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Posted in: Couples Challenges
LDD's Weekly Recap: July 29th - August 4th
11 years ago
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
August Couples Challenge: Confessions
Posted in: Couples Challenges
Posted in: Couples Challenges
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10 comments:
This was a hard challenge seeing that we have been married almost 30 years. It took us several tries before we each found something to tell the other one that they didn't already know.
@Anonymous - I'm so glad you took the challenge! Great job and thank you for sharing your experience.
-- Clint
Speaking of confessions, and I apologize if this has already been covered or if this is a bad place for this question, but I'm curious about your opinions on confessing this lifestyle to others. My long term boyfriend and I have recently started practicing DD and we love it and it works wonders for us. I only recently moved states to live with him and where most couples are still in the intense fighting stage, we rarely argue and when we do it's quickly resolved via punishment and communication. Also, the fact that he is willing to do this with me and actually finds it perfect for us is a big part of the reason I know this relationship is the one I want to stay in for the rest of my life.
Obviously, these are things I'd love to be able to share with my good friends back home but I don't know how to go about explaining such a thing and if I even should. I feel like I'm almost lying to my very best friend as we generally hide very little from eachother and this is an entire lifestyle change. I don't know if she'd be very accepting of it though or how anyone would. I don't intend to scream this to the world but I wish some of my closest friends knew so that for situations like explaining everyday activities wouldn't be so hard, for instance, why I'm suddenly doing more "chores" and things or why I HAVE to go do them at the particular moment I say I do. Or it would be nice if I'm anticipating a spanking after my boyfriend gets home from work and I'm feeling a little anxious I could call up my best friend and talk it through.
But how do you feel about sharing this lifestyle? And if you were to share it, how would you go about explaining such a thing to people who may not entirely accept or understand the feelings and reasons behind it? And what about parents? I'm old enough that it's none of their concern and live no where near them but when questions arise...
@Ashley Marie - This is a very good question. There are a lot of factors that go into something like this, such as trust with whomever you want to tell, how comfortable you are with how you practice DD, how confident you are in your beliefs behind it, and other factors like those. Speaking in complete generalities, here's my opinion on letting others in on the fact that you practice Domestic Discpline:
I wouldn't outwardly bring it up or tell anyone about it as a general rule. BUT, if they asked or if they found out somehow, I wouldn't deny it. I would answer all their questions about DD in a private setting. They'll have a lot of questions, and it's important they understand EVERYTHING about it before they jump to some kind of negative conclusion as so many do the first time they hear about something like this.
With that said, if you have a very close friend with whom you've been friends with for decades, then I would assume the trust is there to open up to them about the fact that you practice Domestic Discipline. A true friend isn't going to judge you about it and will support you in your beliefs no matter what. That's the beauty of a "best friend". I agree that it's nice to discuss this with someone when things are tough emotionally. Something like that is totally up to you, but that's my overall opinion on opening up to others.
As far as how to go about explaining it - it would be best to carefully word what you say. For instance, "There's something I want you to know about, and it's something that usually sparks a strong reaction from people, but before you judge what I'm about to tell you, just let me explain everything and have an open mind about it. This is something I strongly believe in, and I don't want you to take it the wrong way. Have you ever heard of something called Domestic Discipline?" Then go from there and explain how this is a loving practice, it strengthens trust, communication, love, etc. Just calmly explain it to that person. That's really all you can do.
Same thing with parents. If they ask, I wouldn't deny, but I would cover EVERYTHING so they understand that this is something you've consensually agreed to and this is something you strongly believe in. The important thing is to remain calm, and not panic about any of this when it's brought up. Even when parents (or whomever you tell) quickly judge, it's important to hear them out and address their concerns. When they learn that this is something you strongly believe in and see that you're HAPPY, then they'll be much more accepting of it. It's all about your demeanor, and how you address their concerns. Don't get defensive, but at the same time make everything clear to them to alleviate their concerns.
Whew, that was a long answer but there was a lot to cover there. I wish you the very best of luck with this. All the best to you.
-- Clint
Thank you very much for taking the time to answer me so well! It's a very tough decision to decide what to share and what not to share but my closest friends are indeed starting to ask questions about just little things that are because of DD and there's only so many excuses I can make. My HOH has assured me there's nothing "weird" about this lifestyle after one of his friends made ironic joking comments towards our relationship that fit our lifestyle and I thought he knew. But I think my HOH is weird because he jumped on bored without a moments hesitation with a "this is perfect." But I digress, I'd say pretty much any issue in DD is delicate and explaining it is even more so. We'll have to see how this goes. Thanks again for your detailed answer :)
Since its August and you've deemed it the month for making "Confessions", we have one for you.
Find me on the network and I'll tell you what it is!!
@Christina - I don't like the sound of this. :)
-- Clint
It's a wonderful idea n something I'm sure I'll bring up, although I am more M/s than DD I follow you for insight and guidance ...this is definitely something I will do with my Master.
@clover - Wonderful! I hope all goes well for you. Thank you for following Learning Domestic Discipline. Your support means a lot to me.
All the best to you, clover.
-- Clint
Confessions are very difficult for me. In part I fear the consequences, and in part I fear letting my husband know that I disappointed him. This weekend I did confess I usedy credit card when we'd agreed not to incur more debt. He gave me a short spanking but added another punishment...a restriction from watching my college badketball team's game. I wasn't even allowed to check the score. As I was at work during part of the game...I could access CBS sports website without his knowledge. Just one quick peak to make sure they were winning. But they weren't...it was a slow start, so I monitored the score during the first half. I left the office just after halftime and had the website checker setup on my phone so I could monitor updates. When I arrived home he asked if I had been good and stayed away from the game. I lied. Now the guilt is a problem but I don't want to confess and risk not being able to watch more games. Ugh!
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