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Learning Domestic Discipline
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LDD's Weekly Recap: July 29th - August 4th
10 years ago
Friday, August 3, 2012
My Inspiration To Be A Better HoH
Posted in: Personal Stories
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33 comments:
Clint,
Just curious, Does the no spankings for a year include no maintenance spankings as well?
I'm so happy for you two. My husband asked me today if I envision a future where I won't need to be spanked. I had to be honest and said, "no, not really". But now I feel inspired. If Chelsea can do it, maybe I can too....eventually! I'm cheering for you!
Congrats to your wife and happy belated birthday to her!
Wow, way to go, Chelsea! And Clint, that's such a sweet post. And I agree, she's definitely an inspiration!
Kay :)
P.S. It's amazing how well incentives work, huh? Hopefully all HOH's everywhere will realize that! ;D
Beautiful post. Keep up rhe good work, both of you.
-Becky
Hi all. This is my first comment after reading alot on your site. I have to say I've really enjoyed your stories and tips. My wife and I are fairly new to DD and I knew going in it wasn't going to be easy. We have been together for 16yrs and married for 8. My wife is my world and there is NOTHING I would not do for her. She had a really hard life growing up. She was the victim of sexual abuse by her father between the ages of 3-7 when she told her mom what was happening and her mom divorced him. From that point on my wife never had a strong male in her life. She had absolutely NO structure or boundaries. By the time she was 13 she was completely out of control!! We started dating when she was 15 and I can remember thinking back then " wow, her father really screwed her up mentally". She has always done what she wanted when she wanted and how she wanted. She grew up in NYC and is very street smart and has no fear of anything or anyone. She had racked up 6 felony charges in a 2yr time frame. She had gotten herself deep into a pill addiction (that she is now 2yrs clean but its still a struggle) when I first heard about DD I was immediately curious. I truly believed it could help not only our marriage but my wife as well. She has been in desperate need of guidance since she was little. When I approached my wife with the idea surprisingly she also seemed interested. We agreed to give it a month trial period and seeing as though my wife is defiant by nature and has no fear, I think she thought of this as more of a joke. Even after I spanked her for the first time, when I went to comfort her after I saw a smirk on her face and I was shocked!! I knew I had spanked her hard and couldn't understand how she was smiling!! I know every dd marriage is different and I've read your blogs on beginner spankings; however with my wife I believe she requires a firmer hand. When I spoke to her about it, she actually agreed. I think deep inside she knows this has been a long time coming and I think she is happy we are doing this and that I am taking this serious and holding her accountable for her behavior. The first week my wife has gotten punished every day. I think after this past week it is FINALLY sinking in!! I can actually see a difference in the way she speaks to me and her attitude. After I spanked her last night, while we were in bed she looked me in the eyes and said "thank you" I asked her for what and she said for not giving up on her. She said I am the only man who's never thrown her away. I asked her if she felt our new arrangement was helping her and she said yes. She admitted to feeling more secure and knowing she is going to be held accountable for her actions has made her start to think before she acts or speaks. She did admit though that she didnt think I would be able to be as consistent as I've been. She felt I would just give up after 2-3 days. Well I've certainly proved her wrong. She knows full well that if she disrespects me or lies to me or breaks a rule that she is going to find herself on the receiving end of a spanking. Some may feel that as a beginner to dd that I may be too strict or spank her too hard; however my wife and I both agree that she is the type of girl that needs a very very firm hand (both with the rules and with the punishments) she has some very serious behaviors that need to be corrected and being lenient with her is not going to work, and spanking her easier isn't going to work, remember she was smiling after her first spanking. (She is no longer smiling afterwards) she has been close to crying, but won't let herself. She did say to me last night that she does want to get to where she can cry during a punishment but doesn't know how. Do you have any tips on how to help my wife. And do you feel that the way I'm doing this will help my very defiant, stubborn wife? We both enjoy your site. Thank you for words of wisdom and for not being one of those creepy dd sites.
@Anonymous (August 3rd 1:47 PM) - No, it's just a year with no punishment spankings. We still do maintenance spankings, but they don't break her challenge.
@Joanie - Thanks for the support Joanie! She's doing great so far. :)
@Anonymous (August 3rd 2:17 PM) - Thank you! My wife's birthday was in May..perhaps you meant to comment on Jim's post. His wife, Christina, just had a birthday. Anyway, thanks for the support and thanks for reading.
@Kay - Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the post. And yes, incentives definitely help improve behaviors. They're doing great for us so far, that's for sure. :)
@Becky - Thanks so much for the support, Becky. We both appreciate it.
@Anonymous (August 4th 1:58 PM) - I'm glad you enjoy the blog and I certainly hope it helps your marriage in some capacity.
I'm sorry to hear about your wife's troubled past. It's always unfortunate to hear stories like that. I hope she's coping well and getting the support she needs from those close to her.
It sounds like DD is helping your marriage, which is wonderful. I don't think you're being too strict or spanking too hard if you both agree that it's beneficial to the both of you, and your marriage. It's all about finding what works best for your specific situation, and from the sound of it, you've done just that. Nicely done.
I wrote a post on the crying issue and I encourage you to read it over. I think it'll help your situation. You can find it here:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2012/06/importance-of-crying.html
Yes, I think the way you're doing things will help your wife. Given her past, it may take an elevated amount of patience and it may take longer to correct certain behaviors, but absolutely I think you're doing well with the lifestyle so far.
Thank you for taking the time to share your story. I hope things continue to improve for you and your marriage. All the best to you.
-- Clint
Clint - this was an absolutely beautiful post! I think you and Chelsea are a great example of a wonderful marriage - bringing out the best in each other.
I am getting a spanking for leaving the lid off the gasoline container and it spilled. I had to also have to write lines 100 xs so u got off easy chelsea lol. I am dreading it. Do you think this is fair?
Jenny
Basically, after my spanking tomorrow on the bare, I have to sit on a hard bench writing lines until I finish (the line I must write is I will not leave the lid off the gasoline container) again and learn responsibility
@Anon 5.Aug. 4:50p - Considering that gasoline is flammable and the fumes can be highly explosive, IMHO, your punishment is painful but fair.
He had given me a verbal warning last time saying that last month. I wasn't thinking this time and slipped my mind. I know it made a mess but there wasn't any danger or risk of flames. It only got over his tools and wooden working table. I am cleaning them and so there isn't any harm. Anyway the spanking and writing lines will be today.
Jenny
Clint- Glad to hear Chelsea is doing so well! Sounds like your incentive plan works very well. I hope all HoH's take note :).
Would you believe I met my one month challenge today?? Yes!! Miracles are possible :)
Totally non-dd. My usually well behaved 4 year old tipped the wall paper border off his baby brother's bedroom wall! Ahhh! Besides feeling angry, I feel like I can't trust him to behave while playing in another room.
I just wanted to say. All is well with the wall paper border. My husband says sometimes kids do stuff. He said even adults do things that are naughyy. ;) he said he will fix it. I am going to pray for patience. My HOH asked me if I want to please him and I said yes. He said, then I should pray for patience and when I am frustrated, shower people with love.
Becky
That is so sweet of you and its wonderful that she is meeting it head on and accomplishing what she wants
Boy the spanking was harsh and sitting on the best right after was worse as I was writing lines too. I had to sit there until I finished which felt like forever. My hand was tired too. When writing lines, I have to make sure the handwriting is good and each line is correct or else I get spanked again and then have to start all over again. I made sure to proofread and write nicely. i was upset to be punished with this just becuase i left the lid off the gasoline container. I learned my lesson but it is still it was overboard as I also had to clean all of his tools. I hope that he drops a tool on his foot LOL. I am writing this standing up as my bottom is very sore and hope to get your opinion. This obvioulsy was not as severe as the punishment chelsea got and she is very luck! lol.
I'm sorry my name kept coming up last night on the chat. I just signed up and my husband was trying to sign up so he could join the chat. It was just my husband on my name.
-Becky
I am really shocked by how popular DD. This is the first time I check this subject. I have Question, Except the United States and England Is DD marriage exists in other countries?
I could never go a year without getting spanked, but then I wouldn't want to. And I cannot really imagine my husband and I going a year without irritating each other to the degree that made him want to spank me. Besides, I like the feeling that being spanked gives me, of feeling his dominance etc.
And frankly, the crushing burden that feeling he was expecting me to be able to go a year without getting spanked would have me a nervous wreck. DD should make your lives easier, not harder.
Louise
This has to be Louise C from taken in hand. Or there is another very frank Louise out there.
CLINT--
DO YOU THINK A MAINTENANCE SHOULD BE JUST AS SEVERE AS A PUNISHMENT?
@Cat - I'm glad you enjoyed the post! My wife truly is an inspiration to me every day. I mean/meant ever word in the post. Thank you for your kind words.
@Jenny - Given the potential harm of the situation you've described, I feel the punishment is fair, yes. The spanking is appropriate for the gasoline spilling, and the lines are appropriate for leaving the lid off of the container in the first place. This is just my opinion of course, since you asked for it, so please only take it as such. I hope everything works out for the best.
@Cowgirl Up - Yes, she's doing wonderful. She's so determined!
Congratulations on hitting your one month challenge! See - I knew you could do it. :) Great job! Here's to another month!
@lovehonorandobeyhim/Becky - Hate it when that happens. I'm sure we'll have plenty of those types of moments when our little guy is 4 years old, and fun times will be had by all. (sigh)
@trazuredpet - Thank you so much. She's doing a great job. I'm impressed by her every day.
@Anonymous (August 7th 11:03 PM) - The cleaning his tools seems a bit excessive, but perhaps that's due to something you're leaving out (attitude, perhaps? Only speculating). Regardless, I'm happy to hear the lesson was learned and the incident is now behind you both. Thank you for sharing your story.
@Becky - No problem about the chat. Word is still getting out to the members that Tuesday nights are Men's Night. I hope you're enjoying the network!
All the best to each of you.
-- Clint
@Anonymous (August 8th 5:04 AM) - Without a doubt Domestic Discipline is practiced in many countries all over the world. The top ten countries that visit this blog are (in order): 1) The United States, 2) England, 3) Canada, 4) Germany, 5) Australia, 6) France, 7) Netherlands, 8) Ireland, 9) Poland, and 10) New Zealand.
That's just the top ten. There are dozens of others. DD seems to be picking up steam in popularity, no question.
@Louise - It sounds like a one year "no spanking" challenge isn't for your marriage. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
@thequeenofHiscastle - I'm not familiar with the Louise from Taken in Hand, so I have no idea. Perhaps she'll be so kind as to enlighten us as to whether or not she is from Taken in Hand. We'll have to see.
@HOLLY - Your question depends a bit on your experience level, but in most cases the maintenance spanking should NOT be as severe as a punishment spanking.
I've covered maintenance spankings here on LDD, and I encourage you to read the following post:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/08/maintenance-spankings.html
It discusses what they are, a recommended way to conduct them, etc.
I hope this helps you out, Holly. All the best to you.
-- Clint
Well there isn't anything wrong with my attitude. I am getting another spanking because one if his tools got rusted. I was told to dry them all but I left 1 wet. To tell you a secret I purposely left it wet lol. He is oblivious at times lol. I'm not allowed on the computer (grounded from it this weekend) but he has no clue I'm on lol. Im supposed to get spanked tomorrow.
Jenny
@Jenny, it sounds like you're finding the situation funny. To be honest, poking fun at your husband, referring to him as oblivious, deliberately letting one of his tools rust, disregarding his instructions that you not be on the computer, could be construed by some HoH's as disrespectful and defiant. My husband would certainly find it that way. I'm wondering if you are testing him to see how he'll react. Perhaps that something to think about?
I don't think I'm trying to test him. I am just saying that I am smarter than he is. He may be the HOH and can punish me for my behavior but he does not know what I can get away with. If he found out about me disobeying him (using the computer and letting his tool rust), I'm sure he would find it disobedient, disrespectul and defiant and punish for it like your HOH and most HOHs, but the thing is he won't find out and you have to find out first LOL. I'm getting spanked tomorrow so there is no harm really - I am still gettign punished for making the tool rust. He is quite strict but he doesn't know that he can't know everything. A friend of mine said her husband keeps cameras running in the house during punishment and sometimes regular times to ensure that rules and punishments are followed. I'd be in deep trouble if that was the case. I do think letting his tool rust without him knowing that I did it intentional (he thinks it was carelessness) is pretty smart of me however lol. He would only know if he ever found this website LOL. Jenny
@Jenny 11.Aug.12 7:06pm - IMHO, you are showing that you are more deceitful rather than smarter than your HoH - it sounds as if he is trusting you and you are violating that trust. Honesty is a primary component of DD even when it is painful.
Intentionally damaging his property is not only disrepectful but just downright mean.
If you are this deliberately disrepectful to your HoH in public, albeit anonymous, maybe the DD lifestyle is not for you.
Hello, I have budget limitations on shopping and phone use, etc. Do many DD couples have this? My husband allows me to spend $100 per month on shopping for clothes and anything I want. of Course, that means if I want something that is more expensive, i have to save up for it so that it carries over the next month. If I go over, then I get spanking or grounded. With the phone bill, we also have a spending limit and minutes limite. I've gone over several times and my behind paid for it! Anyways, I've gotten much better at learning to pace myself and allocating my money/minutes. It has helped me be more responsible. There are times when my husband will buy me a gift which is wonderful for special occasions or if I behave very well for longer periods of time without punishment. Sometimes I can ask for permission to spend over which he rarely gives but sometime he does. I have leanred that if I don't, then I get the paddle and get grounded - for example, one time, I wanted to go to a concert which cost $120 per ticket. He said no as I already spent $80 on something else for entertainment. well, I bought it anyways, telling him we got cheaper tickets, but then he found out and whipped my butt so hard that I could sit for days. I also got grounded from concerts and shopping for a whole month even though I had some $ left in my budget. He examines our account and bills like hawk now so I'd be stupid to do anything stupid. Overall it has helped me with finances which are both of our's. I wanted to get input from Clint, Chelsea, and others.
Jenny,
I think that you should take some serious time to yourself and re-consider what kind of life you are living. Reading your comments really upset me as i'm sure it does others as well. These great people on this website respect thier husbands and would never do what you are doing. Honestly i don't think that this is the website for you as you are taking this life style like it is a joke and i really don't appreciate it as i'm sure your husband doesn't as well. This life style is about trust more than anything. If you cared for your husband you would show him this website along with your rude comments and took whatever punishment you have coming your way. personally if i were an HOH i would spank you every day for a month and ground you from everything for 6 months. Or i would leave you and find a woman who didn't act like a 5 year old.
-ss
@Jenny - If everything you're saying in your comments is true, then I feel terrible for your husband. He's trying so hard to improve your marriage and you'd rather make a mockery of it.
How is the behavior you're describing helpful to your marriage? Do you even want to improve your marriage? The behavior you're describing makes me question your commitment to not only the lifestyle, but to your husband as well. There's nothing to gain from what you're doing, but I assure you there is plenty to lose.
If you feel this is an appropriate way to conduct yourself in a DD marriage, then DD is not for you. As you can see from the responses you've gotten, they way you're handling yourself is insulting to those that take the lifestyle seriously and gives the entire lifestyle a black eye.
I would strongly suggest you re-evaluate your motives of being in a DD marriage. Your heart clearly is not in the right place when it comes to this lifestyle and your behavior is destructive to your marriage in the process.
@Anonymous (August 11th 9:56 PM) - There are many couples, particularly given the current state of the economy (in the U.S., that is), that live on a very strict/limited budget. No question about it. Even if a couple has extra disposable income, it's always best to create budgets and create a financial plan both in the short term and the long term. Sound financial planning creates stability for the future of the family in addition to the benefits you described (more responsibility, not buying "stupid" things/being wasteful, etc.).
I think the dynamic you've detailed in your comment is fair and consistent with a healthy DD lifestyle. Not being able to sit "for days" is a bit concerning, but that's the only potential problem I see with what you outlined. I hope this is a slight exaggeration, but if it isn't, I certainly hope it's not a regular occurrence. Other than that, I think your situation is a common one among Domestic Discipline couples.
That's my opinion on your situation. I hope it helps you feel a little better. All the best to you.
-- Clint
Clint, I'm new to DD and am having a hard time differentiating between DD and spankings that are sexual. Everytime my husband spanks me, I become aroused and want to make love afterwards. Is that wrong? Is he not doing it hard enough if I feel that way? He says I'm missing the point.
@Anon 2.Sep 3:06p - I'm wondering if maybe you are not in the correct frame of mind when your husband spanks you. If you enjoy erotic spankings, you need to make sure that they are totally different from punishment spankings. Here are some questions to ask yourself regarding punishment spankings: Does he lecture prior to spanking? Does he lecture long enough? Do you really listen to his words? Do you understand why you are receiving a spanking? Does he express his disappointment? Is he spanking hard enough? Do you feel remorseful after the spanking? Do you cry during or after the spanking? Clint has written several posts that might help you - just copy/paste these links into your browser:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/07/discipline-spankings-vs-erotic.html
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/04/art-of-lecture.html
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2012/06/importance-of-crying.html
Hope this helps,
Cat
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