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Friday, June 22, 2012

Your Help Needed While We're Away

  
WE'RE GOING ON VACATION!!

  Hooray!!  We definitely need one, that's for sure.  This "real life" stuff is getting exhausting.  Time to recharge our batteries and relax a little bit.  So for the next week and a half, my family and I will be away on vacation.  We're so excited!!


* All rights to the song "Knee Deep" belong to the Zac Brown Band and their label, Atlantic Records.

  Don't read into that video too much, people.  We're not going to Mexico, not all of the lyrics pertain to our situation, and we don't plan on running into a man with eight octopus tentacles.  The song just reminds me of a beach vacation, which is where we'll be going and what we'll be doing! :)

  While we're away, I'd like to ask something of you - I'd like to know if there is anything you want to see discussed on the blog, or anything you would like to see become part of Learning Domestic Discipline.  Sooooo, what would you like to see discussed or added to the website?

  This site is for you, the reader, so I want any and all content to be helpful to you in some fashion.  Please leave your answers in the comments below and we'll get to them when we return from vacation!!

Thanks in advance and we'll see you in a couple of weeks!

31 comments:

Cat said...

Have a wonderful time - enjoy each other and your beautiful boy.

SpankedWifeUK said...

Have a great time Clint.
Ummm... I have always wanted to know how many UK Dders there are, so maybe there is something you can do re locality? I don't really know if I am going anywhere here, or if there is anything that can be done to gather people in Dd within areas

Have a lovely time.
C

ohma said...

Happy holidays for you!
Regards From Spain

Dana said...

Clint and Chelsea,

I hope you and your family have a most amazing vacation!!

I have been thinking about your request. For me, I would like to see some of the more "positive" aspects of our lifestyle. I think sometimes we all tend to focus on the punishment, rules, negative consequences. I think in large part that is human nature and well the other part is both the HOH and the one who is yielding don't know how to handle punishment and consistency. I get that.

However, there is another side. The positive side. The benefits. How about, positive rewards? Of the working together? For example. I quit smoking. The Man gave me the positive incentive of anything I wanted up to a certain amount after 6 months of no smokes. Now, the down side is at this point, if I smoke, I get spanked and the date is moved back, but the incentive is there.

Just a thought.

Dana

Anonymous said...

I have a quick question... My husband and I have just begun D.D. in our marriage. This is a huge step for us but we both feel it is needed. We have been having the same problems over and over which include my disrespect of my husband. Anyway I have not received a punishment spanking yet but I have received three maintenance ...one as an idea of how things will go...one with a belt (pants up) bc as a child I was rarely spanked and have NEVER been hit with a belt and one that I asked for...kind of one for my lack of respect in be past...and as a submission to him. I'm a very stubborn prideful sometimes down right nasty person..sometimes, not all the time, but anyway to the point...I am feeling a lot of anxiety. Idk if it is bc of all the reading I have done. My husband is so fair and loving ...I know he will never ever go overboard but I am just sad or anxious and having trouble sleeping. Another thing is erotic spanking has always been a part of my life so the idea turns me on BUT the three spankings I have gotten have NOT. Idk if it
is my fear of knowing I might mess up, or seeing and respecting this new side of my husband..(he has been so focused on me and my needs) I have just been on kind of a roller coaster for a couple days...is this normal for a beginner? I want to do this. I know we need it...and I know it will help us instead of repeating the fights but I guess as someone who has not been spanked much for punishment and also have been around very disrespectful women...I'm a little freaked out. Aaaah. Haha sorry to put this on your vacation post!!! Have a fantastic time!!!!!!!

His First Mate said...

@Dana- One of Clint's earlier posts was one on rewards, last august! Here's the link!!

http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/08/reinforcementrewarding.html


But, I do agree with Dana- and I have some ideas, just not quite ready to put them into words quite yet :)

Anonymous said...

The only thing that comes to mind for me is how to deal with "me" durning my monthly cycle, because I am not a fun person to be around at all. I know this and so does he but he kinda just brushes is off due to my raging hormones at this time of month.

Guessing my question is, should he still be a tough on the rules or should he lighten up a little, but still enforce rules since it is a sensitive time of the month for me and many other women, the older I get the worse I get around this time of month.

How should it be delt with? I am really hoping this hasn't been discussed anywhere else on the board, I haven't seen it but then there are still posts that I need to read.

Have a GREAT vacation! Enjoy your time away!

Paula

Anne said...

Hi Clint,
Pleased to hear that you and Chelsea could go away and have some fun.
I have a question for you or or anyone else out there who might want to answer. My husband and I are looking at a new paddle. While he has been using the Lexan when necessary (I have only been spanked 4xs in 7 months) this paddle leaves multiple bruises on my bottom. Yes, it is bare - but- this is what he wants. He has, however, given me the "green light" to look for another brand. My good friend at our So. Baptist church is also involved in a DD relationship - but - I am too shy to ask her for advice regarding this matter. Any ideas ?

April said...

We are on vacation as well. Have a wonderful and relaxing time with the family.
If anyone deserves it... You do.

Best wishes from Bermuda!

His lily said...

Hi Clint and Chelsea, have a wonderful vacation! i think what would be of great benefit is information for husbands who have either been asked by their wives to try DD or they themselves want to try it.

i watched my husband struggle to figure out how to take on the role of HOH and all that it entails. We submissives have a great support group but i don't see the same information available to new dominants. They need help. I try to offer it on my blog by researching what other dominants do but it would be great if you could share your hard earned wisdom with the guys.

Just a thought. i know my HOH would be very interested in it!

Thanks for asking,

Lily

Anonymous said...

So I am what I have seen called a lurker, Hi.
I am a single christian woman trying to figure out what are healthy needs or ....not. I am definitely naturally submissive when it comes to a husband (didn't keep me from being abandoned though). I hope it isn't inappropriate to post to you, Clint and Chelsea, on here- I haven't spent much time in blog areas. This is the first place I have felt safe to speak about this lifestyle and I so desperately need to share somehow.
Where I most feel a lack in my life is twofold:
One I have no one on whom I can appropriately focus my skills/drive to please.
Two is what I have only just this last week been able to put my finger on-- I don't have someone to give me permission to stop and rest, I feel guilt whenever I am not accomplishing some chore because there is no one in authority to tell me I've done enough....or set a limit so I don't over do and make myself sick. I always fear I am at risk of justifying myself in being lazy.
I have, since my teens, struggled with a desire(quite distinct from abusive violence) to be spanked by a man who had every right to claim all of me.....not because I enjoy pain at all!.... but feeling that the physical vulnerability indicated trusting surrender and I wanted that, to feel that safe even if it hurt...also feeling that the spanking would have the effect of emotionally undressing me allowing me to be that much more open,giving and intimate with my husband. That level is hard if not impossible to do by force of your own will! I have also believed that being able to submit completely was a gift that takes guts and should be valued by the reciever...yet this world seems to offer mostly opportunities to be trampled not treasured.
Still these are only my theories based on self analysis. I have felt guilty and dirtied for researching the lifestyle (once I learned I wasn't as weird,or alone in it, as I once thought-lol) because I have to wade through so much porn and junk so I really appreciate this blog it has helped me a great deal-Thank you:) and to all those who share their experiences and perspectives thank you too. :-)

I am an artist therefore a creative type and I have had some ideas for spanking options that I have not seen anywhere so I thought I would mention them here...

1) wouldn't KY jelly or the like applied to the cheeks have the effect of a wet.
bottom that stayed wet for the entire spanking
- some lubricants also are supposed to stay wet AND increase sensitivity,
another 'interesting' effect to explore

2) if a topical anesthetic like the first aid sprays or even OraJel were applied to the bottom it would allow a harder spanking without being overwhelmed by the stinging factor...leaving a very tender bottom for quite awhile after that would be uniquely(and I theorize) powerfully affected by even a gentle 'pattycake' spanking....which besides offering variety would provide a quieter quickie option when anticipating busy weeks or being away from home and privacy.

Thanks again,
KandleGlow

Oh one more( my creative brain juices get going) regarding the silent spanking Capsaicin cream use...application followed immediately by using a sturdy paddle ,padded to be soft and quiet, would heighten the illusion of a bottom's heat developing from the physical spanking.

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blogs for a couple months now. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and have had elements of DD in our relationship from early on. Just lately have we become focused and the changes are amazing. I thought that I could handle a pretty tough punishment, but after reading your post about Advance spankings...I better reevaluate my mouthiness toward my HOH. I am not the only one in the house who reads your blogs. Have a safe vacatoon!

Anonymous said...

Off the subject I have a question. I read your boot camp book. Am I wrong for not wanting to cunfess anything to myhusband. He knows everything good about all that's left is not so good and I don't want to cunfess. We have talked a lot over the years and there was opportunities I cwould have said something and didn't. So I kind of maybe lied instead of telling. I'm really worried about the cunfession part of boot camp. But If my husband and I decide to go threw with boot camp i dont want to go into knowing im going to be deciving. I mean what's the point. Also is it a good idea to do boot camp If I have never been spanked before.

Anonymous said...

This is random, but does anyone know what happened to the blog "'Till Death do us Part"? Has she started another blog under another name? I really miss her blog, and would appreciate any info you might have.
Thanks!

holly said...

Hi Clint--I have been reading your blog now for some time and feel I know you so decided it was time to join the chat. My husband and I never even heard of D/D until about 7 months ago when he wondered outloud if there was anything on the internet about how to spank your wife. (I have a mischeivious streak in me). Curious, we searched and found a site called Christian Domestic Discipline. After reading it, he decided he wanted to study it further and to my surprise, told me we were going to practice it. We are Christians and felt it was acceptable to God as long as we keep it dicipline only. I had no problem with it. I believe the husband is the authority and has the right to spank but until now never heard of it and he has never spanked me. We tried different positions and I got my first spanking that felt "funny" to me. I was spanked as a child but not enough and a spanking from my husband was just new to me. We decided to try implements because his hand couldn't bring me to tears. We searched the internet on where to buy an implement--not like you can purchase one over the counter--and came across your website. We purchased three implements: a wood paddle, "the Stinger" and a leather paddle. We have been reading your blog since then and following advice and reading comments other people experience. My husband has got the spanking and the lecture down perfect now and has learned to use his hand quite well. Now he spanks over his lap, bare bottom with just his hand and manages to bring me to tears every time. Stopped using the implements or just use one if he feels it is necessary but spanks mostly with his hand. I get two maintences a month and it does help keep me submissive. I feel disciplined and "put in my place" after a maintanince. We both enjoy your blog and read it together every week as a way to keep our marriage strong. Married eight years now. No kids and don't want any. Practice D/D for 7 months now. Working for us. Want to keep in contact.

Holly

Anonymous said...

I am divorced, no children. I believe that if I had been a wife in a LDD relationship, I would still be married. I so wanted to change my attitude and disrespecting ways when I was a wife but I couldn't control myself. It has always been hard for me to cry too. How can I learn to be a submissive woman if I am now single and don't have a man to discipline me lovingly? Would any LDD single man really be interested in a woman he would have to break like a spirited horse? That, I would imagine, would take a lot of energy and patience. Although I am pretty, I don't know if I would ever find a man who would love me enough to take the time to correct me.

Anonymous said...

SpankedwifeUK,

I know a few other people through the internet who are in the UK and do DD, and we have met one other couple. But all the sites I belong to tend to have mainly Americans on them. But there probably are quite a few scattered around.

Louise

Anonymous said...

I would like to see more resources for single people interested in DD. As a single woman, I have found it difficult to know early on whether a potential partner might be interested in DD down the line. Someone suggested to me that I seek out partners who seem like they might be more "dominant", or like they might want to take on that HOH role. While this initially sounded like good advice to me, in practice I have found that people who appear to me to be obviously dominant are also cruel or manipulative or controlling. I think that anyone who is actually practicing DD properly (i.e. in a healthy way, with compassion, and with respect for a woman's autonomy) would probably NOT be ostensibly dominant on a first date. So, how can I make this a priority, when I don't necessarily want to bring this up right away, and I don't want to be selecting who I date based on these qualities? Or, are am I looking for the wrong sorts of qualities? Thank you!

Cowgirl Up said...

Welcome back, glad you guys had a good time :)

I gave some thought to your request for new ideas for the blog and came up with a few.

How about a weekly readers poll? I've seen it done on other sites and think it could be pretty interesting. You could even make the question related to your latest post. For example, with your post about the importance of crying, the question could have been:

Do you cry during a spanking?
1.Always
2.Never
3.Sometimes

For a post about the benefits of DD:

What would you say has improved the most in your relationship since beginning DD?

1. Level of intimacy
2. Communication
3. Sense of peace/harmony

Anyway, you get the idea. You could also ask open ended questions that could lead to some interesting discussions. For example:

Do you plan on discussing DD with your children when they are old enough? Why or why not?

I love the guest blogs, how about guest interviews too. Asking someone to write an entire blog is probably harder than asking someone if you could ask them some questions. For example, I would love to see an interview with a medical doctor regarding spankings. I think hearing that it's not harmful if done correctly would go a long way to ease the minds of some new HoH's. I think Chelsea interviewing YOU could be pretty interesting as well. You could also consider interviewing some of the bloggers featured on your site.

Well, that's my 2 cents worth :) You did ask, right?

His First Mate said...

@Cowgirl Up I LOVE these ideas.

Clint, I have always been a big fan of your blog and your outlook. Since i have come to know you, I have appreciated it even more. Writing this type of blog is tricky, and we could have had a lot of problems if it had been written by the wrong person but you are obviously the right man for the job..

It has always been very clear how you love and respect your wife and truly value her. The importance of mutual love, respect, and trust in this type of relationship has always been very obvious in the undertones of your blog. To those who already understand the importance of these things it is very easy to see.

However, i know I don't have to tell you that it's not ALWAYS the case. i don't have to tell you that sometimes these things are forgotten, or taken advantage of.

What i would like to see from you is a post for men, that really speaks to a man's heart about the responsibility that comes with this type of relationship. The responsibility of mutual love, trust, respect, and accountability. DD really is a two way street. There is a responsibility on a man to cherish, and love, and keep their wives best interest at heart. This isn't about breaking your wife, but about helping her to grow and bring out the best in her. It's about appreciating her good, and bringing it out, keeping her safe and healthy.

Ive been around a while, long enough to see that while to some this is so obvious that there are times where this isn't emphasized in a relationship and it gets forgotten.

So, that's what I would really like to see from you. i know you are just the person to do it. And if you need any clarification, well, you know where to find me.

Sorry it took me so long to post this. it took a while to get clear on how to say it.

Clint said...

@Cat - We had a wonderful time, and I'm convinced our son is going to be a beach bum. He loved it! :)

@SpankedWifeUK - We (meaning my wife and I) have discussed area networks before, so it's something we're looking into. We want to find a way to make it happen at some point down the line. Thank you for your suggestion!

@ohma - Thank you so much! Congratulations on your 2012 Euro Championship as well! Spain has a fantastic fĂștbol team (or soccer team, as we call it in the United States). All the best to you.

@Dana - Our vacation was wonderful! We had such a great time. :)

I agree with you 100%. I suppose as an HoH I write about how to fix things more than the emotional/beneficial side of the lifestyle. I'll certainly take your suggestions to heart. Thank you so much for offering your ideas.

@Anonymous (June 23rd 12:51 PM) - Yes, without a doubt your mixed emotions are normal for a beginner. There are so many feelings that you'll go through (your husband will, too), both good and bad, but that's all part of the learning experience and part of growing together with your husband in the lifestyle.

From how you speak of your husband it sounds like he's a good man and will do well with the lifestyle. It's important to understand that it will take time before you both become totally comfortable with everything the lifestyle requires from each of you. Just remember to offer your constructive feedback to your husband so he can shape, mold, and adjust the way things are done in a way that benefits the marriage the most. It's all about working together.

There's no doubt in my mind that DD will help you, your husband, and your marriage. If you stick with it and stay consistent with it, you'll see improvements in your marriage that you never thought were possible. Welcome to a DD marriage! I wish you nothing but success and happiness as you travel through this journey with the one you love.

All the best to you.

-- Clint

Clint said...

@His First Mate - Thanks for sharing that link with Dana! I've talked about positives of the lifestyle before, but it wouldn't hurt to talk about them some more. :)

@Paula - That's a good idea for a post, but I think it would be better written by my wife. I'll talk to her about it and see if we can't address that issue.

To answer your question, I still recommend husbands enforce the rules like normal, even when the wife is going through her cycle. If he doesn't, it could lead to the wife using her cycle as an excuse to disregard the rules and take advantage of the situation. I'm not saying YOU would do that or have done that, but from a behavior analysis standpoint, this is why I recommend husbands continue to enforce the rules normally during these times.

That's perhaps not the answer you were hoping for, but it's an honest answer. Thank you for your suggestions! All the best to you, Paula.

@Anne - Paddles do tend to bruise, particularly if no warm up spanking is done. My first suggestion is to conduct a warm up spanking prior to the "main" spanking if you're not currently doing so. If a paddle is used excessively or incorrectly, it can cause painful bruising.

I suppose you already know that, so if you're doing a warm up and you're still bruising, I would looking into using a belt rather than a paddle. That would be my first choice in your position. Also, a hairbrush and a wooden spoon are less dense than a paddle and therefore less likely to bruise, however your husband would have to strike a few more times than he does with the paddle to get the desired sting.

Those are my suggestions to you. I wish you the best of luck in getting past this problem. I certainly hope these suggestions help.

@April - That's very kind of you to say, thank you! I hope you had (or are having) as much fun as we did on our vacation. Aren't vacations wonderful? :)

@Lily - Your suggestion is a great one and I appreciate you offering it. I agree with you, and your suggestion is definitely something I'll keep in mind for future posts. Thank you!

All the best.

-- Clint

Cowgirl Up said...

@His First Mate- I appreciate your comment. Thanks for saying so.

After reading lots of comments on various blogs, I get what (I think) your saying about how sometimes the love, mutual respect, and intent to improve their relationship get forgotten and it becomes all about the discipline and the best way to "tear her down".

Being a HoH must be a heavy responsibility,(I'm sure glad I'm not one :) ), and I agree that the more resources, advice and support that they can get, the better.

Clint said...

@KandleGlow - I'm glad you found the courage to comment on the blog. I'm honored to have you as a reader, and I'm happy you feel safe here to discuss the kind of lifestyle you've been yearning for. As you can see by the comments throughout the blog, you are most definitely NOT alone in your desire to have this dynamic in your relationship.

You're alluding to the concept of wet spankings, and the post for wet spankings is forthcoming when I feel the time is right to include it on the site. They're for very experienced couples, and up to this point I have not felt comfortable writing that post yet. It will be included in due time.

Thank you for taking the time to comment and share your thoughts on this blog. I hope you find what you're looking for sooner rather than later. All the best to you, KandleGlow.

@Anonymous (June 27th 11:32 AM) - Every couple should go at their own pace. There's no rush in any of this. I trust your husband will advance in spanking intensity when the time is right, if he even feels the need to do so at all. Thanks for the vacation wishes - we had a great time!

@Anonymous (June 27th 12:12 PM) - The confession exercise is one of many challenges couples face in the entire boot camp experience. I wouldn't necessarily say you're "wrong" in not wanting to confess - it's not easy to do, particularly if you know your spouse will be hurt by the confession. The exercise is designed to build trust, to build communication, and to "clear the conscience", so to speak. I think you'll find, over time (not immediately after the confession), that you'll feel much better about having that secret out in the open, dealt with, and put behind you. That's the point. It's not supposed to be easy. Boot camp is an intense experience, but a very cleansing and marriage strengthening experience as well.

I do not feel it's a good idea to go through boot camp having never been spanked before. You and your husband should familiarize yourselves with the spanking dynamic first, and become comfortable in doing it, before going forward with the boot camp experience.

These are great questions and I'm glad you asked them before doing boot camp. Thank you for buying the book. I hope you found it informative and helpful, however with that said, I'd hold off on boot camp until you and your spouse have a little more spanking experience under your belts.

All the best to you.

@Anonymous (June 28th 10:07 PM) - Unfortunately I'm not certain what happened to the blog you're looking for. Perhaps the writer removed it, because I searched for it with no luck. Perhaps someone else knows what happened to it. Sorry I'm not more help.

All the best.

-- Clint

Clint said...

@Holly - I love your comment. What a wonderful story, and I'm so glad you took the time to share it. From the sound of it, you two have done a superb job of incorporating Domestic Discipline into your marriage, and it appears to be paying off. I always love hearing these types of stories. I definitely encourage you to keep in touch. If you haven't joined yet, you may find the LDD Network beneficial to you. It helps keep in touch with with not only my wife and I, but several other bloggers as well. The network is starting to get a lot of members, so there are plenty of people to discuss this lifestyle with within the network.

Anyway, I'm rambling, but thank you so much for sharing your experience. I'm really happy for you both and wish you many more happy years to come.

@Anonymous (June 30th 7:49 AM) - I'm a firm believer that there is someone out there for everyone. Sometimes it takes some people longer than others to find their "one and only", but they're out there.

Once you establish a relationship based on trust, respect and love, then your partner should be willing to go to the ends of the earth to make you happy. If having a DD dynamic in your relationship would make you happy, then it's worth pitching the idea to your future partner. I think once you find a man who loves you for who you are unconditionally, he will gladly take the time to "correct you" (as you put it) and improve your relationship.

Keep looking. He's out there somewhere. Keep a positive attitude and do the right things and you'll catch a break at some point. :)

Good luck to you.

@Anonymous (July 1st 12:37 AM) - You've made a very good suggestion and we'd (meaning my wife and I) like to provide a resource for singles to find other singles who desire this lifestyle in their relationships.

To your questions - my advice to you would be to seek a partner who appreciates you for who you are and meets the qualities you seek in the opposite sex. Attractive, sense of humor, smart, stable - whatever you're looking for. Then, once the relationship is established and is operating in a healthy fashion, explore the idea of making DD a part of it. There's no rush on DD. The important thing is that you find a man that treats you right and loves you for who you are FIRST, then consider DD to ENHANCE the relationship.

Good luck to you on your search!

@Cowgirl Up - Outstanding suggestions. Really. Excellent job and I can't thank you enough for your "2 cents." You're selling yourself short because those ideas are worth a lot more than two cents! :)

In all seriousness, those are excellent ideas and ones I'll strongly consider making a part of LDD. I think they're interesting and readers would really enjoy them. Thank you so much for your ideas.

@His First Mate - Your too kind, HFM. Thank you so very much for your kind words. They mean a lot to both of us. We really appreciate your support.

You expressed your ideas well, and I agree with you wholeheartedly. I think your suggestion is a great one, and one that we'll certainly entertain in the future. Thank you for thinking so much about it and sharing your ideas.

All the best, HFM.

-- Clint

lovehonorandobeyhim said...

Clint, I was wondering how to get included in your blogroll?-Becky

Clint said...

@Becky - Keep your blog smut free and "real", and have respect for yourself in your writing. That'll pretty much do it. I'll read over yours when I get some time. If I don't find anything to be personally offensive, I'll get you added.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

His First Mate
I was reading in your blog (very good btw) where your hubby said to write down what the worst things that could happen was if u went back 2 the way things were before DD. My question is this. Why is going back 2 the way things were before DD the only alternative to DD. Couldn't u 4 example go solely on reward?

His First Mate said...

@ annon.......Um.... That's not on my blog. At least not anywhere i recall. Can you link me to the post?

Anonymous said...

sorry I was looking at the wrong blog

Anonymous said...

I like your blog too btw

 
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