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Saturday, August 6, 2011

Maintenance Spankings

Image courtesy of mirror.co.uk.
We discuss what maintenance spankings are and what they're used for in a domestic discipline relationship.  You can read this article on our new website by clicking here.

56 comments:

Rogue said...

Maintenance, reassurance, who's who. No matter what you call it, my husband and I certainly find these spankings preferable over punishment. Rather than having set days for maintenance, we use it on an as-needed basis, which can be as long as a week or as common as every three days. Sometimes a hormone surge is tamed by a spanking. Sometimes they are a "reminder" to avoid a serious punishment. Sometimes just a simple, light "I'm here" spanking resets everything for me.

As we have said before, every couple is different. It's about finding the balance that works for you.

Ash said...

Thanks for posting on this topic, Clint. I find that maintenance spankings are very helpful when I start feeling a need to "brat" during the week.

His First Mate said...

pretty good post....we do ours on a set day, but i really like the idea of changing that. there are sometimes i feel it would be beneficial to do it earlier or more often,

Christina said...

Thank you for posting on this subject Clint, especially since you’re not fully behind the concept of maintenance spankings. It’s great that you recognize that so many of us in this life are using them and that you provide a forum for the discussion.

Next month, my husband I celebrate our 22nd anniversary and the concept of spankings for maintenance of our dynamic, rules etc. have been part of our relationship from the beginning.

We don’t have a set day of the week or time of the day. The decision is largely left to my husband to decide when we need to have one. Kids in the home, also determine the availability of this part of our DD relationship.

We don’t tend to approach it in a regimented fashion, and we want to keep the connection intimate for this experience. So for us, it’s usually done on sofa, where he sits back in the centre and I can lay over his lap, while still being on the sofa cushion, or he’ll sit at the head of the bed. He only uses his hand and it’s very rarely (for us) at the intensity of a spanking given for punishment. Without providing details, it might even have elements of an erotic spanking at times. This allows us to keep the two types separate in our minds.

There are times when he’s given these once every few weeks, once or twice a week, or rarely, every night for a while. What he and/or I need at any given time determines this.

Sometimes I find it hard to accept one – I might not be in the “mood” for it. But I trust him to act in the best interests of our marriage and our family. I accept the benefit of them.

Not everyone is going to agree with this post. That’s fine. This can be a contentious topic in the DD world. Remember… each of us wants to feel respected, so if you comment on this subject, please remember to do it in a respectful manner, to Clint, the blog he's providing, and to the other readers. It is in diversity do we find unity.

Anonymous said...

P.S - Clint, this is another AWESOME picture!! Again, it just speaks to me about what is involved in maintenance. WOW!

Anonymous said...

Anyone who wants to learn more about maintenance spankings please join the LDD social network and join the chat hosted by my wife and I tonight at 10pm eastern.

Clint said...

@Rogue, @Ash, @His First Mate, @Christina - Thank you all for your comments!

@Anonymous (August 6th 12:33 PM) - Perhaps you and I are on the same mental wave length. :) I'm glad you're enjoying the pictures on the blog. They take a while to find, I can tell you that much.

@Anonymous (August 6th 2:15 PM) - Nice plug, buddy. :)

-- Clint

Christina said...

That was me liking the picture again. That was the second time I thought I was posting as myself and it came up as anonymous - LOL

kiwigirliegirl said...

Hi Clint,
another great post. I firmly believe that maintenance would be good for me. I dont often do things "wrong" that warrant a punishment - and that was my hubby's first worry he said to me at the beginning when I first broached teh subject with him "how can I spank you when you do nothing wrong". I do get emtional and I think it would be a good release for me to have something to "cry about" and I find that I need them to make me feel loved and secure and protected.
I want to send this info to him but he wont read it - he doesnt like to read - dyslexia and what not so he would much rather me talk - which I find very hard to do....I can barely say the words spanking and punishment out loud. So im trying to work on the best way to introduce maintenance spanking to him - any suggestions?

Clint said...

@kiwigirliegirl - I know it's hard to bring up topics like this to your husband, but I think you did a great job of explaining how you feel in your comment. If you can express yourself in a public comment, surely you can with your husband, right?

Okay, so maybe it's not that easy. I get that. But your husband needs to know how you feel, and why you think maintenance spankings would be beneficial to your marriage. Step one is to always discuss things with your spouse and address all your thoughts and concerns about the given topic. If you currently practice DD and conduct spankings, I'm sure your husband would happily discuss the matter with you without making you feel uncomfortable about it. That's really the best suggestion I can give you right now. Your husband needs to know how you feel, and as hard as it may be to do, you're going to have to summon the courage to discuss it with him and bring this into your marriage if you want it there.

That may not have been the answer you wanted, but it's important your husband understand exactly how you feel about something like this.

Good luck!

-- Clint

newbie said...

@kiwigirliegirl

Wish I had a suggestion for you, but I'm pretty much in the exact same place and looking for advice and answers just like you.
I just wanted to say, your certianly not alone with this particular issue. I am trying to figure out HOW to ask my husband for more discipline.
I can really relate to your reasons for wanting maintenance. The reassurance, the connection, the emotional release. I don't really "do" things that warrent punishment either, so spanking is mostly just for fun. I love that, but, sometimes I need "more" then just fun spanking. its just NOT the same thing at all.
My husband wont really read the blogs either and wants me to "talk" to him and just tell him what I want. uuumm yeh NOT so easy to do.
I hope you can explain your needs to him and make those changes to your dynamic. BELIEVE me, I know how frustrating it can be. If you come up with a idea pass it on LOL

Best of luck
newbie

newbie said...

@kiwigirliegirl

newbie again. I missed the part about hubby having dyslexia. I hope this doesn't sound stupid...but....why don't you just print up a few articles on maintenance (there are some really good ones out there, including Clints) and read them to hubby. It seems like you guys are activly using DD, so, just tell him, this info really important, and you just want to use the articles to keep the explination "straight" as you tell him what you need.
I dunno if that would work, or would it upset hubby if you sat with the articles as you talked with him about it????
Just an idea for you

James said...

@ Kiwigirliegirl

Please take Clint's advice to heart. One aspect of DD which wives need to appreciate is that it has to built on strong communication. The wife has to give up expecting husband to read her mind. I think that couples must be regularly discussing how DD is working for each of them, and decide what changes if any need to be made. If you had this regular structure of discussion in place, it should become easier to speak with each other on this difficult topic.

Good Luck

Anonymous said...

Dear Clint,

I must first say that my husband and I belong (and have belonged all our lives) to a church that advocates what many call "domestic discipline." Both our parents have this type of traditional relationship and so it was something we never really thought about when we got married ten years ago. Certainly neither I nor my husband saw our mothers getting punished, but we were always made aware that each member of our family is accountable to each other and ourselves (although obviously in different ways and with different consequences). In this way our own punishments growing up seemed more "fair."

I have enjoyed reading your blog this past month or so. I have to laugh at some of the things you discuss which seem to be so natural and normal, but of course there are numerous how to books on disciplining children, and I suppose this type of marriage would require a similar guide if one was unfamiliar with a traditional marriage. While I don't necessarily agree with everything you've said in your posts, this is the first post that I felt I needed to comment on, especially since it seems like most of the comments seem to advocate for this form of "discipline."

My husband and I have a wonderful relationship and three beautiful children. When I misbehave, most of the time my husband will give me a "time out" or we will discuss my problem and I will write for him relevant passages in the bible that relate to my transgressions. Spankings are used as a very last resort, or if I do something that has potential to do great harm our children, our marriage, other people, or myself.

I don't look forward to spankings, but I do agree that there is emotional release involved; however, this emotional release is closely related to the idea that 1. The physical pain I am experiencing is to atone for the pain I afflicted on my family and 2. Once the punishment - however long or painful - has been carried out, I will be forgiven for my transgressions. Certainly there will be tears - both emotional and physical, but in the end, punishment is a way to work through transgressions in a relatively short period of time with a defined conclusion - I will be punished, I will be forgiven.

Inherent in this, of course, is a reminder never to do it again, and while I think this is important, for most punishments it is not the most critical component. Generally the wife will know why she is being punished, and has already resolved not to do it again. The punishment is to make her accountable for what she has already done.

I understand that other couples spank as the primary method of punishment, and that is fine. My husband was spanked far more than I as a child, and we spank our children far less than either of our parents - this is a choice made by the couples. But this is not what is at issue here.

I hope I have not digressed too far. My point is these so-called "maintenance spankings" really don't have any elements of punishment to them. Even the reasons you and others have cited don't really suggest that a maintenance spanking would be used as a disciplinary tool.

Anonymous said...

Part II

For example, if a woman is acting up specifically to receive a spanking from her husband, this would suggest that she wants a spanking. In my experience, there are two reasons a woman would "ask for" a spanking - 1. She finds spankings to be arousing, either sexually or otherwise. 2. She enjoys the overt control (for lack of a better word "alpha-maleness") her husband exerts over her, both at the time of the spanking and in general ("my husband can give me a spanking any time just because"). Both are perfectly acceptable emotions within a committed marriage, especially the latter. Certainly a wife wants to feel that her husband is strong and manly, because she wants to know she the man she is relying on for emotional (and often financial) support is able to consistently provide for her. But this is not discipline. Similarly if a woman needs to be spanked to release emotion, this is perhaps a coping mechanism, but it's not discipline.

What I am trying to say (and I know this is long and for that I apologize) is this "maintenance spanking" separates the method of discipline from the transgression. It seems to me that no one would suggest a "maintenance time out" or a "maintenance writing of lines," even though this would be equally as valid (perhaps even more so because there are more opportunities for reflection and prayer) if the end goal was in fact disciplinary. In the case of this type of spanking, the end goal seems to be something else entirely. If your wife wants a spanking or you would like to give your wife a spanking, that's fine (as long as both parties consent); however this is not a part of "domestic discipline."

Again, I apologize for the length. The last thing I wanted to say is that even though I'm sure a good portion of my congregation incorporates spanking into their discipline, the work "spank" never enters our pastor's sermons. This is because the issue is not how the punishment is carried out, but that it has the appropriate effect.

I hope I have not offended anyone in this comment. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read my post.

Clint said...

@Anonymous - Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback on the topic of maintenance spankings. Both of your comments have a lot of good points in them that can help others decide whether or not they want to incorporate this aspect of spanking into their marriages. Thank you for taking the time to post these comments. All the best to you!

-- Clint

kiwigirliegirl said...

thank you clint newbie and james for all your advice. I am now taking some time to process my thoughts and find my words and then i need to find the right time - you nkow how life can get in the way of ttwd - fingers crossed.
:) kiwi

Anonymous said...

my husband does them when needed usally open hand and over his lap

Clint said...

@kiwigirliegirl - Certainly I can understand, and I hope all the advice proves helpful for you. Good luck!

@Anonymous - Thank for your comment. Every point of view will be helpful to those looking into maintenance spankings. All the best to you.

-- Clint

darkknightfairlady said...

My wife doesn't do many things to receive punishment spankings. Since we like the intimate connection we get from spanking, I've started spanking her more often as a means of keeping us connected. Things couldn't be better with us.

Anna said...

Hi Clint.I love your blog. I am quite new to DD. I've just started, and I would like to ask for your advice.

I am aware of my insufficient submission.
Let me explain: is not that I am aggressive, or disrespectful, or brat. We have a quite balanced and peaceful relation with no quarrels, but I have still too many emotional defences and barriers. surrendering to him at the full extent that I would like, is still far away.
It's difficult beacause it is not a misbehaviour or a bad habit, something concrete to define, is more a state of mind, for which I have no direct clues. I just feel I should do something to "train" myself to develop a more submissive attitude. But what?

I have a strong desire to submit, and I am ready and willing to accept any strict structure. I've red much on the web and found that:

regular and frequent maintenance
formal thank
verbal humiliation
could help in developing submission. what else could I do for improving? please, give me advices...
thanks in advance, all the best.

Clint said...

@darkknightfairlady - Wonderful! It's always great to hear success stories. Whatever you're doing you must be doing right. Congratulations on a strong marriage/relationship. All the best to you.

@Anna - I do believe giving your husband the authority in the house is a mind set that needs to be present for DD to have the full positive effect. Spankings will help get you to that point, however I feel this is more of a trust issue than anything else. What I recommend you do is put complete trust and faith in your husband that he is making the correct decisions, and the BEST decisions for your marriage and your household. Allow him to lead the way, be respectful of him, and see where that takes you. You should always have a voice and opinion, but let your husband make the decisions as he sees fit. Try not to question them and follow his lead to a better, happier, stronger future. It's all about how you approach this, and I believe that's a good start.

I wish you the best of luck, Anna.

-- Clint

Charlie1986 said...

I hate it when my HOH doesn't punish me for something that I think desrves a spanking. I think sometimes his punnishment would stop me feeling guilty about things that I have done. Is this normal? Also should I tell him that I think I deserve punishment? Its up to him at the end of the day isn't it?

Red said...

@Charlie1986 - I feel the same way when my HoH does not spank for a spankable offense. Have you discussed with him how you feel about consistency? That might be a start.

Personally I end up acting worse if I think he is letting me get away with something. It actually makes me angry because I want him to be consistent for the sake of our family.

In this case, after discussing consistency with him, I would tell your HoH that you need the spanking and the reasons for it. Once he hears this, the final decision is up to him.

-Ash

Clint said...

@Charlie1986 - Ash made the most important point - I would definitely recommend you talk to your husband about why consistency with the rules/consequences is important to you, and the marriage as a whole. It's certainly important. In fact, I plan on doing a post in the near future on the importance of consistency from the head of the household in a DD relationship/marriage.

To answer your questions, yes I think it's normal to feel as though the feelings of guilt would be washed away after a spanking. That's a big part of why a spanking is conducted, and why I stress the importance of the wife crying. Those feelings are released when the wife cries, and in turn she feels much much better about things hours later, and/or the following day.

I wouldn't necessarily tell your husband that you DESERVE punishment since that part is ultimately up to him. Also some husbands may feel a bit insulted by that, or feel like you're crossing into their "role". I think you can hint at it though. I recommend you come clean with any rule that you broke and let him do the rest, and if he appears as though he's going to let you off the hook, ask him something like, "You're really going to let that go? I thought for sure you would punish me in SOME way since it's one of the rules of our house." That should persuade him in the right direction. I'm sure a conversation will ensue, and within that conversation you can express to him how you feel about him being consistent with the rules, and why you feel that's so important.

Hope this helps, Charlie1986. Good luck.

@Red/Ash - Thank you for your comment. I think your comment will open a lot of HoH's eyes as to how the wife feels when the husband isn't consistent.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Me and my husband just started with DD. And first let me say that it was my idea i got so sick of him not telling me when i made him made and just holding it in. Anyways we do have a lot of problems in are marriage. I was wondering if it was normal to get punished more then once a day when u first start or am i really just a horrible wife. I have been working on ways to fix the stuff that upsets him. But i really just get mad and forget and break rules. Right after i do i relize what i did and say sorry but yea.

Clint said...

@Anonymous - It's normal for beginners to spank frequently, although multiple times a day is quite a bit. You and your husband may be addressing too many issues at once. I generally recommend beginners take things one "issue" at a time so it isn't so overwhelming. I certainly would not say you're a horrible wife. All beginners punish rather often. That's totally normal. I would just concentrate on the most pressing problems first, then work on the less significant things as time goes on. There's no need to put pressure on yourselves to get everything "fixed" so early on. DD takes time, and you're married forever. There's plenty of time to get everything "fixed". Work together to achieve common goals and you two will be fine.

Best of luck to you.

-- Clint

Charlie said...

Hi Clint, I've red here and there about the "clean slate" so to say the very first spanking when a couple starts DD, to wipe away any previous resentment or disappointement. What do you think about? would you suggest it or not?

Clint said...

@Charlie - Forgive me Charlie, but I'm not sure I understand your question. What I meant by a "clean slate" after a spanking is that typically both spouses feel a sense of resolution to the problem and they both can now move on in a positive way after a spanking. The wife feels forgiven, and the HOH feels like he has done his part in protecting his wife (and family) by holding his wife accountable for her actions. These feelings give the couple a "clean slate" to move forward into the future. It isn't really a suggestion, it's just a typical emotional result from a spanking and I certainly feel it's beneficial for both spouses.

I'm not sure if that answered your questions or not, but I hope it helps. All the best to you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Clint this is Kelly, the one that posted on your punishment 3 beginner spanking blog. I just wanna thank you for taking the time to write so much to answer all of my questions. It has really helped a lot. The reason I am posting under this blog is because I think we would feel more comfortable with this. I don't really do a lot of things that he would consider me to get in trouble for but I do tend to get quite emotional and usually that is what we both struggle with. After reading all the comments on here and reading all the advice you gave back to everyone and to me, this might just be what we were looking for! thank you so much!

Clint said...

@Kelly - Great! That's exactly how Domestic Discipline should be approached. My recommendations throughout this blog certainly aren't for everyone, but if couples can mold the ideas and recommendations found on this blog into something that helps their marriages, then obviously I think that's wonderful. I wish you the best as you and your husband start the DD journey together!

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Some words of warning.

If you want DD to be effective in the long term and you feel that maintenance spanking might be a good way to go, don't try to overdo it by making maintenance too frequent.

This can have a number of serious disadvantages. One is that, even if maintenance is considerably less severe than disciplinary spanking, (and some make the mistake of not differentiating) it can still 'acclimatise' the body both physically and emotionally and thus reduce the impact and 'shock value' of disciplinary spanking.

Secondly, while it might help to introduce a regular maintenance in order to establish some kind of consistent demonstration of attention, if you try to schedule it every day, you may find that within a short time, it becomes essentially meaningless and just another boring chore to be taken care of during the course of a full and busy day. There is also the practical concern that, when life gets in the way, as it is wont to do from time to time, and it isn't possible to fit the daily maintenance in, this will be misinterpreted as a lack or a waning of interest when it is actually nothing of the sort. On the other hand, if you don't schedule maintenance too frequently, a missed spanking can be postponed to another day. If it's daily thing, the 'missed' spanking is 'lost' for good.

Thirdly, frequent long term maintenance can create a dependency which seems detrimental to the overall purpose of DD. I've seen it happen that a wife who has long been used her daily maintenance 'fix' feels immediately at sea and isn't able to cope well if her partner is away and can't be there to spank her for a day or two. While vigilance and support are always a good thing, if that is the result of long term daily spankings, what purpose have they served?

Finally, don't try to force the issue of maintenance spankings if your wife sees them as unfair 'punishment' that she hasn't earned and doesn't deserve. Believe me, if she's not on board with your reasons, no matter how well intentioned they may be, 'maintenance' won't be constructive for either of you and is likely to result in hurt feelings, underlying resentment and a breach of the trust and connection between you.

Clint said...

@Anonymous (October 28th 1:58 PM) - You bring up a lot of solid points in regards to maintenance spankings. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts so other readers can determine if maintenance spankings are right for them. Thank you very much for your comment!

All the best.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

My husband and I use maintenance spankings on a regular basis (every 7 - 10 days). We find that these spankings keep me on task, they keep my stress levels in line and my respect for him just where it should be. I believe the maintenance spankings are a great communicator between us as before I get my spanking we talk about how I have completed my goals (that we both set out for me) and what I could have done better. I seldom get punishment spankings and we / our relationship has never been better. I do agree they may not work for everyone, but I would not like to give mine up!

Kayla said...

The first week of every month is reminder week. I get ten licks from hubby with hod evil wooden paddle :( if.we are leaving the house it is twenty licks so I have s sore rear , I trend to act up in public, but something about a hurting bottom clocks in my brain to cool it. It works for us, so punishment spankinf are very rare... The spankinf taked place in the bedRoom with ner leaning over thebed with my rear bared :( and he goes to town

Clint said...

@Kayla - It's important to find what works best in your marriage, and from the sounds of it you and your spouse have found maintenance spankings to be helpful. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience with them.

All the best to you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Clint - at first I was not sure maintenance spankings would work for me and my husband. But he thought they would be the best thing for our relationship. Twice a month we talk about our goals. Goals and rules we set up together. We are very honest with each other on what has gone well and what could have gone better.

After our conversation I get a maintenance spanking - they vary in length and severity but after each one I feel that "all is right with the world again" - our relationship has never been better.

I think the communication is key. My husband sets the day and time and the tone of the conversation. If I have really done something wrong he moves the time or day up.

Very rarely do I get punishment spankings as the maintenance spankings and the conversations on our goals keep everything on target.

Thanks for this post - great info.

Clint said...

@Anonymous (February 5th 8:26 AM) - I love your comment, and I'm happy to hear maintenance spankings work for your marriage. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with them. They can certainly be beneficial to some, as they are for you.

I'm glad you enjoyed this post! Thank you for your kindness and best of luck to you in the future.

-- Clint

Ashem said...

Just wondering how it works then if the HOH commits an infraction? Who keeps him in line? I'm not a perfect person by any means but my HOH has done worse things than I have that we're still dealing with. Stumbled across this blog- not trying to be disrespectful- just curious. Thanks.

Clint said...

@Ashem - Welcome to the blog! I'm glad you've found your way to it. I'm happy to have you as a reader.

You have asked a very common question, and one that has been addressed on this blog. You can find the page by copying and pasting this link into your web browser:

http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/06/womans-perspective-what-if-my-husband.html

My wife wrote it, and it addresses your exact concerns. I hope this will help! Let me know if you have any other questions.

All the best to you, Ashem.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

My husband believes in a lot of maintenance, which is good for me as I have always had a strong craving to be spanked, and maintenance means I am not tempted to try and annoy him deliberately in order to get spanked.

Clint said...

@Anonymous (May 10th 4:25 AM) - That was a very nice comment and I appreciate you taking the time to share why maintenance spankings work in your marriage. Thank you so much.

All the best to you going forward.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Clint, I have been a regular visitor to this site for several months now. I have been learning a lot, and my husband and I are slowly changing the dynamics of our relationship. Our marriage is better because of it. So, thank you for presenting such good information. Several times in the past month I behaved so badly that I felt very guilty and upset with myself afterwards, (before this blog, I would have just shrugged it off and forgot about it),so I actually asked my husband to spank me so I would feel better. He was more than happy to help me out :), but I wonder if by asking, I am somehow assuming the role of HOH? That is certainly not my intention, but at this point anyway, I don't think my husband will take the initiative. I believe that will probably change in the near future, but until then I wonder if I should or should not ask for a spanking if I truly feel it would benefit me? Thanks in advance for your comments! First time poster btw.

James said...

@Anon 12:26

In a DD dynamic, a wife may respectfully ask her husband about anything she desires. The husband has the freedom to grant or deny any such request, and the wife should honor the husband's final decision. The HOH gets to make final decisions, but the wife can certainly bring her own ideas forward and see what her husband thinks about them. He should not feel undermined if the wife advances an idea just because he did not think of it first.

Your decision to ask for a spanking is a brave, responsible action on your part. Your asking for this sort of help does not undermine you husband's HOH role. His carrying out the spanking reinforces his HOH role and helps you to feel like you have earned forgiveness. You did not in any way assume the role of HOH. You may have helped to make your husband a wiser and more effective HOH.

Best of Luck going forward.

Anonymous said...

James, thanks for your comments and encouragement. I did feel that I had earned forgiveness after being spanked and it was such a relief. It also changed my behavior, as now I stop and think about that spanking whenever I start to act out again. My husband seems to have gained confidence and authority since then as well. Hopefully, we'll continue growing and learning thanks to sites like this and your helpful comments.

Clint said...

@Anonymous (May 21st 12:26 PM) - Thank you for the kind words about the site. Hearing that your marriage has improved is absolutely wonderful. It sounds like you both are doing great with your new lifestyle.

James gave you a terrific response, and I don't really have anything to add to it. He's spot on, and he expressed himself very well. I agree with every word he said.

Yesterday I wrote a post on this very idea over on my wife's blog. Here is the link if you'd like to read it:

http://knowingyourroles.blogspot.com/2012/05/asking-to-be-spanked-part-ii.html

I hope you find that helpful to you as well. I also commend you for having the courage to ask for a spanking. It sounds like you and your husband are doing a great job of working together to improve your marriage, which is exactly what it's all about. Kudos to you both.

I wish you the best of luck with everything going forward.

@James - You gave a terrific answer and I appreciate it so much. I'm sure the anonymous poster does as well. Thank you for sharing your perspective, and I encourage you to continue doing so. Your advice/thoughts are excellent.

All the best to you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I have been in a CDD marriage for four years now. Both of our parents practiced CDD so it was surprising for us that we didn't begin doing it right away. It's absence was reflected in our relationship, my respect for him and my ability to respond to him as fully as I would like sexually. When we slowly got into it we found life becoming centered.

I am like one of the earlier commenters. I am a good girl. So, it is very infrequent that I am punished. It got so prolonged between spankings that I felt like he was trying to make stuff up. Both of recognized quickly that we were heading to where we started out when we weren't spanking. I was making an idolatry of being good and couldn't just be... At any rate, we began to use maintenance as a tool. We also have a clear line between punishment and discipline. We discipline out of love, to gently return me back to the center of the road. I get punished as reciprocity for the 4 Ds...danger, defiance, deceit, and disobedience.

For us there are several aspects that are like the other commenters and some that are different. We like ritual in our home, so every spanking event, like punishment, comes with reflection time. In maintenence, I reflect on the joyful knowledge that my Priest of the house loves me so fully as to make sure that I am safe and santified under his hand. This I do in my corner time for reflecting and prayer.

Maintenance spankings are always over the knee and bare handed. You love with your hands, punish with an implement. When it has been a really long time since I have been spanked, I might get another bout of corner time and an escalation to our little paddle. While I am not aroused by spankings, when they are absent, I begin to worry about myself. I hate punishments. They are a break in our relationship. That's probably why I don't rue discipline spankings because they keep me from the place where I am estranged from my beloved.

Anonymous said...

Ive been married for ten years and we have just come through some hard times and I felt that we were on shaky ground, then I came across your site and approched my husband with it. He was uncomfortable at first but, he thanked me for wanting to work on our marriage and told me that his family practiced this back home and we agreed to give it a try. We have been practacing DD for about a week and I just recieved my first real spanking from my husband today for speaking to him disrespecfully and being very defiant.I found myself angry with him for small things and they just built up and here came my bad atitude. I was surprised how fast he has ajusted to this new lifestyle Im not adusting as fast. I seemed to be nervouse alot this last week before the spanking and when the spanking was over I really did feel much relief. He told me before it started why I was being spanked and that my actions were unacceptable. He gave me about seven or eight hard smacks with a ping pong paddle. The funny thing is the spanking only made my eyes well up with tears but not really cry. I didnt think he had did it long enough at first but, after he was done he pulled my head onto his chest and told me how much he loved me and that he only did what he thought was right for me. thats when the water works fell and I experienced that release that I read about and felt very remoresfull for my actions. He just rubbed my hair and told me all was ok. I have never felt such love and respect for him as I did after the spanking and for the next couple of hours the sting in my bottom just reinforced my love and new found respect for him. Thanks for your site! TAM

Clint said...

@Anonymous (May 30th 12:01 PM) - I'm terribly sorry for the late response to your comment. I try to keep up on them all, but sometimes I accidentally overlook one or two. My apologies.

Your comment is very nice, and I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts on maintenance spankings. You expressed yourself very well, and I'm sure others will find your comment informative and helpful. Thank you so much.

@TAM - What a wonderful comment, and a wonderful story. It's always great to hear success stories. I appreciate you sharing your experience and I hope that Domestic Discipline continues to bring you and your spouse happiness in your marriage for many years to come. :)

All the best to you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I wish my husband would maintenance spank me. I feel it would benefit me greatly. Any advice on how I can achive this?

Clint said...

@Anonymous (July 17th 8:06 AM) - I would discuss the idea of maintenance spankings with him, discuss the pros and cons of them, discuss how you feel they would help the marriage, and perhaps present him some reading material on them (like this post). Once he has the information to make an educated decision, then ask him if he feels maintenance spankings would be beneficial to your marriage.

Good luck in getting maintenance spankings a part of your marriage. All the best to you.

-- Clint

A-Non said...

I like the idea of "about once a week". We may schedule maintenance for anytime on the weekend. So it could be Friday night, anytime Saturday, etc. But if it hasn't happened by 6 pm on Sunday, I'll certainly have the jitters, knowing it won't be long now!!

Of course, an extra maintenance can happen anytime. In that case, I'd consider it a reminder spanking.

Isn't a beginner spanking with hand or spoon too light? Does she dread such a light spanking? Does a light spanking like that really change her demeanor?

Clint said...

@A-Non - I recommend either a hair brush or a wooden paddle be used with a beginner level spanking, however that isn't to say spanking with a hand or spoon is "too light" at the beginner level. Every woman will respond differently to different implements, so I encourage couples to find what works best for them. The wooden paddle is a universally sound spanking implement, which is why I recommend it the most.

Some women "dread" a beginner level spanking, and some find it to be "light", just as you do. It just depends on the woman. A beginner level spanking typically helps correct behaviors for a couple just starting out. Once the couple becomes comfortable with the spanking dynamic, they're then obviously free to escalate spanking intensity as needed for their marriage. They should go at their own pace, and do what's best for their specific set of circumstances/situations.

Good luck to you in all that you do.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

That's touchy because sometimes asking for what you want from your HOH can feel like you are telling them how to do their job.

The Secretary said...

Speaking of maintenance Boss, you've missed a maintenance comment here.

Anonymous said...

Hi.. I have a quick question.. I'm not sure if you've maybe covered this topic before since I'm new to this.. but I was wondering.. are spankings done during pregnancy??

Thanks

 
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