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Saturday, March 17, 2012

Addressing Spanking Issues - Movement


  We offer tips and recommendations to overcome a movement problem when spanking.  You can read this article on our new website by clicking here.

27 comments:

Pooky said...

Seriously- this is scary. (Poor Chels!)

How are we honestly supposed to comment on somehting like this?

Anonymous said...

Pooky...your comment is confusing. What do you mean by "how are we supposed to comment on something like this?" ? Is someone forcing you to comment? If you don't agree, read it and move on...I, for one, thought it was a good post though. It would be really informative to readers who struggle with this problem.

Kitty - The Submissive Wife said...

I'm with Pooky. Sorry, but I love spankings, but I need to be allowed to move or scream or cry or whatever. Kind of the point actually - getting to be real.

Clint said...

@Pooky - The first recommendation that comes to mind is to always respond with honesty, which it appears you did and I appreciate that.

@Anonymous - I'm glad you see the purpose of the post. Not everyone has this issue, but hopefully this post helps those that do. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

@Kitty - There's no need to apologize at all. Not everyone will agree with what I write and I completely understand that. If you love spankings I can see why you would not agree with this post. This post is geared towards unpleasant discipline spankings, and geared to those spanking for punishment. Not everyone has the movement problem, but for those that do this post gives them some options in getting the problem to a safe level.

Thank you all for your comments. All the best to each of you!

-- Clint

Kitty - The Submissive Wife said...

Hi Clint,

You are right of course, this series has not necessarily been for me. I normally would not have commented. You have other topics here that do speak to me and that I enjoy. However, I just wanted to support Pooky and let her know that there are different approaches. Perhaps not the best place to do so. Having said that, I appreciate your response and hope it provided an opportunity to clarify audience and topic intent. I look forward to more posts in the future.

Kitty

Anonymous said...

There is a lot of good information in this post - thank you for sharing it. I love your blog and appreciate that it is free of smut and perversion! Your advice is always so respectful to everyone, even those commenters that are nasty! Be proud!

Anonymous said...

I like the pink 7 A pocket Jeans-- I have a pair and they are the greatest jeans ever :) - Sophie

Clint said...

@Kitty - Not a problem, and I appreciate your respectful comments. I encourage you to comment whenever you feel prompted to do so. You comment respectfully even when in disagreement, and that says a lot about you. I thank you very much for that.

All the best to you, Kitty.

@Anonymous (March 18th 10:56 AM) - Thank you for your support of the blog. It sincerely means a lot to me. I am proud of the blog, but try not to be prideful, if that makes sense. Perhaps I'm not great at that, but I continue to work at it. I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.

All the best.

@Sophie - It's so funny you can tell that from the picture. My wife certainly loves those jeans as well. :)

-- Clint

Kay said...

My husband does a variation of option #1, and I HATE it! But I agree, I like option #4 too! I wonder if there's a way to convince Jay to do that one! Because then that would mean he would have to spank over clothing in the first place! Oh happy thought...a girl can dream anyway (sigh)

Anonymous said...

I tried to move out the way of a spank once during a spanking and got a big bruise, so now I'm kept in place otk by an arm on my shoulder and down my back. We both feel happier. I can still wiggle my lower legs but not my backside, so no more mis-hits!

Clint said...

@Kay - It never hurts to at LEAST pitch the idea to your husband. It's difficult to get an HoH to alter the way he spanks once he finds the way that works best for you both, but I always encourage wives to discuss any and all things DD with their husbands. This is no exception to that.

Good luck!

@Anonymous (March 20th 5:03 PM) - Wonderful! I'm glad you and your spouse found a way to help with this problem so there isn't any more possibility of bruising. The safer the spanking, the better for all. Great job in working with your spouse to get this problem corrected.

All the best to you both!

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Wow Clint. This one is a difficult for me. What if you are just not capable of staying still?
i have tried. However i have never been able to lay completely in position or not cry out if a harder spanking is warranted.

I suppose that I am lucky that my husband helps me by placing his arm across my middle. If he didn't do this I imagine we would have had a mishap or two by now. I don't look at it as physical restraint though. I realize that there are very good reasons for demanding non movement, however if he added on extra strikes I worry we would have marathon spankings.
I would like to think that some of the above mentioned tactics might work as a deterrent, but I believe (and my husband would most likely agree) that I would continually be in trouble.

I guess I am really surprised to find that some woman can lay there and NOT move throughout the entire process. (But then again not as surprised as I am to hear a wife say that she loves spankings). I am starting to think that maybe I have a very low pain tolerance. It truly isn't a matter of will with me or of disagreeing with what is happening. I liken it to holding your hand over a flame and trying not to pull away. I guess I am wondering if it is something you can even teach someone to do, or is it more that some can and some can not?

Anonymous said...

Clint, I'm curious, why do you say there should never be physical restraint? If you have a HOH and he's decided to spank, then I think having a good hold on her is just part of it. It doesn't take much, just a firm arm around. From a woman' point of view, nothing drives home the point of who is in charge more than feeling his strength contain you. If that's not enough, legs can be pinned between his. Problem solved and no miss hits. I agree, some of us just can't hold still. I want to just can't no matter what the threat.

Also, do you have exceptions in corner time for those adults with ADHD who really struggle focus and being distracted during corner time?

M

Anonymous said...

honestly as a spankee, i do not see how it is possible to make the lady to stay still or tell her to stay still , i think it is the spanker responsibility to hold her down or some how keep her from moving. every woman moves during a spanking and cant control themself when they are in pain, just like giving birth, its a reaction you can't fight off it just happens so she should not be punished for not staying still because its a natural reaction thats uncontrollable and the man has to find a way by holding her down or tying her or something to prevent the natural reaction.

Anonymous said...

If the movement is coming because the pain is too much to bear - how does spanking harder help?

Anonymous said...

have you ever heard of a wife being seriously hufrt during a spanking - so many things could go wrong

Anonymous said...

Well we just decided to try this and I got my first spanking on Sunday. It was to clear the slate and start new. God did it hurt. I just got another one this time with a hair brush for having an attitude. Man im not so sure about this.! I know it is helping but I don't know if I can stand it or not. He's not really spanking that hard but the sting is awful. Guess its suppose to be. I do have a new respect for my husband and I think this is going to be what keeps us from getting a divorce. He didn't want to leave me this morning afterwards but he di finally. Thanks for all the post and advice on here

Clint said...

@Anonymous (March 21st 6:42 PM) - I understand it's virtually impossible to hold completely still during a spanking. I tried to make it clear in the post that a husband shouldn't expect his wife to hold PERFECTLY still. That's not going to happen. But, for safety sake when spanking, it's important the wife hold as still as possible. If the wife is moving so much that the husband misses his mark when striking the buttocks, then THAT should be addressed. That's what this post is all about.

I agree with a firm hand on the lower back to help keep the wife from moving around so much. When I referred to no restraint in the blog post, I was referring to anything that would keep the wife from moving at her own free will (like handcuffs, ropes, etc.). None of that should be involved in a spanking situation.

This isn't a problem that every couple has, of course. This post was simply written to help those that DO have this issue.

All the best to you.

@M - I understand what you're saying, and as I said to the previous commenter, I'm not against a firm hand on the lower back to help the wife in holding still. No physical restraint was referring to things like ropes, handcuffs, and that sort of thing.

For a wife that struggles with ADHD, I can understand how corner time would be even more difficult to handle appropriately. In this situation I'd look into alternate punishments such as removing privileges or doing some sort of uncommon chore around the house rather than corner time. This, naturally, is to be decided by the HoH in any given relationship as to whether or not he wants to use an alternate punishment.

I hope this cleared things up. All the best to you, M.

@Anonymous (March 24th 11:26 AM) - With all due respect, I disagree with your comment. While holding still is very very difficult to do, it can be done. That, meaning, holding still enough that there is no risk of striking somewhere other than the buttocks/sit spot. I agree in the sense that it's unrealistic to expect a wife to hold PERFECTLY still, however the wife holding still enough to ensure safety is a perfectly realistic expectation.

I also completely disagree with tying down the wife to get her to hold still. That isn't an appropriate way of correcting this issue in a DD relationship. A woman should always have the ability to move at her own free will. The husband should require it to ensure his wife's safety, and the wife should respect that requirement and do everything in her power to hold as still as possible for herself, and her husband. Tying her down is simply inappropriate in a DD marriage.

This is my opinion, of course, so please take it as such. I wish you the very best in the future.

-- Clint

Clint said...

@Anonymous (March 25th 9:53 PM) - Yes, sadly I have heard of this and it's extremely unfortunate. Some HoH's don't understand how to spank correctly and it can lead to a very bad situation. A DD marriage certainly isn't for everyone.

Thank you for commenting, and all the best to you.

@Anonymous (March 28th 5:55 AM) - You're most welcome. I hope you find the blog to be a useful tool for your marriage.

It's never easy starting out, but if you and your spouse stick with it and work together, I have no doubt in my mind it will help your marriage. Yes the spankings are painful, but hopefully you see the intent behind them and understand why they're a "necessary evil" in getting the marriage/behaviors back on track. With time you'll have a better grasp of the household rules and spankings will become less and less frequent as the respect for those rules improves.

I hope things continue to improve for you both. Good luck to you!

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Clint,

I know I am new to this site but I have a question that I needed to ask. My husband is completely on board with this type of relationship and has even started to love the effect it is having on our marriage. But I am constantly getting in trouble even now almost a year later I am in trouble at least once a week. During the spanking I cant hold still either and he puts me across one knee and uses his other leg to keep me from kicking and a firm hold around my waist keeps me from moving to much. But why is it that even though I am the one that wanted this type of relationship i still can not submit to a spanking to the point of not trying to wiggle away? Is it just my mind set or could there be something else wrong. He doesnt punish for excess wiggling, he just pins me down.

Molded By Him said...

Dear Clint, I am not spanked often, but when Luther has said I am getting one, a couple of things happen. I am asked to go to the bedroom and settle down. He comes and holds me, lecturing clearly about my transgression. Then he spanks. He is very quiet & firm. Meaning, it's always been OTK, slightly on the bed. Not dangling. He worries that I could get hurt that way. We do not use implements. His hand is quite enough, and he asks for a bare bottom. He doesn't spank rapidly. He says very gently, hmmm. I think it feels medium. No counting or thank you, more please. Usually, he will do a mini lecture.

Swat. Isabella, cursing is not pleasing or our Lord.
Swat. It is not pleasing to me.

So, I've never bruised. But yes, I've cried. I feel horrible when I've let him down. Myself.
Sometimes it feels like forever, but you could say he's a "turtle" spanked, slow and steady. I don't seem to move much because there is time to settle down between his swats. But I have noticed his hand is sometimes on the small of my back. Not pushing me down, just a touch that it's not done until L is sure I understand. And while I don't like it, I respect him and love him.

Afterwards, he always comforts me and encourages me to be the best Isabella I can be.

Anonymous said...

I just told my husband I wanted to change our relationship to one where he is in complete control of the household. I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I think he is happy with the commitment as well. I did make sure to tell him that this also included punishing me if he felt it was necessary. I actually feel like this is healthy for us. However I am nervous about punishment or spankings. I can honestly say I have never been spanked even as a child. How do I deal with these conflicting feeling s?

Clint said...

@Anonymous (April 2nd 1:17 AM) - Welcome to the blog! I'm so happy to hear that your marriage has improved since starting the lifestyle. That's what it's all about.

Spanking about once a week after a year into the lifestyle is a little more frequent than typical, but that isn't to say there is a big issue going on. Without many details on your situation, my educated guess as to the problem is that the spankings are becoming "routine" for you both and you need to alter the way you spank. Either that, or the intensity of the spanking needs to be increased to give you more incentive to follow the agreed upon rules of the home and marriage. If it's the same thing over and over again each time you spank, you will develop a "tolerance" to it.

Your wiggling problem is a combination of two things. One, you mentioned your husband doesn't punish you separately for it, he just "pins you down" when it happens. Since there is no punishment, you have no incentive to correct it. "Pinning you down" is a short term fix to help in the moment, but does nothing to correct the wiggling long term.

The second thing is that it is a mindset, however the first thing needs to happen (him punishing for the wiggling) in order for this mindset to change. During the spanking process you should have a thought similar to, "I know if I move around too much, __________ will happen to me so I need to do my very best to hold still." This mindset won't come to be if he isn't punishing you separately for the wiggling, however. So, in your particular case, the best thing to do to correct the wiggling problem long term is to have your husband punish separately in some fashion for it.

I hope this helps you out! Good luck to you.

@Molded by Him/Isabella - Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I'm glad you and your husband have found what works best for you both. I appreciate your comment.

@Anonymous (April 3rd 12:23 PM) - Starting the lifestyle, and more specifically going through a spanking for the first time, can be a very nerve-wracking experience for both spouses. You're most definitely not the only one who has experienced those feelings. It's not easy to do at first. No question.

I wrote a post that addresses this specific problem. You can read it by copying and pasting this link into your web browser:

http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2012/03/addressing-spanking-issues-hesitation.html

I encourage you to read that post. Also, a HUGE part of this lifestyle is communicating with, and putting complete trust in your husband when it comes to the punishments. Discuss things, hold each other, encourage each other, and lean on one another to get through the entire process together. You both can do it, but it takes trust and comfort from both spouses to yield successful results.

I'm confident you can work together with your husband and overcome your hesitant feelings. That's what he's there for. :)

Best of luck to you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

When I move out of position my husband grabs my arms and moves me back to position. (He usually spanks me standing up with my hands above my head and up against a wall, or on a bed) and he then adds 10-15 very hard spanks for moving then continues his normal spanks. If I dare move again he usually used a more intense implement to add more and to finish out the session.

Clint said...

@Anonymous (May 9th 9:55 PM) - It sounds intense, but I'm glad you and your husband have found what works for you both. Thank you for sharing your experience.

All the best to you.

-- Clint

Ezz said...

I think that between us, my husband and I must have read nearly every article on here by now, and we're slowly working through the comments and responses too. We keep finding something new and would like to say how much we appreciate the open, friendly approach. Also of course the comprehensive coverage of so many aspects. It's a great site so thank you.

The point of this post is mainly though to say how much I have found in this article that rings true in my own experiences. The poster who says how changing her relationship felt like a huge weight lifted off her shoulders for example. We were in such a mess and I was getting severely stressed and depressed by it all, and that has now changed. I do feel some guilt that my husband now bears that additional weight of responsibility.

The other comment(s) that I have to agree with is the difficulty in holding still. At first I found it practically impossible and would move (more than just flinching) after only 2 or 3 strikes, which of course, slowed down the whole process. Nothing really seemed to work. Corner time would get me thinking how “next time” I would make more effort to really keep still but the reality was that when next time came, I simply couldn't.

It may help others if I share my experience of what does appear to be working for us now, and that is option 5, the “worse implement”. My husband bought a rattan cane but was worried about using it for fear of causing unintentional harm. Also just putting it in the “line of sight” didn't really work as I tend to screw up my face and close my eyes once the spanking starts! So he gets me to stretch my arms out in front of me over the bed and hold the cane in both hands, so even when my eyes are shut I can feel it and know it's still available for use. He does use it for a few strokes whenever my movement becomes a problem and then goes back to the paddle for the rest of the spanking, or until movement becomes a problem again. Of course, the pain is far worse when he is using the cane so holding still is extremely difficult, but with his hand on my back and intense willpower from me, somehow I manage.

Even knowing the cane is there ready for use during spankings, I do still move more than I should and more than I want to, but it's a powerful reminder to try harder and its use is becoming less frequent. A few strokes with it during a spanking is now usually enough to get through the rest of the punishment. My aim, of course, is to get through a whole spanking without it being needed at all. Fingers crossed!

The Secretary said...

I hope you don't mind but I had nothing to do so I'm using my secretarial skills to go through your posts and remind you on what pages you have outstanding questions/comments to answer. Although, you probably know about this one since it was posted today. :)

 
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