Monday, February 27, 2012

Domestic Discipline Challenges - Injury (Submissive Partner)

Image courtesy of
  We discuss how to work around injury/illness to the submissive partner in a domestic discipline relationship.  You can read this article on our new website by clicking here.


Christina said...

Your whole series of "Obstacles" is a good one - something that comes up in a DD marriage but there isn't any informational tips on how to handle it! But, I have to say, that the woman in the picture certainly doesn't look like she's too sick or injured to avoid a spanking! LOL

Katie said...

Do you have suggestions on actively practicing DD while pregnant?

Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@Christina - Thank you. I'm glad you enjoy them. The picture was the best one I could find. When I Googled "woman on hospital bed", the images were all either of pregnant women, or women who looked like they had just been in a head-on collision. So, needless to say, when I found this one, I went with it.

I hope you and Jim are doing well! Thanks for the comment.

@Katie - Yes I do. I'm trying to recruit our doctor to write a post about it, in fact. Since I'm not a doctor, I feel readers would feel much better about advice coming from him on this subject rather than myself. But, for what it's worth, my wife and I just went through this, and I'll offer my advice.

First and foremost the spanking position is crucial. It's recommended you be leaning over/bending over something very soft, like the mattress of a bed. I'd also recommend heavily padding your stomach with pillows or blankets to make things as comfortable for you and your baby as possible.

When spanking, it's actually more beneficial to spank harder fewer times while pregnant. Also on this blog I recommend breaks be taken between sets of strikes, however when pregnant, it's best NOT to take those breaks. A body's natural reaction is to distribute pain as evenly as possible throughout the entire body. That's obviously fine when not pregnant, however when pregnant, this can cause your stomach muscles to constrict, which is bad for the pregnancy. So, by eliminating the breaks between sets of strikes, this keeps all the pain of the spanking directly on the buttocks and does not give the body time to distribute the pain elsewhere. This makes it much safer to spank while pregnant.

At about the 36th week of pregnancy (or earlier, depending on your stomach size at that point), things get a little tricky. Since you'll be unable to lie on a bed with padding at that point, it's best to use the "Kneeling on the Furniture" position described in the Spanking Positions post of this blog.

I hope this helps, but again, I want to stress to you that I am not a doctor. This information was given to my wife and I by our doctor, but it's best to follow the recommendations of your personal OB/GYN.

All the best to you, and congratulations on your pregnancy!

-- Clint

Katie said...

I am not pregnant yet, but I got pregnant in December then miscarried in January and my husband is now trying to be very careful as we are trying to conceive again and he doesn't want to hurt me or the baby. So I was trying to get information for him, and not really wanting to ask my OB/GYN as I am not sure how he will react so I was just trying to get someone else's take on it. Thanks for the information!

Allie said...


I did ask my ob/gyn about it because we too had suffered a miscarriage in my third month. I didn't exactly tell him why we did it because I didn't want the "well I would never recommend a man hit his wife for any reason pregnant or not." I've found it easier to avoid trying to explain dd. Still, I did ask about spanking for play or fun. I was told not to do it until I got past the four month and then to be careful.
My husband was too concerned to even try spanking with implements, although I've read it should be o.k. With a belt or surface implements. Clint's positions are exactly how we proceeded ( although, I got so big so quickly, that we went earlier to the kneeling position). We did also use the capsaicin cream once or twice, but use sparingly because once its on it is hard to get off. We learned this the hard way.

Good luck to you on trying again. We finally got our precious little girl 11 months ago.

Blondie said...

I am having a real difficult time imagining what a wife is going to do, while sick or injured, that would be bad enough to have to discipline. Can you give some examples. I try to picture myself doing something wrong while on bedrest.

Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@Katie - You're welcome, and I'm terribly sorry to hear about the miscarriage. I know that can be an incredibly difficult experience to go through, and I certainly hope you and your husband are coping ok with it. I'll keep you in my thoughts. Best of luck with having another baby.

@Allie - Thank you SO much for chiming in. The more women that contribute to the pregnancy topic, the better. Thank you, thank you.

@Blondie - Sure, I can give you some examples while on bedrest. I know the picture is of a woman on a hospital bed, but this post isn't necessarily entirely about a wife being on bedrest. Just ill or injured. But since you asked specifically about bedrest, these are the infractions that come to mind right away: swearing, not listening/backtalking (disrespect, basically), excessive online shopping, not eating properly, not taking medications properly, using privileges that have been taken away (if that was an earlier punishment), and getting out of bed if she was ordered by the doctor to be on bedrest. Those are off the top of my head. There may be more, depending on the HoH, of course.

Hope this helps!

All the best to each of you!

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

We have used the capsaicin cream a few times...ouch. But I just wanted to warn woman in above post, lable says not to use it if pregnant or trying to get pregnant. Might want to ask OB before using again.

Not the Petries said...


I'll be amazed if your doc is willing to write in a public and recommend regarding spanking while pregnant. Even those of us who who practice and understand this lifestyle would be best to skirt around those issues. The cost of malpractice insurance is why many good OB/GYN's stop delivering. I would question his/her judgement if he/she were willing to openly recommend it. No one has a crystal ball about what could happen with a total stranger. Good for you for fielding those comments. That was totally appropriate.

As for us, we go on hiatus when I'm pregnant, I tend to go into pre term labor. (Have done my share of bed-rest) My last child was significantly premature without adding the potential risk of paddling on top of it. Without an exam even your OB wouldn't know if you baby was in a posterior position, A few hard swats could be dangerous-again no one has a crystal ball, and it's not exactly something that has randomized controlled studies to back it up.

My two cents,

Anonymous said...

I have to say as a physician who has practiced this lifestyle for over 10 years that ANY doctor who promotes spanking while pregnant to people they don't treat is completely irresponsible and unethical. There is no way around it-if you are pregnant and you do not have the explicit advice of YOUR PERSONAL DOCTOR continuing with this practice is taking a risk that is just plain stupid. And, I'm sorry, any source that gives a blanket recommendation for something that potentially dangerous is not credible in any way.

Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@Laurie - I can't speak for our doctor of course, but I'd be amazed if he would outwardly recommend people spank while pregnant as well. I'd imagine he would give information on how to spank as safely as possible if a couple chooses or wants to spank while pregnant, if that makes sense, as he did for my wife and I.

I appreciate you taking the time to offer your thoughts on spanking while pregnant. The more people that contribute to the discussion, the better. Thank you so much. All the best to you.

@Anonymous (March 4th 9:55 PM) - You echoed my thoughts exactly when I said, "it's best to follow the recommendations of your personal OB/GYN" to a previous commenter. Thank you for reaffirming that. People should most definitely seek the advice of their personal doctors when it comes to spanking while pregnant.

To suggest our doctor was/is not credible is a bit presumptuous. He didn't outwardly recommend we spank while pregnant - I asked him how to spank as safely as possible if we chose to do so while pregnant and he gave me the information I asked for. If that's frowned upon in the medical community, then I'm at a loss for words. We appreciated the information he gave us very very much. For another physician to question the credibility of another doctor - someone in the same like of work - is interesting to me. I certainly understand your concern, but my wife and I would recommend our doctor to anyone. He's an outstanding doctor and we'd go to him again in a heartbeat.

You can call me "just plain stupid" if you like. It's not the first time I've been insulted, and being the strong advocate for the DD lifestyle that I am, I've been called much worse. Since I take DD very seriously, I wanted to know every possible piece of information I could about this particular situation from our doctor. If that's "just plain stupid", then consider me brain dead.

Thank you for your comment, and best of luck to you with all of your future endeavors.

-- Clint

Not the Petries said...

Hey Clint,

That would absolutely be frowned upon within the the medical community. I'm not going to get into details on the blog but if you want to shoot me an email I'll elaborate. Not meant to be offensive but the doc above is absolutely right on, and his/her tone is exactly what I'd expect it to be.


Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@Laurie - Sure, I'd love to hear it. I'll shoot you an email when I get some time.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I'm not usually one to butt in, but goodness... For readers, please don't spank any injured, unwilling woman *ever*. Don't spank a very pregnant woman. Just... don't.

Clint--I've been reading through this blog and I think it's a wonderful resource for those in the DD lifestyle. As far as medical things are concerned, I would love to see an addendum to this post regarding the risks of spanking someone who isn't well. Receiving a paddling or spanking is a CHOICE, and if the spankee is unwell, injured, or otherwise unable to receive pain/punishment, then please urge your readers not to proceed.

The line between DD and abuse is a fine one. Let's not give those looking to hate this lifestyle a reason to.

April said...

I usually avoid discussions on pregnancy and dd because I think it's such a personal choice that any couple has to make for themselves. However, every time a comment comes up about it the discussions and opinions seem to be all over the place. It seems we are making it more confusing than it needs to be for new moms. I realize that we all must be be clear and very cautious in this area ... None of us would ever want a child (or mother) at risk.

Of course a medical doctor has to be very cautious in what they say on this topic. It most likely would be difficult to find one willing to put anything to written words due to the liability issues they face today. Still, there are those who will (off the record) give you factual information if you are willing to open up and asked the hard questions. Most doctors genuinely want to help their patients in the best way possible.

I am a former ob/gyn registered nurse. I am in a dd marriage and did go through a full term pregnancy with our last child while practicing dd. I had many discussions with several OBGYN friends and colleagues before making my decision. I did fall into that over 35 category, but otherwise was healthy and strong. I know most do not want to explain the spanking with their doctors, however because I worked with these doctors and was not embarrassed to talk about dd, I did. My friends gave me the doctor 'recommended speech' they feel they must, but then followed with the "what we know' facts.
If you have any form of a high risk pregnancy, such as a torn cervix, an Ectopic pregnancy, placenta previa, placenta abruption, or any other condition that could effect the woman or the fetus then you most likely should find another form of punishment to do while pregnant. However, if you are having a NORMAL, HEALTHY pregnancy then the cautious spankings ( using an implement that has less impact on the body) done in the manner and positions Clint mentions above are not going to hurt you or the baby.

I so hesitate to even mention this, due to the sensitivity of those women who suffer a miscarriage through no fault of their own, but we have treated women who have thrown themselves down a flight of stairs in order to terminate a pregnancy (hard to imagine) and still delivered a healthy child with no abnormalities. The female body is made so that in a natural state of pregnancy the fetus is very protected and babies are robust.

Please know that I am not promoting spanking while pregnant, I am only passing along what I have learned during many years of working with Doctors in maternity and delivery. Everyone has to make their own decisions for what is right for them. Though I applaud this site for consistency in it's precautions and education of this subject.

Anonymous said...

I agree April. You just need to do it with caution. Women know their own bodies. A good DD relationship allows you to discuss your concerns with your HOH. And because he cares for you he will always do what is best for you and the baby

Anonymous said...


I have been told spanking should not be done during pregnancy. Then have been told it is safe. As someone new to DD this makes me crazy. We want to talk to a dr. who understands this lifestyle. Do you have a page on here that recommends them or know a site to find ones you can trust?
What implement would you most recommend to use while pregnant. Which one has less impact on body and is safest? We are 3 months along and no health problems.

Anonymous said...

All I will say is I agreed not to spank when we found out she was pregnant.

She is taking full advantage of the situation. Now I wish I hadn't taken it off the table.

Do you think it would be wrong to change it now?


Learning Domestic Discipline said...

@sadeyquinn - You're right, I should add that in somewhere. I've been guilty on more than one occasion in assuming something like that is common sense, but what I find to be blatantly obvious may not be to others. An injured woman can most definitely be spanked, however it does depend on what type of injury you're dealing with. I understand that. Hopefully people can make that rational determination for themselves.

Thank you for your suggestion. I will certainly take it into consideration.

@April - That was a very well written and thoughtful comment. I appreciate you taking the time to share your knowledge with the readers. Thank you so much.

@Anonymous (March 27th 7:51 PM) - Very well said, and you're absolutely right. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.

@Anonymous (March 28th 5:24 AM) - This topic is driving me insane as well, as it seems everyone has a strong opinion on spanking while pregnant. While I've known many couples who have spanked while pregnant with no problems whatsoever, it's best to seek the advice of a doctor, which I understand is exactly what you're trying to do.

Unfortunately I am not familiar with a site that would have such information. There are several doctors or former doctors who read this blog, so hopefully one (or more) of them will be willing to help you out. I know doctors have restrictions and liability concerns however, so I doubt they'll say anything other than "don't spank while pregnant", which is about as helpful as a three dollar bill. But at least they won't be liable and it won't cost you hundreds of dollars to get that advice from them! :)

If you CHOOSE to spank while pregnant, which is YOUR choice (I'm not going to be held liable either :)), I'd recommend you use an implement without much density, such as a wooden spoon or a belt. This keeps the impact of the strike on the surface of the buttocks, which would be safest if you CHOOSE to spank while pregnant.

I wish you the best of luck with this issue, and congratulations on the pregnancy!

@Greg - You're the head of the household, so you enforce the rules as you see fit. If you feel you must enforce the rules while pregnant, then it would not be wrong to go back to enforcing them as needed. Forgive my bluntness, but unfortunately it sounds as though your wife cannot handle the leniency she's been given appropriately, and to keep the harmony of your home and marriage on the right track, you likely have no other choice than to start enforcing the rules again as you see fit.

Unfortunately this is the problem that arises when couples choose not to spank while pregnant. I certainly wish you the very best of luck with getting things back on track in your marriage, and congratulations on the pregnancy!

All the best to you all.

-- Clint

Sia said...

Personally, I'd avoid spanking at all when pregnant...not because of danger to the foetus so much as...pipsqueak didn't agree to the lifestyle. That and I wouldn't spank a newborn/in presence of same - why on earth would I do it with the even younger child right there?!

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