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Learning Domestic Discipline
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Posted in: Pros and Cons
LDD's Weekly Recap: July 29th - August 4th
11 years ago
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Domestic Discipline Pros and Cons
Posted in: Pros and Cons
Posted in: Pros and Cons
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21 comments:
PROs-
each person knows there roles and responsibilities, so both feel more secure and confident in the relationship.
Both learn to accept responsibility for THEIR OWN actions
Great Post! You mentioned one of the pros is that in expecting the wife to "improve" the HoH must also "improve".
How about some specific examples, from everyone/anyone on what improvements or changes you as HoH, or your HoH made in his self as a result of DD. Pros and Cons please
Secrecy is something we all have to deal with as well as the anxiety around what will our loved ones/friends/ coworkers think/say if they found out. Come to the Learning Domestic Discipline Network and talk to other DD couples in a live chat!! It's been liberating for so many of the members there...
This is a good article Clint, but I want to add that being punished isn't just unpleasant, it just SUCKS!! LOL
hey your wife did a post on boot camp in a way i was wondering if you would i think my wife needs it
@Anonymous (September 28th 3:24 PM) - It would be impossible for me to know if your wife needs boot camp or not without specifics of your marriage. I will say, however, that boot camp is something I rarely recommend couples do, as it's a rather intense experience. I do feel it is beneficial to the right couple, in a particular set of circumstances. In short, it just depends and I can't say for certainty if I feel your marriage needs it without more information about your situation.
I wish you the very best of luck going forward.
-- Clint
I hear a lot of couples talk about boot camp. Where can I find more information on how boot camp works?
Hello Mr. Clint,
I enjoyed reading your post and couldn't agree more. This lifestyle has taught me so much about who I am as a woman and the liberation from many worries and concerns that can often clutter a womans mind, distracting her from her obligations. Your blog is so well done and I look forward to following :)
Thank you for the opportunity to comment,
Alpha's obeisant
well clint i guess your right the reason im asking about boot camp is my spouse has been...disobeying me just gettingup and walking away during a spanking. i've talking to her about but she just seems not listen. she also likes to say what ever to me or just roll her eyes and she knows i hate that
@Anonymous (September 27th 8:44 AM) - Another great pro to Domestic Discipline. Thank you for your comment.
@newbie - Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the post. I, for one, have definitely experienced more confidence in the decisions I make, and have become a much more mature and a much safer person in general. This, of course, in addition to all the pros I listed in the blog entry.
@Christina - You're right, it sucks. Hopefully those who practice DD, or are thinking about practicing DD, can see how the pros far outweigh the cons.
@Anonymous (September 30th, 5:09 AM) - There is a post about boot camp on Christina's blog, Red Booty Woman. You can read the post by copying and pasting this link into your browser:
http://redbootywoman.blogspot.com/2011/09/boot-camp-for-dd-woman.html
Perhaps I should just write about boot camp. The requests for it are getting overwhelming.
@alphasobeisant - I'm glad you enjoyed the post, and enjoy the blog in general. That's wonderful! Thank you so much for reading and feel free to comment any time. I do my best to answer any and all questions as soon as possible.
@lucy w - I agree. The pros far outweigh the cons. As to your second comment, I posted a link within this comment to Christina's blog entry on boot camp. I recommend you read that post. I may write a post on boot camp as well, since so many people are requesting it.
@Anonymous (September 30th 8:36 PM) - I understand those things can be frustrating. No question about it. I think those problems can be addressed individually as opposed to jumping right into boot camp. If you've punished for these things numerous times and nothing is helping, then it's obviously your choice as to whether or not you want to do boot camp. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best in getting the problems fixed.
-- Clint
There's a point I'd like to make which I believe was overlooked in the "cons" section. DD can lead to abuse and violence. You should also be careful about ever, ever going there if your husband has ever had a problem with alcohol, or likes to put you down verbally and emotionally, and you are the type of personality who gets crushed very easily and begins to slip into depression because you cannot confront him. When you are a cowed, scared and unhappy wife, something is wrong, and it is not the lack of DD in your marriage -- especially if you're pregnant with the sixth, homeschooling a number of your children, and finding that the pressures of raising the kids and being pregnant is making things feel like they're slipping -- and he uses that to verbally abuse you.
I'm sure none of the husbands here are doing that, but it does happen, and often wives who feel desperate to make their marriage work will plead for DD hoping it will increase communication and make their husband more loving and affectionate like all the blogs say -- but it doesn't always happen. In fact, the results can be frightening and downright dangerous especially if you are pregnant. Please be careful about spanking a pregnant woman. If you cause a miscarriage you will regret it the rest of your life.
@Anonymous (October 24th 11:54 PM) - Excellent comment. You made a lot of great points within it, and I thank you for sharing your thoughts.
All the best to you.
-- Clint
Clint ... My husband and I have been practicing DD for a while now. Recently I injured my knee and we are both having a hard time with the discipline aspect of this since I am minimal weight bearing. I can limp around the house but for any length over 15 ft I have to use at least one crutch. We have looked for alternative disciplines but none of them seem to be to his liking. I have referred him to your site and he did find the lecturing post very helpful but now we are stuck!!! Any advice would be very helpful!
@Lily - Have you (or your husband) looked over the "Additional Punishments" or "Silent Spankings" posts on the blog? Those posts should give you a few different options for punishing in your specific situation. I'd recommend giving those posts a look to see if they give you some helpful options.
I hope you get better soon! It's tough to be in that situation, no question. Here's to a speedy recovery! :)
-- Clint
hi i have been thinking up domestic discipline and was unsure about how to get my partner on board i talked tenatively to a counsellor and she said i had to decide why i wanted such a thing and what i needed to really do was weigh up the pros and cons this post has really put it into words so much better than i could its really heopful
@Anonymous (May 17th 2:07) - Wonderful! I'm so happy to hear it. Best of luck to you and your partner in starting the DD lifestyle. You won't regret it if you choose to incorporate it into your relationship. :)
-- Clint
I have been reading over your blog and found it very well written, informative and overall helpful in clearing up some things that had turned me away from this several times in the past when I had tried to research it. One thing I am wondering about is trying to understand what separates this from a parent/child relationship. What response is there for a husband who is against this because the wife isn't a child and he isn't going to treat her like one. He isn't going to tell her what to do and wants an equal relationship.
So my question is, is the husband basically parenting the wife or am I missing some aspect to all this?
@Anonymous (August 16th 8:30 PM) - Your comment is very respectful and I thank you so much for your kind words.
For a couple that does not practice DD, I think it most definitely come across as a "parenting" dynamic. It's difficult to put into words how it differs, but I'll do my best to do so.
The biggest things are that the punishments are discussed beforehand, and consensually agreed upon (as are all the rules and expectations of the marriage). That isn't the case with a parent/child. There is also a MUCH greater amount of communication before any kind of action is taken by the HoH. All issues, problems, behaviors, etc. are discussed, at length, in a very adult level-headed and mature fashion BEFORE any punishment is carried out. With a parent/child dynamic, that generally is not the case. Punishments are also MUCH more intimate in the husband/wife dynamic than a parent/child dynamic. There are a lot more complex, "adult" emotions that come with practicing DD.
You know, it would probably be easier to just link you to my wife's post on this very subject:
http://knowingyourroles.blogspot.com/2012/02/age-old-dd-question.html
She's been asked this question so many times that she wrote this post about it. I encourage you to read over her post.
DD isn't for everyone. I certainly understand that. As I said, it's difficult to put the answer to your question into words. I don't think you'll ever understand the answer until you give DD a chance in your own marriage.
Good luck, and all the best to you.
-- Clint
First of all I want to apologize for my English. I write from Sweden and found your blog by accident, through other links. Started reading it and was hooked. This is a very, very well written and interesting blog about things I've never heard of .. Intrigued, I read through almost all of your blog. Some things sounded good, some like that and some ... completely wrong.::))
First I want to congratulate you and your family that you have to find something that suits you and makes you happy in your famile life and make you a better man and a woman, and perhaps better parents.
Much of what I have read here on the blog sounds good in DD but one thing I can not understand ... this with spanking and punishment.
Please, understand me correctly, I do not question you, I want to understand you.
How can a man in an adult relationship offending woman and hurt her because of love? Love does not hurt.
Communication is key in any relationship and awareness that my husband and I do our best for our family and each other. Sometimes we fail. Why is not enough to admit that I have done wrong and try to never do it again? I believe in positive reinforcement. I believe that punishment is demoralizing and violate us in all forms. (We do not do things because we want to but because we are afraid of being punished )..
We have three children 18,16 and 8 years and we have never physical punished them. BUT we talk very much with them ...
Is punishment something erotic for you ? I can imagine that like a rolplay - but only as a pleasure not pain.::))
We all make mistakes and you too. Why can not you be punished for your mistakes ? Just because you are HH?
So punishment is something I really do not understand ... but want to ... because I think it's unbelievable that in 2012 there are people - and not few - who think this is the best for their marriage.
Words that pops in my head is: demeaning, undemocratic, sexual and offensive.
Is there something I have missed and do not understand? Please explain to me. I hope you do not take offense at you and do not find it too critical. I'm just so curious ..
Thank you,
Susanna.
@Susanna - I appreciate your kind words about the blog. Thank you so much for reading.
I do believe there is something you're not fully understanding about the DD lifestyle, and what that is is difficult to put into words, but I'll certainly do my best.
In a DD marriage, a husband punishes his wife because he DOES love her, and I feel the best way to illustrate this dynamic is by giving an example. Take this scenario, for instance:
While getting ready to run errands one morning, the wife accidentally leaves her curling iron on. She was in a hurry and forgot to unplug it and take it off the dresser before she left. She's not coming home for hours, and her husband still has a full work day to put in. He won't be home for hours, either. While on his school lunch break, their teenage son comes home to get something to eat, smells something burning in his parents bedroom, and quickly realizes it's his mom's curling iron burning the wooden dresser. He unplugs it, and basically saves the dresser from going up in flames, or worse, the house going up in flames.
The wife comes home, learns of what happened, and is extremely distraught. Their son tells his dad what happened, and he's certainly thankful his family is okay, but he's naturally upset that his wife was irresponsible with her curling iron.
So, because he doesn't want his family to be harmed in a fire, and because he wants the house to remain standing, he spanks his wife for her irresponsibly leaving her curling iron on. He loves his wife, and his family, and he NEVER wants something like this to happen again. It's something so serious that a simple, "I'll try to never do it again," from his wife isn't going to give him enough piece of mind that this will, in fact, NEVER happen again. It absolutely CANNOT happen again, because he loves his family too much.
In addition, the wife feels so terrible and so guilty about her lack of responsibility that it's clearly taking an emotional toll on her. Her husband obviously doesn't want her having to deal with that emotional burden. Spanking her relieves her of these emotions and makes her feel so much better. It makes her feel forgiven. It makes her feel protected. It makes her feel LOVED. He WANTS her to feel that way because he DOES forgive her, and he loves her.
So that's one example as to why a husband would lovingly spank his wife.
Punishment is not erotic for my wife and I, but it is for some couples.
Here's a post about husband accountability: http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2012/06/faqs-husband-accountability-edition.html
I think I got to all your questions. I hope this scenario helps you to understand the DD lifestyle.
All the best to you.
-- Clint
My wife and I have practiced what today's generation knows as "domestic discipline" for the past half century. As a result, we have stayed married longer than most couples of our generation. Despite latter day efforts to deconstruct the practice, it is important to remember that the basic process flows quite naturally. Only recently has the custom of a man turning a difficult woman over the proverbial knee become controversial.
It is also worth pointing out that, not so long ago, most women grew up knowing how to "take a spanking". Likewise, it was not uncommon for a man to have heard or seen an older sister or female cousin transformed from defiant to compliant at the maternal knee. In fact, my wife said that the worst thing about being "taken to the bedroom" as a teenager was knowing that her younger siblings "heard everything" before she emerged from the embarrassing disciplinary session with a very changed attitude. From the other perspective, I had witnessed my older sister protest that she was "too old" before being spanked. In other words, both my wife and I entered our relationship knowing how men spank and how women react to being spanked.
While child rearing attitudes may have moderated in the intervening years, today's generation inherited the genetic predisposition to discipline and be disciplined. It fact, I would argue, that knowing what to do when it comes to domestic discipline has much in common with sex if, as the 1950s song suggests, couple do "what comes naturally".
Part of "doin' what comes naturally" comes in not making a big production when it comes to spanking. The first spanking I gave the teenage I would eventually marry was across my lap in the front bench seat of the same big old gas guzzler in which we would eventually consummate our love in the back seat. Both were done privately, effectively, and without much fanfare. Yet, both occurred quite spontaneously, naturally, and served to strengthen our relationship.
Another misconception is that domestic discipline is a "lifestyle". It isn't. Instead, spanking is a time-testing and effective problem solving tool within the context of a traditional relationship. Moreover, despite cultural diversity, the basic prescription has been commonly practiced in almost every country on earth. Even today, in some places, a woman getting her "bu*t beat" by a man is still expected given the right circumstances.
In time, the present prohibitions on men spanking women will cease to exist. For one thing, extreme political correctness, with its emphasis on an exaggerated sense abuse at the expense of sustainable marriages, is too artificial to survive. It is little more than an attempt by vote-seeking legislators to repeal the laws of nature. In this regard, one of the ignored realities of life is that there comes a time when, much like my teenaged future wife decades ago, most women realize they deserve to be put over a man's lap with their pants pulled down. In today's factitious environment that is no longer acceptable. Thus, in the end, the unresolved frustrations of women may doom the current scheme.
In the meantime, until society is willing to come to grips with the fact that its present prohibitions on spanking are unworkable, unhealthy, and unsustainable, men and women are either going to have to rediscover what their ancestors knew or continue to live in perpetual misery.
@Anonymous (October 18th 3:57 AM) - You offer a very interesting perspective, and I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Thank you for taking the time to do so.
All the best to you.
-- Clint
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