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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Punishing When Intentions Are Good

  When one thinks of a punishment situation, it's natural to have thoughts that suggest the punishment is a direct result of an unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental action or behavior.  Chances are that the action or behavior which lead to the punishment had negative intentions behind it, or was not well planned out, or was not well thought out. 

But what if the intentions behind the action or behavior were good?

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14 comments:

bluntly said...

Hi Clint:),

I think you mentioned a fundamental question: What is the reason for the punishment? I think it is easy to jugde external behavior and to punish such external misbehavior. Her external visible misbehavior is embarrassing for spanker and spankee. But spankings are not comparable to training of animals. I think the bad intention and not the visible action is most punishable. Before a punishment is executed it is to clarify which intention underlay visible misdeed. It is necessary that spanker and spankee confidde in eachother completely and that "offender" discloses intention truthful. I think it would have counter-productive effects if a good intention is finally punished. That is not supposed to happen.

Michael

Anonymous said...

How does one post anonymously on the new site?

Clint said...

@Anonymous (December 23 7:08 PM) - One should be able to comment without entering anything into the fields it asks for. None of those fields are required. If you're unable to do so, let me or my wife know and we'll fix the coding.

Thank you.

-- Clint

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much! I am currently still too shy about this to put myself out there. Still trying to figure out how to present this to my husband even after reading article after article about that very subject - lol! I'd be very curious to hear from older couples (say...over 45?) who started DD after many years of marriage. Ah well, I digress. I will give it a try on the new site. A very merry Christmas to you and your family.

bluntly said...

@Anonymous: It is great that you think about possibilities of change of your marriage for the better. I hope you will find moving words at the right moment so that your spouse will get a clue that you would like to try hard to apply all your energies to the success of your marriage even if you have to expect a sore bottom. Actually all the wives who live for the day have a reason to feel ashamed of themselves. Blessed Christams to you too and all the best for coming year. Good luck! Chris

Anonymous said...

Thank you Chris. Life is so complicated...sigh...

Anonymous said...

Bluntly,
Are you serious? Wives live for the day to feel ashamed. IMO, marriage is to make your spouse feel better about themselves not to make someone feel less, ashamed and unworthy.

bluntly said...

@Anonymous (12/25 4:15PM) I am a man. Probably I have not understand the whole mental being and way of thinking of my wife. Whenever I talk with my wife about the need of punish she does not make clear that she lives for the day to feel ashamed. Not at all. She knows that she is weak and that she needs to be under guidance. We tried a lot of alternatives. We both know for sure that spankings work most effective. I really appreciate my wife that she is willing to accept pain for the purpose of strengthening our marriage. That is great.

Anonymous said...

I believe I've asked about this before but it was never posted....
My grilfriend tends to scold me or smack my butt (in public) when she thinks I've done something wrong. Now, I have no problem with being part of a domestic discipline relationship, but we are both relatively young. Additionally, I have a problem with discipline being carried out in public. How should I bring this up?

Es May said...

My situation was different this week, but was in the same theory here, and definitely needed to be dealt with. I am the driver in our house. Mostly because my husband is uncomfortable driving at high speeds. I always keep the speed within the limits he wants me to, but the other night he wanted to get somewhere as early as possible. When I had the chance to speed, I did so, without him really realizing how fast I was going. I admitted it to him later how much I'd been speeding. I did it to help him, but I did it by breaking a rule. I see how I need the punishment, and how I clearly made the choice to do so. I am glad I got my husband to where he wanted to be in the time he wished to be there, but in his hope, he never once suggested I speed. That was all me. I broke a rule, I need to be able to handle the consequences associated with it. I am glad I helped him, I am sorry I disappointed him in how I went about doing it.

Anonymous said...

I am writing under my husbands name....with his permission. He has a rule that cannot open the car door in his presence, this includes when he drops me off at work. There has been several times when he has said go ahead and go, this means I can open the door and get out and go. This is the #1 rule I break and #1 thing I get punished for (wince), but I never get punished when he gives me permission. I think that he knows real life must give way.

bluntly said...

@ Es May: First of all I am glad that you have arrived at your destination safely. But of course you are right. You need the punish because you have placed you both and other road users in danger. Maybe your intention was a good one but you have really impinged prohibitive rules which preserve your spouse from harm. To my mind that is totally different to Clint´s leading question. Do you agree? Good luck!

treble said...

I'm in my 60's as is my husband. Domestic Discipline has been in our relationship for almost two years. I made the decision when we first started going together that I needed DD in our lives as I'm a 60's "free spirit". As such, my husband has my permission to discipline me as he sees fit.

Es May said...

Bluntly, Thank you. Yes, I guess it is different. And yes, I did put my husband in harm. At the time, I was only wishing to get him to where he wanted to be in time and so thought only on that, but looking back, I should have thought about safety as well. That is now DEFINITELY on my mind for the futute. :)

 
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