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Saturday, July 16, 2011

Additional Domestic Discipline Punishments

Image courtesy of studentbranding.com.
  We outline a number of alternate punishment options for domestic discipline couples to consider.  You can find this article on our new website by clicking here.

75 comments:

Christina said...

I've had to write an apology letter to him, in addition to a spanking or grounding etc. Sometimes the hardest thing to say, even to your most loved one, is "I'm sorry" and to back up the apology with a discussion on why it happened, how you knew better, how as an adult you could have done it different and why you're going to commit to doing it different the next time.

He's also written me an apology letter if he's screwed up, which is a good way to deal with the question of what do you do if the husband screws up?

I'm curious - what have you used?

Good post!

Clint said...

@Christina - I have used all of these punishments on my wife at least one time, with the exception of soap in the mouth. I haven't used that one yet, but I would if I felt it necessary to do so. All the others we've done, albeit very very rarely.

I'm glad you liked the post!

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Thank for the article clint. Its really helpful :)
-Sammy

Clint said...

@Sammy - My pleasure. We missed you at the social network chat on Sunday! You'll have to join us next week. :)

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Might just be me but soap and hot sauce seem a little silly and something that might be done out of anger. "ok dear, I love you and am doing this because I have to; no open your mouth nicely so I can pour this hot sauce in" just seems silly and a little cruel...to each his own I guess.

Clint said...

@Anonymous - Agreed. They're rare punishments that should only be done when nothing else is an option. I would advise using other punishments first and using these essentially as a last resort.

-- Clint

kiwigirliegirl said...

hi again, we have been practisig DD for a few weeks now, slowly and steadily. Progress is being made. But i find it terribly difficult to talk about, but that is getting better.
He spanks me for punishment. But i was wondering about other punishments too, corner time, or early bed time. We have children so punishments are often delayed until chdilren are asleep - so corner time could work well in the same way.
How do you incorporate an early bed time when children are about - and probably will still be up if I am sent to bed early.
Also another question, I dont think other punishments have been crossed by hubby's mind, how would i bring up the subject? Any suggestions?
Thanks.

kiwigirliegirl said...

Oh, actually i tell a bit of a lie, he has issued another punishment, he removes my spending privileges - i forgot about that one haha - how could i forget?

Clint said...

@Kiwigirliegirl - Punishing with children in the house is always tricky. Often times, particularly when it comes to spanking, the punishment is put off until the kids are asleep, or at school, or at a friends house, etc. It sounds like you know what I mean when you say the punishments are often delayed.

Children don't need to know what's going on. If your husband would like you to go to bed early, I'd recommend telling your children (if they even ask) that you're tired, or you're not feeling well, or you're just going to lay down for a little while. Yes, it's stretching the truth a little, but in the big picture it protects your children from something they really aren't going to understand.

Bringing up DD and/or additional punishments is something I plan on addressing with a blog entry in the future. Actually, my wife is going to write it. Anyway, for now, I would calmly approach your husband and let him know you'd like to talk to him privately when he has some time. Sit down with him, tell him you've done some research on DD and you've found a few things that you think would be beneficial to your marriage. Always use the approach that this will HELP your marriage, and most husbands will be willing to listen to and consider your ideas.

Hope this helps! Good luck.

-- Clint

Tink said...

I don't agree with soap or hot sauce in the mouth. I can't tolerate hot sauce at all and soap in the mouth is silly to me. If my husband wanted me to put soap in my mouth I'd think he was crazy. It seems very childish to me. Not that I would EVER do that to my children. Which of all of these punishments do you think are ok for your children?

kiwigirliegirl said...

hi clint, thanks for the advice. We are concentrating on spanking ath the moment - but i may over time bring up the subject of other punishments. I will look out for your post - thanks again. I wish i could find the way to add as a follower LOL...nevermind.

Anonymous said...

Clint do your children not know? Is there ever a good time to talk to them about it, if it comes up?

Clint said...

@Anonymous - Well my wife and I have just one child, and he's 19 days old. Haha. So he doesn't know. :)

Although I don't have immediate experience practicing DD with children in the house, I've spoke to numerous people who do, including some of my colleagues. I've gathered as much information about this topic as I could.

I recommend not bringing it up at any point to your children, but if/when they find out about it, I wouldn't hide from it. Is there a good time to talk to your children about it? Hmm. Tough question to answer. Not exactly, although if/when they do find out it's important to explain what's going on to them as best as you can.

I would take the approach of, "I know you may not understand this completely, son/honey/sweetie, but mommy makes mistakes just like everyone else. Daddy wants to make sure mommy doesn't make those same mistakes so I don't hurt myself, or hurt you and your brothers and sisters. When mommy makes a mistake, I get in trouble just like you guys do. You know how when you get in trouble it helps you not make that mistake again? It's the same thing with mommy. Sometimes I get in trouble and daddy helps me not make the same mistake again."

Something along those lines. It's not an easy conversation to have, but there's no need to go into major detail here. If you convey to your child this is something you agree with and are ok with, my suspicion is that they'll be a lot more ok with it as well.

But, in the end, I would try to keep this from your children as best as you can. It's really best they don't know, as they likely won't really understand.

Hope this helps and best of luck.

-- Clint

Learning_curves said...

Hi Clint...thanks so much for all your invaluable wisdom on this subject. My husband and I are new at this and have thus far used spankings, lines, and apology letters. Yesterday I vented and basically went off on a huge rant but instead of getting disciplined I got ignored. I knew I needed some kind of emotional release so I went and sat myself in the corner of our bedroom until my husband came looking for me. It worked really well for me but it would have been so much better had my husband demanded it of me. Do you have suggestions for helping him be more comfortable with his authority and disciplining me? We've only been doing this for about two months and our marriage has exponentially improved. I just wish he would take more control.

Thanks for the help!!!

Clint said...

@Learning_curves - I'm so glad to hear your marriage has improved since starting DD. That's what it's all about and I congratulate you and your husband on incorporating something like this into your marriage.

A lot of husbands struggle with inconsistency. Also, a lot of husbands feel too bossy, or feel like they're being controlling when in reality it's something their wives want. It sounds like this is the case with you two. I call it the "Good Guy Syndrome." I'm sure your husband is a good guy, and he doesn't want to become one of those husbands he's heard about and read about in the news. He loves you and he may not understand how you feel about this, all the while thinking YOU think he's a jerk for putting his foot down.

Does your husband know how you feel? My first recommendation is to open up to him about how it made you feel when he didn't notice (you felt ignored, like he didn't care, etc.), and also what you would like him to do. Men want it simple and to the point. Tell him flat out that you want him to step up, to take more control of the home, and to really become the head of the household. Tell him that when he punishes you, you don't think he's a jerk - you think he cares about the well being of his family and you're appreciative of him taking the initiative to protect you and your home. That is, if this is in fact how you feel. If it isn't, just tell him whatever it is you're feeling so he knows.

Start with that, and if it doesn't help or if you've already done that, just leave another comment and let me know. My guess is he feels like a jerk and doesn't understand how you feel when he takes initiative.

Hope this helps and best of luck!

-- Clint

Charlie1986 said...

I like the idea of the spicy sauce, I can imagine that is horrible, but very effective if I was being rude to my husband. But the soap one, I think that would make me feel abused.

Clint said...

@Charlie1986 - Would you feel physically abused, sexually abused, or psychologically (emotionally) abused after soap in the mouth? Just curious. If you think soap in the mouth would make you feel abused in some fashion, then I certainly wouldn't do it.

-- Clint

Charlie1986 said...

Well obviously not sexually abused, as it wouldn't be in a sexual setting. I am not sure, I guess emotionally. I think I have a memory of a teacher doing it to me at school, it's huniliating, I don't feel (for me personally) that it is in keeping with me personal ethos of DD or taken in hand. I would feel degraded and humiliated instead of learning from my mistakes. Not really sure if that is any clearer Clint. Love the website by the way, it's great to be in contact with like minded people.

Clint said...

@Charlie1986 - Wow if you think you'd experience those emotions after soap in the mouth, then I definitely wouldn't do it. Those are strong emotions, Charlie1986. I certainly wouldn't want you to have emotions like that triggered or dug back up from past experiences.

I'm glad you enjoy the blog! Thank you so much. A lot of work goes into it, so it's nice to know there are people out there who appreciate it.

-- Clint

Her Beloved said...

im scared to use this one i just do hot sauce incase she swallows but most of the time i just give her a spanking

Clint said...

@Her Beloved - There are always feelings of nervousness and apprehension when trying a new punishment. I've always said each punishment is worth a try at least ONCE, and if you don't like it, or if it's ineffective, then don't do it anymore. Either way, it's certainly up to you as to what punishments you want incorporated into your marriage.

All the best.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I am new to DD and this is really the first blogs that I have read on it. We have experimented with it in the past. Our marriage has reached a point where I feel this would be a good thing for us and bring us closer. I noticed while reading you mentioned the good guy symptom. That is exactly me I grew up in an abusive household and I'm afraid of taking it too far, being too controlling etc. She has stated many times that this is what she wants. Do you have any advice on how I can overcome that fear? I would love nothing more then to give her what she needs, but i'm so afraid of overstepping boundaries.

Anonymous said...

I, also, wanted to add that I'm glad I found your blog it is very informative and you are doing a good job :)

Clint said...

@Anonymous - Thank you so much for the encouraging words about the blog. I don't plan on stopping any time soon, and I'm so glad you find it helpful.

You know, this is a hard problem to overcome since this is a character trait within you, and a lot of other men. Not wanting to be a jerk, or not wanting to harm your wife, are two completely normal feelings that a lot of men feel when just starting out.

There are ways to go about DD without being a jerk about it. "Honey, you know overspending is something that can really put us in a bind for a long time. We've gone over this before. I can't have you spending too much money on things that aren't going to help us. I think we both know we need to discuss this matter further." Then proceed with the lecture, and the spanking. Nothing disrespectful, rude, or "jerky" about any of that. In the big picture, your wife will respect you for taking the initiative to protect her and the family, even when it's protecting her from herself.

I've recently added some links to blogs on the homepage of my blog that are all written by women who practice DD. If you read those blogs, you'll find how women need consistency from their husbands when it comes to DD, and some of them discuss how they feel when their husband takes charge of problematic situations. None of them talk about their husband being a jerk. They feel protected and loved, which is what DD is all about.

There's no definitive answer to your question. Sometimes you just have to step up, take charge, and enforce the rules of the home. As long as you have a level head about things and keep your cool, your wife won't see you as a jerk, or as being controlling.

Hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Thank you! Yes it did help. Reading a lot of the stuff on here has opened my mind a lot more to the idea.

Clint said...

@Anonymous - That's wonderful! I hope you and your spouse can find something that works for you. You'll be so much happier once you bring DD into your marriage.

All the best.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Hi Clint. I am in the core of the storm emotionally. We have been practicing DD for 6 months, and yesterday my wife told me she wants to stop. We had a very long conversation about.

She's a good girl, a little bit messy and unprecise, but really a heartily, sweet and lovely person. It happened to me to punish her frequently for breaking rules (mostly related to housekeeping).

Yesterday She told me that these punishments are more than she can tolerate, that she felt she could do that, but finally has realized that she cannot. she also told me that she can go on living peacefully as she knows that she could get a punishment at any moment and for her life long, and this perspective really treathens her, as she feel comdamned to a kind of prison. She told me that if it is not ok for me to stop, she would even consider to go back to her father's house, or whatever.

Thinking back to the last month I must admit that she was very tired, she suffered from headache very often, as well as nausea. I am very annoyed with myself not to have recognized that earlier. She is fragile since she lost her mom a few years ago, and any strong stress causes her this kind of probles. I feel guilty, I am sure I forced the punished too much. I would have better to go slowler and smoother, but I was so enthusiastic that I didn't.

I also feel very sorry for my inconsistency: I asked for her to respect me, and I did not respect her limits.
I am afraid that I was so stupid to break my marriage for pretending too much from her. We did not had such tragic problems after all. If I would have taken her as she was, I would not find in such mess.

I am crashed and I do not know where to find relief. Nobody knows of DD in our family. Sorry for taking so much space. Thanks for that. David

Anonymous said...

@David--You need to talk to your wife and apologize to her as I know you are sorry. It sounds like you probably already did that though, she it is up to her to move on. I think yo u should stop with the DD if it isn't working for the marriage. However, she did agree (I'm assuming) to trying this lifestyle and sometimes things don't work out. So, in that way, it isn't solely your fault, both of you thought she could handle more than she can.
If you both really still want the lifestyle but you both don't want it to go over board again, I would only have the non-spanking punishments be used, at least for a long time. Really take advantage of cornertime or removal of privileges temporarily. Try to punish very little and bring in rewards for when she does do the chores you would like her to.
thanks my ideas anyways, hope it helps in some way.

Amber

Anonymous said...

I also hope that you NEVER spanked or punished in anger...because in that case it may seem to her like abuse.

Amber

david said...

Clint: thank you. A man of honor has to admit whe he makes a mistake. but it's entirely my fault. she embraced DD enthusiastically, and also I did. I did not spank her in anger, never ever, but maybe I misconceived the proper level of pain she could bear.

I spanked her very hard. she bruised often much and several times also had some wounds. I spanked her so hard that she had never recovered fully between one spanking and the other. But I never postponed one, as I was longing for being in charge of. so she was getting worse and worse. and I never ever consider to allow her to take a break. I had taken it so seriously that it seemed to me I could neither wait one day more. That's why i am solely and entirely responsible of that. I should have really taken it smoothly.

I did not take too much attention to that, as I was totally focused on doing my duty as disciplinator. I was too zelous and put my objectives and feelings befor her real needs. I don't really think to go on with DD now.
My first priority is to save my marriage.
thankx everybody

Clint said...

@David - I'm terribly sorry to hear about this rocky patch in your marriage. Perhaps it is best that you stop with DD for now, and work on ironing out the emotional problems that exist. DD isn't going to help anything if your wife is currently at her breaking point.

Amber gave you some solid advice. As respectfully as I can say this, it sounds like you weren't quite doing the spankings correctly, and it sounds like they were crossing the boundaries of what DD spankings are. I would definitely stop spanking for the time being, and focus solely on patching things up with your wife. There isn't much more I can say in a situation like this, David. This is something you and your wife are going to have to seriously discuss and work through in order to keep the marriage together. I wish you the very best, David. Good luck.

-- Clint

Candice said...

All the comments about soap being silly or childish surprise me. It our home it is used if I swear in front of the kids. A that is kind of the point, it's silly that I would do something so foolish. I clearly would not want my children to speak that way so why would I talk that way when they can hear it. The punishment should fit the crime and if you have a dirty mouth, then soap seems like a good choice. Or at least that's how we feel in our home.

Anonymous said...

Soap is not a good choice. It does not clean your mouth. If you have a dirty mouth brush your teeth or use mouthwash.

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous, Sept 7th

I believe Candice is referring more to the idea of soap cleaning things vs. the physical aspect literally cleaning your mouth.

i.e. Soap cleans your hands when they're dirty so therefore soap cleans your mouth when you're using dirty words.

Anonymous said...

Clint,
I have been told of an alternative punishment called riding the wooden horse. I have purchased a saw horse with a somewhat sharp but smooth edge on the top. Apparentlly, a woman must stand over it. Since she does not wish for the edge to dig into her, she is forced to stand on her toes. However, this is a tiring and uncomfortable position and once her legs get tired, she will want or need to sit again to rest herself until the pain of the edge gets too be too much at which point she will have to stand tippy toe again..... going back and forth back and forth for a certain time period, as punishment. It is an additional punishment that I have been searching for to add on to a spanking and removing privileges. My friend told me about it and says it is very effective. Are you aware of this punishment? Do you recommend it? My wife disobeys me after the advanced spanking and other punishmetns. My friend swears that this will fix that. I do not wish to use it until I receive your input. If you would allow it, how long do you think it is appropriate for her to ride the wooden horse? It is very humiliating too, as she will most likely be naked. I am not familiar with it and am curious. Thank you.

Christina said...

Re: September 14 11:06 - This is just my opinion and I'm sure Clint will share his with you. DD has been part of my experience in marriage from the beginning so I do have a lot of experience with it. If I were you, I would want to find out why your wife is still resistent and disobeys you after an advanced spanking. That's a pretty intense spanking. For example - does she not feel the punishment was fair or warranted? Does she have some strong feelings about DD in your marriage? That kind of thing.

Each couple has its own dynamic and there are those that find an element of humiliation effective, and if that is something you're both comfortable with for the experience, then its up to you. I wouldn't find something that was humiliating and could cause splinters in my stomach or other sensitive areas, something I would find beneficial.

Ultimately, discuss it with your wife and if you both think its worth a try, go for it.

Just my 2 cents worth. Good luck!

Clint said...

@Anonymous - I am familiar with this method of punishment, however I don't support or recommend it. I feel it's too harsh of a punishment and I feel it crosses the line into a bit of a BDSM practice. DD is a loving practice, and I don't see how "riding the wooden horse" can be considered loving. Just my personal opinion, of course. I simply feel it's too harsh/uncalled for. It's not something I recommend doing.

As Christina mentioned, there may be an underlying issue as to why the advanced level spanking isn't effective for you. I would have a discussion with your spouse about her feelings of DD, and I would also make sure you do a thorough lecture prior to any spanking. It's important to make sure your wife understands why she's being punished, what she can expect when you punish, and what you expect from her in the future after you punish her for her behavior.

As with any form of punishment the ultimate choice is yours (so long as your spouse consents to it as well), however I don't feel "riding the wooden horse" is an appropriate form of punishment within a DD marriage.

All the best to you and good luck.

@Christina - Thank you for giving your opinion as well. I'm sure multiple opinions help people make the best decisions for their marriage. Always appreciated.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

This is Lasey Lane,
My husband actually tries out certain punishments/implements on himself, before he uses them on me. He does this in private without me present (i.e. hits a new implement against his leg a number of times). My husband has not used hot sauce or soap in my mouth, but I would recommend that any HOH try it out first. I think that it helps to increase the level of empathy, compassion, and overall awareness of the dynamic. My husband has already had the experience in his life of writing an apology letter and writing lines, and he studies scripture anyhow. But, anything he is not sure about, he tries out first on himself. Sounds silly maybe, but I feel safe when he punishes me, knowing that he is aware of what I am going through. Of course, we are different people, with different pain tolerance and different taste buds, etc. However, he is doing his best (by trying things out first) to keep me safe from, for example, an implement that might not be safe.

-Lasey :)

Clint said...

@Lasey - That's an interesting approach, to say the least. I've never thought of something like that, although it does make sense. It certainly gives HOH's something to think about and something to consider. Thank you for your comment and sharing a little different perspective. I'm glad that idea works well for your marriage.

All the best!

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Clint, Whenever my wife is being punished for something, such as a spanking for the day or being grounded, we have a rule that she is prohibited from wearing panties during the punishment period (whether it is a day or 2 weeks). I do this as it reminds her that she is being punished, so when she is at work she knows to remember that she is being punished. Do you think this is alright? or do you recommend against it? I guess there are other things that others do to serve as a reminder. If you have other suggestions please advise. thanks so much for the helpful advice you give on your website.
John

Anonymous said...

Clint, it's John again. I know some husbands make their wives call in every hour or so while they are at work or anywhere as a reminder. I myself think the sore bottom or the fact that they are grounded and can't go out for fun would be enough but was told that an extra reminder is necessary especially when they are away at work, at the grocery store or something, so that is why I have that rule. Looking forward to your thoughts or ideas.
John

Anonymous said...

Hi Clint, have you had a chance to read my comments? Any input or information would be appreciated.
Thanks,
John

Clint said...

@John - Hey there John. I apologize for the late response, and I appreciate you being patient. I try to keep up on the comments, but I fall behind sometimes. I hope you understand.

I think some kind of a reminder is acceptable if the wife agrees to it, however it isn't something I typically recommend. Punishments are to hold the wife accountable for her actions, to help her learn from her mistakes, and to help put the "incident" behind both spouses so they feel better emotionally and can move forward constructively. Typically after punishments wives feel forgiven, loved, protected, cared for, and feel as though the "slate has been wiped clean." Husbands typically feel less stress, less disappointment, less frustration/anger, and feel as though they've taken care of the problem so both spouses can move on. In short, both spouses typically feel much better emotionally after a punishment, and I feel a reminder for days afterward can stunt that "emotional cleansing" process. With a regular reminder, the incident still isn't fully behind the couple, so achieving that emotional balance takes longer.

If you and your wife agree to/choose a reminder in the punishment process, I'd recommend against the "no panties" reminder as it could be potentially humiliating for the wife. Again, if she agrees to this then disregard that, but I believe it would have an element of humiliation for her, which isn't a good thing. A text message or a call every so often would be a much better choice, in my opinion.

I hope all of that made sense, and I wish you the best of luck with everything. Again, this is my opinion, but those are my thoughts on things.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I am curious, I know this is essentially a BDSM type of thing but I was wondering what you feel about administering an emena as a punishment, but without the typical BDSM way of going about it. would be great to hear your opinion

-too soft

Clint said...

@too soft - I don't recommend an enema be a punishment in a Domestic Discipline relationship. It simply isn't necessary, in my opinion. I feel there are other punishments that will yield the same results without having to resort to an enema.

Thank you for your question, and best of luck to you going forward.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

@ John. I know your comments a couple of months old but I only just came across it and wanted to add in my two cents.

You mention not allowing panties, which i agree with Clint in not particularly being in favour of; mainly because, for me, that would have sexual connotations that I don't like linking into a DD punishment. However as an alternative (which my partner has used on me before and I find rather successful), is wearing a punishment bracelet (or it could be a necklace, ring, broach etc).

It doesn't have to look any different to normal jewlery (like mine is a simple silver chain similar to the style of jewlery I would wear anyway), but it's only worn during the punishment period. The idea being that no one else would know what it symbolised but she'll still have that reminder you want every time she saw it during the period.

Just an idea.

PS Thx Clint for the site; very interesting.

Clint said...

@Anonymous (March 8th 12:30 AM) - I'm glad you enjoy the site! I hope there is a thing or two you can take from it that will help your marriage in some fashion.

I know your comment was for John, but I just want to say that I think your bracelet idea is a great one. I love to hear smart, fresh, and most importantly - appropriate ideas from others. I appreciate you taking the time to offer this option to not only John, but myself and the other readers of the blog. Thank you so much.

All the best.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

My wife and I have enjoyed reading your blog. We have been toying with BDSM and are now living what we consider a DD relationship with our own spin. More of a blend of the two, as this is what works for us. I have learned of some interesting ideas on this site and will be checking back frequently!

Clint said...

@Anonymous (March 15th 6:09 PM) - I'm happy to hear you've found what works best for your marriage. Thank you for reading, and thank you for taking the time to comment. I appreciate your support of the blog very very much.

All the best to you and yours.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

hello , I am a submissive wife and have no problem with my husband taking control, I obey him in everything ,my husband not only spanks my bottom but he also spanks my breasts , do you feel this is going against DD ?

Anonymous said...

If you consent to it as a punishment and don't feel its beyond any hard limit and it has some benefit for you as a woman and you both as a couple, and you're free to tell him if its not something you feel is beneficial, then why not? Not everyone practices DD the same way. If there is no humiliation or force involved, then its up to the two of you, isn't it?

Clint said...

@Anonymous (March 29th 5:07 AM) - Yes, I do feel "spanking" the breasts goes against a Domestic Discipline partnership.

Spanking is defined as striking the buttocks - breasts should not be involved in any kind of physical form of punishment in a DD partnership. It's simply unnecessary to punish in this manner, and rather inappropriate. If you consent to this punishment, that's certainly your choice, however a punishment such as this falls more under the definition of BDSM rather than DD, and therefore is not a part of a DD relationship.

Thank you for your comment, and best of luck to you going forward.

-- Clint

Ava Wayland said...

Wow, so many comments! I've noticed your blog is nearly the most popular blog on Domestic Discipline on the web. It's like you're the Head of the Head of Households...lol!

Anyhow, these seem like fair punishments to me, depending of course on what the wife did. I agree on not using liquid soap or too much hot sauce..that would be a little extreme.

What do you think of enemas as punishment? Do you think they are too humiliating or are they effective while also being physically and emotionally safe if done right? Would you ever use enema punishment on your wife? I'm curious as to how many Husbands do this.

Anonymous said...

My husband makes me do training runs as a punishment this might not sound too bad but it can be up to five miles in the heat of the day. he times the run with a stopwatch and if i do not complete the run on time i get the cane as a further punishment so i have an incentive to run harder.It does keep me fit so it is not a "wasted" punishment as it has some purpose but i always have to run much harder than i would choose to do to avoid the cane! Another favourite punishment of his is to make me take cold showers and ice baths...i dread the ice bath most of all as it can be really painful.

Dana said...

Anonymous 7/2/12- Having only one side of the equation, I want to attempt to be very fair in my questions/observations. First of all, the the running, cold showers and ice bath punishments you have both agreed upon? And if so, are there guidelines as to how much time you have to run? And if so, do you feel the time frames are reasonable? The Man and I when we entered into DD decided together what punishments were on the table for use. He uses them at his discretion, but I have agreed to the list as appropriate and fair. For example, due to personal past issues, being spanked with a belt or switch is off the table for me right now. We may revisit this, but fo now, that is a boundary.

As for running in the heat of the day, I don't know where you live. Where I live, that is dangerous as it gets up to 103 degrees with 80% humidity. Also, depending on how long you are expected to sit in an ice bath, (especially if it is right after running in the heat of the day) this is dangerous as it is such a shock to your system, and can cause hypothermia. I don't know the dynamics of your relationship, and with that being said I won't trot out the "abuse" word, but I will caution that a very fine line is being walked here.
Dana

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your comment dana...I have a spending problem and deserve frequent punishment at first my husband used the cane but it became too painful for me to bear. I suggested punishment runs as i jogged already and thought it would be an easy option but he makes sure it is not! I am not allowed a watch on the run so i always have to run flat out to avoid a caning so this sets the time for the next run. He takes the previous time and shortens it slightly to keep working me to my limit.It reached the point where i got the cane for several runs and he realised i had reached my limit and this has set a standard time for the run.The rule is that i get a stroke of the cane for every 10 seconds over the target time. I live in the uk so even in summer the temperature is not too bad for running.I have to take a cold shower fairly regularly but ice baths are reserved for when i deserve a more severe punishment.I hate the ice bath but understand that it is meant to be unpleasant to teach me a lesson he never makes me stay in long enough for hypothermia as the worst part is getting in and for a few mins afterwards.

Clint said...

@Ava Wayland - The Head of the Head of Households. Hmm. That's an interesting way to look at it!

I disagree with enemas as punishment, and therefore do not advise, condone, or recommend couples do them. I find them to be unnecessary and excessive.

Yes, I think they would be humiliating for the wife, which is something I advise and recommend couples avoid deliberately doing in punishment situations.

No, I would not use an enema as punishment on my wife, personally. I don't see why it would ever be necessary in our marriage, nor would I ever do something like that to my wife just out of respect for her.

I don't know how many husbands do this, but I've certainly heard of it so I know some do. That's all I can really offer in regards to how many actually do enemas on their wives as punishment.

Thank you for the kind words and the support of the post! I'm glad you enjoyed it. All the best to you.

@Anonymous (July 2nd 1:37 AM) - I agree with Dana. These punishments are dangerous, and, in my opinion, unnecessary, inappropriate and excessive.

If you have consented to these punishments, great, but I encourage you to reassess them and take your personal health into strong consideration. These punishments concern me, and are certainly not punishments I would advice any HoH administer.

I hope you're okay, and I wish you the very best. Be safe.

@Dana - Your concerns are valid and your comment was very respectful. Thank you for chiming in on the matter.

-- Clint

Eme said...

- I find it odd you think writing lines is juvenile and standing in the corner is not. For me it would tend to be the other way around. But then I tend to think of a lot of what is considred DD to be juvenile even if I am thinking of incorporating it into our way of life. (Act juvenile, be treated like one...)
- Besides, standing in the corner would go like this for me:
"Okay, I bought lunch to day instead of going home or bringing something from home to work. WE agreed we were not going to do that because we want to save the money for vactaion. So your (I tend to lapse into lecturing myself by swithcing back and forth from first to second person) irrisponsibility and deliberate breaking of a rule you agreed upon has put us $12 behind the curve. $12 may not be much, but today, maybe at the end of the week, couple times next week and it really adds up. Besides, you agreed. You would be upset if he did it so what made you thing you were exempt? Yup, really dented that trust here, didn't you? So now, not only did you break a rule you agreed upon BUT you hurt the trust upon which this relationship is built. Bad move, cupcake. When I get out of this corner I will apologise abjectly, and I will either get up earlier so I can make my lunch or manage my time better at work so I have my full hour and can go home. The next time I work overtime all of that days wages will go into the savings, not into my fun account.
- Okay, that took me about three minutes to think AND type, even adding a couple minutes because I would be upset with myself and thinking more slowly it is still only 5-6 minutes tops. I got 15 mintues corner time. I guarantee I will not be thinking about this anymore. I have processed it, come to a conclusion and am done. Anymore thinking about it isn't going to change the final outcome for me.
- Instead I will be thinking, "I wonder how much time I have left?" "Oh, shoot, I forgot to call Violet at the VA hospital and ask about their new program so I can pass it on to my Vets. I will have to write that down when I get out of this corner so I don't forget to call tomorrow." And so it will go for the remainder of the 15 minutes.
- NOW, if instead I have to write "I will not buy lunch, I will either go home or take something to work," and I have to do that for 15 minutes, I guarantee I am less likely to justify grabbing something because I darn sure am not writing any lines for 15 minutes ever again. I also guarantee if I even think of doing so the words, "I will not buy lunch, I will either....etc," will pop right into my mind and at that point I would really have to consciously and maliciously break the rule. I didn't spend 20 years in the service without so much as a written warning being that stupid.
- Perhaps I just process differently. But I simply can't see the efficacy in corner time. How do you govern someone's thoughts? I would probably end up thinking, "this wall's color is really dull, if I am going to have to spend time looking at it, I am painting this room something interesting."
- I apologise if I seem to be writing a lot on your blog. I am trying to work my mind around what I read here, apply it to me, and process what would and would not work. Besides, I know his thought process - he is more likely to hand me a mop and a bucket of soapy water and say, "The back porch looks kinds dusty, why don't you make it shine?!" (Our back porch is 20 feet long and hs a lot of furniture on it which would have to be moved to clean it with a mop and soap, some of it not so light...)
- Hmmm, I think I would rather stare at the dull wall....

Clint said...

@Eme - Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Eme. Literally.

The only question I saw in that entire comment was "how do you govern someone's thoughts?", in reference to corner time. I'll address that question.

I think it's fair to say that, in a literal sense, you cannot govern someone's own personal thoughts. Prior to corner time, however, the HoH can give a brief lecture to help get his wife in the correct mindset, and the HoH can also offer reminders throughout the corner time punishment to help his wife STAY in that mindset.

The HoH asking questions like, "Are you thinking about a snappy attitude does nothing to help the situation?", or, "How are you going to handle yourself next time?", or something along those lines will help in keeping her thoughts on the problem being addressed.

Whichever punishment your HoH chooses, I hope it serves you well and you grow from the experience.

All the best to you, Eme.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I have a annoyingly high pain tollerance, and a strong mind, this can make punishment long and severe if I'm not in the right mind frame when it starts. Corner time and having soap in my mouth help me to recieve my punishment in the right frame of mind, and makes spankings more effective for me. I think it depends on how I'm put in the corner though.
If I'm simply told to "Go Stand in the Corner", yeah, uh huh, so what, it doesn't really sink in and when I'm called over to be paddled I am still pretty defensive. But, if my husband takes my arm, brings me to the corner, gives me a bar of soap to hold in my mouth (providing it's my mouth that got me in trouble), turns me around so I'm facing the corner, bares my bottom and gives me a few hard swats before he leaves me there, - That helps, alot. I hold the bar of soap in my mouth untill he calls me over to him, he takes it out of my mouth himself, sometimes grinding it around on my teeth like you described, then he spanks. My mood at the beginnig of the spanking is ALOT different by then and I've had time to think about why I'm getting punished. This actually means the spanking doesn't last as long before he starts really getting through to me. Some may say corners, soap, and having your bottom bared are humiliating, but maybe that's why they work for me, because they help to shake me out of my stubborn additude.

Anonymous said...

Isn't it dangerous to get soap in the mouth because of all the bubbles that result from the combination of soap with saliva? Is there no risk of suffocating?

Tamira

Clint said...

@Anonymous (August 14th 10:48 AM) - That's an interesting approach to handling a stubbornness problem from the wife, but if it works for you both, then that's wonderful. Thank you for sharing your experience.

@Tamira - Soap can be harmful if swallowed, or if the wife is allergic to any ingredients in the soap, but assuming the punishment is carried out as described in the blog entry (or very similarly), it's a safe punishment to administer.

I don't believe there is any risk of suffocation unless the couple is administering the punishment completely inappropriately. A soap in the mouth punishment shouldn't take any longer than a few seconds to administer. The wife should be able to breathe regularly the entire time the punishment is carried out.

All the best to both of you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your answer. I think I heard the warning regarding soap, detergents, cleaning agents and shampoos when I was a child. As you see, I internalized this warning ("Never eat or drink... your mouth and your throat will get full of bubbles and then you cannot breathe anymore and will die from suffocation.") very, very well. ;-) Unfortunately, I also internalized the childhood warnings regarding electricity... and candles, gas and fire... Actually, not a good thing to do... since such an internalization doesn't enable you to deal with some basic household matters... However, I know, THIS is not a topic of your blog. ;-)

Best regards
Tamira

Clint said...

@Tamira - You're most welcome. I'm glad I could help in some fashion.

All the best.

-- Clint

Sia said...

The soap punishment strikes me as far too close to abuse - regardless of swallowing or not, the fact is it involves DETERGENT (albeit a mild one) in someone's mouth.

Hot sauce on the other hand seems reasonable - a few drops are enough though. I suppose a shot is acceptable for a really filthy mouth though. I mean proper shots though, not the generous party measures.

On the note about scripture study - if there is no religion or no shared religion, what about copying out of/writing an essay on some incredibly dull book? Like a history book or something?

The others strike me as discipline for minor problems or ... problematic situations. The chores one likely works quite well for discretion and seems to be something that can be easily adjusted to fit the 'crime'.

Blue Bird said...

All of these should be discussed and agreed upon by both spouses. Remember the wife is consenting. My husband and I both decided the instant we read about the hot sauce and soap that they would not be used in our DD marriage.

Anonymous said...

Hello Clint and bloggers,
As punishment, my husband is making me write what I did wrong on a public website and obtain any comments or further recommendations for punishment. I outright lied to my husband about where I was going. We have strict rules and punishments as part of our domestic discipline agreement and relationship and follow them to the "T" and it has helped us tremendously in our marriage. I messed up though and now am facing the consequences. Instead of going to the work convention in Vegas I ended up skipping it and going out on the town with some of my coworkers and friends who met me up there. I never intended to attend the convention and lied from the very start. My husband had to take time off of work to stay with our young son and make other unecessary arrangements because of my trip that he thought was very important and work-related as that is what I told him it was for. For the 2 days and 2 nights I was there, I signed in at the work event and went out drinking, attended shows late at night, going to dance clubs with both men and women and lied about it to him since early September. I returned this morning and received a long lecture. My husband found out from credit cards and photos that a fellow co worker put up on facebook. I never thought he would find out or even suspect but he definitey was suspicious and did some investigation. So now I'm being punished. I wrote an apology letter to my husband and also am expected to get 2 spankings that will be severe tomorrow night and Sunday night and am grounded indefinitely. He wants me to ask you to suggest 2 other forms of punishment for the remaining disobedience as he thinks I should be punished for the following 5 offenses: 1)lying 2) drinking without him 3) going out past my curfew 4) hanging out with other men 5) causing him a lot of stress 6) disrespect 7) not coming clean with it. He has decided on 5 of the punishments (2 spankings, grounding, apology letter, and writing on this public website as humiliation) needs your input. I am sorry for my actions and will accept my punishment whatever he decides and learn from them and make sure I will never ever do it again and will behave the entire time of my punishment. He said I'll be grounded for at least 1 month. The next time I do anything like this, he said I will have to post a picture of myself. He does not think this is cruel but thinks it is necessary considering what I put him through and how I deliberately disobeyed and lied to him. Thank you, Jennifer Steele.

Clint said...

@Sia - Most of the punishments outlined in this particular entry are used sparingly in a DD marriage (depending on the couple, of course), if at all. They're simply alternate options for couples to consider, and they all should be discussed between spouses before they're incorporated into said couple's DD practices. If a couple feels they would benefit their marriage, then so be it.

I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on these additional punishments. All the best to you.

@Blue Bird - Very well said, and I agree. These punishments aren't for everyone.

@Jennifer Steele - I find it disturbing that your husband required you to air your personal situation on a public blog. Perhaps I shouldn't have approved your comment, but there wasn't anything overly offensive within it to justify me deleting it. Anyway, for your husband to want to deliberately humiliate you is uncalled for, unnecessary, and cruel in my opinion. That isn't what a loving DD relationship is all about.

I'm not going to suggest any further punishment since that isn't my place. There are evidently several infractions your husband felt the need to address in accordance with your household/marriage rules, and given the punishments you've outlined, I would say they've been addressed. I will say, however, that missing in this situation is the importance of the lecture. Punishing is appropriate, however it's the lecture that will truly get these problems corrected. I hope your husband isn't looking over that very important part in getting the behavior corrected. That's really the only input I have on this situation.

I don't know if this helps or not, but those are my thoughts on the matter. Best of luck moving past this in your marriage. All the best to you, Jennifer.

-- Clint

Ezz said...

From the comments above people don't like the idea, or haven't tried, soap in the mouth punishment.

I don't think it's abuse as some say, but it certainly is unpleasant. The taste is disgusting and the slimy feel as soap and saliva mix together is also horrid. Both make you want to constantly spit but however much you do, you can't get rid of the taste or feeling.

And as you describe, it lingers for at least a couple of hours.

The memory of it lingers as well of course so acts as a strong disincentive to repeating the behaviour that caused it in the first place. I've only had this punishment once and certainly don't want it again.

Clint said...

@Ezz - I appreciate you offering your thoughts on the soap in the mouth punishment. Of all the punishments on this blog, that one seems to spark stronger opinions than the others. It can be done tastefully, and it's very effective as you've illustrated in your comment.

Thank you for taking the time to share your experience. All the best to you going forward.

-- Clint

Ezz said...

I would like to add to my comment above about the 'abuse' aspect of the soap in the mouth punishment.

We both talked about the punishments and agreed together those that we would use, and those that we would not. So I knew in advance that this particular punishment was an option, had agreed to it being 'on the list' and had therefore consented. That being so, I cannot see how it can be viewed as abusive for my husband to use that option when he saw fit to do so.

And Clint, I agree it can be done tastefully, without humiliation or any other negative feelings. I also have to agree that it is an extremely effective punishment. I could not have imagined how ghastly it would actually be.

I had soap put into my mouth, ground on the teeth as you describe, late on Saturday afternoon. Two hours later, when we had our meal, the taste and feeling in my mouth were still strong and very unpleasant. Even after the meal, and a thorough (or so I thought) brushing of my teeth before bed, the taste was still present, though not nearly as strong. Another thorough brushing in the morning, and I could still detect a faint taste of soap. I would guess it was something like 14-16 hours before it had completely gone. It is a truly horrible punishment, but it works.

Please ask if you have any questions. I am happy to answer them.

Clint said...

@Ezz - Thank you, Ezz, for sharing your experience with the soap. It's always helpful to hear testimonies of the punishment itself. You described your experience wonderfully, and I know a lot of readers will benefit from it greatly.

All the best to you.

-- Clint

Sia said...

@Ezz:

[

We both talked about the punishments and agreed together those that we would use, and those that we would not. So I knew in advance that this particular punishment was an option, had agreed to it being 'on the list' and had therefore consented. That being so, I cannot see how it can be viewed as abusive for my husband to use that option when he saw fit to do so.]

Well, if I agree to run out and play chicken on a dare, I shouldn't be allowed to play truth-and-dare, should I? And if someone knows my impulse control is shot-to-all-hell, it really wasn't a smart thing for them to dare me to do, was it?

I mean, think about it - soaps have a tendency to scream at you not to eat at them on the packaging. This is a pretty big hint that it maybe shouldn't be in your mouth.

Besides, by your own admission, you couldn't imagine how vile it was - so while you may have consented - it wasn't informed consent. Uninformed consent just doesn't sit right with me.

Ezz said...

@Sia

I guess the key points are (as Clint says) "not much soap is needed" and I had no intention of swallowing it either. More an inclination to spit it out. And I suffered no ill effects from it although I admit there could have been some risk involved. But even spanking carries a risk of injury.

Yes, the soap was unpleasant, but it wasn't going to kill me.
Spanking isn't pleasant either. Completely different punishments of course but risks/effects? Not that different (in my opinion).

The Secretary said...

Oh lordy Boss, I've had this punishment once and once was enough let me tell you! Ewwww! Put this post on the list of comments to catch up on.

 
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