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Posted in: Personal Stories
LDD's Weekly Recap: July 29th - August 4th
11 years ago
Thursday, July 5, 2012
A Lofty "No Spanking" Challenge
Posted in: Personal Stories
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63 comments:
Sounds like vacation was needed. Glad things went off without a snag or slip up!
I will support her and I want to stay out of trouble for a year too! I think I'm gonna try to join her...
~Hugs~
Lily
I think she can do it. The way you support and encourage her is truly precious.
Hi Clint
My name is Natalia. From what I have read about Chelsea, if anyone can go a year, she can!! I was divorced several years ago and I believe if my husband and I had practiced this lifestyle, we would still be married today.
I have often thought that if God were to have a second husband for me then I would want to discuss this lifestyle with him so that there would be a means to help me from repeating the mistakes of my past.
That being said, I saw a video today of a man named Niko spanking his wife and it scared me so much that I actually became nauseated. I think I could handle severe humiliation more than I could handle a spanking like the one I saw. I pray that if God leads me to this in my future that He gives me the courage to face the consequences with a contrite and yielding spirit.
You can do it Chelsea! I will set my goal with you. Right after I get punished for an incident yesterday. My HOH is giving me a day because I was sick today.
It is great that you had a wonderful relaxing vacation and that Chelsea behaved herself.
A year without a punishment spanking...hmmmm you two have been at this longer than me and my HoH so I am going to definately root for her. She can do this!
With that being said...I am still in the learning process lol so there is no way I could do that long of a challenge. Right now I am lucky to make it 2 weeks without a punishment spanking.
Chelsea you can do this....prove it to Clint...he won't know what to do with himself without punishment spankings for a year...kind of a punishment for him ;) lol...jk Clint
You guys are the best!!!
Paula
How do I/we join your network?
Hi Clint and Chelsea, I'm new to posting and wrote to you in another spot but you haven't responded. Of course, I know you're busy and have been away so it's just possible that you haven't gotten to it but just in case I wrote in the wrong place, please allow me to ask you to read my two comments under "hesitation ". I'm the "anonymous" that told you I drive too fast (80 mph) according to my cop husband and he's asked me to stop. We are really new to this! He is trying to set rules but he has no concept of having any control over my actions. I may do it anyway but he asked me by saying "it'd be nice if I could try" and I know he won't enforce any consequences so it's no big deal if I forget. There didn't seem to be any urgency. He is trying though. I just wanted to thank you both Clint and Chelsea. You are a great model for all of us. I wrote to the Dr. Phil show and asked that they consider having you on to discuss this style of marriage. I hope many more of your readers will also write to the show. I hope DD will once more become mainstream and understood.
You're too stern, Clint. You could be more indulgent with your wife. She was really affected by the harsh spanking she was given recently. For once, I think you should have more kindness. Have a really sore bottom is distressing for a woman. I love your blog, but if my husband find it, I think he will be more severe. I do my best to avoid spankings, and I don't think that more punishments would be efficient. I prefere to continue my life with rare spankings, and don't have my little ass beaten severely at every mistake.
Hi Clint
This is Holly. I'm glad you had a good vacation. I want so much to go to the beach but we can't afford it. I also want to join your network but will have to ask my husband first. He doesn't even know I posted a comment before. Didn't know it would cost but I think we can afford it. Like what anonymous said, just how do we join?
A whole year huh?? I'll be watching with much interest to see if it can be done. Good luck Chelsea, you go girl!
I know without a doubt I can't do it. My big mouth tends to get me in trouble fairly often. You probably can't tell, as I'm mostly on my best behavior here, but I can be ....let's just say "difficult" :) I am getting much better though. I was about to set a personal record of one month without being in real trouble. I've only been living DD for about 4 months now, and for me, one month woul have been a big improvement.
Too bad I'm currently having one of those "OH CRAP, what have I done" moments. He is going to be so very unhappy with me when he gets home :(
Anyway, put me down for a one month of no spanking goal..starting Monday.
Congratulations on a relaxing and peaceful vacation! I want to lend my support to Chelsea as a wife who has gone many years without a punishment spanking. I've been married almost 20 years, and by now have learned not to fall.back into bad habits. We still do periodic maintenance spankings, but those reminders seem to be enough now. Best of luck. I know it can be done -- if I can do it, anyone can with a little encouragement and practice.
I haven't been on here for a while. Looks like I've missed something.... Did Clint say punishment spankings, not maintenance spankings? Hmmm... I'll have to find how this came about.....
Chelsea, I have heard of people on the blogs claiming they've gone a year or more without a spanking. It always amazes me that they can do it. I went almost half a year once, but my husband was recovering from back surgery for two of those months. Then I took Christine's 30 day challenge and did it. Well if I could do that I thought I should shoot for the 60 day challenge. I made it 4 days. For me, I think I'm better off just being aware, but not putting the word challenge before me. I'be set my new goal for 6 months again. Once (or if I) accomplish this, then I'll consider myself ready to go for the gold.. One year!
I won't say that it can't be achievedI think your personality type is such that you would probably get a lot farther than most. Have fun and we'll be rooting for you!
BEST OF LUCK!!!
Hi Clint
This is John, Holly's husband. This may not seem like a serious question, but...I'm, generally curious. How do I react if in the middle of a spanking or spanking maintenance, my wife lets out a big fart and starts laughing?
@Lily - The vacation was most definitely needed and we had a great, punishment-free time. :)
Good luck on taking the challenge as well!
@His First Mate - If anyone can do it, it's my wife. I think she can do it too. Thanks for your support, HFM. It means a lot to us.
@Natalia - You know, I hear that rather frequently, to be honest with you. I think there are a lot of women out there who feel as you do - had they practiced DD in their marriage, they may have never ended up divorced. That's interesting, and probably true in a lot of cases.
I'm not familiar with this "Niko" you speak of, so unfortunately I cannot offer an opinion on his videos. Spankings and a Domestic Discipline lifestyle in general can be a scary and challenging proposition for anyone, but if you find the right man who is willing to do it and do it the right way (meaning in the best way for YOUR marriage), then I'm confident in saying you two would find a great deal of happiness and harmony in your lives together.
Be patient. The right man is out there for you somewhere. :)
@Anonymous (July 5th 7:20 PM) - Thank you for offering your support to my wife and good luck with your challenge! My wife and I are always here if you need encouragement and support.
@Paula - Thank you for your words of encouragement, Paula. My wife has gone several months without a spanking before, but a whole year is a looooong time. I'm certainly pulling for her. It would sure make my job as HoH easier. :) I guess we'll just have to see!
All the best to each one of you.
-- Clint
@Anonymous (July 5th 7:44 PM) - To join the LDD Network, you'll need a PayPal account, so if you do not have one I would recommend getting one before signing up. They're free, and a PayPal account is a convenient way to pay your invoice(s).
Once you have a PayPal account set up, follow this link to sign up:
http://learningdd.ning.com/
From there you will need to fill out a brief form and submit it to our moderators for approval. Approvals generally happen within a few hours, if not sooner.
We hope to see you in the network!
@Anonymous (July 5th 8:48 PM) - I apologize for the late responses to your comments on the "Hesitation" post, but I've responded to them now. It can take an HoH some time to become comfortable with their role in the marriage, so be patient with him and give him respectful, constructive feedback so he can improve upon things.
Thank you for emailing the Dr. Phil program! It'll be interesting to see if we ever hear from them. I suppose only time will tell. :)
Your words are very kind, and my wife and I appreciate your support so very much. It means a lot to us. Thank you.
@Anonymous (July 5th 9:21 PM) - Having a sore bottom is certainly distressing for a woman. Having a wife that texts while she drives is very distressing to a husband as well. I felt it was much too serious of a problem to take lightly, so I did what I felt was best to address the issue. Some, such as yourself, may view it as too stern, but I'm not willing to take the risk of losing my wife, our son, or the lives of innocent drivers on the road. I'll gladly take my wife having a sore bottom for a few hours over her getting killed, or killing someone else, in a car accident. This is simply my opinion, of course. I'm confident that my wife would say she feels the same way.
How your husband opts to enforce the rules of your marriage is certainly his choice. I wish you nothing but happiness and harmony in your marriage going forward.
@Holly - I've given instructions on how to join the network at the top of this comment. We hope to see you and your husband in the network soon!
All the best to each of you.
-- Clint
Did your son love the water? We have a one year old and he just loves the beach. I got punished last night (I fully earned it ). I wanted to say that my HOH took some of your advice and it was a success. He was proud of my reaction and pleased with my change in behavior today. So thank you! Your advice was really helpful. Thanks for your blog. -Becky
@Cowgirl Up - Yep, a whole year. Think she can do it? I think she can, but it's going to be a challenge for her, no question.
A month long goal of no spankings is a realistic and obtainable goal for a beginner such as yourself. You already have two huge supporters - my wife and I. :) Good luck! Keep us posted.
@Patricia Green - Wow, going "many years" without a punishment spanking is phenomenal! Fantastic job! With your experience you should comment more often, Patricia. I think a lot of couples - my wife and I included - could learn a lot from you, particularly if you're at a point where punishment spankings are so few and far between. I'm so happy to hear it.
Thank you for supporting my wife with her challenge. With all the support and encouragement for her, I'm sure she'll make it a long time, if not a full year, without a punishment spanking.
@April - Yes, it does sound like you've missed something, April - we started maintenance spankings about a month ago. So far so good. The link to the post in which I discuss how they came about is included at the bottom of this post.
Good luck with your 60 day challenge! You can do it. Thank you for supporting my wife as well. That means a lot to us both. :)
@John - I have to admit, John, that this is the first time I've ever been asked this question. It's quite the question too, I must say.
I would stop the spanking, probably have a good laugh, then find the nearest aerosol air freshener can and spray a healthy amount into the air after a "big fart". You have to do what you have to do.
The flatulence situation mid-spanking likely will cause both of you to lose focus from the problem being addressed, which therefore will render the spanking, and any immediate continuation of the spanking post gas-passing, ineffective. Therefore, unfortunately you would need to conduct the spanking session all over again from the beginning when you two stop laughing and have regained your composure.
I hope this helps you and your flatulating wife with any future awkward spanking situations. Best of luck to you, John.
-- Clint
Wondering if you ease up at all while on vacation (or on birthdays, holidays, etc.)? Do you pack implements? Do you pack them or does your wife? We are headed away soon. I had thought if a spanking was warranted on vacation, I would administer it when we returned home. Is this a bad idea?
@Clint Thank you for that warm welcome. I hope whatever I can contribute will help someone. Although I've been a fiction author for about 20 years, last year I started writing explicit spanking romances. There seems to be a large audience for these books, and I think, like blog comments here and in other forums, with my fiction can share some of what I've learned through long-time experience and interaction with fans. We in the DD lifestyle should always reach out to others who are struggling. Before last year, I didn't realize there was such a huge community for DD. I'm happy to have found it.
Do you write under Patricia Green? Just wondering, thought I might look up your books.
@Anon 8.Jul.12 8:00am - Everyone has different ways of implementing DD within their relationship but for us, it was 24/7/365 - no passes, easing up, etc.
We had a bag that sat by the front door and went with us whenever we were going to be gone longer than 2 or 3 hours - it contained cap cream (evil stuff) and duplicates of a few of his favorite (smaller) implements. This actually made trips, visits, vacations, etc. easier since the rules/expectations were the same and I knew he was always going to enforce them ASAP.
Thank you for the instructions on how to join. -Becky
@anonymouse 7/8 6:34 PM. Yes, I write under Patricia Green. I just finished writing a six-book series for Blushing Books. Those and two more of my DD romances are coming out about once a month. Three are out now at Amazon, B&N and the publisher's site (Blushing Books). By the end of 2012 I'll have almost 20 books on the market (not all DD in nature). Thank.you for asking.
@Clint- Do I think Chelsea can do it? There is not a doubt in my mind that she will keep trying until she achieves her goal. Granted, I'm still comparatively new to both your blogs, but I kinda feel like I know you guys already. I don't get the impression that Chelsea is the type to give up on anything she's set her mind to. My money is on Chelsea to meet her goal. Maybe it will take a few more stops and starts, maybe it will be on this current attempt (I hope so). I don't know, but I do know it WILL get done.
I am absolutely honored to know that you and Chelsea are my supporters. Thank you so much for saying so.
I appreciate your positive comments regarding my one month goal. Actually, I think I have more confidence in Chelsea than I have in myself :), but I'll give it a shot.
I looked up the books, which one do you suggest?
I know Chelsea can do it! I've had several punishment free periods of eight or nine months but I've never made it an entire year. You go, girl!
Clint, when Chelsea makes her goal, I hope there will be some super awesome reward at the end! Something like a trip to... hmmmm, oh I don't know... Canada?
@Christina-You're close enough to be a contender :), are you going to join Chelsea with a year long goal?
You're one of favorite bloggers BTW. I've been one of your lurkers for a while now.
I'm betting that Chelsea will make her 1 year goal!
@Christina - if you decide to join Chelsea, my money is on you making it also!
Go Chelsea and Christina!
@Clint and Jim - when they both make it, they deserve a super awesome reward - maybe a joint trip to the beach?
Wow, good luck! I hope she can do it, too.
Clint, if I was pulled over for speeding but did not get a ticket, am I obligated to tell my husband who is the hoh?; we have similar rules as you and chelsea and so if he knew or found out, I would be in for a severe spanking. It happened last night; I was speeding 20 over the limit:(
Hello, I have a question and need your input. My husband purchased an expensive video camera and I knew we had to take care if it; be careful with it. We were at a public function where I left the camera somewhereh and it was stolen or is lost. The camera was new and cost upwards of $750. I was having such a good time with friends I just wasn't thinking and it simply slipped my mind; I feel horrible but it was an accident. My hoh was furious and is thinking of what kind of a punishment is necessary while we wait to see if it turns up; I know if it does not turn up, my bottom will be paying for it (in my husbands opinion). In my opinion it was an accident and don't think I should be punished or spanked! Can you please give your thoughts and how you would handle it? Thank you. I have until Sunday for it to show up.
Alexandria
@Anonymous (July 8th 8:00 AM) - Even while on vacation I recommend the HoH remain consistent in enforcing the rules. I think a great post for you to read is the following:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2012/01/domestic-discipline-obstacles-travel.html
It addresses a lot of the questions you have about the difficulty of having to spank while on vacation.
No, I don't necessarily think spanking when you return home is a bad idea, however, I would suggest holding the wife accountable in some fashion each day until you're able to spank when you get home. Just a light punishment will do to remind her that she is indeed being held accountable for her actions and she isn't "getting away with it", so to speak. This also helps to send the message that she still needs to follow the rules of the home and marriage, even while on vacation.
Best of luck to you and have fun on your vacation!
@Patricia Green - I'm happy that you have found it as well and I wish you nothing but success with your books. I'm happy to see you a part of the LDD Network as well! Welcome! :)
@Becky - You're most welcome. See you in the network! :)
@Cowgirl Up - Yes, I think my wife can do it, but it's going to take focus and determination from her to get to one year. She has both of those attributes, so I definitely think she can do it!
We're always happy to support other DD couples - or any couple for that matter - with their goals. I'm glad you have confidence in my wife but you need confidence in yourself too! We have confidence in you. Stay out of trouble, Cowgirl Up! :)
@Anonymous (July 9th 1:22 PM) - I take your question as being directed to Patricia Green. If I'm wrong about that, I have not read any of Mrs. Green's books and therefore don't know which ones are best. I need to get reading!
All the best to each of you.
-- Clint
@Christina - There is definitely incentive for her to reach her goal. I think she can do it too. :)
Canada, huh? Hmm. We'll have to think about that. I was thinking something more along the lines of Hawaii! We're ocean/beach people, can you tell?
@Cat - I like the way you think! I'll have to talk to Jim about that. I'm up for a joint beach vacation reward for our wives upon reaching their goals it if he is.
Thank you for your support of my wife as well. Your support means a lot to us both.
@Ana - Thank you for your support! It truly means a lot to both of us.
@Anonymous (July 10th 11:59 PM) - You aren't going to like my answer, but yes, I feel it's important that you inform your husband about the speeding. It's important he know about it so he can address it and help keep you safe on the road. It's the right thing to do. I'm reminded of a lyric from The Fray - "Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same." Definitely true in this case.
It's nice that you didn't get a ticket, but let's face it - 20 mph over the speed limit is teetering on reckless driving. In the United States, anyway. I don't know where you're from. Anyway, I have no right to lecture. All I can ask is that you please be careful out there on the road for us innocent drivers, if not for yourself. I think you'll feel better in the long run after confessing about it. Guilt isn't fun to live with. Good luck to you.
@Alexandria - I'm terribly sorry to hear about the lost camera. It sounds like it was a very nice one, and I certainly hope it turns up soon.
I think the best way for me to answer your question is to express how I would handle the situation, personally. I would give my wife the benefit of the doubt and not spank right away, however, I would remove privileges or "ground" her until the camera is found. Once found, she's done with her punishment.
If the camera is not found after an allotted amount of time (I'd give it a few days or so), I would then spank for the irresponsibility. I'm sure it was an accident - I don't think anyone intentionally loses a $750 camera - but it still shows irresponsibility on my wife's part if she were to lose it like this.
Again, this is just my personal thoughts on the situation. In the end, how you're held accountable is your husband's decision to make.
Good luck in finding the camera. All the best to you.
-- Clint
@Alexandria - I forgot to mention an important part - I would also not allow my wife to do something she wanted that was of equal value to the camera (which is pretty substantial, so it would likely end up taking multiple things that add up to the value of the camera).
Again, this is just my personal opinion, and the choice is ultimately your husbands to make.
-- Clint
@Becky (July 7th 6:34 PM) - I almost missed this comment! I'm glad I went back and saw it.
Yes, our son absolutely loved the water. He wasn't scared of the waves, either. He would have walked right out into the ocean if we would have let him!
I'm so happy to hear the blog has been helpful for your marriage. You're welcome for the blog, and thank you so very much for supporting Learning Domestic Discipline. It means the world to me. Thank you.
-- Clint
Sorry if this is too personal of a question for you but how often would you say that you break any of the rules that would get your wife a spanking? (Clint or any other HoH that would answer this for me). I sometimes think that practicing DD in a marriages causes the wife to "act out" more and break rules more often because there is a punishment for it and so it is over relatively quickly. I know I could easily go a full year without doing anything that would deserve a spank eg. I would never lie to my husband personally it for me is on the same level as cheating as trust is such an integral part of the relationship. A lot of people who practice DD will say that the husbands "punishment" is that he has to be accountable to himself and he will guilty about it for longer than a spank would last, so taking away the long term guilt feelings by spanking is the easier punishment thus causing the wife to "act out" more causing the need for more spanking.
IMO women are not devious creatures that make mistakes/behave badly more then men but it seems in a DD situation it is almost expected that the wife is going to need more behaviour correction than the husband.
I also think that having spankings in a relationship causes the wife to make more mistakes and have more bad behaviour because even though the spanks are not erotic at all the feeling the husband gets ( because he is the powerful head of the household) and the feelings that the wife gets (because she married an alpha man) will cause stronger feelings of desire which is why any couple that has done maintenance spanking have said they work (of the DD couples that I have talked to). Just a couple thoughts on her spanking challenge (deep down inside she may not actually want to go a full year without a spank and her subconscious will be causing her to disobey because let's face it the sex in couples who begin to use DD usually is better than it was prior to starting DD)
@Anonymous (July 11th 12:05 PM) - The statements you're making in your comment are inaccurate and presumptuous. They come off as a general overall perception of the lifestyle from an individual who has never practiced DD, or from someone who does not understand the dynamic at all, and/or someone who completely disagrees with the lifestyle. Perhaps a combination of all three.
"A lot of people who practice DD will say that the husbands "punishment" is that he has to be accountable to himself and he will guilty about it for longer than a spank would last, so taking away the long term guilt feelings by spanking is the easier punishment thus causing the wife to "act out" more causing the need for more spanking."
What are you talking about in this statement? Which DD couples say this? I don't have 30+ years of experience with the lifestyle by any means, but I would say I have a healthy amount of experience with DD and I've never heard anyone say anything close to this. Not only that, but it doesn't make any sense. It's a very strange thought process, I must say, but you're certainly entitled to your opinions.
If you can "easily go a full year without doing anything that would deserve a spanking", that's fantastic! You sound very confident in yourself, which is wonderful. It sounds like DD isn't for your marriage if you have no need to improve your own faults and/or your marriage dynamic in any way.
Most DD women do not lie to their husbands either, and the fact that you don't lie to yours is commendable. Lying is just one of many offenses that could potentially get a wife spanked in a DD lifestyle.
We agree to disagree on the majority of the points you make, but it's certainly interesting to hear this point of view.
Thanks you for taking the time to share your thoughts. I wish you nothing but the best going forward.
-- Clint
I just want to thank everyone for their support! I'm pretty confident that I can make it a year without getting spanked, but we'll see what happens.
I love how supportive the blogging community has always been to me. I used to be really shy about domestic discipline but blogging and meeting friends through it has really helped me to open up and not feel so alone.
Thank you to everyone (especially my husband!) for the support and for standing behind me! I encourage all of you (who are "DD wives") to do the no spanking challenge with me. :) Trust me, it's fun!
-Chelsea
This is to Chelsea...how do you keep from getting discouraged when you have to start the no spankimg challenge over? I'm feeling discouraged about messing up.
Anonymous (July 12th 9:59am): It's really discouraging, no doubt. Since it's only happened once to me so far (getting in trouble during my no spanking challenge, and having to start over) I don't have a lot of great tips because it did really discourage me. I'm a pretty optimistic person, and I like challenges, so I just tried not to think about it and move forward and keep thinking about how awesome it will be when I actually finish the challenge. I think the key is to just stay positive and remember how awesome the reward will be when you're done. I know that's easier said than done though, and I wish I had better advice but I get discouraged too.
Good luck!
-Chelsea
@Anon Anon 12.July 9:59am & Chelsea - Don't really have any words of wisdom for you.
There is a very old movie I saw a while back called "Swing Time" which has a song called "Pick Yourself Up" in it - part of the lyrics keep running around in my head (honestly, can't get them out! LOL) but maybe they will help you.
Here they are:
Nothing's impossible I have found,
For when my chin is on the ground,
I pick myself up,
Dust myself off,
Start all over again.
Stay positive Anon - you can do it! Chelsea - good luck on your challenge - know you're going to make it this time!
Hi. I am the Anonymous that wrote about being discouraged. Thank you both for your help. -Becky
Hi Clint,
It's Alexandria. Thank you for your kind words and giving me your thoughts and how you would handle the situation. It puts things in perspective for me and gives me a chance to see my HOH's side and that it isn't that unreasonable since you feel the same way. It is ultimiately his choice and he chose to do somethign similar to you. Well, the camera never showed up and so tomorrow I'll be getting a spanking for the irresponsibility. My HOH and you think a lot alike LOL - he grounded me, said I'd get a spanking if the camera didn't show up, and then lose privileges (no shopping for a month for anything). Granted he gave me until today for the camera to show up (more than just a couple days), I'm still a little upset as it wasn't intentional. However, he did feel it was irresponsible and careless. The time gave him a chance to come up with the punishments too, which we all knew would be a grounding (can't leave the house except for domestic purposes - i.e., no fun for a month starting the day I lost the camera:(, one spanking tomorrow evening:( and then losing shopping privileges for a month total - he thinks that will equal the value of the camera. I almost wanted to go out and buy a new one and say it showed up. But I knew he would know plus who has $700 lying around? lol; I don't work, so I'm stuck at home with chores (at least I'll be able to use the computer for an hour a day). Tomorrow, I have to wait for my husband to get home for work and then I have no idea how severe the spanking will be, but hope it won't be too severe!! He said he would use the cane a little but mostly his hand and a wooden spoon. I hope it doesn't last long - I am dreading it!! I am bummed out!!:( Only 2 of our friends know about us practicing DD, so I am not sure what I will tell the other friends if they ask me to do anything. It will be difficult but some day we will disclose it 1 friend at a time. Wish me and my behind luck tomorrow!!Alexandria
@Alexandria - Too bad the camera didn't show up. I'm sorry to hear that. It sounded like a nice camera. :(
For what it's worth, I do think your punishment is fair, assuming the spanking isn't excessively done. I think you'll be happier through it all since you'll be a better, more responsible person. :)
All the best to you, Alexandria. Thanks for sharing your story.
-- Clint
It helps to know that an impartial person finds the punishment fair - it helps me understand it more/and my husband more. I can say that it was one of my worst spankings. He ended up not using the cane, but used the wooden spoon, his hand, and a paddle. It lasted a good hour (which included a long lecture). He said he was upset at my carelessness and irresponsibility and also the fact that he lost a very expensive camera and wonderful pictures and videso he took with them. I can understand. In between spankings, he had me stand in the corner to think about all of that and to let it sink in. At the end, he made me explain to him why I was being spanked, how I would behave in the future, and my other punishments (grounding and no shopping). He also added that I had to return a Coach purse I recently bought for $200.00. If I behaved well enough for the rest of the one-month grounded, etc. I could think about getting it again. So, I did learn and will remember to think more and be more responsible next time. He said he would be buying another camera at the end of the month. I'll be sure to keep a bettter eye on that. LOL. It's uncomfortable to sit and my bottom is sore still but overall I don't feel the guilt anymore and have learned. I hate being spanked and lectured and standing in the corner though!! I also hate being grounded, but I'll be sure to behave. I am bored being grounded with house chores. But thanks again. Alexandria
@Alexandria - In my opinion the situation was handled fairly and appropriately, and I'm glad to hear that you're learning from the experience.
Thanks for sharing your story, Alexandria. I'm glad I could help. All the best to you.
-- Clint
I've joined Chelsea in the one year no punishment spanking challenge!
So Clint and Jim, our husbands dear, we hereby declare that your paddles will gather dust, mold will grow up on the wood, your arms will grow lax and lazy with not having the up and down excercise from spanking, your ears will not hear the OW cries of your wives!
To Alexandria-- I just joined this DD world so I am truly no expert but I think having to return the Coach bag goes over and beyond!! You got that bag before the punishment so he should have let you keep it. I know CLINT doesn't agree but now that I have first hand knowledge of how spanking feels, I think what you got was enough without having to return the bag! My HoH is following Clint's advice to the letter so his sterness is worrying to me! I'm just hoping he'll ease up on all of us who have husbands learning from him! CLINT, please, please consider giving us a break! At least re consider the no rubbing rule! That's just evil! Kinda joking but not!!
Good luck Alexandria and I hope you get your bag back. To me that's almost as bad as the spanking!
Hi Clint. Could you explain the no rubbing rule again please? Why isn't the spankIng enough during its duration? It is hard to be comforted while your bottom still throbs!
Thanks!
@Christina - That sounds GREAT to me. It's a win-win situation for everyone involved. My wife just hit her 1 month mark today! Only 11 more months to go..
@Anonymous (July 19th 4:21 PM) - You're pleading with the wrong guy! If you want a break, you'll have to talk to your husband about that. I just provide the recommendations and your HoH decides whether or not to use them. :)
@Anonymous (July 23rd 7:48 AM) - I recommend against rubbing immediately after the spanking since it lessens the sting and renders the spanking less effective. The point is for the spanking to be painful, unfortunately, otherwise the spanking is not having the strongest effect in getting the behavior corrected. Rubbing subdues that pain to a certain extent.
Also, rubbing can lead to sexual activity for some couples, and it's recommended couples refrain from any kind of sexual activity while the wife is in pain. This is another reason why rubbing immediately after a spanking is not recommended.
For more on the rubbing topic, you may want to read the following post:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2012/02/rubbing-before-during-and-after.html
I hope this helps. All the best to you.
-- Clint
Dear Clint, I get it. Since I can't get through to my HoH about a break, I figured I'd ask for your help but I know I'm going to the " wrong guy" lol. He does follow your advice pretty closely since we are just starting. As hard as it has been, I can see the benefits and we won't be going back to the way things used to be.
Thanks.
@Anonymous (July 25th 7:06 AM) - If it's any consolation, I DO feel it's appropriate/fair to rub the buttocks after approximately one hour of time has elapsed AFTER the spanking is finished. It's rubbing IMMEDIATELY after the spanking that I do not recommend doing. I discuss the rubbing topic on the following post if you'd like to read it:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2012/02/rubbing-before-during-and-after.html
If you scroll to the bottom of that post, you'll see where I discuss this very thing. I hope this helps you feel a little bit better about the rubbing issue.
All the best to you.
-- Clint
Hi Clint,
I have a question. How do you and Chelsea split household chores? In our house I am responsible for cleaning in the entire inside of the house, washing dishes, doing laundry (AND folding and putting them away), cooking most of the time, grocery shopping); my husband is responsible for yard work, garbage, and other maintenance of the house (such as plumbing, carpenry, etc.). Well, i find it a little uneven and I have brought that up with my husband (but he said we had discussed it before and it will not change). He believes that the woman should do the househld domestic chors and the man should do the outside work and maintenance. Granted he does a lot but it is very difficult to clean the bathrooms, do the dusting, and do the laundry every week, etc. One time I forgot to put the laundry away after folding them. He asked me twice to put them away (as a rule, the laundry is supposed to be done and put away by the end of that same day the laundry is washed, but I did not do that until the next day). I got spanked on the bare for that since he said I broke the rule and then completely ignored him when he reminded me just out of defiance. I learrned my lesson but I wanted to get your opinion on whether that is too strict or if the split is an unfair split in household chores? I do not wish to do any of his current chores (to trade) - I just think he should do the laundry and dusting too. It would be very helpful to get your opinion. I was supposed to complete dusting and dishes after dinner over the weekend, but was late. He is out of town but when he gets home I have a spanking to look forwad to and maybe a grounding. As I said before, my husband finds the split in household chores and the punishment for breaking the rules to be fair and reasonable.
Thank you,
Julia
@Julia, Maybe your approaching him the wrong way. Maybe instead of saying its unfair i would just ask him if he could help you with the laundry maybe when you take the clothes out the dryer and start folding him just ask him if he could help you... ?
Thank you anonymous for your help but I have asked him before, however, he will not help as he is busy with his own chores. There was a time when he had helped when we were expecting company. However, other than that he will not as he says I'm expected to complete them as he completes his as well. I do get bored doing them and that is one reason why I despise it lol. it does take much time as well. He returns from out of town business trip tomorrow and so I have made sure to get all my chores done so he won't be as severe with the spanking which he said he would give as soon as he got in - he said I was being a brat and making excuses by trying to get out of agreed upon chores. Anyways, I wanted to get some opinions and advice. If it is common among DD couples then I will accept it. I know I will make sure to do my part after the spanking but then later will have these same thoughts again.
Julia
I find folding clothes incredibly boring also. I usually put in a favorite movie to pass the time while I fold . Because I have seen the movie before it is easy to split my attention. Every once in a while I rent a new movie that I know no one else in my house wants to see (all males in my house). I may have to rewind a few times but the time passes fast and Voila! The clothes are done. I hope this helps.
CP
Julia,
I have a couple of questions. Do you work outside the home? In our relationship, I am primarily responsible for the inside stuff but as I work, The Man helps when he sees I am behind. The other is, when you said up there that you had both discussed it before, did you? Did you both discuss it and agree upon the division of labor? Or, did you both discuss and agree upon the fact that as he is your HoH, he is the leader of your home and as he is, you trust him to make good decisions for your relationship and your home? That you have also determined that as HoH, he may make decisions that you don't agree with, but you will submit to?
These are just questions you may want to ask yourself. Housework is not my favorite thing to do. However, having a clean house, showing The Man that I appreciate what he provides for us (what we have been able to accomplish together) is one of my most favorite things. When I don't feel like cleaning, I remind myself how much he appreciates coming home to a clean house, and that helps.
Hang in there. Dana
Julia,
My husband and I have only being practicing DD for a very short time. Most days I wonder if I have a submissive bone in my body, shoot at this point I would settle for a submissive tendon or toenail.LOL. Anyway the point that I am trying to make is that I am so NOT an expert. That said, I have found that most of the couples that seem to "have it together", have a strong HOH that establishes rules to fit their individual marriages. Not all women struggle with the same weakness or bad habits, Some may have issues with dieting, others cursing or being constantly late, and some may truly struggle with keeping a home clean and orderly. I truly believe that an astute HOH will look at the wonderful and unique women he is blessed to married to and incorporate rules that will help them grow both individually and as a couple. That being said, if managing the house has been something that you have struggled with in the past, you may really need this rule..ughhh, I know it stinks. Do you work outside of the home, or have children that can help? My husband and I both work, but the majority of the inside chores are mine, he does the outside stuff. However, he is not above helping me when he has the time. We have also established chores for our boys (They live here too and most of the mess is theirs!!) I know cleaning is boring, believe me going to work is boring too! LOL Before you bring this to your HOH again maybe you should truly look deep inside yourself and ask yourself if you truly think he is being unfair or if you are just not quite being submissive enough. Usually for me it is the latter,LOL
If you both work equal hours and you honestly feel that your arrangement is unfair, talk to him about it, try not to be argumentative. It would probably go better if you had gotten everything completed as he specified....just saying.
Good Luck,
Ann
@Julia - Hello Julia. My wife and I split the household chores pretty similarly to how you and your husband do, honestly. In general terms, my wife takes care of the inside of the home (laundry, dinner, dishes, general cleaning, etc.) and I take care of everything else (outside of the home, home repairs/maintenance, car repairs/maintenance, working full time, etc.).
We split the duties of caring for our son as well, just for the record. I've changed plenty of diapers and have given plenty of baby baths in my day. So has my wife. :)
We also help each other out if things get overwhelming, or we'll do some things together (like going to the grocery store for instance - we do that together). I'm happy to help my wife out with general home chores whenever I can or whenever she needs help. She reciprocates as well if I need help.
Under the assumption that your husband is the one working full time and you're not working or working part time (sincere apologies if I'm incorrect), I don't see any major issues with how you have things split up, but that's just my opinion of course. I think it would be nice of him to help you out when you're feeling overwhelmed, but that's something you two would need to maturely discuss, with him ultimately making the final decision on it.
You got some great responses from others as well. It's nice to see others chiming in.
Maybe my opinion helps you feel better about things, or maybe it doesn't. Either way, I hope things improve for you soon.
Good luck!
Thanks to all offering your thoughts to Julia as well. The more thoughts and opinions for Julia to read over, the better. :)
All the best to each of you.
-- Clint
Your son is absolutely adorable
@Anonymous (August 3rd 6:01 PM) - That's very kind of you to say. Thank you so much. He's such a smart kid, too! We're blessed parents, no question. Our son makes us so proud every single day. :)
-- Clint
Hi Clint, I am the anonymous from august 1st. U are correct that I do not work. My question is does you punish your wife for not completing chores?
@Anonymous (August 19th 3:01 AM) - If my wife was not completing various household chores, then yes, I would punish for it. I would remove privileges until those chores were completed. Depending on how my wife handled herself, it could escalate to a spanking if she pushed things far enough.
I hope this helps your situation. Good luck to you.
-- Clint
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