Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Reminder Spankings

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  We explain what reminder spankings are and why some domestic discipline couples choose to include them in their relationship.  You can read this article on our new website by clicking here.


Justin said...

This might have been answered elsewhere at some point and might not be the appropriate area to ask this.
At what point (if at all) would you be explaining this to your offspring? If this is a lifestyle - the children would probably realize this has been going on I would think.

Will you be explaining this to your son when he is older?

Justin said...

It me again with more questions!
How do parents prepare both genders for future relationships? Would you be discussing this with a teenager beginning to date or someone getting engaged?

Christina said...

My husband and I have 7 children, one of which is now an adult. We've decided that we'll talk about DD with each child when they are in a committed relationship. At that time, we'll answer questions, offer explanations etc. I wouldn't discuss it with a teenager or a younger child at all though. We're not embarassed that we use DD in our marriage and there are so many benefits, so we would definitely want to share what is possible with our children. That's just what we are going to do.

Anonymous said...

I know this may not be the right spot for this, but I figured you would see it and could respond faster.

I have an eating disorder (anorexia and bulimia) and I cut. I am thinking that when/if I get married that spanking would be beneficial to both issues... to keep me in line and to avoid negative behaviors.

Do you have any suggestions/advice on this?

Anonymous said...

I think that if a HOH doesn't punish immediately his job doesn't work. When we're with relatives or at friends house, if I committ a mistake I get a hard spanking immediately. If it's possible in our room, or my HOH ask for use the privacy of a room in the friend's house for a few minutes. The noise of a spanking on the bare with the little wire of a headphone is really insignificant. My bum is sore, red, and after the hiding we return to socialize with our friends or relatives without a word.
All the best for your geat blog.

Anonymous said...

@ Anonomyous on June 20 9:10.

I also struggled with eating disorders and self mutilation when I was dating my husband. He let me know up front that he did not want that for me.
I worked extremely hard to overcome my depression but I did it for myself not for him. Almost 4 years later we are now newly married with a baby on the way. It was hard and there have been times where reverting back to my old eating habits were easy but you have to help yourself otherwise your life is not moving forward. We just started DD in our marriage several months ago and it has helped more than words can say. However, I would not incorporate DD into a relationship or marriage if you are still struggling with eating disorders or
self mutilation. You can't replace one physical hurt for another you will just end up wanting the spanking and not actually get the true message out of it. This is all just my opinion, Clint might have a better answer for you but you have to help yourself first.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this post. It is hard when you have family visiting, or are at families houses or even in a hotel.

My HOH tends to take me to the bathroom in the hotel and does reminder spankings but sometimes they feel like they are punishment spankings.

When family is around he tends to wait until they leave or we leave their house to carry out the punishment. I will be sure to have him read this so that he can decide for himself what to do.

One time while visiting family, he told them we were going for a drive, we went out at night and he drove down a rode and stopped. He delivered a hard spanking to me, I have to admit that I deserved it for disrespecting him in front of family members, guess I was testing the waters to see if I could get away with it since we were around family. I found out the hard way that I can't get away with it.

Thank you again for your blog, it is a wonderful tool to use for us newbies, well sort of newbies :)


Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@Justin - First and foremost, personally for my wife and I, we will do everything in our power to keep our DD practices away from and out of the view of our children. I just wanted to start with that.

There are two points in our son's life in which I would discuss DD with him - 1) When he's over the age of 18 and proactively asks about it for whatever reason, and 2) If he were married and he came to us asking for marital help, and I genuinely felt DD could help he and his wife and their marriage to one another.

Your question in your second comment is difficult to answer. Parenting is so arbitrary. Couples parent so differently that I can't really say how parents prepare both genders of children for future relationships. Everyone would do it differently. For my wife and I, we plan on preparing our children with Christian based moral characteristics such as loyalty, honor, respect, responsibility, and cleanliness in mind, body and soul.

I wouldn't discuss it with a teenager beginning to date, UNLESS they were over the age of 18 and asked me about it. Same answer for someone who is entering engagement.

These are just my personal opinions on your questions, so please only take it as such. They were great questions, Justin. All the best to you.

@Christina - Thank you for offering your perspective as well. I certainly appreciate it.

@Anonymous (June 20th 9:10 PM) - Eating disorders and self mutilation tactics are two things that are best addressed by professionals that specialize in those specific psychological conditions. Both are very serious conditions, and I strongly urge you to seek professional help in your area to address them as soon as possible.

A DD relationship/marriage may be for you sometime down the road, but for now I would recommend concentrating on addressing the aforementioned issues and fixing them BEFORE you get in a committed relationship. Then, when the time is right, you can think about DD becoming a part of your marriage.

Good luck to you in getting these things resolved.

-- Clint

Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@Sophie - I agree that spankings should be as immediate as possible after the spankable infraction, however I disagree that it should be done in the middle a social situation. I would recommend giving the wife a warning or a "look", then handling the spanking at a later time.

Regardless of my thoughts on things, I'm glad you and your husband have found what works best for you both.

All the best to you, Sophie.

@Anonymous (June 21st 11:07 AM) - I appreciate you taking the time to share your experience/thoughts. Coming from someone who has gone through the same situation, your advice to the previous commenter is very strong and sound. Thank you so much for offering your help to someone that really needs it. I can't speak for them, of course, but I'd imagine they appreciate it.

Kudos to you as well for getting those problems fixed. All the best to you.

@Paula - You're welcome for the blog! Thank you so much for reading it. :)

Your comment is a very good one and I appreciate you taking the time to share it. Reminder spankings may help you two, but it sounds like you're both doing a pretty good job of addressing these situations as it is. Nice job!

I wish you continued success in the future. All the best to you, Paula.

-- Clint

Unknown said...

Reminder spankings seem like a relatively good idea, and I'm familiar enough with them, as I've done my research.

At inconvenient times though, as you said, reminder spankings may not be necessary. I'm a believer in alternative punishments, and I realize alternative punishments may not work for every DD couple. But for those that do practice them, I think punishments (silent punishments of course) other than brief spankings with a cane or wooden spoon will be sufficient.

Is it not a good plan, for example, to give a figging instead of a spanking when on vacation or when guests are visiting? I think 15-20 minutes of the burning sensation of a thick ginger root would be just as painful a lesson as a short spanking. This gives the couple an opportunity to correct the wife's behavior without having to worry to make it quick and without making too much noise. I don't know. Just an idea of mine.

I know many couples who practice DD don't agree with punishments other than spanking, bedroom time, and corner time, but if looking at it from this point of view alternative punishments can be just as effective.

Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@Ava Wayland - I do agree with using some alternate punishments in these situations. Alternate punishments such as writing lines, corner time (before bed), an apology letter, and other quiet punishments such as these.

I do not, however, condone or recommend figging. I understand some DD couples consent to this, however I find figging to be inappropriate and unnecessary. When a spanking can be conducted, or a silent spanking can be conducted, that proves to be effective, figging is just an unnecessary excessive punishment, in my opinion.

Aside from the figging suggestion, I agree with the rest of your comment. I appreciate you taking the time to offer your thoughts.

All the best to you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Hi Clint
We have been LDD for about 6 months now, and reading your outstanding blog as a guid line. So thank you!
My wife and I work 2 very different work schedules, having said that. She broke a " spankable " rule yesterday. We won't have the time to conduct a traditional spanking for another week. So would a reminder work well for this?
I in a way see this as " rubbing it in ". I strive at all times to be a good leader, and try to remain as consistent as I can ~ though it's not always easy!
Thank you again

Anonymous said...

hi,This is a girl in age of 25yrs old. my bf is at the same age too. we have been in relationship for over 2 years.
i am going to ask him to make rules and punishments.because i think DD would help us to have better relationship.

would you please give me 10 types pf punishment to be used form minor mistakes to worst mistakes?
also plz be noted that i never been spanked before.

thanks in advance

looking forward to hear you soon

Cat said...

@Tony 30.Aug 8:47pm - What you have described is exactly one of the types of punishment situations Clint was referring to in his definition "What is a reminder spanking?" above. Sounds like you are finding your way just fine.

You are correct, consistency is not an easy path for the HoH. If you find you are starting to struggle with being consistent, Clint and Rogue from "Rogues Awakening" both wrote posts on this blog regarding consistency which you might find helpful.

Clint's post from the HoH point of view is here:

Rogue's post from the wife's point of view is here:

Hope this helps,

Cat said...

@Ann 24.Sep 6:17am – If I understand your comment/request correctly, you and your bf are both 25 years old, have been in a committed relationship for over 2 years and you would like to incorporate DD into that relationship. If that is correct, I would suggest you read the posts under the section "I'm a beginner and still learning my way" under the link: There is also a section titled “I'm just curious about Domestic Discipline” that contains posts explaining what DD is and is not which would be helpful for your bf, especially if you have not approached him about this lifestyle. If you have not read all these posts, I would suggest you do so prior to discussing this issue with him. DD is a very serious decision that has to be carefully talked through and decided upon and fully committed to by both of you.

As far as listing types of punishments to be used for minor to major mistakes, I really can’t give you that. Those are specific to each couple based on their lives, choices, and preferences. Not everything is appropriate punishment for everyone. The rules and the consequences for violating them are set by agreement of both of you.

Good luck in your journey,

Anonymous said...

Hello Everyone!
I must say, I love this blog. I have learned so much about DD already. Most of the people I have found on this site seem to have been married for quite some time before engaging in DD activity. I am a young woman (only 22) My boyfriend and I are not married, but he has loved me for nearly a decade and has pretty much claimed me ever since. We have been through our ups and downs but we are still going strong and will definitely be getting married.
I am a submissive woman by nature, I always have been. It seems crazy, but there is nothing I respect more than a man who will bend me over his knee. My boyfriend and I have experimented with spanking before but not for discipline, for erotic play. He knows I enjoy a good spanking and doesn't mind administering one. But I'm ready to move to the next level, and I think our relationship needs it. Lately we have been arguing a lot (by lately I am referring to the last 9 months of our relationship) while our sex life is breathtaking, we can wake up the next morning ready to fight. It even got so bad that we didn't celebrate our anniversary last year. After months of arguing and trying to figure out a solution to our seemingly never-ending problem I have come to terms that I simply have an attitude problem and I need to be corrected. For years, he has always been that sweet guy who loves me so much and I think that is why I have become accustomed to arguing with him/disrespecting him. Sometimes I start huge arguments for no reason at all and it stresses him out as well as myself. After thinking long and hard about our relationship, I realized that the person who needs to change is me, but he is going to have to help.
I have been wearing the pants this entire relationship, he pretty much does whatever I please simply because he loves me so much and does not want me to be angry. And that is my problem.. I have been on a power trip and it needs to be stopped in its tracks.
I know I need discipline. I know in my heart that if I were to submit myself to him for necessary punishment, it would humble me and give him that feeling of control again. Not saying he is to control me, but he should have some authority.
Lucky for me, we can talk about anything and I plan on telling him exactly how I feel. I know he loves to spank me for play...but could he handle spanking me to tears?
I plan on telling him everything...why I treat him the way I do, why discipline is necessary and how it would help improve my relationship. I plan on giving him as much time as he needs to think this over, because both of us will be new to DD and he needs to be completely on board with it, knowing that it is not a sexual act (he's a super sexual guy).
If you are a male reading this post, how would you react if your wife told you she needed you to discipline her? Are you ever hesitant because you don't want to physically hurt her? He would never hurt me I know that. Should we have a safe word?
Should I just tell him that I need discipline and then wait until he is ready on his own? There might be a time where he will be ready to spank me in the future, I don't want to force it.
Also, he doesn't know anything about the difference between reminder spankings and punishment spankings, so I would have to teach him everything. It it something he will pick up on quickly?
Also it is important for him to know that i am not a kinky sex freak and that this is strictly discipline. I believe the best time for a spanking is immediately after I misbehave.

I really just want to get back to the place we were in the beginning of our relationship and I believe if he were to administer spankings to me regularly It would improve the quality of our relationship, as well as my respect for him.

Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@Victoria - I'm glad you enjoy the blog! Thank you so much for reading.

From your comment, I believe you would certainly benefit from living the domestic discipline lifestyle. When you can admit you need help in getting some of your behaviors corrected, that says a lot about the kind of person you are and the kind of person you aspire to be.

I think every man would react differently when their significant other told them they felt they needed to be disciplined for their behaviors. Some may be understanding, some may be shocked, some may be confused - every man is going to react differently to something like that.

Speaking personally to your next question, I was absolutely hesitant to punish in the beginning. I didn't want to physically harm my wife at all, and still don't to this day. We choose to live the domestic discipline lifestyle since we've seen the benefits of living this way, and although it's still emotionally difficult to spank at times, we continue to do so knowing how beneficial it is to our marriage.

The "safe word" idea is something you and your boyfriend should discuss further (if you both agree to practice DD in your relationship) to determine if it's something you both want as part of the dynamic. A "safe word" gives the wife a lot of control over her punishments, however, which isn't the idea behind living the lifestyle. The husband should be the one deciding when a punishment is over with. That's just my opinion, of course. Just something to think about.

I would give him all the resources he needs (that you can find) to learn about the lifestyle, and he can then make the decision of whether or not to practice DD with you on his own. Don't be pushy about it. Just talk to him about it, let him know how you feel, and he can decide from there.

Will he "pick up on it quickly?" That's tough to answer since, again, every man is different. It takes some time to get adjusted to living this way, but I think any man can adapt to it if they give genuine effort to do so.

I think I got to all your questions. I hope this helps, Victoria. Good luck in getting your boyfriend on board with this lifestyle.

All the best.

-- Clint

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