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Posted in: Punishing In Public
LDD's Weekly Recap: July 29th - August 4th
11 years ago
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Punishing In Public - How To Handle It
Posted in: Punishing In Public
Posted in: Punishing In Public
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27 comments:
Your blog is fantastic. Keep up the great work.
Any plans for a FAQ post?
@Henry L. - Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoy the blog and I certainly hope it's helping your relationship/marriage.
There are no immediate plans for a FAQ post, but I'm always up for readers' suggestions. Perhaps I'll gather a few questions from everyone that they'd like answered for a future post. I think that's a great idea.
-- Clint
clint- i didnt get a paypal receipt just an email from you saying one was sent. can you please send me one so i can get back in?
@His First Mate - I resent it. Let me know if that works or not. If not, I'll just generate a whole new invoice.
-- Clint
Hey clint any idea why the rules/consequences tab under "An Overview of DD" isnt working?
@Anonymous - Yes, I had nothing linked to that tab. It has been fixed. It should now take you to "May Couples Challenge: The Rules" when you click it. Thank you for letting me know, and I apologize for the inconvenience.
-- Clint
Good post Clint! This is good information for those couples that are new to DD as this situation would never happen to me!! LOL
How would you handle it if the wife was drunk in a bar and gave you a hard time when you came to get her and take her home? Would you deal with it in the bar, in the car, or wait until you got both of you home?
Thank you in advance for the advice.
Alex
@Alex - The first thing I would do is make sure my wife is alright, and do everything I can to get her home safely. Obviously her giving you a hard time would make things difficult, but that's the most important thing. Whatever it takes to get her home safely.
Once she was home safe and sound, I would help her get back to 100%. Punishing while she's drunk/hungover isn't going to do much good. It may take a day or two, but she needs to be 100% recovered from the alcohol effects. Once she's completely recovered, I would punish at that point. Personally I would spank rather hard for something like this since it's a major, major problem (in my opinion), but obviously whatever punishment you feel is appropriate for something like this is completely your choice.
Hope this helps and best of luck to you, Alex.
-- Clint
You people are nuts! A woman is just as capable as a man to listen to the Holy Spirit as a man is. What you are teaching is HERESY and contrary to what a Christ did to raise the plight of women of your day! You are encouraging DOMESTIC ABUSE and you should be ashamed to call yourselves Christians. May God redeem you and show you the error of your ways.!!
Abuse is between people that do NOT consent. This is a lifestyle that is chosen and no one is forcing that belief onto you. Usually it is the wife who wants this and initiates it.
Men and woman have different needs and different roles, they don't fit all men and women, but this choice suits THESE men and women...don't judge something you obviously do not understand.
Sarah
@Anonymous - May He do just that. I wish you and your family the best.
@Sarah - Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate your comment.
-- Clint
Hello. This situation has passed but I'm looking for feedback so I can handle it better the next time. We were driving on the Interstate to go and visit her family. There are issues with her family and sometimes they ride her hard. As a result, she was stressed while we were driving. When we were going to start off, she was defiant about wearing a seatbelt and arguing with me when I wanted her to buckle up. For a good part of the drive, she was displaying a poor attitude and was snapping and making sarcastic comments to me and generally disrespectful in tone.
What would you do or what can I do if there is a next time?
Thank you in advance for your time.
@Anonymous - That's certainly a difficult situation and I hope things have calmed down a little for you two. Family stress is always a difficult thing to deal with.
First off, I wouldn't go anywhere with her if she refused to wear her seatbelt. In my opinion that's a must, and something that can't have much room for negotiation. I'd be pretty firm on that. If she refused to wear it, then before we left the house I would talk to her about it, and punish (spank) if it came to that.
As far as the attitude goes, I'd be a little understanding of it at first if her family was giving her a hard time. I'd show some empathy and try to calm her down before anything else. Now, if it got disrespectful towards you, then obviously you'd have a problem. I would give ONE pretty stern warning that if she didn't calm down/be more respectful, you'd punish for it. If after the warning she continued with the attitude, then punish. This would be the perfect situation to use the Capsaicin Cream discussed in my "Silent Spankings" blog entry. Finding some place to apply it is the tricky part. Depending on the length of the drive, a rest area could work, or finding some private empty parking lot or something might work as well. You'd have to get creative in that situation, but once the cream was applied, I'd imagine her attitude would change.
Hope that helps you out and best of luck to you in the future.
-- Clint
For me domestic discipline, if it isn't to become exhibitionism, which would either invite voyeurism or misplaced suspicions of abuse, needs to be a strictly private thing between partners. If my husband were so inconsiderate of my feelings that he would humiliate me berating me or disciplining me in public, I would lose respect for him. Respect is important, but it goes both ways. I would not humiliate or treat him with disrespect in public and for me it would be a serious breach of trust if he were to do so to me. He may be the head of our relationship, but I'm still his adult wife.
The above poster makes an important point. The general principle that you should praise in public and correct in private absolutely should be as applicable to spouses (even if they utilize DD) as it is in other contexts. Anything stronger than gentle urging to cease undesirable actions is probably disrespectful to wife. If there is a persistent problem with wife acting inappropriately in public, the couple should develop a code in which the husband can calmly give the message that she is getting herself into trouble without anyone else understanding.
@Anonymous (October 24th 2:49 AM) - I agree. Humiliation and berating are not part of a Domestic Discipline marriage. With you saying you would not humiliate or treat him with disrespect in public, it sounds like this isn't an issue in your marriage. That's wonderful. I commend both you and your husband for respecting one another in public. A lot of couples can't say the same.
@James - Very sound advice for readers. Thank you so much for your input. Reinforcement is important in a public setting, and perhaps I should have included that in the blog post. I definitely agree with that.
All the best to you both.
-- Clint
Exactly James. There are far more discrete and private ways to issue warnings than berating one's other half in a public place. It seems somewhat counter-productive to reward bad behaviour and disrespect in public with more of the same from the HoH. DD should encourage respect, not challenge it.
I agree with all that is written above and my husband and I have a DD marriage (2 years). There have been times when we have been in a semi-public situtation, and by this I mean at our or someone else's home, usually friends. In private, we have agreed that all discipline is to be administered with me nude; this is not a sexual game, but a show of total respect and submission to my husband's authority. But this is modified when there have been occassions of discipline in front of other people. Our close friedns are aware of our DD marriage, and while they do not practice, they are tolerant. I suspect that the husbands wish their wives were agreeable to it. When others a present, my husband will take me across his knee and only then will he lower my pants and underwear, keeping it somewhat modest. The spanking is not very long, and not quite as forceful, but the point gets across and I am reminded that I have crossed a line with him. On only one occassion has this been (accidentally) humiliating. I became arounsed (we are human, it happens)and it was evident. My husband quickly stopped, and redressed me.
DD is not titilating or abusive. There are times at home when we plan a sexual spanking, but this is clearly defined and separate form maintenance or discipline spanking.
I love my husband, and he is in charge of it all---our sex, my discipline and our lives.
@Anonymous (February 19th 11:08 AM) - I'm happy to hear you and your husband have found what works best for you. Thank you for sharing your experiences with myself, and the readers of the blog.
All the best to you.
-- Clint
should I pull over as soon as she acts up and spank her or wait?
When I acted up in the car, my husband pulled over and spanked me. Also, some rest stops have 'family' restrooms. I have been spanked in those a couple of times. If my husband has to stop the car, I am sure to be spanked. He comes to my side has me lean over my seat and raises my skirt, lowers my panties and gives me a good hard hand spanking right then and there. I appreciate that he is consistant. If your wife does not want a spanking she should not push like that. I think it must reassure her of your authority over her. She probably feels safe with you and wants to be reminded that you are in control. Her parents may make her feel incapable, or stupid. I can relate to her acting out on the way to visit them. You should show her that you are consistant and spank her when she defies you. It will give her the reassurance that you are solid and will protect her from anyone. I would suggest that you follow the spanking with a firm remineder that she is to trust you, and you will not allow anyone to mistreat her.
@Anonymous (May 15th 4:44 PM) - Your question depends a little on the seriousness of her behavior. I mean, if it's distracting you from your driving and causing serious conflict between you two, then yes, get to a stopping point as soon as possible to address the problem. Not only are your lives at risk if it effects your driving, but the lives of innocent people on the road are at risk as well.
If it's something less serious, then I'd recommend holding off momentarily until you reach the nearest rest stop, or you arrive at your destination. You can then conduct the punishment at that point. Silent spankings work well in these situations.
All the best to you, and good luck.
@Anonymous (May 18th 4:40 AM) - Thank you for your perspective and for sharing your experience. I'm sure a lot of readers will find it very helpful.
All the best to you.
-- Clint
Hi,
My husband and I both agree that misbehaving in public is humiliating for both of us, and a fairly serious offense. I'd like to think I'm fairly well behaved, but none of us are perfect, and a few times he felt I deserved to be punished for the way I had behaved while we were out.
While driving, or anywhere else where we are alone, he simply tells me firmly that I'm going to get a spanking when we get home. That ussually works to stop me, if it doesn't he finds the most convienent, private place he can, pulls over and gives me a hard hand spanking right there, and tells me when I get home I should expect a more serious punishment for pushing him to punish me right then. He's even gone as far as to get a switch while we are pulled over, show it to me, and promise to use it liberally when we get home, amoung other implements.
If we are in front of people and I misbehave I'm in trouble. He only has to put his hand on my lower back, make eye contact, and quietly tell me to stop. I know I'm done for. When I get home I will recieve a serious punishment, I will be grounded, and I will be recieving stern punishment spankings every night I'm grounded. The only exception to this is if I acted horribly while intoxicated. I'm still grounded and spanked for drinking too much, however there are no nightly spankings paired with my grounding, and he isn't as hard on me durring my punishment spanking, HOWEVER- Because I tend to get loud and obnoxious when I drink too much, if we are going out and I will be allowed to drink, he puts me over his knee and gives me a stern spanking right before we leave. I go out with a stingy bottom, but I remember not to drink too much, and I don't act like a fool, and if he thinks I may be getting to that point he simply lovingly rubs my bottom and this calms me down. This is just always the way we have handled this situation, and it must work well, since I don't remember the last time I acted like a fool in public, and he has stopped spanking me before we go out as well, since I've been so good!
@Anonymous (August 14th 8:55 AM) - I typically recommend against HoH's flat out telling their spouse they're getting a spanking as soon as they get home since that basically takes away the motivation for the wife to behave properly. If she already knows a spanking is in the cards anyway regardless of what happens between now and then, why would she then have motivation to behave appropriately? When an HoH tells his wife she's getting spanked when they get home while in public, it can develop a mentality in the wife of, "Hmm. Alright, well, that sucks, but since I'm getting spanked anyway, I'll behave however I feel like it, even if it isn't in accordance with our rules." Obviously that would be a problem, which is why I recommend against it. Not every wife is that way, obviously, but there are some who would take advantage of the situation in this manner.
I feel the THREAT of a spanking should always be there when a couple is in public, and things like eye contact, "the look", subtle cues, etc. are excellent things to do to curb the wife's behavior in public before things escalate into a possible spanking. Then, once home, the couple sits down, discusses what happened, and the HoH THEN makes a decision accordingly on how to proceed with punishment.
Anyway, I talk a lot but those are my thoughts on the story you shared. Regardless of my thoughts, it sounds like you both have found what works best for you, and that's really all that matters. Thank you for sharing your story.
All the best.
-- Clint
I'm glad to see that this blog is still active, as lately my husband has taken public punishments into an area that as far as I'm concerned, isn't appropriate or healthy for our marriage. My husband will give me a warning glance or a spoken warning, and he used to (it rarely gets to this stage) give a silent spanking. Recently, when we were at the beach with another two couples, my husband pulled down my bathing suit, took me over his knee and administered a full fledged spanking. The other couples were dumbstruck and laughed uncomfortably, and later the women took me aside and asked if I was 'ok.' I didn't know how to respond to them, and I asked my husband to take me home. My husband says that this experience will be a strong lesson for future disobedient behavior and that the humiliation I felt will be a deterrent. How do I handle this with him? I am so humiliated I don't feel I can face these friends again, and have become depressed.
@Anon 5.Sep 3:55pm - With all due respect, your husband was way out of line and that "deterrent" comment was total bs. DD is not and has never been about humiliation - public or private. To publicly display his wife's private areas in front of others, especially men, is the height of disrespect. How can he expect you to respect him if he doesn't respect you? He should hold himself to a higher standard! IMHO, you need to pull your consent immediately! You can then sit down together and review/revise your rules which should include no spanking with any witnesses and no humiliation. If he can't/won't agree, do NOT consent. He took your gift of submission and made a public joke of it. Do not let his behavior depress you. The shame and humiliation should belong to him!
Wishing you the best.
Cat
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