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Posted in: Consent
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11 years ago
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Withdrawing Consent
Posted in: Consent
Posted in: Consent
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37 comments:
Very good post, Clint! But then I don't think you've written any that haven't been very good! :-)
Awesome post Clint! I think this should be "required reading" for anyone considering DD. :) May I suggest adding this to "LDD Intersection"?
Blessings,
Cat
Good Deal on the post. It's very thought provoking in what happens AFTER you make the decision to withdraw consent. I know in times of stress and fear when we have considered stopping it has induced great panic because it felt like the rug was being jerked out from under me. When he realized how much anxiety it caused me, we've not had that discussion again.
Love your blog...been creeping for a while now. Thank you for your insights. Great summary of the dangers of ending the DD lifestyle. We've only been doing this for a very short time (3 wks), but have already started seeing some of the amazing benefits of it. We've also experienced some of the difficulties, but the benefits so far outweigh the difficulties.
Dear Clint, I am very sorry for imposing but I was wondering if you could find the time to offer some of your wonderful advice?
My husband and I have been thinking and discussing the possibility of leading a DD life for over 4 months now, as we realized our relationship needs some working at and new solutions to allow us to blossom together again. After I was the one to suggest and persuade my husband to even consider DD it has been puzzling me as to why I'm still so hesitant towards the idea, until I read this post. The problem is I find the prospect of giving full consent and committing my life to DD for the foreseeable future without a real idea of what it takes and I fear that one of us doesn't find it helpful and doesn't want to continue ,while the other finds it working and has become invested. Would you recommend we set a trail period to stick to and if so what would be an appropriate length of time be to allow us to come to terms and decide if the lifestyle is for us?
I would be grateful for your input, Thank you.
A*
This was a really interesting read Clint. I have spoken to many who do the on again off again thing. I can see how destructive it can be to a marriage.
If I though that was an option to stop and start as I felt like it, I would be feeling very controlling..... And therefor the direction of our relationship would be in the wrong hands.
Thanks for the post Clint! I'm glad you pointed out that it could be either spouse who keeps withdrawing consent and that the damaging effects still occur. In my situation, it's my husband who keeps going back and forth and it really does take an emotional toll on the other spouse. Currently we're supposedly giving it another try, his idea, but like before I still doubt his commitment to the lifestyle. I keep my fingers crossed that this time he will see how good this could be for our marriage before he gives up again, but I will definitely send him to this post so that maybe he can start to understand what the on again off again behavior does to trust.
Terri
Clint, I agree with your 4, but maybe add one: In times of illness, that causes the HOH to not think in a clear or responsible way for a period of time, or doesn't have the energy, or needs guidance and cared for himself. It may be something temporary or permanent. (Such as depression, return to substance abuse, or severe debilitating illness or some types of mental illnesses)
How do you know if its the right choice or not? I want to be for sure before choosing. Im the type of person that doesnt give up on anything. In my marriage my husband works full time and the rest of the responsibities are fully mine. This includes everything outside of making a paycheck.Im a stay at home mom I take care of the kids, my husband, household chores, bills, animals, etc. The problem is when things go wrong its my fault and up to me to fix. My husband doesnt want to have to deal with any of it he says"deal with it" "fix it" "figure something out", I dont want to hear about it" Over the summer I got behind with our bills then the unthinkable happened our gas got shut off thankfully it was summer and we didnt need heat the problem was no hot water for my husband it didnt affect him because he showers at work for me it was horrible I felt like I failed I had to explain it to my kids, my husband just blamed me, yelled, said really mean things, I felt like I was being kicked while I was down I knew I had to make sure I learned from this an not to ever let it happen again. I went to my husband and asked him to spank me , he did the problem was I didnt get anything out of it and he got enjoyment. So I decided on what I call self discipline I decided to take away something I enjoyed most which for me is coffee thats my only me time enjoying coffee in the mornings I did that for one month I also drove my kids to their grammas everyday for a hot shower but I wouldnt allow myself to instead I forced myself to take a freezing coled shower at home until the gas was turned back on. I realised then what it means to have wipe the slate clean I dont think I've ever cried and prayed so much then I did when I was standing under that freezing cold water.Thats when I came across your blog.I know I would benefit from dd I dont know if my husband is capable. Thank you~ Deana
For some reason this post made me kind of feeling like crying. Not that we are considering withrawing consent. DD really is good for us. I don't think people always understand that DD isn't a game or a phase. It is a change in lifestyle that effects everything. It also takes time and a lot of communication. There will be mistakes made and there will be some disagreements. But I so agree with you about the seriousness of quitting and I hope that people also look at DD seriously before starting. Thanks for s really good post.
Clint, sorry for a second comment. See I don't comment forever and then you get two from me. Lol
Actually it is a question. When I or another wife have given my nonconsential consent does this also apply to new rules and new implements. I can understand the rules part if they are really for the betterment of marriage or myself but what if the rule seems selfish. For example, like the Hoh has decided that he is going to be in charge of what his wife wears and she must wear what he chooses. And I am not talking about something where the wife dresses in a provocative manner and he wants her to cover up more skin. More like, she wants to wear this pantsuit to work but he ecies that she should wear a different outfit that he likes. He bought it and he wants her to wear it. Silly rules like that should be able to be discussed, shouldn't they? Or can a wife have a say about a rule that she has a hard time following,for example he wants dinner ready every night at six o'clock but the kids have soccer practice from five to six thirty. Does she have the right to negotiate his rule?
Also imiplements. Can a wife have a say about what he buys and uses. Can a wife say, no way are you ever using that implement on me? I don't see why a husband has to keep purchasing implements that cause more pain just because he is having a hard time getting his wife to comply. My husband knows exactly where my line is drawn and he respects that. And if the spanking that has given isn't doing the job, it would seem that maybe I am not submitting and we have another problem besides needing to hurt my bottom more. Where do you stand on this?
Thanks
Great post, as always! This may silly, but I think if Tim or I were to "withdraw" consent, than our marriage would be in serious trouble. We have lived and thrived on DD for the entire duration of our marriage.
Becky
Deana,
I have waited a couple of days before responding to your post. I would encourage you to research a DD relationship, the roles within it and why they are the way they are. Being the Head of the Household comes with much responsibility. The point is that he is the leader of the family, the caretaker, the protector, and he holds himself to a higher standard of behavior and accountability. Now, I am only seeing your side, and there is always 2 sides to a pancake so to speak.
However, for example, this relationship is MUTUAL. You both decide that it is what is best and you BOTH decide together what the guidelines (what implements can be used, that sort of thing).
Take for example, the gas situation you have there. If it is obvious that you struggle with money and budgets and finances, as the HOH, and the good of the family, he would take over the finances. If budgeting is the issue, you both agree on a budget, you would be expected to stay within that budget, and consequences there of would occur. However, as the HOH, his family should never do without hot water because of a mistake, misuse (put whatever word you will here) by his wife. Especially since it appears his family is the only one suffering here has he showers elsewhere. That is not being a protector or caretaker of the family.
In my humble opinion, based on what you have disclosed here, you see the need for discipline and accountability (ie self imposed discipline) but for whatever reason, your relationship with your husband does not have the basis of trust and foundation for him to be the leader. There is more to being the Boss than being bossy...
If you are truly interested and desire this relationship, then I think ALOT of communication needs to happen in your marriage and I suspect counseling to define roles, commitment, and what loving leading and trusted following looks like and behaviors that foster those kinds of roles.
Dana
(sorry for the long post Clint...)
When it comes to consent and over the long term is dd practical? Can it stand the test of time? We are new to dd and both very committed to it but from doing my research I have found many abandon the dynamic over time. I have been trying to find accounts from people who have been in this type of relationship for the long term 10+ years and have been unable to do so. Maybe I am not looking in the right places but this topic isn't the easiest to find safely online. One well known long term blogger just recently withdrew her own consent after 7 years and while I know her reasons are her own, being new to this I do have some concerns about if its truely maintainable. Anyone have any thoughts on this? I am very happy with adding DD to our marriage but now am almost fearful of if its possible to go the distance. Any long termers out there??
Anon, my husband and I have been using DD as part of our marriage for 23 years so far - right from the very beginning. I've never felt the need to withdraw my consent, although I did once withdraw my consent to just spankings for a specific reason which was ultimately resolved. To be honest, DD is so ingrained into our relationship that I don't know how either of us would function or feel secure without it. So definitely, it can go the distance, but like any long-term committed relationship needs constant "work" to keep it healthy. Good luck to you!
My husband and I have been practicing dd for almost 30 years, except we did not know what it was called! We just decided to embrace that sort of lifestyle on our own. We have certainly have had our ups and downs during the last 30 years. Three years ago, unfortunately, he did something that hurt me very deeply. I withdrew from him almost totally and, although deciding to stay in our marriage (for various reasons) dd was practically nonexistant. I did not know how to respect him any longer.
Throughout the last three years, we have slowly but surely made our way back to each other. I started to forgive him for the things he has done throughout the years, and decided to give dd another chance. DD did not need another chance, it was in reality us who did.
Several months ago, we began to incorporate dd back into our lives. I never thought it would be possible to get back to where we are now. I love him so much. Not many people after 30 years can say that - especially when we have been through so much.
DD saved our marriage - or rather made our marriage a true marriage again.
My husband & I have been practicing some version of DD for just over 18 years now, through college graduation & new careers & children & on. We are stronger & more in love every day. It can definitely work in the long run.
But the more important point I’d bring to the table is, any marriage needs a framework for communication, for understanding each other’s expectations, commitments & limits. That framework needs to be thoughtfully established, because when you need it most (i.e. in emotionally charged moments) is when you are least able to form it or implement it. My honest reflection is that this framework is the hard part of any marriage and if not established firmly or, worse, at all, then the marriage will struggle.
DD helps build that framework, and my personal experience is that it has made dealing with those emotionally charged moments easier than if we didn’t have DD in place. All marriages will, at some point, face dire circumstances due to the behavior or choices of one or both spouses. These are really hard moments, made harder if you don’t have a roadmap out of them. Our experience is that DD provides that roadmap, and allows the resolution to be at least somewhat more objective than it would have otherwise been, and reminds us that we share common goals even if it doesn't feel like it at the time. It also allows for the resolution and release of negative feelings – guilt, loss, anger, jealousy, what have you – in a way that no other framework I know of does. Tabula Rosa.
good luck to you,
kira
Thank you Dana for your comment and great advice. Your words have helped me to realise that even though my husband acts like he's HoH I am the one who takes on the role and responsibilits.I have always felt so privelaged and appreciate being a stay at home mom that I believed it was my job to do everything because he works outside of the home. I shared the gas story because that was how I came across Clints blog and learned of DD during my last freezing cold shower I prayed to God for guidance that night I came across this blog never before ever hearing of DD I believe everything happens for a reason. Even if I dont have a DD marraige I am very thankful to have found Clints blog and have learned about DD. I have also learned it's not the quanity of years your married it's the quality time you put into your marriage. Again thank you so much Dana~ Deana
Great post, Clint. While DD can be uncomfortable or challenging at times, it has a remarkable way of simplifying many of the complexities of modern marriage. If it is woven in with our marriage roles, it becomes part of the way we communicate within the marriage. An yes, as hard as it can be to understand, DD can enrich a marriage and help both partners realize their potential within the marriage.
Hey Clint,
My husband and I have been practicing DD for about 10 months. He is very consistant with the maintenances and punish when he feels the need, even though I feel he is rather lenient. But my husband also has a drinking problem. He drinks behind my back, lies about it and spends the whole day sleeping off a hangover. When he is sober I confront him and he admitts it. This is a huge problem for us and has been for some time now but he refuses to seek help. He can get violent but he never hits me or abuses me. However, I feel our marriage has a big void. Because of his drinking, I feel very unhappy and alone. I'm also angry and frustrated having to deal with it. But like I said, he refuses to seek help. I am often alone while he nurses a hangover, such as having dinner alone and spending the whole day alone and then having to deal with his violent behavior of hitting things and throwing things. Even though he is consistant with doing maintenance spankings and punishes if he feels the need to, I feel like, how can I give him control of my life when he can't control his own life? Would withdrawing my consent to practice DD cause greater harm? Or should I leave my consent even though because of his drinking I am very unhappy and lonlely?
Last night I received my first spanking. My husband had set a very specific rule about my eating habits as I tend to make very self destructive choices. The consequence of a spanking had been enough to keeps me from trying it since starting dd, but last night I didn't care. when he came home, I felt horrible because he was being super sweet and caring for me. Then he asked and I had to tell him. He looked At me sadly, told me "you know what I have to do" then cleared his l and ordered me gently to "come here" then he pulled down my sweatpants and spanked me. It wasn't long or incredibly hard, but certainly enough to get my attention. The only thing is after, he did not hold or comfort me for a half hour. Instead, he stayed in the room so I wouldn't feel along, but gave me 30 min reflection time before gently lecturing and comforting. I cried, but not bc of the spanking. I cried because I felt ashamed and sad for letting him down. Then after when he lectured, he told me how much I am valued and how I am his priority then the waterworks came. My husband did not want to do dd, but has agreed because he feels it will help me. I have to say he handled our first time very well. I did find as he was telling me to get otk, I had a momentary fear of what I was getting myself into. It took a ton of trust to put myself into such a vulnerable position, but before I bent over, I told him I loved him and I felt a strong level of trust. And it was ok.
Hi Clint. This isn't really about withdrawing consent but since you've said before that it doesn't matter to you which post the comment is on, I'm going to leave it here. I'm wondering about a situation that has happened more than once between us. If we have a fight and my wife doesn't talk to me for days and gives me the cold shoulder, do you think that's a reason to punish/spank/or use some other form of discipline? We're new to dd and have been using it for about 6 weeks. In the past this pattern would happen and its draining for both of us but becomes a power struggle. I want to see a change in how we handle this and would appreciate some advice. What would you do in this situation? First time i've commented so hope this is okay. Love your blog and hope you continue to keep it going. Thank you, Mark.
Well what a great post.
We had boot camp and my husband just could not do it. He felt it was wrong and more like a game and we had a terrible fight actually during the bootcamp.
So he decided that bootcamp and DD in generel was not him and he withdraw his concept.
i think he liked it when it was functioned but everything things gets a little hard he gives up.
We have a talk and he said now again that he wants it but never never bootcamp. But I am so scarede of loosing this stability in life again. I was so hape felt so secure and he was doing a greast job and I loved him even more but now I have lost al respect for him again. I get unsecure and can not take this on/off . And again I can not live without it. I need a man to be in charge. So what can I do to make it function? I know what he can do but he feels it like I Am critisising him.He hates it when I ask him so read a post. feels it like I am compairing him to another man and tis is not what I am doing just trying to help.
Well I am all confused again. Thought this was the key to a happ marriage and so it seemed and instead it ended like a total disaster. And I do ffel sorry fo my husband because i know he really wanted it to be good but he felt he could not and gave up. Maybe Ia am too strong for him I do not know. I just want us to be happy
Ulrikke
@Christina - Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.
@Cat - Thank you! It's been added to the LDD Intersection. :)
@Dana - Disrupting a dynamic in a marriage, particularly one that has proven to be a beneficial one, would make a lot of people uneasy. I certainly understand that. I'm happy to hear things are back on track for you two. Keep going strong. You know it's worth it. :)
@My Love's beautiful lady - I'm glad you enjoy the blog and I certainly appreciate your support. Welcome to the DD lifestyle! I agree the benefits far outweigh the cons when living this way, and I'm happy to hear that your seeing those benefits after only practicing DD for a short while. I hope the lifestyle brings you many years of happiness together with the one you love. Best of luck to you both.
@A* - You aren't imposing at all and I'm happy to offer my thoughts on your situation. That's what the blog is for, and what I'm here for.
Any couple that begins with DD in their marriage isn't going to fix everything within a very short time frame (like two weeks or something, for example). In the beginning, it IS difficult to wholeheartedly commit to living this way, and it's difficult to address all issues/problems your marriage may be having within a short time frame as well. The point, when first starting out, is to familiarize yourselves with the lifestyle, and work on improving behaviors/problems one behavior/problem at a time. With all of this said, I do feel it would benefit your marriage to give DD a try, even if one (or both) of you is reluctant to do it. Most of us were reluctant at first. It's a normal feeling. Completely changing how your marriage operates is a scary proposition, but that's where the trust comes in. If you trust your husband to make decisions and trust his judgment, then you have to give him the opportunity to lead the family. It may take weeks, months, even years to COMPLETELY "submit" to him, but if you work together and grow together in the lifestyle, it can be done.
I would recommend you practice for at least three full months, with genuine commitment to the lifestyle, before you determine if living this way is right for your marriage long term. That gives you enough time to "fix" some behaviors/problems, get comfortable with the lifestyle, and experience a number of challenges the lifestyle brings. Then, after those 3 months, re-evaluate your marriage and domestic discipline to determine if you BOTH want this a part of your marriage for many years to come.
I hope this helps, and I wish you the very best of luck with getting started. Just remember this isn't going to kill you, it isn't going to hurt anything to give it a try, and you can always stop at any time if you feel it just isn't for you and your spouse. There's no pressure in those regards. Just commit to it for three months. That's it. You'll be happy you did. Then decide what you want to do long term after those three months.
@Callie - Very well said. You "get it." That just isn't how DD works. Thank you for your comment.
@Terri - Going back and forth certainly stunts the potential growth of your marriage. Perhaps it would be a good idea to voice your concerns with him doing that so he understands how it makes you feel. It's important he understands how his decisions effect you. I hope things get back on track for you two, and that it sticks for many years to come. Good luck.
All the best to each of you.
-- Clint
@Belle L - Excellent point, and very well said. I agree with you. There are some circumstances like the one you described where practicing DD can prove to be a challenge, and withdrawing consent may result from it. Thank you for adding your thoughts in the comments of this post. It was a very valid point.
@Deana - Dana gave you wonderful advice/feedback. I'll quickly touch on your situation as well.
I think the answer to your question can only be found by giving DD a try. Is DD right for you, your husband, and your marriage? Perhaps yes, perhaps no - the only way to find out is to give it a try if it's something you BOTH want in your marriage. I will say, however, that it would NOT be right to practice DD if your husband has a history of anger issues or has a mental illness of some sort, which does NOT seem to be the case. I'm not saying he does, I just felt compelled to include that in my response to you.
From your comment, it sounds like your husband has some HoH qualities, he just isn't taking full action, or taking his responsibilities as HoH seriously when it comes to the punishments. I think your husband is capable of living this lifestyle, but there is a right way and a wrong way to do it, which he needs to learn and fully understand before beginning DD. I would suggest you research the lifestyle as much as you can, discuss it at length with your husband, and come to a decision together about whether or not you want to commit to living this way. There's no doubt in my mind it would help your marriage if you both take it seriously and fully commit to it.
Good luck to you both, and thank you for visiting and reading the blog. I hope it's helpful to your marriage.
@Blondie - I was wondering where you were! Nice to hear from you again. :)
You've asked many terrific questions, and here are my thoughts on them:
The wife ALWAYS has a say, or an opinion, in all things related to Domestic Discipline. She should always feel comfortable and safe approaching her husband and offering her thoughts/opinions respectfully to him about anything and everything related to DD. Nonconsensual consent comes into play AFTER the HoH has gathered all information/opinions/thoughts from his wife. He should take into account her feelings at all times, and that should play into his decision on whether or not to implement a new rule, or to use/buy a new implement, or modifying unreasonable rules, or anything else related to DD. His decision should be made with the entire family's best interest in mind, not just the marriage, and the wife nonconsentually consents to him making that final decision. She accepts his decision, even if it wouldn't have been the decision SHE would have made, and stands behind it and supports it wholeheartedly.
For an HoH, it's about gathering all information and making the BEST decision (based on all that gathered information) that will benefit the family and marriage the most. For the wife, it's about supporting his final decision, even if she disagrees with it. THAT is what the wife is nonconsentually consenting to from the start of the DD lifestyle within their marriage - she's nonconsetually consenting to him making those final decisions each time a decision needs to be made, big or small.
I hope that made sense. It's difficult to put into words, but I gave it my best shot. Again, these were excellent questions and I'm glad you took the time to ask them.
All the best, Blondie.
-- Clint
Thank you so much Clint for your wonderful words of wisdom, great advice, and awesome blog! I appreciate your feedback, it gives me so much more to think about before deciding if DD is right for our marriage. I have shared how I feel with my husband now it's up to him to figure out how he feels about DD. As the saying goes "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it" I'll just have to wait and see if my husband decides to take the drink~ Deana
@Blondie and Clint.
I think this discussion of withdrawing consent, which also really addresses the issue of the nature of consent in a DD relationshpi, raises many important and wide ranging issues. When I read Blondie's list of questions, I was struck that these are process questions that need to be worked out between the spouses at the beginning of starting DD or as soon as the issues appear. There is no right answer to these questions, but the husband and wife must reach agreement on these type of structural issues. In other words, both spouses would answer a question such as can the husband add implements in the same way as it applies to their marriage. Both spouses should always feels like they have consented to everything that is done. A DD wife whose husband makes a family decision may not like the decision, but still recognizes that she did consent to let him make the final decision.
The issues of implements and rules are two process issues that can be answered in different ways by different coules. The couple may agree to anything from allowing the husband unilateral authority to select and use any implements he thinks appropriate all the way to prohibiting the use of any implements whatever. A couple can premise their DD relationship on mutually agreed rules (Clint seems to suggest that in his Rules challenge) or can choose to give the husband more unilateral authority to establish rules.
While there can be some fruitful discussion about where a couple should draw these lines, the real problem is not when a husband and wife disagree with where Clint think these lines are drawn, but when the husband and wife have different ideas about where they have drawn the lines.
As a future avenue of posts, Clint might seriously consider developing a check list of structural issues that couples should consider as they develop an agreement to move toward a DD relationship.
I also feel that the spouses may and often should agree to tweak their agreement as they go along. In many cases, this would involve giving the husband more authority in certain areas (such as selection of implements)once both the husband and wife feel he can exercise it on his own. There may be cases, however, where a husband may get carried away and the wife needs to ask to limit his extra powers a little. I agree with Clint's discussion about the downsides of using the very blunt "withdrawl of consent" tool, but would suggest that honest discussion of tweaks can be a better answer that just going along with an uncomfortable situation.
Ok so I am at a crossroad and not sure what to do. I love this lifestyle it has done great things for my whole family not just me and my hoh. Here is the issue when we started this he was doing great with taking charge and helping out and just being on top of everything and now I feel like he has the right to punish me for being out of line or not doing what he wants or letting the house go but he can just sit back let me do it all and handle evetthing in our lives and when I get upset about it I get in trouble. It makes me sencond guess my choice to live in the dd lifestyle. Here is something that happened. We went out the other night and stayed out late I had to work the next day. I got up went to work even being tried. My hoh works night's so he selpt all day and worke up about an hour before I got off work and instead of thinking hey I kept my wife out late last night and she had to work today so I am going to do dishes and help her cause I slept most the day he sat in bed and watched tv. This is just one thing that has happened do I have a right to feel this way or am I over reacted. I do something I am not happy about I got really mad at him and went off. After I calmed down we talked about it but it is hard for me just to say ok I believe you will change with out seeing it. Any thoughts would be great.
If you feel your husband is being unfair or not holding up his part of your relationship, yes you do have a right to be disappointed and possibly even angry about it. However, you need to be respectful when communicating that disappointment and anger. A DD relationship does not mean you lose your voice or your identity - you are still equal partners in your relationship but with different roles. I would encourage you to find a time when the two of you are rested and have a good block of time alone to sit down and have an honest discussion. Calmly and respectfully discuss what each of you expect from your relationship and for your family. Being the Head of the Household comes with a great deal of responsibility – he is the caretaker, protector, and leader of the family. He should be an example and hold himself to a higher standard of behavior and accountability. Hope this helps.
Blessings on your journey,
Cat
What a wonderful morning. four more years....here in Europe we are so happy for you....
I'm not speaking for all, but not everyone is happy here.
~elle
Elle. no ofcourse not. But here in Europe we all think he is the best guy and we just love him. We do not want another Bush... )90 procent in our country would vote for Obama.....So we are all relieved...Specially that poor people can get to hospitals...
@Anonymous (November 6th 10:08 PM) - It's nice to know Europe is happy about Barack Obama being re-elected. Here in the United States, it's a bit of a different story. There are currently 23 states filing petitions to secede from the United States to become their own independent government after the results of the election. You can read more about it here:
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2012/nov/12/petitions-to-secede-are-filed-for-23-states-since-/
Or here:
http://www2.wspa.com/news/2012/nov/12/petitions-filed-secede-united-states-ar-4954756/
And for those of you living in these states, you can sign the petition on the White House petitions page here:
https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petitions
As you can see, a large portion of our country isn't quite as excited as you are across the pond.
@Elle - Given the above article links, you're absolutely correct.
All the best.
-- Clint
Well I can see that and we do hear a lot about here in Europe aswell. Our goverment even the conservative ones praise Barack Obama . I remember 4 years people over here were crying when he was elected. The first black president. "The american dream" I think that was so fantastic . Specially his healthcare system. Just about time somebody did something about that. We are all equal and everybody deserves a fair treatment so not only rich people . we are all Gods children In my country doctors and hospitals are free so it is not about being rich or having a good insurence:) Well that is another story. Well Clint Thanks for listening.
@Anonymous (November 14th 1:01 PM) - I'm always willing to listen. I appreciate you sharing your views on the election. Feel free to share your thoughts any time.
All the best to you.
-- Clint
Hey Clint,
I'm a 19 year old girl. I've been kindof in and out of this scene since i was 13 yrs old. I've been in the BDSM and SM and all of those scenes looking for discipline and structure to my life. I've dated 7 guys who couldn't stand up to me and get me to submit to a punishment. I dont know why but i feel like giving up and just trying to be normal without DD. I know i need the discipline and structure but i can't find anyone to give it to me. I still live with my parents but my dad quit spanking me when i was 12 yrs old and ever since then i've been trying to get it back in my life... and it hasnt worked. It breaks my heart to feel like i'm not worth someone just trying to love me and protect me that way. I guess i'm just a hurting little girl in alot of ways.
Clint, I understand what you mean about how withdrawing consent should only be done on a permanent basis. However, what if my wife withdrew her consent based on my inconsistency and I now realize the gravity of being inconsistent? I truly think that if I could get her to agree to try it again, she would not be disappointed. Our relationship had grown immensely during our short period in DD and now it's falling apart. She felt I wasn't cut out for this HOH role because I was not processing everything as quickly as hoped and I didn't deal out punishment as often as I should have. I take this lifestyle very seriously but due to my own inconsistencies, my commitment was in question (by no fault of my wife's). The point is that I understand what's at stake here and love my wife very very much. I don't want to lose her and want to fight for us. I don't know what I can do other than continue to educate myself in case she decides to give it another try. You are exactly right about the chaos that ensues once consent is withdrawn.We are in North Carolina too, by the way. I am ddhubby on the new site if you care to message me.
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