Friday, March 30, 2012

Approaching Others About Domestic Discipline (HoH)

Image courtesy of Clean Tuesday.
  We discuss how to talk to others about the domestic discipline lifestyle from the HoH's perspective.  You can read this article on our new website by clicking here.


Anonymous said...

Do you find that it is mostly the wife's fault that the marriage is in trouble?
What do you suggest if it is the husband that is immature?

Anonymous said...

This issue is complicated from both sides. We are in the closet pretty much. I think this is one of those things where region that you live in as well as individual culture come into play. In this area, talking about sexual practices is probably less taboo than talking about submission. Our friends would be more likely to giggle at the idea of BDSM but few would understand DD and it would concern them. We were both raised with the tenet "you never hit a girl-- ever." So that was a big hurdle ever, My mom is a toughie she even had a saying that she said to me Dad when one of her sisters was getting out of an abusive relationship. (My dad was very mild.) "If you ever hit me you better never sleep." Neither one of us grew up with harsh discipline, corporal punishment in school would never be tolerated in this state, there's a bill at the statehouse that is trying ban parents from spanking their children at home. If there is a state where it could pass this is it. So our lifestyle would not be understood, my job has some public visibility and since our personal life doesn't gel real well with how people see me professionally-it would not help my credibility.

At first glance we are probably one of those couples that you may look at in public and say "wow she's running that show". However, a lot of the time that's just how he wants it. So in the closet we stay.


Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@Anonymous (March 31st 12:23 PM) - I don't like to place blame on either spouse for marital problems. Marriage takes two people for better or for worse. The majority of the responsibility for the harmony of home and marriage falls on the husband's shoulders, so even if the wife's behaviors are causing the most problems in a marriage, it's the husband's responsibility to correct them. She could be blamed for the poor behavior, but he also could be blamed for doing absolutely nothing about it.

If you have an immature husband, I recommend not looking into a Domestic Discipline relationship. A good HoH certainly requires maturity to make the best overall decisions for his family, and if immaturity is an issue, Domestic Discipline is not the way to go. As for addressing his maturity problem, I recommend you seek professional counseling in your area if you feel this is a big enough of a problem in your marriage.

Best of luck to you and your husband going forward.

@Laurie - I agree with you. It's certainly a difficult and complicated issue. I'm sorry to hear about your mother threatening your father in front of you. That's very sad. I'm surprised you shared something so personal publicly, however I commend you for having the courage to do so. I always hate to see disharmony and anger in the home, particularly when children are involved, even if it's something that happened many years ago. :(

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts on the matter. I certainly wish you nothing but the best going forward.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Clint just to clarify , yes mom has an edge (she's Israeli). But growing up it was a good edge, she is a very progressive brown educated woman who entered a interacial relationship with my dad-also a student there- in 1967. Not a decision for the faint of heart. Truthfully I had a wonderful childhood, and very good parents. Sarcasm and black humor are very common in our culture. Sorry if that didn't come through in my post .

Blondie said...

Clint, I would not accept this month's challenge if you paid me to. I think that my reputation would be destroyed if I shared with others about DD. I tell my children that people will know they are Christians by the way they behave. And if someone comments on their kindness or love, they should feel free to share their love of God. If someone asked me about my relationship with my husband, I would maybe share a couple of things that we are doing differently now then before but I would not go as far as telling them that my husband is allowed to punish me. I think that if someone is really curious about dd there is plenty of information out there for them on the internet. DD does not work for everyone. And it is still a taboo and usually goes hand in hand with BDSM.
I have really enjoyed your other challenges. And hope that you will continue on with those. But please rethink encouraging your readers to share about domestic discipline. I don't think you would want to be responsible for someone elses reputation being ruined.

Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@Laurie - That's quite alright. I apologize as well for perhaps taking your comment a bit to literally. I appreciate you clearing things up.

@Blondie - It's unfortunate you feel the way you do, but I certainly understand. Not everyone can discuss the Domestic Discipline lifestyle confidently with others. That's why it's called a challenge. If reputations are at stake, hopefully people could make that judgment call on their own, just as you have, and not do it. Of course I wouldn't want anyone to jeopardize their reputation.

The challenge is intended to encourage others to stand up for what they believe in and share this lifestyle with another couple that could benefit from it. Not everyone can or will do that. Some people are still discouraged by what everyone MIGHT think of them, and again, I understand that. If you're worried about your reputation possibly being ruined, and/or worried about what others think of you, then don't do it.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the challenge. All the best to you, Blondie.

-- Clint

SpankedWifeUK said...

clint where would you go after that?

how would you begin to describe it?


Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@SpankedWifeUK/c - I would start by defining Domestic Discipline to the new couple. Everyone defines it a little differently, of course, but that's where I would start. Then talk about how the husband becomes the leader of the home, the wife becomes the caretaker of the home, discuss the punishments, discuss the rewards, discuss how the dynamic works - everything you can.

It's a conversation that can take hours, but it's well worth it.

I hope this helps, c. Good luck to you!

-- Clint

Sia said...

Hmmm....just would you go about distinguishing Domestic Discipline from abuse for any on-lookers?

Design by Chelsea C. Designs | Bloggerized by Blogger | Copyright 2011