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Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Addressing Spanking Issues - Negotiating

   

Image courtesy of sheknows.com.
  We offer tips and recommendations to the HoH when the submissive partner negotiates their punishments.  You can read this article on our new website by clicking here.

20 comments:

Christina said...

This is a good post. The look on the couple's faces in the picture is priceless! It's like he's saying, "Here we go again!" LOL

I'm sure this negotiating happens with couples, but definitely not between Jim and I. Nope. Never happened in past, will never happen in the future. Nope. Must happen between some other couple though!

Pooky said...

Agreed, good post. However I will not be passing it on to Dev he will have to fish this one out on his own. ;)

His Princess said...

Really good post thankyou Clint - this is not somthing my hoh,accepts or is ever Likely to accept- I must confess I have tried this in the past - and it was met with understandable frustration. Since that time- coupled with the new found determination, and consistancey of my hoh this has Not occured again. I hope me posting this comment will help other DD wives/partners to reolise, as I have - that negociation is undermining to the Headship of the hoh, and should be avoided at all costs, added to this more spanking may be added .......ouch a hard lesson to learn.Ladies let's respect our hoh and make it easier for them, they Love us and want the very best for us, emotionaly it can be challenging enough for them to spank, without us trying to negociate our way out of what is let's be honest a mutual agreement.


His Princess

Clint said...

@Christina - Right. I'm sure they never happen between you and your husband. :)

I'm glad you enjoyed the post!

@Pooky - Thank you! I'm glad you liked the post. I do have a question though - why wouldn't you show something that would reduce arguments, reduce frustration, reduce conflict, and potentially help your marriage to your husband?

@His Princess - You offer sound advice for other readers. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I'm glad you enjoyed the post.

All the best to each of you!

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I'm not really sure where to post this comment, but here it is. I want to sincerely thank you for this blog because for years (and I mean years), I've been craving for a lifestyle that is exactly what DD is. I just never had a name for it before. Now I not only have a name, I have sound guidance. I've been very anxious for my husband to read your blog, I can hardly contain myself :-). Our problem will be my husbands fear of hurting me or feeling like it's abuse. His father was abusive to his mother and he's tried so hard to not be like that. I don't know how to explain to him that it's not the same and that I truly want this. Help wording it would be appreciated. Also, I have one more question. How do you prevent "life" from letting you become too tired to follow through with goals, especially at the beginning. Should I remind my husband about punishments or rules if he forgets? How do we handle this?

Clint said...

@Anonymous (March 17th 9:19 AM) - I'm so happy to hear that you've found what you've been looking for. You're not the first person to tell me that this lifestyle is what you've been looking for but couldn't find anything about it. That's a big reason the blog was created, in fact. Anyway, I'm glad you find the blog helpful and hopefully it will be a resource for you and your husband as you work on incorporating it into your marriage.

It's never easy to begin this lifestyle, and the problem you forsee your husband having is a common one. I've written a post on approaching your husband and presenting this lifestyle to him that you may find helpful. Just copy and paste this link into your browser:

http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/09/getting-husband-on-board-with-domestic.html

I think that will help you with some dialogue. A couple of other posts that you may find helpful are the following:

http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2012/03/addressing-spanking-issues-hesitation.html

http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/06/spanking-vs-abuse-clearing-up.html

The first is about addressing hesitation issues when it comes time to spank. Whether it be the very first time a spanking happens, or the 100th time it happens, it can cause feelings of hesitation. That post addresses that issue. The second link is clearing up common misconceptions about the DD lifestyle. Those may help in getting your husband to accept how this lifestyle works, and the intentions behind it.

There's no question "life" will get in the way sometimes. I've also written about this in the "Domestic Discipline Obstacles" series on the blog. Just click "Domestic Discipline Obstacles" under the labels on the right hand side of the blog to see them. Those may help.

I apologize I'm directing you all over the blog, but the questions and concerns you have are common ones - so common, in fact, that a lot of the posts on the blog are intended to help with those exact things.

Once you're regularly practicing DD, I'd recommend against reminding your husband to punish. This is his "duty" and his "role" (for lack of better terms) as head of the household. You choose your behaviors, he chooses the consequences for them. Now, with that said, you can come clean with mistakes and apologize for them, express how remorseful you are, say that you think being held accountable for them would help you feel better and "clear the air", but in the end it's his choice on whether or not he punishes you.

Also, I'd have him read the "Importance of Consistency" post here on the blog. If you both consensually agree to a DD lifestyle, he needs to understand how vital consistency is to the success of it all.

I hope this helps, and I truly wish you the best of luck in getting your husband on board with DD. I have no doubt it would be wonderful for your marriage.

All the best to you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Thank you! I just found your blog this morning and got so excited that I got ahead of myself lol. I've always been impatient. I have a lot of reading to do I guess :-). I'm so excited in case I didn't mention that before.

Pooky said...

Ugg I was joking, but I guess when I really think about it not really... I was saving my a- butt. LOL

I may reconsider...

since you challenged me to think deeper.

Clint said...

@Pooky - I know you were just joking. :) I just wanted to hear your thought process. Now I know you wanted to save yourself from punishment.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

-- Clint

Kay said...

So, lol, after several days of hating this post (and Christina's), because it's made me think so much and convicted me so much, I will grudgingly admit, Clint, that you are right (ack, hard to say!). Though I reserve the right to say I still hate it (particularly since I'm REALLY good at getting out of punishments)! But yeah, you'll be happy to know you've convinced me to work on doing the mature thing, and not always try to weasel out of stuff anymore...(well, starting tomorrow, anyway)!

Kay :)

sbo said...

Wonderful blog! I found it while searching on Yahoo News. Do you have any tips on how to get listed in Yahoo News? I've been trying for a while but I never seem to get there! Many thanks.

Clint said...

@Kay - I'm glad I could help! Trust me, your husband will be extremely thankful for your respect and your consideration of him and his feelings when it comes to you trying to "weasel out of stuff". Taking responsibility for your actions will mean the world to your husband. I'm telling you.

Great job coming to terms with the fact that this may be a problem, and kudos to you for addressing it and doing your part in enhancing your marriage. I'm proud of you Kay! :)

@sbo - Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy the blog. I have no idea how to get listed in Yahoo News. I didn't even know my blog was listed there. Sorry I'm not much help.

All the best to you both!

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

These post have been so helpful thank you

Clint said...

@Anonymous (May 14th 9:22 PM) - I'm glad you enjoy them and find them helpful! You're most welcome, and thank you for reading.

All the best to you.

-- Clint

anonymous said...

This probably isn't the most appropriate location for my question, but, there are so many posts so I hope it's OK I put it here. I'm new to the idea of DD and I know that something needs to be done about our relationship, but suppose the disrespect is mutual. Once me and my partner were quite close and I know that I could DEFINATELY do better, but so could he. Is the idea that if I get better, he will too? What if this just makes him feel justified in all the less than kind things he says and does to me? I'd like to hear from a male perspective because I understand that a lot of our problems are simply snowballed from tiny problems that led to huge reactions and I feel like this could be our reset button so to say. I just want to know if you think this might potentially exacerbate our issues if we both share in the blame.

Thanks so much! I consider this a very serious decision and your blog has been very helpful in answering my questions as have all your followers.

-Undecided

Clint said...

@Undecided - It's certainly okay to post a comment anywhere on the blog. I get email alerts whenever a comment on any post is made, so I'll see it no matter where you leave it.

Yes, the idea is for you both to become more respectful of one another, among many many other things. You should always be treated with respect, and you should demand that from your partner quite frankly, otherwise I would not consent to practicing DD with him. Your partner must respect you in the same way he expects to be respected by you.

These communication problems you're describing are not uncommon in a relationship, and DD is a tool that perfectly addresses those problems. Communication is a HUGE key to the success of Domestic Discipline. I don't think DD would make him feel justified - but I think as you two get better and better at calmly, maturely and rationally expressing your thoughts/opinions to each other over time, he will become a much better listener and will show an elevated level of respect for you.

Remember that when you treat others with respect, you get respect in return. Also remember that "huge reactions" are not constructive and only make things worse, as it sounds like you already know. There's no reason any given disagreement can't be handled maturely like adults, by adults.

I'm glad you enjoy the blog and I thank you so very much for reading. I hope this advice helps you out. Good luck in starting your DD journey!

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

But then what happens if it turns out he IS in the wrong or punished her unjustly

Clint said...

@Anonymous (August 3rd 6:15 PM) - If the husband is in the wrong, or if he punished his wife unjustly, he should take accountability for his mistake. I wrote a post on this very question and I encourage you to read it over. You can find it here:

http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2012/06/faqs-husband-accountability-edition.html

I believe this entry will best address your question. All the best to you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I have been gone on a work trip for the past two weeks and will return home in 8 days. I talk to my wife regularly. Upon one of our more recent phone calls she cheerfully told me that she masturbated the previous night because she missed me so much. I understand that she meant it as a positive gesture but I am not okay with it. Should I lecture/punish(spank) her when I get back? or should I just give her a lecture. I really am not happy about it. So, what do you think I should do?

Clint said...

@Anonymous (October 31st 5:50 PM) - Since you are not pleased with your wife's behavior, I would recommend you lecture/punish for it when you return home. She needs to understand that this behavior is unacceptable in your eyes, and holding her accountable for it will convey that message to her.

Good luck in moving past this problem. All the best to you.

-- Clint

 
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