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Thursday, January 5, 2012

January Couples Challenge: Compliments


Image courtesy of visualphotos.com.
  We discuss the importance of daily complements and challenge couples to do so.  You can read this article on our new website by clicking here.

9 comments:

Tammi said...

Hi Clint I'm new to posting comments, but I've started a website cuz my husband forced me to. Here's the link http://livingalovinglifewithdd.blogspot.com/ It needs work I know, but im trying LUV UR BLOG
-Tammi

Rae said...

Great challenge!

A Mom of 6 said...

I'd like to add that it's important for a wife to do at least one thing each day that brings her joy. If you're in a "reluctant DD" situation like me, that one little thing can really offset a lot of pain (physical or otherwise). For me it's a cup of coffee and a book. That is my little piece of peace (is that a pun? :-) and helps me face the day. I've also decided that this year I'm going to start wearing makeup again. I plopped myself on the back burner for years and years, but this time I bought myself some inexpensive makeup because I'm tired of looking ugly; looking in the mirror and seeing a worn out Mom of 6 who can only think of the next chore in line.

I think you can deal with anything once you've showered, washed your hair, fixed your face and had a cup of coffee. You have a start to your day feeling like a human being instead of a mess!

Meg said...

I compliment my husband several times a day and he me. We have just always done this. But it's a good challenge for those that don't.

Mom of 6: I really hope you are doing ok. I've read several of your comments. You need to tell your husband that you will not practice DD with him anymore and that it's illegal for him to do it without your consent. If he punishes you then call the police. I hope your situation gets better.

Clint said...

@Tammi - Thank you for the support of the blog, and welcome to the blogosphere! It's always great to see new writers on the subject of DD, and I hope your blog does well. Welcome to the club!

@Rae - Thank you!

@Mom of 6 - Thank you for your comment. As I've said to you before, I hope things get better for you and I commend you for taking some initiative as you move into the new year. Good luck to you.

@Meg - Compliments are always a good thing, and I'm happy to hear you and your husband do so regularly. It's important. Thank you for your comment!

All the best to you all.

-- Clint

A Mom of 6 said...

Meg: I've already informed him he isn't to touch me. He knows I'll call the police. I have made it very clear on that point. It's working out OK.

I've found some wonderful single homeschooling mothers' blogs that have been my lifeline these few weeks. I'm blessed beyond measure to have these ladies in my life. Things are getting so much better, because I know who's really in charge! :-) We'll all be OK because God never takes a break.

Meg said...

Mom of 6: I'm glad to hear it. My heart just goes out to you. DD is not something that can be practiced if both adults don't consent. I'm glad you are doing better. And I hope your husband continues to NOT touch you. Good luck.

Molded By Him said...

Dear Clint, I'm a little late in finding this challenge but I would like to add my penny's worth. Compliments are like little deposits into each other's well-being and bonds one to each other. There are so many things that happen in each day that could be remarked upon. My Love is so loving and generous, and he is kind to me with his words. For example, our routine is to start the day with a positive statement/feeling. Another thing is when one of us does something for the other, without being asked, just an act of love. When the other notices, and says that Thank you in the tone of love; or a gentle touch. Well, it sends me to the moon. You see a compliment in our relationship doesn't have to be verbal - touch is also a compliment. I have brought him a cup of tea, and he softly touches my face and a kiss on my forehead, there is almost nothing sweeter. Thanks for listening, Clint!

Anonymous said...

Clint, thank you so much for your work! I've never posted here previously, but was developing handouts for my couples therapy work and found your blog in my research. Your work has been a beautiful and much needed Thanksgiving gift.

Warmest regards!

Adding my two cents below (ideas conglomerated from a number of folks much smarter and more articulate than I) in case someone may find these concepts useful.
_____________________

In order to protect ourselves from further pain in times of conflict, we often keep our partner's most damaging qualities in the forefront of our minds and wear our resentment like a shield. When we engage this subtle stereotyping, we cannot truly see our partner. They are no longer a fellow human with needs,strengths/struggles, and fears … they are simply “the person who hurts me”.

When we are angry, hurt, and afraid that our needs will not be met – it can be extremely difficult to see and truly appreciate the positive aspects of our partner and the value they bring to our lives and the lives of those we mutually care about. Sincere appreciation requires that we allow ourselves to really see our partner… to see their pain and fears… to extend to them (at a very minimum) the basic courtesies that we would extend to a stranger because we see them for who they are as a human being rather than just how they impact us.

Remember:
• Praise the behaviors and attitudes in your partner you want to see grow! If your partner takes even the smallest step in the direction you desire, make it a BIG deal. Recognize the action as what it is, a sacrificial act of love.
• When we feel valued and appreciated for our efforts, we become more willing to engage in the process of healing our relationship – even when the process is painful and risky.
• DIG for Gold…. Become a personalized detective for positive qualities in your partner. If you don’t like something your partner does, examine the motivation behind the behavior and see if you can find and appreciate something in their intention or in a positive trait that produces undesired behavior.

For example: Your partner works long hours and is extremely focused at work. Consequently, you feel lonely and ignored. In digging for gold, you allow yourself to see the positive intention behind the behavior that hurt you(financial stability for your family) and positive character traits (self discipline and strong work ethic).

 
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