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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Punishment #5: Intermediate Level Spankings


Image courtesy of The Wilbourne Group.
We offer tips and a step-by-step recommendation on how to safely and appropriately administer a punishment spanking (intermediate level) on our new website.  You can now find this article by clicking  here.

83 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for a great website on DD relationships. My wife and I have been practicing for 7 years. A few months into it I realized the discipline wasn't working and decided to start using a belt. I administer punishment to her naked to add to her humiliation and shame and direct her to remove her clothes and go get the belt. I find thAt the intensity of using a belt on her bare bottom gets the desired results. Our pastor recommended this and it works.

Clint said...

@Anonymous - Add to her humiliation and shame? I feel that is completely unnecessary and I'm rather surprised your pastor recommended you treat your wife in such a manner. I wish you and your wife the best.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Wow, I think the previous anonymous poster completely missed the point of a DD relationship. How will you establish a bond together if you are making her feel bad about herself, rather than lovingly protected?

Regarding the blog post,a few interesting things were brought up. I like that you suggested alternating the cheeks and to build up to using an implement. My fiance has not learned these finer details yet and therefore it can make spankings very stressful for me. For example, he will just jump into spanking me with an implement, and will concentrate it all on one cheek! I lose that connected feeling as a result and just get angry and distracted!

Clint said...

@Anonymous - I agree. You won't see me recommending anyone do anything that would further humiliate or shame their spouse. In fact, I recommend taking all necessary measures NOT to do that.

It's certainly important to alternate cheeks and prepare the nerves so there isn't any bruising. It sounds like your husband is doing ok, he maybe just didn't see the importance of those things. Hopefully this blog post helped you two! Give it a try as I've recommended and check back in with another comment. I'd love to hear if it went better for you. Good luck!

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

What if your wife starts crying in the middle of the spanking? Do you keep going or stop? I have a hard time continuing when my wife is crying and asking me to stop.

Clint said...

@Anonymous - It's really difficult to continue on when she starts crying. I certainly understand that. It is important to finish the spanking, however, to get the full effect. It's alright to stop very briefly (just a few seconds) and give her words of encouragement (it's ok, you can do this, etc.), but it's best to finish the spanking all in one setting to get the desired results.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

1/2 strength is very hard. Am I to assume it's not too much as long as I'm not bruising her or leaving lasting marks? She is screaming and crying by the third or fourth strike. There are never lasting marks, however, just redness.

Clint said...

@Anonymous - Yes, it sounds like you're doing this correctly so long as there are no welts, bruises, or any other type of lasting mark. Crying after the third or fourth strike seems a little early, but everyone has a different pain tolerance. I wouldn't tone down the strength as long as only redness and no other mark is left after the spanking. There shouldn't be any marks. It sounds to me you're doing it right, just make sure to be sympathetic to her pain after the spanking is over and comfort her.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I am usually spanked bare or over panties. I noticed that step 9 is 5 minute break. Two minute of rubbing with a three minute “time out” Do you allow your wife to re-dress during this time? Your method of punishment is very different from what my husband does. He has not used corner time. I’m not sure how effective it would be. Why use corner time during a spanking at all? Is it effective as a punishment with out a spanking? Thanks you for your time.

Clint said...

@Anonymous - No, I wouldn't recommend allowing the wife to re-dress during the break. The punishment isn't over yet, so it's best not to give her the impression that it is.

The reason for corner time during this break is to keep the wife's focus on the problem and how to correct it. If anything distracts her during this time, it could take away from the main focus which is correcting the behavior/problem. Corner time is usually the most effective way to assure that doesn't happen, although lying completely still on the bed during this time is something I'm fine recommending as well.

Corner time can be effective without a spanking, however I recommend it only be done for rather minor offenses. I've written an entire post on corner time if you'd like to read over it.

Not everyone practices DD exactly the same. My recommendations are exactly that - recommendations. Ultimately the way DD is done is determined by the head of the household, but the way I've recommended is highly effective and great for those just starting out in DD relationships/marriages. I know the methods I describe work well, which is why I recommend things be done the way that I do.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

My spouse when it comes down to her punishment sometime she will says no i dont want a spanking or bedroom and corner time right now and just walks away do i do anything?

Clint said...

@Anonymous - Yes, you need to put your wife back in the corner, or in the bedroom as the case may be. Put your arm around her in a loving fashion, and walk with her back to the corner or bedroom, explaining to her why she's being punished. Make sure she understands she isn't getting out of the punishment and the longer she drags it out, the worse it will be. Each time she is defiant, add time to the corner time or bedroom time, or add a few strikes to the spanking. You have to hold firm to the punishments you've decided to administer and follow through on them.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I read somewhere here about both partners consenting to do this for the remainder of their relationship. I'm wondering what steps you would suggest if a wife ever wanted to stop practicing DD. Like, what if she refused to stay in corner time and kept her behavior the same every time she recieved a spanking? I don't see how it would be improving their relationship, but I was just wondering if you had any advice on this subject. Just curious.

Thanks.

Clint said...

@Anonymous - Thank you for your comment. I see two different questions/concerns within your comment, so I'll try to address both as best as I can.

If a wife wanted to stop practicing DD, I would recommend she discuss her concerns regarding the practice with her husband, and explain exactly why she feels this practice is not beneficial to their marriage. Wives should always address any concerns they have with their husbands with everything in life, not just Domestic Discipline. I would recommend being extremely clear with the husband, and indicate what you would like to change going forward (cut back on the punishments, remove certain implements, stop DD all together, etc.). The husband should respect the wife's concerns and honor her wishes as he sees fit.

If a wife refused to stay in corner time, I would recommend adding more time to the corner time and escalate the punishment into bedroom time if the problem persists. If the behavior is not improving every time the wife was spanked, I would take the necessary measures to correct the problems which I've covered in my "Frequently Asked Spanking Questions - Part I" entry on this blog.

All the best!

-- Clint

Tink said...

Do you give all 20 swats quickly or do you wait a second between? Sometimes I find it hard to endure a spanking because my husband never pauses. We are VERY new to this and trying to find our footing.

Clint said...

@Tink - I recommend only a second or two between each strike of the buttocks. Generally speaking I recommend they be done rather quickly one right after the other, but not in a "rapid-fire" type of way..simply in a manner where there is a brief second or two elapsed between each strike.

Congratulations on bringing Domestic Discipline into your marriage! You made a great choice.

-- Clint

Tink said...

Thank you so much for answering my questions so quickly. I was not expecting that at all. I really appreciate it. I found this site last night and read the entire thing in one sitting. So I have lots of questions! Thanks again. And I love your blog.

Clint said...

@Tink - My pleasure, and I'm glad you enjoy the blog! Welcome. :)

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

dear clint, I appreciate your efforts, but I have to disagree. I practice DD with my loving husband since we gost married, 15 years ago, and all this violence seems to me quite out of scope. I was horrified when I red here and there all the violence you convey. such long and hard spanking sessions are hardly understantable to me. the purpose of spanking, in our understanding, is not to provide pain by itself, but to give to the wife the clear message -mostly psycological - that her husband feels disappointed about her behaviour. it's more than enough in any reasonable relationship to give a few strokes, no to inflict strokes for what it seems to be hourly sessions... we see no reason for going on beating a wife with dozens of strikes (20 for beginning+ 35 for intemediate, other 35 at least for advanced... even in Suadi Arabia the punishment for a wife unconveniently dressed is jut 80 lashes!!!!) it's torture... we do hope that you are really aware of what you do and suggest the other to do... juste one more: I was horrified about the capsaicin advice. you mean that you administer to your wife a medication (even if a topic one) for the purpose of causing her pain and an inflammation? If you were a doctor, you could be punished to do that to a patient...
Julie

newbie said...

@ Anonymous 7:27

What you do in your relationship is what you do, what Clint recomments is what he recommends. What any one else does is what THEY do. It works differently for every relationship. But Clint does NOT advocate violence or abuse.
If your horrified by what you read here, then why keep reading? You apparently read a quite a few posts sense beginner spankings are one of the first and the silent spanking (Capsaicin) post was just in july. So it couldn't have been to horrifing.

EVERYTHING in a DD relationship is consensual, or at least it should be. Some women need only a couple swats to do the trick, some need many more. If you actually READ the blog, Clint clearly states this is a "guidline" based on his views and experience, and that should be agreed on (and adjusted) between the husband and wife.

He also states he that the advanced level should be the maximum strikes at any one session, because that coould cause harm. The total count of 90 strikes (by your count) would be for a full "advanced level" spanking, which he stats should rarely happen.

And thats only 45 per side, it would take 15-20 min MAX not hours of "beating" the wife.

Your making very serious accusations and you really do not have a understanding of what he is saying.

Perhaps instead of attacking Clint you could have asked a few questions, to make sure you really understood what you read, which you obviously did not. NO one says you have to follow his advice if it doesnt work for you. Clint is an awsome guy, and Chelsea is a lucky wife.
Your gonna miss out on alot of great stuff if you hold on to your narrow view of what he is saying.

Clint said...

@Julie - I certainly understand your concern, and I've done my best to make it clear on this blog that DD is something that should be consensually done, regardless of what punishments are used, or how punishments are administered.

Newbie said a lot of what I want to say, but I'll reiterate. My recommendations are simply that - recommendations. If you're uncomfortable with them, or you or your spouse do not consent to them, then don't do them. The point of my blog is NOT to get everyone practicing DD the exact same way, and the point is NOT to say this is the correct way to do it and everyone who does not do it in this manner is doing it wrong. That's absurd, because every couple will practice DD a little differently. If 50 different couples created a blog, you would read about 50 different ways of doing DD.

My blog is intended to help those just starting with this lifestyle, and those who are curious about the lifestyle. Obviously I encourage couples to practice DD, but I don't MAKE anyone do it, or make anyone do it as I've recommended. The way I explain a spanking is to help get people familiar with it, and get their foot in the door with practicing DD. What they do after they begin spanking is up to them. They could stop spanking all together after doing it once. Totally up to them. A beginner level spanking as described in this blog would take less than 5 minutes. The advanced level spanking on this blog would take a maximum of 20 minutes. That isn't very long at all.

The Capsaicin cream suggestion is simply providing another option to couples. Again, I've never said anyone HAS to do it. Also, within the "Silent Spankings" entry, I state clearly - in bold - that prior to use, the husband should make sure his wife is not allergic to any ingredients in the cream.

You and your husband practice DD differently. Just like EVERYONE else. I respect your views on DD, and I respect your opinion. In my opinion, my recommendations are far from violent. Not everyone is going to see it that way and I understand that. Thank you so much for your comment. I completely understand if you disagree with my recommendations. You're not the first person to disagree, and you won't be the last. I know my recommendations are effective based on the feedback from the many many couples I help with DD.

I wish you the very best in all you do.

-- Clint

Clint said...

@Newbie - Thank you so much for your very kind words. I'm glad you understand this blog, and the recommendations within them. Your support means a lot to me. I'm glad at least one person is getting the clear message I'm trying to convey when it comes to DD.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I think a lot more than one person are getting your message, and finding it helpful.

Clint said...

@Anonymous - I certainly hope so. Thank you so much for your support.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I have two comments the first is.. the Capsaicin cream is not available in full form in canada, there is products with it in it but it does not have the same effect. So what do we do about that?

Secondly, My wife is developing a very high pain tolerance and the recommended strokes for an intermediate spanking is seeming to not be enough to bring her to tears and feel forgiven for her actions what do i do in this case?

Anonymous said...

Mike here. Why the break with corner time or quiet time on the bed instead of 35 spanks off the bat? Is a bare bottom necessary for this or is allowing panties to remain sufficient. I spank rarely but am looking for some help because it does not seem as effective as it used to. I am wondering if baring is our next step. I imagine the sound and feel would be more intense. It feels like a big step. Also do you insist on her being still or will you hold her if she is trying to turn over or wriggle during a disciplinary session?

Clint said...

@Anonymous (August 30 10:10 AM) - I'm not from Canada, but a member of the social network is and she has offered some advice as to where to find this cream. She says, "It's sold by PharmaPlus (a pharmacy chain in Ontario east to the Maritimes), but if you're in the West or North of Canada, have no idea, since that chain isn't in those parts of Canada." As for my advice - you can use BenGay as well. I would try to find some of that if you're unable to find some Capsaicin Cream.

As for the pain tolerance issue - I would escalate your spanking to an advanced level. It sounds like you're at that point. It's not easy to do, but if you spank as I've recommended on the Advanced Level Spankings entry, you (and your wife) will be ok. Best of luck to you.

@Mike - The break is to do two things: 1) It intensifies the stinging sensation in the buttocks, thus making the spanking more effective. Spanking with no break will cause the nerves to become numb to the pain, making the spanking much less effective. 2) It allows time for the wife to reflect on her actions and understand why she's in this position in the first place. The idea is to get her thinking about her mistake, because she wasn't thinking at the time it happened.

Bare bottomed is medically the best way to spank, but I feel spanking over underwear/panties is sufficient. If you're uncomfortable spanking bare bottomed, you can increase the number of spanks or use a more intense implement. That is, of course, as long as you do not exceed the number of strikes recommended on this blog, and only use implements outlined on this blog.

Holding still is important during a spanking for a lot of reasons. I cover this very problem and how to correct it in the "Frequently Asked Spanking Questions - Part I" post. Reading over that post should help you with this issue. Best of luck to you!

Thank you both for being patient with my response. I had some computer issues for a few days, but they're fixed now.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the reply clint. just so i am clear though.. does that mean i spank using the advanced spanking all the time? even if its frequent offenses?

Clint said...

@Anonymous - Yes, I would spank using the advanced level method whenever you need to spank. By spanking in this manner each time, she will get the emotional release (by crying), and she will break the rules a lot less frequently. Once you get to the advanced level of spanking, you should only be spanking once every month or two. It's a pretty serious spanking. Where she doesn't seem to be effected by the pain of the current spankings, they're essentially ineffective since she's not really scared of them. If she feels the pain of the advanced level spankings, she should be much more inclined to obey the rules going forward.

Best of luck to you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I just found this site and read this post. I have to say I cry early too. I also ask for him to stop. He doesn't, which in the end I'm glad of. I think it's just a way for me to see if I have any control. i'm really grateful he doesn't allow me any. He has also used a belt. I don't think the belt is any worse that a paddle or wood spoon. I may hate to be corrected, but in the end I feel so loved and cared for. I'm so glad he cares enough to correct my behavior. Also, he keeps reminding me of what I did and asking me what should I have done. I respect his role as leader. When he finishes he expects me to understand what I did and how I could have done it different. It hurts just to know I've disappointed him in some way. I want to please him all the time.

Clint said...

@Anonymous - Welcome to Learning Domestic Discipline! I'm glad you've found your way here, and I certainly hope you find the information helpful/useful.

Thank you for your wonderful comment. It sounds like you understand the dynamic of spanking, and Domestic Discipline in general. I think your feelings are all definitely normal ones, and some that most women feel in DD relationships, as they should. Thanks again for your comment and best of luck to you in the future.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Clint
My huband and I just started practicing DD almost two weeks ago. We are only working on my biggest problems which is having a UI additude and being disrespectful to my husband. Last week I recieved 11 punishment spankings and no maintanance spankings. My hoh started off using his hand on my bare bottom at 20 strikes and I was not able to cry afterwords with any punishment. This week he's is now using a belt as the implement at 25
stikes in between 1/2 and 3/4 strength. He doesn't
leave any marks other than a red sore bottom for a couple hours but I have only been able to cry once. It did hurt a lot but I was more upset with the fact that he punished me with a belt than the pain I was in or what I did wrong. He did comfort me afterwords until I fell asleep including the punishments that I didn't cry. We talked about what I did wrong the next morning when I woke up and how I should go about changing my behavior and should have not used the tone I had. By this time last week I was already up to 7 punishment, this week I am at 3 punishment spankings and maintanance once a day so DD is helping a lot. I was wondering is it
nessasary for me to cry to have the full benifit in our DD relationship and if so what would you
recomed that my hoh could do to get me to that
point?

Clint said...

@Anonymous - It's wonderful to hear that DD is helping your marriage. Cutting the spankings down from eleven to three in a matter of two weeks is fantastic. It sounds like you both are already making a great deal of progress.

To answer your question, yes, it's important and necessary that you cry after a spanking to get the full benefit from it. Crying releases the emotions of guilt, stress, disappointment, and sorrow and helps you to feel forgiven and much happier going forward. I encourage you to NOT to hold back any kind of crying since there really is no benefit in doing that, and when you do that you're really hindering your progress in Domestic Discipline. Crying also strengthens the emotional bond between you and your spouse, which is always a good thing.

Even though you're beginners, what I would recommend you do is escalate the intensity of the spanking into an "Intermediate Level Spanking" as described on this blog. Every woman has a different amount of pain tolerance, and it sounds like yours may be a little higher than most. Make sure your husband conducts a warm up spanking to ensure there will be no bruising. If you aren't crying with the current way you spank, then it's time to progress to intermediate level spankings.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck!

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

My wife and I are very happy in our DD lifestyle.
My question is, I fear sending mix messages. I love my wife dearly and she knows that thats not what I'm worried about. But, I know the difference between my wifes "cry durning a spanking because of emotions and sink in" and "croc. tears." but also "cry in pain" tears. THOSE, tears throw me. I don't like her to cry because of the pain, I am okay with her crying to let out emotions from the spanking and I just know her well enough to know the difference.
For example: I will tell her, 2o more. And we'll get to 1o and she will be in the "crying from pain" cry. It tares me up. Recently when we get there, I stop and RUB and tell her ok we are done. But I feel I undermine my athorty. It's not that I'm beating my wife, or brusing her- please don't think that. I just feel I send mix messages and don't know what to do. Because sometimes that last 2o, yes hurt and get the point across, but get through them and the lesson is learned, but other times I don't think she could get through it.

I hope this question isn't crazy, I just know my wifes "types" of cry. And the in true pain cry, is hard to decide how to react around.

Clint said...

@Anonymous (October 31 12:05 PM) - You don't sound crazy at all. In fact, I totally understand what you mean, and I also understand how difficult it is to hear your wife cry, regardless of what type of cry it is.

Once you tell your wife there will be 20 more strikes, it's best to follow through with them so she takes you more seriously in the future. It's important to remain as consistent as possible in every facet of DD to get the best overall results. As difficult as it may be to hear your wife cry during these times, it's best to finish the spanking as determined before you started. You're absolutely on the right track - it sends mixed messages if you do otherwise.

I know this is very difficult to do, and I certainly wish you the very best of luck going forward. All the best to you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Hi Clint,
I need your advice on an appropriate punishment. My wife has been coming home late after work lately. I know she goes out with her co-workers at times for happy hour, however, she is supposed to be home by a certain time. I gave her permission to go to the happy hours, but not to come home an hour after the agreed time. Furthermore, last week I learned that she is having drinks with a male co-worker. I punished her with an intermediate spanking for coming home late and then asked her not to have drinks with the male co-worker and she agreed. Well, she came home late again last night and I told her she is grounded for 1 week and will be spanked immediately after work with the wooden spoon 20 times. I just found out (not through my wife) that the male co-worker was at the happy hour last night and they were drinking together. I never asked her directly if he was there last night so she didn't lie outright to me. But she did disobey me and left out an important piece of information. How would you punish for this? I can use all the help I can get. I will postpone the punishment spanking and lecture until I hear from you. Thanks

Clint said...

@Anonymous (November 9th 1:56 PM) - I'm terribly sorry to hear about this problem in your marriage. It's a problem that could snowball into something extremely problematic, so it's important you be very firm on this and remain consistent with the rules. From the sound of if you already know this, but I just wanted to reaffirm that conviction.

There are a lot of factors that we can't really get into in the comments here that would help me in giving you the best answer (how long you've been practicing DD, how often you've spanked for this, how frequently she ignores the rules, etc.), BUT with the information I have I would recommend two spankings be done - one for being late beyond the agreed time, and one for drinking with the male co-worker you requested she not drink with (which she agreed to also). In addition, I would probably ground her until she can show some sort of responsibility when she goes out. That may be a week, or two weeks, or a month. It's up to her. All of this is obviously your choice, but since you asked what I would do, this is what I would do.

I happen to consider something like this extremely serious, therefore I would spank rather hard for it. Now, since I don't know your experience with DD, it's difficult for me to recommend exactly how hard you should spank. Judging by your comment, it sounds like the intermediate level spanking didn't get through to her, so escalating the spanking to advanced level seems the most obvious choice, however I would only go that route if you've been practicing DD for at LEAST 6 months. If not, stick with intermediate level on both spankings. She doesn't seem too concerned about being spanked at the intermediate level based off her behavior though, so it may be time for you two to change they way you spank.

I would spank on consecutive days, one for each of the two offenses. Also, I would make the lecture rather lengthy, and cover EVERYTHING within it (she's not respecting the rules, she's withholding information, etc.) and make your expectations of her crystal clear. You need to get through to her since this is so problematic (at least I think so), so make sure you're thorough with this entire process. And, of course, remain rational, level-headed and in complete control of yourself at all times.

I hope this helps you and I wish you the very best of luck in getting this issue resolved. All the best.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Thanks a lot for your input Clint. I agree that this situation is very serious and requires serious action, punishment and lecture. She definitely got a pretty lengthy lecture this evening and a very lengthy advanced spanking, which I hope has gotten through to her. She was a little defiant in the beginning but I remained firm and consistent and now after the spanking I think it has. She understands that this was for the first lying offense, and tomorrow (as you suggested) she will get the second spanking. She really tried hard to get out of it knowing how much this one hurt and said she learned her lesson and the importance of the rule and my request, etc. She said she didn't need the second spanking. It will be difficult but I think I have to stay firm and continue with the second spanking tomorrow immediately after she returns from work (on time) despite her pleas to let it go. I've also grounded her for 2 weeks instead of just 1 and explained that depending on her behavior it could be extended. So I think this is helping.....we will see. We have been practicing DD for about 2 years. Thanks again for your help!! I appreciate it. It's nice to have someone to give me input and advice.

Anonymous said...

Clint, I meant "lateness" offense (not lying offense above). I wanted to add if there was any reason to postpone the second spanking another day or two. I will definiltey stay firm and consistent with the punishment, but what is the main reason to spank her the next day as you suggest as opposed to the day after tomorrow or later? I guess I'm only asking because my wife has told me how sore her bottom is and that a spanking tomorrow would be too soon. Please advise. Thanks again.

Anonymous said...

My wife and I have been using the Beginner level spanks for awhile and recently I find myself having to spank 4 sometimes 5 times a week. My wife backtalks and has always had childish behaviors when I ask her to the laundry or any simple chore. I decided yesterday after she refused to get off the computer and help with laundry I would try doing an intermediate spanking. I followed your steps exactly. I always spank bare bottom with my hand (we've never tried any implement) Well today her bottom is very tender and even a bit red in some places. I feel terrible because i never intended it to be hurting almost 24hrs later. Did I do something wrong or is this normal?

Clint said...

@Anonymous (November 10th 12:28 AM) - I'm happy to hear the advice has been helpful for you. Being firm and consistent is important, so nice job with both.

I apologize for the late response to you. My family and I have been traveling this past week. Anyway, the reason I recommended the second spanking be done the next day was for numerous reasons - 1) The more immediate the punishment is after a behavior, the better the results will be; 2) to give her one full day of recovery from the first spanking; 3) to get the punishment done as soon as possible so it doesn't mentally drive your wife crazy and make her deal with her feelings of guilt, disappointing her husband, etc. any longer than necessary. It's unfair to her to procrastinate punishments for those reasons. Ultimately when you conduct the second spanking is up to you of course, but the sooner you can do so the better the results will be. I hope that answer made sense.

Good luck!

Clint said...

@Anonymous (November 12th 12:49 PM) - If you followed the steps exactly on the Intermediate Level Spanking post, then I presume you did a warm up spanking. If after doing a warm up spanking she still felt the effects of the spanking some 24 hours later, then something may have went wrong. The pain from the spanking shouldn't last that long, particularly if you only used your hand. The pain from it should have lasted around 2-3 hours, with discomfort lasting around 6-8 hours or so. Every woman responds differently, but it definitely should not have lasted 24 hours afterward.

It's difficult to pinpoint where this may have gone wrong. Are you alternating cheeks when you strike the buttocks? It's important to do that to even out the spanking. It's also important not to strike in the EXACT same spot each time you strike. The more "evened out" the spanking can be, the better. Also, you may want to lighten up the strength in which you strike. That's really all I can think of that may have gone wrong since you only used your hand as an implement and spanked bare-bottomed. It sounds to me you did everything correctly, assuming you followed the steps precisely.

I'd also like to add one thing here - I'm not saying your wife may have done this, but it's something to think about. A lot of wives REALLY want their husbands to rub it afterward. So much so that they'll stretch the truth a little about the pain so the husband will rub it. Again, I'm not saying this is the case with your wife, but it may be worth looking in to. If the pain is truly lasting upwards of 24 hours, then I would do what is necessary to alleviate the pain at that point. Rub it, put ice/lotion on it, etc. because that's way too long for her to be experiencing pain from an Intermediate Level Spanking.

I know you feel bad about this and I would as well. It's not normal for the pain to last that long. Again, it's difficult for me to know exactly where this may have gone wrong without details of the spanking, but I would review how to conduct a warm up spanking and make sure you do that first, and I would look into the extent of the pain your wife is telling you she's having to ensure you're getting the best feedback possible. Please understand I'm not saying your wife is lying to you - I'm simply saying she may be trying to get more sympathy/comfort from you since that makes a lot of women feel more loved.

I hope this answer helps you. DD is about trial and error and learning together from your mistakes. I know you feel bad about it, but it will help you both with your growth in a DD marriage.

Good luck.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Clint-
My husband and I read over the intermediate spanking this morning so that we were both clear how it works. Just a few questions. Is the warm up spanking equal to a beginner spanking? Also when you say 15-20 spanks is that per cheek or total? Also if I don't want my husband to rub my bottom after warm up and before spanking is that okay? When i am in pain I don't want to be touched. Also after being spanked I like to be alone and my husband likes to process everything. So what do we do? Also he feels that I am distant towards him after a spanking and he feels disrespected? He can't punish for that can he? He says that comforting me brings us closer but I like to process alone. He does not think I should be alone and in fact does not permit alone time after a spanking. He feels that this will cause me to shut down and he wants me to talk to him about how I feel. Suggestions?

- Sarah

Anonymous said...

One more question. Does every spanking need to be "a level" spanking. Or can the HOH just do a few corrective seats and end it? Also once we begin intermediate spankings are they all at this level. Or for less serious infractions can they be beginner level?

- Sarah

Anonymous said...

I have the same question as sarah. My wife also likes to be left alone after a spanking but I want to stay and comfort her so we can grow closer. I also feel that her distance after a spanking is disrespectful but I dont know how to correct it. Should I let her have her space or stay with her even though she doesnt want me to?

Clint said...

@Sarah - The warm up spanking is similar to a beginner spanking, yes. The only significant difference is the implement that is recommended.

The 15-20 strikes is total - not per cheek.

Yes, it's okay to request that your husband not rub your bottom after the warm up spanking if that's what you prefer. I do encourage it and recommend it, however, for the reasons stated on the blog entries. I would discuss this aspect of the spanking with your husband and work out something with him when it comes to rubbing between sets of strikes.

You like to be left alone after a spanking? I find that unusual, however again if this is something you prefer, then you and your husband need to discuss how you both want to conduct each aspect of the spanking process and come to an agreement that will work best for your situation/marriage.

If your husband feels you're distant after a spanking and he feels it necessary to punish for it, then that's his decision. If you disagree with it, talk to him about your concerns with it and work out what will work best for you both.

Most of my suggestions are covered on the blog, however I highly recommend there be a substantial amount of comforting after a spanking. I understand you prefer that not be the case, however I feel it's crucial to enhancing the emotional bond between husband and wife. The closeness shared in that moment of vulnerability is important to the health of the relationship. This is my opinion, of course, but I certainly encourage husbands to comfort their wives after a spanking.

Not every spanking needs to be a "level" spanking. Couples should find the structure of a spanking that yields the best results in their marriage and stick with it. That may or may not be "level" spankings. I broke them into levels on this blog to assist beginners with DD, but as with everything on this blog, couples should take them as suggestions/recommendations and ultimately do what is best for their marriage.

The HoH determines the "level" of spanking to be administered after each particular infraction. They don't necessarily always have to be at one particular level.

I hope these answers helped you out, Sarah. I wish you the best of luck!

-- Clint

Clint said...

@Anonymous (December 4th 12:41 AM) - Recently I wrote a post answering the question of, "What should I do if my wife pouts and/or gives the silent treatment after a spanking?" The title of that post is "Commenter FAQs - Bump In The Road Edition." I encourage you to read that post. I believe it will answer your question. You can copy and paste the following URL into your browser to get to it:

http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/11/commenter-faqs-bump-in-road-edition.html

I hope that helps you, and best of luck to you going forward.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I'm always sore after a spanking for 24 hours or more. Even just during an erotic spanking which is nowhere as severe. I have no lasting marks but I stay sore.

Anonymous said...

My husband and I just started DD a few days ago (well started again, we didn't stick with it before though) Anyway I don't think the beginner level spankings are working for me. Do you think it's ok if we go ahead and start intermediate even though we just started? Is it ok to have an intermediate spanking several times a week or even everday. WE are just starting so It's hard for me to go a day without a spanking. Thanks.

Clint said...

@Anonymous (January 9th 6:20 AM) - Where you've tried DD in the past and are familiar with spanking, I feel it's okay for you and your husband to step to intermediate level, particularly since the beginner level spankings are having little to no effect on correcting the behaviors. Beginner level is more to introduce couples to what exactly spanking is and how it's done, and where you and your husband have already gone through that, you should be fine going to intermediate level. Basically what's happening here is the pain from the beginner level isn't a strong enough deterrent to get you to think before you act, essentially.

It's common to conduct spankings often when just starting out. Spankings shouldn't be happening everyday, but 2-3 times a week is common in the beginning. Typically at intermediate level couples spank about once every two weeks or so (but that varies on the couple, of course). Getting to that point takes a little time. Behaviors will start improving and you and your husband will find yourselves spanking less and less as you familiarize yourself with the rules of the home, and the boundaries of those rules. This assuming your husband remains consistent with the rules.

If you're virtually getting spanked daily, then I'd definitely increase to intermediate level. It should cut back the frequency in which your husband has to spank.

I hope this helps and good luck to you!

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Hi, I have a question to anyone that may have advice... I didn't know which category to put this in..
I have a situation and I dont know what to do. I understand that the HOH knows best and looks out for the best interest of the household. I trust my partner to make the big decisions. But what if he is ready to have a baby and I am not? He thinks that it is the perfect time, but I honestly dont think im ready for that responsibility. Should I trust that he knows best and respect his wishes? Or should I follow my instict? Thanks for listening!!

Christina said...

Having a child is a serious decision for a couple and if you're not ready for any reason, my advice is to discuss this with your husband. He needs to hear your reasons.

Having a child is a wonderful, life altering event that isn't comparible to anything in the world, and its one that you are responsible with forever. It's not fair to any child to be brought into a family where one of the parents isn't ready for whatever reason.

Follow your instincts, but make the decision together. Any man, worthy of his role as a HoH, is going to respect the feelings of his wife, especially on something so huge. Yes, as the HoH, your husband has the final say in decisions, but you're not talking about what model is best for the family or if two credit cards is a better idea than one. You're talking about a new human being.

Both of you need to be ready for the decision.

Clint said...

@Anonymous (March 1st 4:41 PM) - If you aren't ready for the responsibility of a child, I would certainly recommend you express that to your partner and let him know exactly how you feel. Bringing a child into the relationship changes everything, and it's something you both need to be prepared for on numerous different levels.

I think Christina said it well, and I don't have much to add to her advice other than this - it's best to get any behavioral problems corrected before you decide to have children. You and your partner are in a unique situation where children aren't part of the equation yet, meaning you both can concentrate on getting all behavioral and relationship issues resolved BEFORE becoming pregnant and ultimately having a child. It's so much better to do it that way if a couple is able to do so. A happy home and stable partnership is the ideal situation to bring a new life in to.

Good luck in discussing this with your partner! All the best to you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

We've been living the DD lifestyle for Bout 5 weeks. My spanks for almost all punishments. We were doing the warm up then spaking with the hand 15 on each cheek. Then the belt. But my husband bought a fraternity paddle. Know that I've missed my medication again and my f husband feels I shouldn't be missing any of them at this point. So this morning I received the warm up with the wooden spoon and 10 waists with the paddle. I was all over the place. Does this take time to e able to tolerate a full intermediate level with a paddle or should we change it? I can not tell the difference the lifestyle has don't for personally and our marriage. I still have a lot of work to do with no questioning him. But I feel that with this paddle I will every respectful and obedient. Thanks again

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for the grammer I was on the treadmill when I wrote the entry above. Thanks again.
What I meant is that I can't tell you the major difference this has done for ne and our marriage.

Clint said...

@Anonymous (April 27th 10:54 AM) - No problem about the grammar. I'm guilty of a few typos and misspellings myself every now and again.

It does take time to get adjusted to the intensity of the intermediate level spanking, yes. Where you've only been practicing for approximately 5 weeks, it may be a bit early to jump to the intermediate level. The idea is to become comfortable with how the spanking is done and all it entails at the beginner level before proceeding to the more intense intermediate level.

I wouldn't necessarily change the way you're spanking, because it sounds as though you and your spouse are doing everything correctly. It may be best for you two to go back to beginner level though, until you have the "holding still" aspect of the spanking mastered. At that point you can THEN move on to intermediate level and go from there.

Hopefully the "major difference" in your marriage is a good one. I trust that it is, and I commend you both for taking the leap into the DD lifestyle. Keep up the good work, and keep working with your spouse to find what works best for your marriage.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Hello, I am new to this site...My husband usually starts with a warmup spanking, then we move into a longer session involving his belt, then a cane. I feel so humbled and very eager to correct my behaviour at this point. Thankyou for people like you.

Anonymous said...

My husband punishes me regularly and recently he has started using the cane. I can only take it if i have a warm up spanking first but even then the pain is almost unbearable. I know i deserve it but i really dread the cane and it certainly makes me try to behave!!!

Clint said...

@Anonymous (June 24th 8:50 PM) - I'm so happy to hear you and your husband have found what works best for your marriage. Improvements are always a good thing, and I wish you continued success as you both go forward in the DD lifestyle.

All the best.

@Anonymous (June 28th 10:04 AM) - The cane is an intense implement, no question. I'd recommend reserving that implement for only the most serious of offenses, but in the end that choice is your husband's to make.

Thank you for sharing your experience. All the best to you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

How can I go full swings with a cane?

Cat said...

@Anon 10.Jul.12 1:55pm – I really don’t think you’ve given enough information for anyone to answer your question. In my opinion, some of the missing information would be:
1.How long have you been practicing DD?
2.Do you have any experience in safely spanking with a cane?
3.What type of cane are you using or wanting to use?
4.How serious is the infraction?
No offense intended but I really have to wonder why you would want or need to go “full swing” with a cane.

Clint said...

@Anonymous (July 10th 1:55) - The "how" of your question seems rather self-explanatory to me, however I would never recommend striking full force with a cane for any reason, at any time. The cane is an extremely intense implement and should only be used by experienced couples in careful moderation for the most serious of offenses.

All the best to you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I have read much of your blog after I came across it during research. I will be completly honest in informing you that I do not agree with domestic discipline, however, I tried to keep an open mind in sake of my research. I stared with "Christian Domestic Disipline" information before finding your blog and even though I do not agree with a husband punishing his wife, thier suggestions of 5 to 10 strikes with your hand and 3 to 5 strikes if using a hairbrush or belt is at least not monstrous like the punishments you condone. Your recommended punishments are not spankings, they are nothing short of beatings. Even though you don't mention this in your blog often, you did state that you chose this lifestyle out of regards to your faith. I as a believer find that offensive. God does make it clear that wives are to submit to their husbands, and I get that, even though it is a hard thing to do at times. I have read the bible cover to cover and cannot recall anywhere that it states it is ok for a husband to strike his wife if she doesn't submit. Maybe I have missed that somewhere but I don't believe so. I DID find however where God made it very clear that a husband is to love, cherish, and respect his wife. I would suggest rereading God's commandments for husbands and wives. I am a grown, intelligent woman who can understand when I have made a mistake or have been disrepectful/hurtful to my husband, through verbal communication. It does not take pain for me to realize my errors. I am fully capable of understanding where I need to improve through a loving discussion with my husband. Let me repeat, IT DOES NOT REQUIRE PAIN FOR MY UNDERSTANDING. If my husband hit me, I would not respect him for it, it would be the polar opposite. I might do as he says quicker, but it would stem from fear, NOT respect. My husband read some of your blog and was so upset by it that he said he couldn't read anymore. He told me that he could not believe that a husband would actually hurt his wife to teach her to submit. Husbands, wives, please take these words into consideration. If this is a life style you choose to have, then it is your choice, but please don't offend me and fellow believers by justifying your actions by stating you do this because of your faith.

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous (July 29 7:47) I'm surprised that while reading the bible "cover to cover" you missed Matthew 7:1 "Do not judge, or you will be judged"(NIV). You might want to look that one up. While you're at it, show it to your husband.
-M.V.

Anonymous said...

@Anoymous (JUly 29 7:47). For the life of me i cannot figure out why in the world you are putting so much time and effort into reseaching somthing you do not believe in. If DD is somthing that you do not agree with than why on earth are you commenting on a blog full of people that do agree with it. I'm sorry but its people like you that i just don't understand. If i don't agree with something i simple just move on, not comment on the page much less research about it. hmmm, seems to me that you (and all the others) really do have somewhat of an open mind to dd if you didn't than you wouldn't make so much time and effort to research it. Just saying.

-SS

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous July 29th 7:47 I have spent literally hours and hours reading this blog and there are probably still parts of it I haven't got to yet. For you to say you've read most of it, gives me a good idea how much time you've spent here doing research.

If you can find anywhere on this blog where Clint doesn't advocate that men should love, cherish and respect their wives, please refer me to it. I must have missed it.

Clint said...

@Anonymous (July 29th 7:47 PM) - I am indeed a Christian man, however I've never stated that I live this lifestyle with my wife because of my faith. There are scriptures that helped me to ACCEPT the dynamic of the lifestyle, but I don't practice because I feel God wants me to, or because God said to through scripture. I practice because I felt and saw immediate benefits from it after the first punishment experience with my wife. It's a connection and a dynamic that I think only a practicing DD couple can truly understand, and since your mind is already made up, I won't waste my time in explaining it to you.

I do love, cherish, and respect my wife with every ounce of my soul, which is the precise reason I care enough about her to live this lifestyle with her. I encourage other husbands to do the same. That's another point I don't think a non-practicing person would completely understand, and that's alright. It's not for everyone, and I get that.

If you disagree with DD, then don't do it. It's no sweat off my back. I won't judge you for not practicing. All I ask in return is that you not judge my wife and I FOR practicing.

Matthew 5:44.

All the best to you.

@M.V. - Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate it.

@SS - I agree. Thanks for giving your input.

@Anonymous (July 30th 10:31 AM) - Thank you for being a loyal reader. I really appreciate that. Thank you for taking the time to comment as well.

All the best to each of you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I hope i get married to a man that practices DD. It sounds so exciting.

Anonymous said...

Gotta jump in here---- it may seem exciting, it did to me, until you actually practice it. It's hard! It is also effective. Be careful !!! You MUST TRUST the man completely and love him more than anyone in the world. Even then, it can be scary and spankings really do hurt. That being said, I wouldn't go back to a non DD marriage.
Good luck to you.

sub leaf said...

Sometimes it is helpfull for reading others opinions who disagree with this life style choice because it makes us think of all the aspects which we find working for us.
I do not have to clarify that my hubby and me for various reasons find this makes us love each other more in our marriage .
i am glad Clint you choose to allow this post which disagreed with your veiws to be posted on your site for this reason.
correction spankings do hurt alot but if the lesson is learned then there is no reason to repeat them so in actual fact the wife or partner is choosing the frequency of them by not being obedient or by not trying their best not the HOH .
I have been married quite some time since my teens to my hubby and i can say i love him more because he is taking this on this real responsibility to help make me the person i wish to be .
In doing this i find i am respecting him as a man willing to do what needs to be done to make our marriage work.

Clint said...

@Anonymous (August 2nd 3:49 AM) - Well, if you find a man that doesn't practice DD, you can always pitch the idea when the relationship is established and healthy if it's something you truly want. I wish you the best of luck in your search.

@Anonymous (August 2nd 7:51 AM) - I agree it's a difficult lifestyle to maintain, but the rewards are very much worth it. Thanks for chiming in and offering your thoughts.

@sub leaf - I don't mind posting comments that disagree with me, or that disagree with the lifestyle, so long as they're free of profanity, obscenity and insults to my readers. I don't care if people insult me since I generally find it funny, but insulting my readers is not something I allow through moderation.

It's only fair to see/hear the other side of the argument sometimes. Often times it sparks a healthy, constructive discussion as long as everyone can express themselves respectfully.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and your story. I appreciate you taking the time to do so.

All the best to you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Clint, i have a question for how long should an intermediate-advance spanking hurt?
I got a harsh spanking for disobedience (match making), my HoH used the belt and cane. It has been 24hrs and my bottom is still miserable.... today after spending all day sitting at work i just wanted to cry. I am just so sore.... not saying to look for simpathy, he did confort me and i felt a sleep crying in his arms; i just wonder if this is something i should tell him, he is out of town.
Thanks
-hisAzis

Cat said...

@hisAzis 21.Aug.12 7:18p - IMHO, he got carried away. Yes you should tell him, not to make him feel bad but so that he will know.

Blessings,
Cat

Anonymous said...

Hi Clint,
What would you recommend for my wife and I who have been in a DD relationship for 7 years? Last night for the first time, my wife got so upset, she walked out and didn't come home for a few hours. It was about 11 pm until she returned. Apparently, she had gone to the movies alone because I didn't want to go. She has been wanting to watch this movie for about a week now but I have extremely busy. I explained that we would once things lightened up. Little did she know that things actually lightened up today and we could have gone tonight. Anyways, so she started acting up and being a little sassy. She made little comments here and there which I would explain to her again why we can't...and then she continued again but I ignored them thinking that if she kept on and on, she would get punished (I was being patient). So last night she slammed the door and left without telling me where she was going. Believe me I was worried. When she got home, believe me I was very upset but relieved. She knows she is in BIG TROUBLE. I just haven't ever had to deal with something like this. Whenever she breaks a rule, we have a set punishment and it's done. For this I am not sure but am considering groudned for 1 week for leaving, corner time for the sassiness, and an intermediate spanking. However, I want to make sure she never does this again. Can you give me some insights and suggestions? Thanks

Anonymous said...

Clint I meant 2 years, not 7... Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Hi Clint,
I haven't given my wife any punishment yet; I would like to wait for our response and suggestions first; I don't want to let up so am trying to stay strong.
thanks

Clint said...

@hisAzis - Typically an intermediate spanking carries pain/discomfort for 6-8 hours or so but, as always, that varies with every woman. A full 24 hours of discomfort isn't typical.

With that said, if he used the cane excessively when spanking you, that will certainly intensify and prolong the pain of the spanking. Also, if you were sitting on your bottom all day at work, that will delay the healing process somewhat. Still, it shouldn't take a full 24 hours (or longer) to recover from an intermediate level spanking.

I would definitely give him feedback about the spanking, but it's very important to do so respectfully, and with genuine intent to improve your DD practices. Your husband should listen to any and all of your concerns when it pertains to how DD is practiced in your marriage. He should take it as constructive criticism, and make the necessary adjustments to ensure your health and safety.

I hope you feel better soon. Good luck to you.

@Anonymous (August 21st 9:04 PM) - I think what you have in mind is pretty fair in terms of punishments fitting the "crimes", but I do have one minor tweak that you may want to consider. Here are my thoughts on the situation:

For slamming the door and leaving without informing you of her intentions, I would definitely spank. An intermediate level spanking would likely help, but with two years of experience in the DD lifestyle, and with you clearly stating you "want to make sure she never does this again", I would consider an advanced level spanking. If you're not comfortable with that I DEFINITELY understand. I don't want to push you to do something you're not comfortable doing, but I would at least think about doing an advanced level. I assure you an advanced level spanking would ensure this does not happen again anytime soon.

Given the spanking, I would recommend NOT doing the grounding punishment. This is where my "tweak" to your initial punishment thoughts comes in. The spanking would be for her leaving, so the grounding punishment would be piling on for that offense so to speak. Since you already spanked for it, the grounding on top of it really isn't necessary, or fair to her.

For the sassiness, it depends on the extent of it. If she was incredibly disrespectful (cursing, name calling, etc.), I would recommend spanking for that (the following day from the first spanking). If it was just a little attitude and stubbornness, I would recommend something less severe (like writing lines, or an apology letter, etc.).

That would cover all the bases of the problem, from what I see and understand. Please remember this is just my opinion and in the end the decision on these punishments is yours to make.

I hope this helps you out. Best of luck in getting past this issue in your marriage.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

I have a problem as a wife with DD (and it's not what you think!!) I have a chronic cyst caused by MRSA and have had several surgeries. Some aeas are so nerve-damaged the slightest tap or sitting position causes immense agony, other areas are so damaged there is no feeling at all. We dont know what to do with this or what we could maybe substitute, if anything? This is vital, corner time does nothing, I have always been hot-headed and willful. The only discipline that works is spanking. Any suggestions? Thanks. Mrs. Doe

Cat said...

@Mrs. Doe - This is probably not what you want to hear, but I would strongly suggest you consult a doctor. I'm sure neither you nor your husband want to cause further damage. Have you considered removing privileges, grounding, etc.? The only other thing I could safely suggest is that he give any lectures very firmly with you in the OTK position. Maybe the position and a strong and longer lecture would put you in the same frame of mind. Please be careful and consult a doctor.

Good luck to you in your journey.
Cat

Anonymous said...

hey clint, i am away sometimes for work can be upto 2 weeks and my life partner thinks the rules of our house hold dont apply when im not there, she breaks almost every rule, ive tried to punish her when im away, and i spank her when i get home and she tells me she is sorry but nothing seams to work she keeps on breaking the rules when im away, have you got any advice, that can help me?

Anonymous said...

as A Husband and HoH, I really prefer that my wife remain as silent as possible during spankings. I feel as if this teachers her to have better self control over her actions. Lately, she has been increasingly vocal and yelling during spankings. I increase the spankings and insist that she be silent until I have finished. I also have been reading your blog a lot and am curious if other couples have a "no talking policy". What are some suggestions to correct this behavior?

Clint said...

@Anonymous (October 30th 6:56 PM) - The problem you have has more to do with her lack of respect for you, the lifestyle, and the rules of your home/marriage than anything else. I think her lack of respect is the root of the problem you're having. You could punish for each individual infraction until the cows come home, but if she doesn't respect you or the rules while you're away, you aren't going to get very far when it comes to correcting the problem.

You need to find out why she is choosing not to respect you, the lifestyle, or the rules of the marriage. Does she even want a DD marriage? Are the punishments too light, thus giving her no reason to fear them (and behave appropriately)? Are you inconsistently enforcing the rules? Something is triggering this behavior in her while you are away, and it's important you identify what that is and then address THAT problem.

One suggestion I have for you that I think would really help is boot camp. Boot camp has a lot of communication exercises that would really benefit you two, I feel. Those exercises would give you both a chance to discuss the expectations you have for one another in your DD marriage, and give you the opportunity to let her know what you expect from her when you're away.

Also one last suggestion - you must enforce the rules consistently when you're home if you're not currently doing so. Inconsistently enforcing rules can lead to problems similar to the one you're having. So if you're being inconsistent, you know what you need to do to change that. Consistency will really help.

I hope this helps you out. Best of luck to you.

@Anonymous (October 31st 7:41 PM) - If you want a behavior corrected, you're going to need to punish for it in some fashion.

For example, once she begins getting vocal during the spanking, you can use a more intense implement for a few strikes, letting her know you're doing so because she's being overly vocal. Then, once finished with those few strikes with the more intense implement, you go back to spanking as you were prior and finish up the spanking. This would separate the two offenses and help to get the vocalizing to a tolerable level.

This, or something similar, is what I recommend you do. I would also reinforce her when she is quiet. "Thank you for handing the spanking so well, sweetheart. I appreciate you keeping as quiet as possible." Saying something like that can really help as well.

Best of luck to you in addressing this issue. All the best.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Hello Clint,

This is mu first comment on your blog. And I am hoping you wont mind.

I am not in a relationship but I am a psychotherapist with a client who is in a DD marriage. She recommended this blog for me to investigate the lifestyle. I had not even heard DD before meeting her.

My client suffers from cronic anxiety. I had concluded DD is playing a part in this anxiety but she insists it is not . She hates being spanked but is willing to submit because her husband wishes it. She is adament she recieves all the benifits mentioned in this blog. But when I read the severity of the spankings suggested I find myself quaking at the very thought. And I think it is not surprising she is as she is. Now, I admit that never having been spanked in my own life I have no terms of reference here. I am somewhat torn. I will not condemn her lifestyle. It is not my place to do so whatever I may be tempted to think. To condemn is not the role of a theripist. The decision to give it up is her's and her husband's not mine. However, intending no disrespect, I wonder if a little modification might be in order. Something like a post directed at young men, her husband is 23. Extoling moderation, for example. Is a period of 2-4 or even 6 months sufficient experience for a fit, strong young man to come to grips with the finer points of spanking? Will he have the maturity to exercise such a discipline? Perhaps but I would doubt it in most case. If a man is going to spank his wife or partner he needs a well developed sensativity to her physical and emotional needs. And how easy is it for anyone, let alone a young person to seperate what is best for his wife from what is simply his own flawed desires, wants, needs and, dare I say it, macho inclinations? This takes a high level of maturity. Now, we all need to grow and develop. And experience gives us that, we hope. But I am not convinced the place for a young man to grow into that level of maturity is severly spanking a young woman's bottom.

I know you have touched on these and many more issues but I would like to see you do so specifically for younger couples. I think my catchphrase might be 'moderation in all things'.

On another matter, a question which teases me a little concerns single women. If married women and those in relationships need regular or even frequent physical correction what about those who do not have a man to do this for them? Just a thought.

Many thanks.

Helen

 
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