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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The LDD Relationship Building Workshop: Communication


We discuss the importance of communication in a domestic discipline relationship and offer ways to improve in that area.  You can read this article on our new website by clicking here.

17 comments:

Christina said...

Awesome article! I find that when Jim isn't "hearing" me, the best way to get his attention and direct his focus, is to sit on his lap and take his face in my hands and say, "I need you to listen to me." or "I need to talk to you". That works for us... lol.

My advice to anyone who is having difficulties in communicating is to phrase the sentences with "I statements" so it tells what I need vs what you are not doing for me. So instead of saying, "You aren't doing this for me", you say, "I need XX from you."

My two cents for what its worth :-)

Anonymous said...

This looks excatly like the post from another blog a few days ago.

Becky said...

This is a very thorough post Clint. I know that sometimes I am stubborn in receiving constructive criticism. I like the Options you suggested. Thank you for taking the time to do such a nice job.

Christina said...

Anon Nov 14 10.21 AM - It could also be said that the "other blog" looks like a direct copy of Clint's entire blog, just with the terminology being changed! Many bloggers write posts on their own take of the same issues, there isn't anything wrong with it. I've written blog posts on issues that Clint has or other bloggers have as well, just with my own perspective. Instead of attempting to divide the DD community, could we not try to get along with one another and just be supportive? We all face the same issues and could use eachother's friendship and support!

Cat said...

Excellent post Clint! Communication cannot be stressed enough. So many misunderstandings, in and out of marriage, could be avoided if people really listened to what was being said.

Good advice Christina - like your two cents! :)

Blessings,
Cat

Clint said...

@Anonymous (November 14th 10:21 AM) - I debated whether or not to publish your comment, since I know who you are (posting anonymously is kind of silly at this point, don't you think?) but I decided to publish it because I think it's time the response be seen by everyone.

I didn't realize, until your comment, that your blog had a post about the same topic. A topic that is SO important in DD that I can literally find you dozens of different blogs that discuss it. In fact, my blog (prior to yours, since timing is an issue you care about) has several communication articles (see the bottom of the post today for some of them) that were published prior to yours.

I created this post today as part of a series (The LDD Marriage Building Workshop) of posts that I plan on writing. Communication is the first one since I feel it's the most important. This can be illustrated by the numerous other blogs I've written on this topic, and the amount of advice relating to communication that I have given out in the past.

Yes, my post covers the same topic as yours. However, yours also looks like an About.com article that has been brought to my attention. I know you know which one I'm referring to, but others may not, so here it is:

http://stress.about.com/od/relationships/ht/healthycomm.htm

While the topic of communication may not be an original one, at least the ideas, words, advice, and recommendations on my blog are my own.

The bottom line is communication is a very important topic in DD. I think that's something you and I can agree on. I think it doesn't hurt to have multiple blog entries about it, and the DD community in general has multiple topics on communication. Like the topics of inconsistency, trust, honesty, and more - it's important.

The timing of my article being up a few days after yours is coincidental. I'm hoping the timing of MULTIPLE articles you have (with literally the exact same concepts as my blog) being up weeks after mine is coincidental as well.

This situation is unfortunate, and needs to stop. The anonymous comments you leave posing as a few other people (it has even been brought to my attention that you're leaving them on your OWN blog) is not getting us anywhere. I would love to find a way to resolve the issues that you clearly want to discuss with my wife and I, but haven't yet found the appropriate way to communicate them. My email is learningLDD@gmail.com and my wife and I would truly love to find a way to bridge this gap in the community that has been created, as well as solve the differences that we may have. Domestic discipline is something that should bring everyone together, and I hope that you can agree with me on that. It is now your choice to take my wife and I up on our offer to resolve whatever issues you have with us.

Thanks for your comment, and I wish you nothing but the best in all that you do.

-- Clint

Queenie said...

Lots of great information here Clint. Thanks!

My Love's beautiful lady said...

What a great post! I love the practical applications that you have given. As a couple just starting all the links are also going to be very helpful

Becky said...

Thank you Christina. Very well said.

Dana said...

Clint,

Thanks for taking the time to compile all the information in one place. Makes it very easy. This is a timely piece as The Man and I are struggling with this very thing in certain areas. Lots of good advice and common sense. As always, well done. Dana

Callie said...

Clint..... Ever thought of posting about Grace? You clearly know a lot about it :D

Toni said...

Thank you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Great post and lots of good info thanks Clint! I love your two cents too Christina, I think my husband took your advice when he said to me yesterday " I need some attention" I tend to get caught up in what we call " mom mode" this time I listened and made time for him too. Deana

Elle said...

I agree with Callie. Someone attacks you (maybe attack is not the correct word, but anyway) you always answer eloquently and in a graceful manner. It is honorable :)

Love this blog entry too. :)

Clint said...

@Christina - Very sound advice, thank you for sharing it. I'm glad you enjoyed the post.

@Anonymous (November 14th 10:21 AM) - Still awaiting your response to my previous reply to you.

@Becky - Thank you kindly, Becky. It took a long time to write this one, but that's alright. It's an extremely important topic and one couples seem to regularly struggle with from time to time. I'm glad you enjoyed the post. Thanks for reading.

@Cat - Thank you, Cat. I agree with everything you said in your comment. Well said.

@Queenie - Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

@My Love's beautiful lady - I appreciate your kind words. Hopefully the information in the post is helpful to a few couples out there. Thanks for reading!

@Dana - Sorry to hear you're struggling a bit in this area. I know a lot of couples are in the same boat. I certainly hope the information in the post helps clear up any communication issues you're currently dealing with. Keep us posted, and good luck. :)

@Callie - You know, I never have considered writing about Grace. Perhaps I should. A lot of people may benefit from it. I'll keep that in mind, thank you.

@Toni - You're most welcome. Thanks for reading.

@Deana - Sometimes making a little time for your spouse is all that is needed to get things back on track and healthy again. I hope that was/is the case with you and your husband. It's always nice to have your spouse's full attention at times.

I'm glad you enjoyed the post. All the best.

@Elle - Thank you, Elle. I tend to be a problem solver rather than a problem contributor. Just doing my duty as an HoH to the best of my ability. My faith plays a huge role in it as well (Matthew 5:44).

Thanks so much for reading the post. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

All the best to each of you.

-- Clint

Kay said...

Sorry I'm commenting so late Clint, I'm trying to stay out of trouble, which means I have to get things done and can't read blogs as often. Awesome job covering an important topic, though! And awesome job showing how to handle Blogland conflict. Matthew 5:44 is a great principle. I hope said person takes you up on your offer if they haven't already, we have too many divisions in this community that shouldn't be there. Well done taking that first step, that's truly faith in action :)

Anonymous said...

So Clint what do you do when you had just begun practicing DD, your spouse gets really sick ( lots of tests , the C word thrown around, everything turns out fine, but he is still sick) through most of it all you stop practicing the discipline part of it, but are really close, totally supportive, then suddenly he shuts you out? He won't talk to you. You know he is depressed but every time you try to discuss it you are shot down. I am about to lose it. Do you have any suggestions?

 
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