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In the beginner level spankings post, I wrote the following:
"Spanking should only be done when a mistake is made, or poor judgment is used. This is NOT a "fun", "exciting", or "sexual" activity to be done whenever you feel like it. If you find a spanking to be any of those things, you're reading the wrong blog."
|Image courtesy of the Marcella blog.|
My blog is called Learning Domestic Discipline. It's not called Learning Spankings, or Learning Foreplay, or Learning Erotica, or Learning How to Enhance Your Sex Life, or anything else of the sort. It's called Learning Domestic Discipline, which is the subject the content will remain under. The intent of this blog is to help couples understand Domestic Discipline and all the complex nuances it entails, including spankings (in a discipline sense). Erotic spankings have nothing to do with Domestic Discipline since they are not intended to correct an unwanted, dangerous or detrimental behavior.
"I'm upset with your attitude today, honey. We're going to have sex with some erotic spankings thrown in there to help you get your attitude fixed," sounds pretty absurd to me.
Now when you read my statement at the beginning of the post, it should make a lot more sense to you. Regardless of whether it does or does not, I'll keep elaborating.
Now that we understand Domestic Discipline is the primary focus of this blog, my statement of "spanking should only be done when a mistake is made, or poor judgment is used" was in reference to a discipline spanking, since we're talking about Domestic Discipline. I should have clarified that, and I didn't. So, that's what it means. I still feel a spanking (a discipline spanking) should only be done when a mistake is made, or poor judgment is used.
The second part of my statement was under the same thought process. I incorrectly made the assumption readers understood we were talking about discipline on this Learning Domestic Discipline blog, so I made the statement of, "this is NOT a "fun", "exciting", or "sexual" activity to be done whenever you feel like it. If you find a spanking to be any of those things, you're reading the wrong blog." Spankings (under a discipline sense) are not fun, exciting or sexual, and you ARE reading the wrong blog if you find a spanking to be those things.
If you do find spankings to be those things, then information about erotic spankings is what you're looking for. We've established erotic spankings will not be discussed (with the exception of this post and a few comment replies) on this discipline blog since they have nothing to do with Domestic Discipline. I'm sure, if you truly want that information, you'll be able to find it on numerous sites around the web.
One commenter asked if I felt discipline spankings and erotic spankings could not co-exist in a marriage, and later went on to ask if I felt they could not work together. This comment/question confused me some, since I feel it was asking two different questions.
Do I feel discipline spankings and erotic spankings can co-exist in a marriage? Of course they can. A couple that practices Domestic Discipline can include erotic spankings in their sex life. If a couple enjoys erotic spankings, so be it. What they do during intimate times is their business. Absolutely discipline spankings and erotic spankings can co-exist in a marriage.
Do I feel discipline spankings and erotic spankings can work together? No, I do not. Going back to the point I made earlier, one cannot correct a behavior by having sex. When sex gets mixed in with discipline, it confuses the brain. Literally. One begins associating discipline with sex, and it causes increased problems in behavior.
In a discipline instance, people associate poor behavior with subsequent discipline. If sex gets involved in any way, one then associates discipline with sex. So, when sex and discipline get mixed together, the association then becomes poor behavior leads to subsequent sex. As general human nature, people enjoy sex. When this happens, future poor behaviors increase since the one acting out knows sex will follow (after the disciplinary action), which is something they enjoy. The sex, ultimately, is reinforcing the poor behavior and thus will increase the likelihood of it repeating. It's psychology 101. Discipline spankings and erotic spankings CANNOT work together.
That last paragraph was kind of confusing so I'll illustrate my point. Here is the thought process:
Poor behavior --> Discipline --> Sex
Naturally, through the transitive property (If A = B and B = C, then A = C), this then becomes:
Poor behavior --> Sex
That can't happen unless you want to see an increase in poor behavior, which is essentially the exact opposite of what Domestic Discipline is intended to do. So, once again, discipline spankings and erotic spankings cannot work together. People often wonder why they're not getting the results they seek, and more often than not it's due to them engaging in sexual activity before, during, or after the discipline.
I understand spanking, even in a discipline sense, can be arousing. I'm not arguing that point at all. It can be. But, after the little spiel I went on about how mixing sex with discipline is a no-no, I obviously highly recommend NOT mixing sex with discipline. If this is difficult for you to do, change the way you spank. Start to spank over the underwear or light clothing rather than bare-bottomed. After the comforting, do something to take your mind off of sex. Read a book, watch TV, watch a movie, take a walk, do housework, take a nap, go to sleep - whatever you need to do to avoid the sexual desire you feel.
So how long after a spanking (a discipline spanking) should you wait to have sex? For best results, I recommend you wait until her buttocks feels 100% better. The spanking and all it's intended for is 100% over at that point. I'm not saying that's easy to do, but for best results that's what I recommend.
I understand why people were confused by what I said, and the difference between punishment spankings and erotic spankings. They fall under the same category (spankings) but are two completely different things. Just like apples and oranges. Same category (fruit), different things. It's confusing, and I should have been more clear in my statement (the one at the beginning of this entry). I apologize to those I confused, and I hope this entry has cleared things up.
One last thing I want to say before I end this post - Domestic Discipline is one ASPECT of a marriage. There are a lot of different aspects to a marriage - DD, finances, sex, communication, etc. Domestic Discipline is what will be covered on this blog, with a recipe and a Couples Challenge mixed in from time to time. When I refer to a spanking on this blog, it's in a discipline sense. Never an erotic sense.
I think that covers everything I wanted to put within this entry. This is a rather lengthy post, but I wanted to be perfectly clear with everything. I hope it clarified, but maybe it didn't. I don't know. I talk a lot sometimes. Anyway, as always feel free to comment or ask questions in the comments section of the post.