Sunday, April 22, 2012

Reverse Lecturing

Image courtesy of
  We discuss a method of lecturing that is a little different that what you may initially think.  You can read this article on our new website by clicking here.


Christina said...

I have to say I'm very disppointed here Clint! I thought when I saw the title that you were finally going to advocate that we DD wives could have at least one day where we could do some role reversal and do the lecturing! Alas, my bubble was burst!

Rogue said...

And there goes my bubble, too...

Teena said...

My husband does this, lecture after the spanking. He'll tell me why he's going to spank ahead of time and ask if I have a reason that I don't deserve it, but most of the lecturing is afterwards when he believes I am better able to listen. We both love the blog and appreciate that you keep the smut off the pages so don't have to weed thru naked butts to find the interesting parts. I also think some of commenters are funny, like the two above lol.

James said...

Actually, although Christina's comment is intended to be funny, it does raise an issue that is worthy of serious discussion: Is a wife allowed to respectfully communicate her needs, criticism or even anger toward her HOH within a DD relationship. If so, how should the couple handle this discussion?

As to Clint's post, I am in total agreement that before spanking lecture is the ideal, but there may be situations or relationship dynamics in which post-spanking lecturing may be what works best.

By Grace Alone said...

Definitely popped my bubble... :P

But, all joking aside, I'm not totally sure how I feel about post-spanking lecturing. I know that, for me, that would take away the feeling of it being over. I would find it very difficult to move on if the lecture on what I had done wrong continued after I had been punished for it. On that note, however, I would say that pre-spanking lecturing isn't really my bag, either, lol. I'm a right-in-the-thick-of-it if you want to get your point across girl. Steven tends towards lecturing during the actual spanking. Unpleasant though that is, I'm DEFINITELY being attentive during, and I don't have the guilt that would be left over if he punished me and then dredged the whole thing up again..

Just my opinion. :)

P.S. ...James...I DEFINITELY communicate my needs/criticism/anger...sometimes respectfully, sometimes not so much. I definitely think that, being that one of the big foundations of DD IS communication, her thoughts/opinions are both helpful and necessary...if respectful, of course. :)

His Princess said...

There I thought I was reading some more evidence for role reversal Clint,(I hope my hoh does not see this ) on a more serious note though, my husband has always said that a lecture to what he refers to as 'a more chastend and therfore receptive wife' goes in much deeper, for me personaly his words are effective when the correct 'tone' is used and the words are tailor made for my ears.

His Princess

Babe said...

My HOH is one of those who has issues lecturing. It's still so new he feels that I should know what needs to be changed I guess? And I do. But I did get one the last time we had an incident and it really helped. It was kind of in the middle though. Strange. Anyway...the little lecturing I do get is usually afterward. And while I wish it came first so that I could feel like when he stops it's all over...I guess it works for us. thanks for this post Clint. Will have the hubby read it for sure!

Eslynne said...

Mine does something in between. He usually gives me the reason briefly, first, and then commences with the spanking.

When the (1st part of the) spanking is over, he turns me up and draws me close and lectures, interspersed with questions about why, and what I can do differently next time. The first spanking puts me in a much more receptive frame of mind to the lecture, and the break gives me time out from just fighting and fussing over the spanking to actually listen to him.

This way, when he's done speaking, and I turn over again, I'm not only much more subdued and submissive to the punishment, but I feel much more accepting of his words, and the second part of the spanking is really needed to help me let go of the guilt and upset the lecture generates for having realized I've messed up. So his method covers all the bases, I think. :)

Anonymous said...

I feel like I'm been transported backwards to 1954, god it's horrible!
Thank goodness my marriage is a partnership, where no one lectures, disciplines or spanks the other...well unless we ask for it that is. ;)

Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@Christina - Tough break. I knew a few bubbles would be burst out there. Better luck next time!

@Rogue - Another bubble up in flames. Here's to a speedy recovery! :)

@Teena - Thank you so much for the kind words. I'm glad you enjoy the blog and I hope you find it helpful. And yes, there are some characters in the lifestyle. You should join the LDD Network! There are a lot of great (and funny) people in there. Anyway, thank you kindly for the support of the blog. It means a lot to me.

@James - Absolutely a wife should be allowed to express herself on any given subject/situation. A couple should calmly discuss anything and everything, work together to find the best and most positive way to come to a compromise, and move forward together on the same page with one another.

Thank you for your comment, and for your support. I really appreciate that.

@By Grace Alone - You raise a very relevant point - I can completely understand how that would make a wife feel as though the punishment isn't "over." Yet another point for the case that lecturing beforehand (or during, in your specific case) may work better for any given couple. Thank you for offering your thoughts/experiences on the subject. I hope all is well in your world.

@His Princess - Thank you for sharing your thoughts/experiences on lecturing. I'm happy to hear you and your husband have found what works best for you both. All the best to you.

@Babe - You're most welcome, and good luck to you in all you and your husband do in the future! Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts/experiences.

@Eslynne - It certainly sounds like it covers all the bases indeed. Thank you for sharing your experience with lecturing. It sounds like it's working great for your marriage, which is what it's all about. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. Be well.

@Anonymous (April 28th 8:27 PM) - I agree. I'll pass on the 50's. Give me the 70's. The music was so much better.

I'm glad you and your spouse have found what works best in your marriage. I certainly wish you the very best going forward.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Hi Clint,

Reverse lecturing does sound like an interesting technique, it really makes sure that the message has sunk in and as it is after the consequence it will sink in much more.

My partner and I take a very different approach however, which is lecturing during the spanking. This is where I ask questions related to the offence after almost every stroke. This allows me to see her attitude change throughout the whole spanking process, and I only stop once I am convinced that the lesson has been learned. I don't advocate this for all couples, as it means a spanking can go on for much longer (and occasionally shorter) than might be necessary for them, but it is the best technique that I have found for us, and it works wonders. As for the reverse lecture, certainly not for us..."his girl" likes to be left alone for a few minutes afterwards while she takes it all in and pushes her guilt away before she can let the love back in. I think lecturing her at this stage would be detrimental, however it is certainly an interesting concept!

Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@Mr M - Lecturing during the spanking is also a method that works well for some couples. Whether it's before, during, or after the spanking, as long as a lecture is conducted at some point during the spanking process - and it's effective and understood by the wife - then that's all that ultimately matters.

I appreciate you sharing your experience for readers to consider. I wish the very best for you and yours.

-- Clint

Anne said...

Hi Clint,
My husband and I just started into a DD relationship several months ago. My "bubble" was not burst - because I am permitted to share my side of the story. While he listens and we discuss. He then presents options and I do - as well.
Subsequent to discussion - I am then turned over knee and spanked w/ lexan.

Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@Anne - It sounds like you both do exactly as I recommend. I'm so glad to hear that it's working out for you both!

All the best, Anne.

-- Clint

TK said...

So true

Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@TK - Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed the post.

All the best to you.

-- Clint

Paula said...

Thank you Clint,

Wish I would have seen this post before I posted on the lecturing post lol.

It works well for us because he never punishes without telling me why I am being punished but he always waits for the end of the punishment to lecture and it works for us, well we haven't tried the lecture first but "why try to fix something that isn't broke?"

Thank you so much, I really need to go through and read all the blogs before posting questions lol.


Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@Paula - You're welcome, and people ask questions all the time without reading the blog first. That's why you'll see a number of links in the comments throughout the blog. It happens. There's a lot to read! :)

I agree that you shouldn't tinker with the way you currently do things if they're working great for you both. I'm glad to hear you're doing so well with the lecturing aspect of punishments.

All the best to you, Paula.

-- Clint

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