A few months ago, my wife and I had the pleasure of meeting Rogue (from the blog Rogue's Awakening) and her husband, Jared, as we were traveling through their neck of the woods. We met up for dinner, shared a few laughs, and enjoyed a nice evening together with them. As I've mentioned before, we've met a lot of people since the blog and the network were born, and one of the first couples we met were Rogue and Jared. It was nice to put a face with their names, and I'm here to tell you they're both tremendous people. We're happy to call them friends of ours.
I recently asked Rogue to write a guest post for Learning Domestic Discipline. She was kind enough to take the time out of her hectic schedule to write one, and I'm happy to share it with you all now. As you'll find out (if you haven't already with her blog), she's a creative and talented writer with a unique perspective on the Domestic Discipline lifestyle.
The following words were written entirely by Rogue. They have not been changed, altered, or otherwise manipulated in any fashion.
Hello, everyone! A while back, Clint here asked Rogue about writing a guest post, something semi-informative. She pondered over what to write, polled her friends, enlisted the help of Christina @ Red Booty Woman and came up with the topic of...
The Wife's Viewpoint of Inconsistency from her Husband and How if Affects her Life by Causing Stress and Possibly Shortening Her Life Span, and Lord Knows her Dear HOH would Not Want That to Happen.
Personally, I find that a big long-winded and ridiculous (don't tell Rogue). I mean, she's a simple down-to-earth gal. Why not just title it "Be Consistent". Done.
I'll share with you a little secret about her, too. She's been stressing over this post, wanting to get it just right, but every time she starts writing, old feelings resurface and she has to get up and walk away from it. This has been going on for months now. Finally, Christina said "make it fun". Rogue looked inside herself, saw me lounging around, absolutely up to NO mischief (cough, cough) and said "All right, Dopp, take it away". I was beside myself/Rogue with glee. For those who may not know, I am Rogue's Doppleganger. She keeps me under a pretty tight leash, so when she grants me time to play (or I manage to take over when she's emotionally exhausted) I am one Happy Dopp.
All that being said, let us begin...
|Image courtesy of rgbstock.com.|
What she needs from you is to embrace whole-heartedly the concept of you being the Head of Household. She is asking you to step into your rightful role and Lead your family. Children or no, you two are a family. Personally, I think she's very brave to hand over this kind of power. She must really love you and trust you a LOT to agree that you should guide her.
The most important thing you can do is be a man of your word. If you say you will or will not do something, then do or don't do it. Simple enough. Don't let tiredness get in the way or become distracted by the porn on television. (Wha? They don't watch porn? Huh. Moving on.)
Basically, she needs to know that she can depend on you, rain or shine...good and bad weather. If she was caught in a snowstorm, you would go after her. Right? If you proclaim that a punishment is due, follow through on it. If she doesn't agree with the upcoming punishment, talk to her, take a break, talk again if necessary before moving forward. But most importantly, TRUST YOURSELF. You should be comfortable that you are making the right decision. While she doesn't want to be punished, she desires your forgiveness. She needs to know the slate has been wiped clean and you two are moving happily forward.
Listen carefully here...If she can't trust that you will keep your word, to put it plainly, she can't trust you. Think about the message you may be sending if you punish for a behavior/action/inaction one day, but not another. As the HOH, what message are you sending when a punishment is due, yet you fall asleep, you're busy or you forget? Would it bother you to know that your wife is questioning herself (am I even worthy, does he love me)....or even worse, she questions YOU (is he truly a leader).
Fact is, guys, she knows you love her, she knows you were tired, but that doesn't prevent the hurt that she feels from your inaction. As a matter of fact, over time, it chips away at the respect she feels for you. She is your Forever, dude. You don't want to screw that up.
(I won't even bother to toss out here that you made her cry. Oops! I did already? Sorry. *grimace*)
Now, I'm not one to spread gossip, but rumor has it that some HOHs simply become discouraged with their wife's behavior, especially in the beginning stages. I'm going to say this quietly...REMEMBER, SHE CONSENTED TO THIS LIFESTYLE. That doesn't mean that it isn't hard for her (ever put yourself in her shoes), but it's different and scary. If you believe that she's testing you (and she may well do it subconsciously) call her out on it. One of the most positive benefits from the dd lifestyle is honesty. Don't be afraid to make 'no testing' a rule and hold her to it. If you are unsure of yourself, sit her down and talk about what you're seeing. She may be completely unaware of what she's doing. Communication is key.
Take a good look at your wife. (Seriously, go ahead. I'll wait here.)
Isn't she beautiful? And she's yours and she loves YOU. She knows you're human (contrary to what you'd like her to believe) and she knows you will falter (yeah, she's seen your many sides, too). Look at her again. You've seen her laugh, cry, happy, sad, frustrated, tired...but she keeps moving. All she needs is a pair of strong, unfailing arms to fall into at the end of the day.
Your arms, Big Fella.
So let me encourage you to give your HOH-ness an honest effort. You can be a good-hearted, good-willed man and still enforce your authority. That's what she is looking for. She knows it is hard for you to spank her, especially to cleansing tears, but when it's over and done and she's wrapped in your arms, she feels safe, secure and very, very loved. (You might be able to convince her that you DO wear a cape.)
NO one said it would be easy, but we all know it's worth it. I'll leave you with one last reminder...Happy Wife, Happy Life.
(claps hands together) Okay, my job here is done.
FYI, Rogue is not having an affair with Clint or Chelsea or Christina. Jim either. That should cover all the bases there. Hmm, maybe I shouldn't mention bases. Rogue is not now, nor ever has had, an affair with anyone. RD
This is Clint again, and I'd like to thank Rogue and her Doppleganger for this excellent post. The message is a clear one and one that I certainly agree with. If you haven't stopped by Rogue's Awakening, I encourage you to do so. Rogue is a talented writer that gives a great (and funny!) perspective on all things DD. And, as I mentioned before, she and her husband are both great people.
If you'd like to write a guest post for Learning Domestic Discipline, please express so in the comments below. Also, unless specifically asked, I will not respond to comments on this blog entry. Any questions on this entry will be answered by Rogue on her own time.
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