meant what I said when I said I'm very happy that you and your husband have found what works best in your marriage.
All the best to you, Ros.
-- Clint
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