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Learning Domestic Discipline
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Posted in: Personal Stories
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11 years ago
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Starting Maintenance Spankings
Posted in: Personal Stories
Posted in: Personal Stories
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23 comments:
Hi Clint - Thank you for sharing your views. I really admire you and your wife and your willingness to share your journeys though this life.
One note, my HoH and his family referred to maintenance spankings as "attitude or emotional adjustments" because sometimes I just needed to adjust my thoughts. The first time I ever heard of maintenance spankings was when I started reading the LDD blogs. No real point - just a thought. :)
I think the really important part of this post was that you decided to go down a path that you didn't think would work for you in the past. And in the future, you may decide to stop going down that path. That is a very dynamic way to approach these relationships. It would be nice if we could just put down the rules and then go forward, but tweaks and overhauls need to be made periodically.
We enjoy maintenance because it reinforces our commitment to make time for each other amidst a busy family life. It is not always easy to make the schedules work out when no one is around, but a priority it is, and hence, so are we.
@Cat - I've often heard the term "attitude adjustment" as well. I suppose that sums up the purpose of maintenance spankings in our marriage. That's essentially what I was addressing with our very first maintenance spanking session. Thanks for your comment!
I wish you well.
@Kitty - I agree with you - tweaks and overhauls are necessary at times to break the monotony of your DD practices. If it becomes routine, it can lose it's effectiveness. Changing things up a bit can really help a couple, as it did with my wife and I. So far so good with our maintenance spankings. I'm glad I decided to give them a chance.
I appreciate your comment and I wish you the very best going forward.
-- Clint
Good for you to be willing to try something that you previously didn't think had any benefits! Good luck with them and I hope they work well for you and your wife. I've used them for years and they work well for my wife, and while she'll say the same thing afterwards, she wouldn't at the time, but that's understandable... lol.
We think of them not as punishment, because you're not punishing specifically for something, but rather as discipline, which includes more than punishment anyway. It's about changing the mindset around the spanking in a maintenance situation, if that helps.
All the best!
hi clint you are too fast for me with all these posts! I had wanted to thank you for all your support in the last blog and hey presto off you go again. Re the last post I just wanted to say thanks for all the support in answering my questions it has been great. I know what you There is a load of stuff I would love to share but can't do it here or right now and that's in the mix too so once again thanks for being so patient. I will say that this site or blogg or whatever you call it has been such a revelation to me until i found it I did not know anyone else felt like I do or wanted what I want -- the whole submission thing. In fact it would be true to say that some of the other sites were down right unreapeatable then I found your site and it was really like someone turned on the light for me. I felt not as alone anymore or as much like i was loosing the plot. Just thnaks so much. Also this one is great too i was confused about these maintence things and I thought this was something that absolutely made me cringe it just seemed wrong. Now thnaks to you i understand me even if I havent got anywhere yet - thinking about trying to break the news to my dearly beloved this weekend but still nervous
All the best hope you enjoy all the nice thing in that hetic schedule it sounds a tit like us we like a wee bit hetic too!!
Hi Clint,
Firstly, I want to say what a wonderful blog that both me and my HoH enjoy thoroughly. It has certainly helped us throughout our marriage and we are very grateful!
I was hoping you could offer me some advice and I sincerely hope you do not mind me asking. Smoking is, and always has been, a no-no for my HoH. He is especially concerned as I have health problems that worsen with smoking. At the start of our marriage he helped me quit. Last year, after 3 years smoke free, I smoked again but immediately confessed. He lovingly punished and listened to me about why I had done it again. I started to smoke in secret 3 months ago and lied several times to him to cover it up. He has been away on business for 2 weeks and before he left asked me if I had started to smoke, again I lied and promised him I hadn't been. I finally confessed in a email to him a couple of days ago. Obviously he is angry and upset over this. He is back home in just over a week and said that we will be talking about it then. I know I have really messed up and I have never done anything this serious before. It has gone beyond the smoking because I have broken his trust. I would really appreciate it if you could offer me some advice on how I can start to make it up to him. Should I try to think of a suitable punishment to show I know I deserve it? (Obviously, it would be his choice.) Have you any advice on what punishment I should suggest? We have never had to deal with anything this serious before and I really would appreciate any advice you could offer.
Many thanks,
Sammi
@Sammi,
Why did you start smoking again? As a reformed smoker, I know it's like AA. It's a disease that is continuous. Something must have triggered smoking again. Spanking is not going to stop an addiction. You need a support group to handle your stress and current issues.
hi Clint still sturggling a bit with all of this and it is me not my husband - I still havent said a thing but dropped hints - it should have been more that a hint I had such a good opportunity. We were talking about people at our respective work and how some woment behave - one girl got married recently and my husband was saying was all she does is tell her husband what to do - she orders him about - I told my husband this was awful - and that was a real chance to say something and develop the conversation and of course I just missed it. I also asked him had he noticed changes in me in relation to temper control and he has. I thinks he is begining to suspect things as I spend time looking up bloggs and reading up on this subject on the computer. If he asks what I am doing I keep saying nothing much or that I am bored with TV or that I am doing college work. I hate lying but - I know thats dishonest - even if its only little white lies but they are growing and my old granny used to say 'tell a wee lie today and you will have to tell a bigger one tomorrow' I am getting info together to give him and was reading and sorting some stuff as i found one article on CDD site that seem to have been written for what I feel I was copy and paste this and spending way too much time on it - and I got really snappy last night and while there was no real row as sucb I felt really ugh. I know I just need to tell my hsuband and talk to him about DD. Last night was just another confirmation. I told lies again - its becoming a trend one that would not really be me. The thing was I got all uppity with him because he asked what I was doing. I began to have all sorts of doubts and feel he was dominating me when all he did was ask a question. It made me wonder is this him actually trying to take charge and I am kicking him away - I am sure you are really tearing your hair out with all the questions I feel stupid and weak going to try and do something in the next few days
@Jim - Thanks for the support Jim! And yes, it does help to look at it that way. With the positive results we've had with maintenance so far, it appears they will be a part of our marriage for the foreseeable future. They're definitely helpful for us.
I appreciate your comment! All the best to you and Christina as well.
@Sammi - Thank you for the support of the blog. It means a lot to me knowing it's helpful to a few couples out there. :)
There are a couple of things going on with your situation. The smoking problem is there obviously, but you seem to be more concerned about the broken trust, which is understandable. I think once you have your lying under control and your honesty where it needs to be, you'll feel a lot better about yourself and the trust will start to come back between you and your husband.
How do you make it up to him? Well, taking responsibility for it, just as you have in your comment, in a talk with him and a sincere apology to him is a great start. And, forgive my bluntness, but you need to be honest with him at all times going forward. About everything. I know that's obvious, but sometimes you need someone to flat out tell you that. Just be honest about everything. I know telling the truth can be hard sometimes, particularly if you're ashamed of your behavior, but that's part of being a responsible adult, and a responsible wife/spouse. I mean, your husband isn't going to love you any less by telling him the truth, I promise you. You wouldn't love your spouse any less if he admitted, honestly, that he messed up, right? The truth may disappoint him, but he'll appreciate you being honest, just as you would appreciate HIM being honest if/when he messes up. He wants to know the truth so he can HELP you kick this smoking habit. He can't help you and consequently your marriage if he's given false information.
It will take time, but you will regain his trust as long as you are ALWAYS truthful with him about everything. Good, bad, or ugly. Just be honest going forward.
I think you've already thought about a suitable punishment for this. I can tell you feel bad and it's weighing heavily on your mind. That tends to make a person think about things. As for my recommendation as to what the punishment should be - I'd recommend a spanking. I'm sure you saw that coming. It's a serious enough problem that I feel a spanking is justified, and I think a spanking would be therapeutic for your emotions as well, particularly if you get to the point of crying.
Don't get too discouraged, and don't beat yourself up too much over this. Mistakes happen. All of us make them. It's how you handle them that shows your true character. Handle them with honesty, dignity, and respect and you'll do just fine.
I hope this helps you, Sammi. Good luck to you in working through this issue.
@Seriously - I appreciate you offering your advice to Sammi on her smoking issue. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
All the best to you.
-- Clint
@Another Anonymous - It sounds like DD is what you want and something that would benefit your marriage, so it's a matter of having the courage to discuss it with your husband at this point. Just remember, each day you go without discussing it with him is another missed opportunity and one more day your marriage could have been better. There's no time like the present. :)
Good luck to you. All the best.
-- Clint
I'm severely spanked every Sunday. It's a maintenance, but I got the cane and strap. My backside is red and sore. After I have ten minutes of corner time and a cold shower. It's stern, but since I submit this weekly discipline, my punishments are really rare. One by year, or two. And our couple is peaceful.
Best regards.
Lisa
Hi Clint,
Thanks for your great advice? I was wondering how often you do mantinence spankings? How long do you do them and what implement do you use? I was trying to see if this would help decrease the number of punishment spankings I have to give. My wife is very disrespectful to me and I am often embarrassed by her somewhat childish behavior. The otherday we were shopping in the supermarket and she threw a temper tantrum because I told her we could not get cookies this time because we needed to improve our diets. She started yelling and screaming and I had to drag her out of the store. She uses alot of profanity and recently called me a 'poopy head' in public. Will mantinence spanking stop this unwanted behavior? Thanks for your time
@Lisa - Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad to hear all is peaceful in your world.
I hope your peace continues for many years. All the best.
@Anonymous (June 13th 2:54 PM) - Thank you for your appreciation of the blog/advice. I appreciate your kindness.
Your questions are a bit too personal, however I will say that my wife and I just started maintenance a couple of weeks ago and we've seen positive results from them.
I think maintenance spankings would help your situation, but if your wife has a public behavior problem on a consistent basis, I would recommend going with a formal spanking to address the issue directly. It's your choice, of course, but a traditional spanking would target the problem directly as opposed to doing maintenance spankings that would target the problem indirectly with "hopeful" results.
You may want to consider boot camp as well, if this is a repeat problem for you. Quite frankly there is no excuse for any adult to behave like that in public. Or at home, for that matter. Anyway, the choice is yours but those are the options I would consider if I were in your position.
Good luck to you. All the best.
-- Clint
Clint, We have been having a discussion about maintenance. The problem was I felt off track because my dh used the term for every correction. If I was disrespectful he would take my hand and state it was time for main. If my mood was off the same thing happened. I couldn't wrap my mind around what was coming up. Yesterday we decided to rename things for us. Maintenance now is reassurance (confirming roles). Addressing mouth or mood issues are now resets. Meaning correction that addresses specifics small infractions. Punishment is still punishment for broken rules or reoccuring bad attitude. This seems to help me mentally prepare and not be caught off guard. Thank You!
@Anonymous (June 14th 8:54 PM) - Great job working through your confusion with your husband! That's what it's all about, and I appreciate you sharing your story. I'm glad you've found a way to distinguish which type of spanking is which. That's wonderful! :)
All the best to you.
-- Clint
I have a question that may have been addressed somewhere else on the board and I haven't seen it yet.
It is related to maintenence spankings. How do I get my HOH on board with them? I think that with us being new to domestic discipline that maintenence spankings may just help us grow together.
He is working on his consistency and I have noticed this with him but I am not sure how to tell him that I want him to do maintenece spankings.
@Paula - I'd start by discussing with your husband WHY you feel as though maintenance spankings would benefit the relationship. Generally speaking, if you make a strong case one way or another on any aspect of DD, a good HoH will take it into heavy consideration, particularly when he knows it's something that means a lot to his wife.
I don't think it would hurt to provide him with some reading material on maintenance spankings as well. In a situation like this, the more information about the idea you can present to your husband, the better. Perhaps you missed the post here on LDD about maintenance spankings. You can read it by following this link:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/08/maintenance-spankings.html
I encourage you to read that post over if you have not done so already. The comments in that post are wonderful as well.
I hope this helps you out, Paula. Good luck to you.
-- Clint
I believe my husband needs to et on board with domestic maintenance spanking as soon as feasible. Ubhave not been the greatest wife I money holder. How should he approach me and with what instrument or style f spanking as he is new to this
@Anonymous (June 19th 11:19 AM) - Forgive me, but it's a bit difficult to understand your comment. If you and your husband are new to the lifestyle, I'd recommend reading over the following links:
What is Domestic Discipline? -- http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/04/what-is-domestic-discipline.html
Beginner Level Spankings -- http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/04/punishment-3-beginner-level-spankings.html
I hope these links help you both in starting the DD lifestyle. Best of luck to you going forward.
-- Clint
Hello clint ,
i am new to this but have wanted it as part of my marriage for some time.After persuading my hubby to read this site with me he has decided that this might be a way for us to go also.
In the past spankings were for sensual fun purposes .
However more and more in our life i wish to be abetter wife for him and reading this i realised it was a simple and as diffiucult as handing allowing my hubby to punish me .
You see if i wish help to be good and he is willing to give me incentive and to correct me when i am not ie spank me hard then i know i shall strive much more to please him.
My hubby is a good man who deserves a good wife not one to argue with him over silly small things or one who is not always giving 100% effort in her household duties an area i often lapse in when i am home from work.
This is not a whim this is something i have wanted and needed for a long time .
This site has helped to give us some starting pointers .
help us set rules for me and give my Hubby guidence when he needs it .
Just want to say thanks clint to both of you for allowing us to learn from you .
@sub leaf - You're most welcome, sub leaf. It's always wonderful to hear how the blog has helped a couple get started with DD. I'm so happy to hear it has made a positive impact on your marriage.
Good luck to you as you get started with the Domestic Discipline lifestyle. There's no doubt in my mind that you'll find it as beneficial as so many others have.
All the best.
-- Clint
I don't think I understand your sudden incorporation of maintenance spankings. Your wife starts with a goal to go one year without a punishment spanking, and within a month you decide to start maintenance spankings. You justify this because "She wasn't doing anything major enough that would necessarily warrant a standard discipline spanking, but she wasn't exactly being a perfect angel either." So, these really are small punishment spankings. A "reminder" spanking or true "maintenance" would be just to remind each of you of your roles and what will result from an infraction. She could be a perfect angel in between maintenance spankings, but she would still be spanked every week or so (depending on your agreement). I know she is ok with them, but it just seems that they should be labelled "small punishments" rather than "reminders".
@Jenny - I encourage you to read the date this post was published, then read the date the "A Lofty No Spanking Challenge" post was published, then read your comment again. You'll see that the point you're making - which would be a very valid one if the timeline of events you're referring to was in correct chronological order - is inconsequential and irrelevant. The sequence of referenced events is incorrect.
The inaugural maintenance spanking in our marriage could indeed be labeled as a "small punishment" spanking, but given the incorrect nature of your comment in terms of sequence of events, the point you're making is irrelevant. Our inaugural maintenance spanking has nothing to do with my wife's challenge since it happened before my wife's challenge began.
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts on the matter. I wish you nothing but the best of luck in all that you do going forward.
-- Clint
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