Thursday, July 19, 2012

The Power of Incentives

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  We discuss how important it is to give the submissive partner a goal (or goals) to work toward.  You can read this article on our new website by clicking here.


Dana said...

Thanks Clint!!! There is also another dynamic to this. Especially if it is a goal that the wife is really struggling with. The Man uses this with me ALOT. For instance, My first 45 pounds lost= a new wardrobe. Now, I'm working on my second wardrobe.

When I made the decision to stop smoking, The Man promised me something I really, REALLY want if I make 6 months without smoking. Now, the time resets, and I get spanked if I smoke or go over the boundaries of my diet. These are both things that I wanted to do to feel better about me. He sees them as being under the area of taking care of me. Is punishment there? Yes, however, I also have the really, REALLY good stuff to strive for. He is also very good about praising me on a day to day basis.

Becky said...

So will you be takingchelsea on vacation once she accomplishes her one year challenge?

Patty said...

Oh thanks Clint I'll definitely be asking Dev to check out this one! ;)

Anonymous said...

Sometimes, I incentives are not enough. My husband offered me $4000 towards a new wardrobe 15 years ago. My weigh during that time bounced by 15 to 25 pounds but it never stayed off and I needed to lose much more. In April of this year while we were out shopping he offered another $5000 to be used at La Perla if I lost the weight. I love him for it but felt depressed by it also. I felt like I had a better chance of winning the lottery. It was shortly after that i discovered DD. iIn accepting this lifestyle I came to understand more about myself and the weight started coming off. Still not enough yet but I feel more hopeful than I have in years. We have just finished setting rules and consequence. We should begin practicing soon. I can't wait. For me I think the carrot is not enough I also need the stick.

Anonymous said...

Hi Clint:)thank you that you are not a spanking bigot. To my mind incentives are helpful alternative solutions whenever you want to persuade your beloved spouse of change the behavior for better. I think punishes and incentives should complement each other in a clever manner. Blunders should be punished - but incentives are able to avoid slips.

Cowgirl Up said...

I'm almost halfway to that month long goal,I really like that gift card suggestion! Just to be sure I understand, do you mean ANY punishment for the minor stuff or just the more serious spanking issues? Please say spanking only, lol.

Patricia Green said...

I had to think about this for a while and remember what exactly I used to get punished for so much (by now, the better behavior is habit and I don't have to think about it). The things I used to mess up on were mostly temper and cussing. For me, those were explosive issues, not something I could think about first and anticipate a positive incentive for if I behaved. The response to those outbursts had to have the same immediacy as the outbursts themselves. I don't believe we've ever used positive incentives to change my behavior, which gives me something to ponder and consider as I write my DD books. Great post!

Holly said...


Do you ever run out of ideas, things to talk about and address? I think you've covered everything. And what will you do if you do run out of ideas? Will that be the end of the blog?

Anonymous said...

Finally! a post I'm not afraid to show my husband. :)

Don't throw out your back from celebrating, though. Might ruin the incentive!


Anonymous said...

that is a wonderful entry, lots to think about

Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@Dana - You make an excellent contribution to the post that I failed to mention. Incentives can absolutely help achieve personal goals as well, such as weight loss or quitting smoking. Thank you so much for making that point. I should have included it in the original post, and I didn't. Great job with working on/achieving your personal goals!

@Becky - The idea of a vacation has been thrown around some. :) If not a vacation, it will be a pretty substantial reward for my wife if she can make it an entire year with no punishment spankings. No doubt about it.

@Pooky - You're most welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed the post!

@Anonymous (July 19th 8:27 PM) - Domestic Discipline can definitely do a lot for a marriage, and I hope you and your spouse experience all the wonderful things this lifestyle has brought to others. Good luck to you as you start your DD journey, and good luck in reaching your goals.

@bluntly - You're absolutely right and your comment was very well said. Incentives and rewards are an important part of this lifestyle, and it's important that couples remember to include this as part of their DD dynamic. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

@Cowgirl Up - I hate to burst your bubble, but when writing the post I was doing so with all punishments in mind, not just spanking. But that kind of decision is made by your husband. If he is satisfied enough with just a spanking-free month rather than a punishment-free month, then so be it. Take my wife and I for example - her year long personal challenge is just no discipline spankings for a year, not no punishments in general for a year. (If that made sense.) It's however the husband chooses to do it.

Great job so far, and good luck in making it a full month!

@Patricia Green - Thank you, Patricia! I'm glad you enjoyed the post. Thank you for sharing your experience as well.

@Holly - Up to this point I haven't ran out of things to talk about or address. I haven't really thought about what will happen when I run out of ideas. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

@j - I promise to celebrate responsibly. Lol. I'm glad you enjoyed the post!

@trazuredpet - Thanks so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

All the best to each of you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I always look forward to your blog! Tomorrow is a big am incentive, I have earned...joing your network. -Becky

Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@Becky - Wonderful! We're happy to have you a part of the network, and great job earning your incentive as well!

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Help and ideas needed!!
My hubby and I are new at DD.
At first I was appalled at the thought of physical discipline, but after reading all the pages here, I came to the realization that the tools my hubby had for disciplining me (yelling, cold shoulder, the silent treatment) had no impact or change for the better on our marriage.
I realized that to respect him and his authority, he would have to use more drastic means. I've thought and thought and now know that obeying his decisions to punish me by spanking me is probably the only means he has to assert his position as head of the house. I've been allowed to get away with a bad attitude for so long, that it's going to take a lot of disciplining, which I am NOT looking forward to, but find necessary. What a realization!! I find it hard to change my attitude and have to be very aware of being respectful when disagreeing. Even though he hasn't disciplined me yet, I wondered if maintenance spankings once a week would help me in trying to be a better wife.
Any opinions on this would be very appreciated?

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