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Learning Domestic Discipline
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Posted in: Spanking Punishment
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Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Over or Under the Clothes? - The Pros and Cons
Posted in: Spanking Punishment
Posted in: Spanking Punishment
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48 comments:
Dear LearningDD,
Thank you for maintaining this very important blog. I am sure that you will get more comments as more people become familiar with this site. My wife and I have had a DD marriage for 17 years. I almost always spank her completely naked. She does not like being naked for a spanking so it adds to the punishment. Having her remove her clothes for a spanking, demonstrates submission to my authority and adds to her punishment.
I look forward to reading more of your thoughts on Domestic Discipline.
I am enjoying your blog so far. I have been in a DD marriage for a little over 2 years now at my request as a wife. I find that being spanked for breaking rules in our marriage such as disrespect and certain acts of disobedience has brought harmony and great happiness into what used to be a sort of chaotic marriage where neither one of us was the "leader". I look forward to reading more on your blog!!!
Cliint
I have a question about the issue of sexual arousal during/after a disciplinary spanking. What do you suggest is the best way to handle that, if it happens. I firmly believe that sex should never follow discipline/punsihment, at least not right after.
So, if one or both become aroused what steps can we take to avoid, what I feel is a mistake, and move to quickly to sex.
For me, its pretty easy to handle because my arousal is not as "obvious" as my husbands, and I just
simply "focus" on what is happening (discipline) and why (correction of a behavior) and the arousal subsides. I do this not only to supress my arousal, but so that my husband does not become aroused, simply because I am becoming aroused....we could both lose focus quickly if I didn't do that.
I would like to hear your views and advice for getting past that and focusing only on the disciplinary session.
I think the ladies have a easier time handling this than the men. Arousal, I think, for females, is not as intense as it is for men, and easier to control. I may be wrong, but its just my view. I have been in this situation where my husband moves to quickly to sex and I don't know what to say to him. I think that many times the men have a harder time simply because they LOVE there wife and don't like hurting them...sex is for many men, the way they show love and affection...men are more physical, women more emotional. I think a mans advise on this would really help the guys out there battling with this kind experience. Hope this makes sense.
newbie
ps
sorry i always write so much and take so much of your time.
@Newbie - You're not taking my time. You're comments are wonderful and I'm always happy to help in any way that I can.
Let me start by saying that I plan on doing a blog post about this very subject. A lot of people have requested it, so it's forthcoming in the next week or two. I just need to find the time!
I agree with you that sex should not follow a punishment. All that does is reinforce the punishment, leading wives to unintentionally think that it's okay to break the rules and thus get punished since sex will come after anyways. The though process becomes "break the rules --> get punished --> have sex". It's human nature, through the transitive property (if A = B and B = C, then A = C), to then believe "break the rules --> have sex". Kind of makes the spanking worthless at that point. Husbands would actually see an increase in poor behavior from his wife. It's psychology 101. May as well have just skipped right to the sex.
I'm getting to your question, I promise. Arousal after a spanking is human nature. Especially if the wife is bare-bottomed during the spanking. One suggestion to subdue the arousal is to spank over the underwear or over a very light article of clothing (pajamas, mesh shorts, etc.), but convincing your husband of that will likely be a very tough task. Once he's set in how he does it, I'd imagine getting him to change it would be virtually impossible.
Some things you can do after a spanking to avoid immediate sex afterwards are things like getting dressed shortly after, do the comforting someplace other than the bed/bedroom, do something to take your mind off of it (watch TV, read a book, take a walk, do maintenance around the house, etc.). Again, these are things that may be difficult to convince your husband to do, but those are the first things I would suggest.
Hope this helps!
-- Clint
Clint
I agree with most of what you said, especially about convincing my husband. LOL. I think a lot of couples have this exact same problem. Like you said many have requested the information.
I don't suffer from the break the rules>>>have sex issue. I DON'T WANT sex after. I want to continue to experience the emotional and physical effect of the punishment because that is truly benefitial for me...
I really feel my poor husband is batteling with this as many husbands do. I think many men have this same issue and it is what may cause manyof them to NOT discipline as often or as harshly as they should at times. Many will have no problem laying on a SERIOUS spanking for "fun", but then are very hesitant to actually do it for discipline.
anyway...just had a few more thoughts to get out. I will be anxious to read your post whenyou get it done.
Thanks again
newbie
Hi Clint,
What is your stance on dresscodes for the wife? My HoH wants me dress feminine, which means skirts, dresses, stcokings or pantyhose. I'm allowed to wear slacks, but only thin tight fitting ones who are unmistakenly feminine (no yeans or other more masculine trousers). I've got no problem with it, cause I AM a woman so I've to wear feminine clothes and it is good that also in my clothing my hubby has a say.
My husband also says that female clothing enables the man to get quicker to the 'bare seat of the misbehavior'. Even If I'm resisting a spanking he can easely lift my skirt or pul my slacks down. Also for a few singing smacks, to prevent further misbehavior, dresses and skirts are ideal. In case of the slacks: when I swatted on them I almose feals like he smacks on the bare.
So, do you also think HoH's should require their wives to dress feminine?
Bless you,
Carla
@Carla - I've never been a strong advocate for a dress code for the wife, although I understand a husband not wanting his wife to dress overly provocative. I certainly wouldn't want my wife to do so. A dress code isn't something I recommend, but it's also something I don't have a strong feeling against.
This is one of those situations where if it works in your marriage, then go with it. The head of the household is the one who sets the rules, so if the HOH views this as important, then so be it. I don't think a HOH should REQUIRE it, but again, if they feel the need to enforce something like this in their marriage, I wouldn't advise them NOT to do so. I'm ok with it so long as it isn't excessive, meaning as long as he doesn't dictate everything his wife wears every single day. That's a little much, in my opinion.
-- Clint
I have a questions about sex after punishment. My husband and I have 3 small sons. And we have to wait till they are in bed before I have my punishment spanking. So around 8:30pm, by the time they are asleep. How long should we wait before having sex? We have sex pretty much every night so long as nothing is preventing it (Illness or woman issues). So If I receive a spanking at 8:30 should we watch TV for 30 minutes after, or an hour? My husband always gets aroused and I have never thought about telling him I'd rather wait. But I would rather wait. Thanks so much.
@Tink - I typically recommend at LEAST two hours after a spanking to engage in sexual activity, but as I've said in the "Discipline Spankings vs. Erotic Spankings" post, it's best to wait until the buttocks is completely healed from the spanking to engage in any sexual activity. I go into detail as to the why behind my recommendation on that post.
Like all the advice on my blog, these are simply recommendations. I understand the temptation of sex after a spanking, but for the best long term correction of a problem results, it's best to wait as long as you can after a spanking to have sex. I know that isn't easy to do. If you have concerns about this and would rather wait, I would certainly recommend discussing your concern with your spouse.
Thank you for the comment and good luck!
-- Clint
how do we practice/implement with children at home? they are teens who don't go to bed real early
@Anonymous - Conducting punishments with children in the home is tricky. I certainly understand that. There is no magic solution to this problem - you're going to have to work around the schedules of your children as best as you can. It's difficult, but if you don't want them knowing you and your spouse practice DD, you're going to have to do what you have to do.
Typically teenagers are in and out of the house rather frequently. Whether it's going to school, or when they leave for a friends house, or when they're participating in after school activities (football practice, piano lessons, dance lessons, whatever it may be), you're going to have to find time to conduct the punishments when they aren't around.
Another idea is to send them out to a movie or something. A) - They'll appreciate it and think you're "cool", and B) it will give you time to conduct the punishment. This can get expensive, but aren't all teenagers? :)
Also, you could always use the "Silent Spanking" options discussed on this blog as a last resort.
Hopefully this helps you out. Best of luck to you.
-- Clint
I feel that it is important to spank my wife bare-bottomed, so I can see the effect of the spanking for her own sake. Also because her misbehavior is usually a self destructive action, and I feel she needs to feel the full sting of her punishment. She is very shy/modest, though, and balks at disrobing. I feel adamant about this, so how can I help her to cooperate? We love your blog and find it very helpful.
@Anonymous - That's wonderful! I'm glad you enjoy the blog and find it helpful for your marriage.
If you'd like your wife to remove her clothing, I would ask her to do so nicely once, and if she doesn't listen, I would punish for it. I recommend having her stand in the corner until she's ready to cooperate. You don't have to be a jerk about it by any means, just calmly deal with it to help her learn she needs to respect you and cooperate with you.
Hope this helps, and again, thank you for your wonderful words about my blog.
-- Clint
@Anonymous
I fully accept your view about the importance of spanking bare bottomed. However, I think you have to take a very sensitive approach to this issue. It is unclear what you mean that she "balks at disrobing." Do you mean that she has told you that she does not want to bare her bottom for any spankings under your Domestic Discipline Agreement or that she has agreed to accept bare bottom spankings but then she won't do it when she has earned one. In the former case, her opinion is binding on you. You can try to convince her that bare bottom spanking is best, but until she gives you some form of consent to spank her bare, you have no right to do it. If it is a last minute refusal, then I think you have the right to take the steps Clint recommends. However, your indication that she is "shy/modest" is an issue that needs to be fully and sensitively addressed with her in a calm manner when there is no misbehavior hanging over the two of you.
Clint thanks for again a balanced discussion. I can't imagine spanking anything except bare (unless in public). One thing you don't mention is the simple difference in sound. This adds to the humiliation, submission and realization that I as HOH am serious. I discovered also a few spanks in a public place over jeans don't leave any color - another essential mark of a good discipline session. When required, the bottom must be bared and fast (my wife is also required to say "I present my bottom to you" before a spanking). Ideas for the resistant people - we worked pretty hard at immediate obedience. First I'd set the timer when she was told to bare so that she would move quickly. Then if she was still stubborn, I would add one spank with a loathed implement in addition to the implement being used for discipline for every minute she took to disrobe. She tested it at first but realized a long hard spanking could have been over, but too bad she owed a few extra extra hard spanks for not listening as we wrapped up. We all have to learn from our mistakes but for me having her CHOOSE to follow me was the key. A lot of begging and whining at first has turned into none now and her bottom is presented to me willingly and quickly most times. Better for us both.
@James - Very well said. I agree with everything you said. That's very solid advice for the Anonymous poster you responded to. Thank you for your comment.
@Anonymous - It's always good to hear that you've found something that works well in your marriage. Thank you for sharing your experience on my blog. I have a couple of questions for you if you don't mind - First, why would you ever want to humiliate your wife? Second, how is her saying "I present my bottom to you" necessary or helpful in correcting a behavior? I mean absolutely no disrespect whatsoever when I say this, but if my wife said that to me, I don't know if I could stop laughing.
Just curious, and thank you for your comment. All the best.
-- Clint
I'm thinking the "Anonymous 11:55" is in a Master/slave relationship or something like that. I imagine he is the same Anynomous that requires removal of undergarments, and allows OTHERS to check and see if she is following his direction.
Different strokes for different folks. BDSM can be fun.
But I have to ask a question of him too....Anynomous...why are you reading clints blog???
Clint humiliate is the wrong word. I think humble would be better. I want to protect my sweetheart but she also needs to honor me. We did a DD clinical and they asked us to devise a phrase that the girls would use to show they were on board and recognizing their HOH. My wife's phrase was "I present my bottom to you". Kind of old school but she's very British. Other people used "I'm ready" "I'm sorry, please spank me" etc. The comment above makes no sense to me. No "others" in our marriage.
@Anonymous (August 5th 5:58 PM) - Thank you for responding back to me. Humiliate is such a strong word and always strikes me as harsh, but humble is something I can understand a lot more. Thank you for clearing that up. And if the phrase works for you, then great. I was just curious about it.
I think the Anonymous commenter above your comment thought you were the same person who posted a comment on another post. An honest mistake, I'm sure.
Again, thank you for answering my questions and I appreciate your comments on the blog. All the best to you and your spouse.
-- Clint
Hey, love your blog! I've been in a DD relationship for 3 years now and we've been marriage for three years. I have a question...last week I got a speeding ticket and I didn't want to tell my HoH because I knew I'd get a severe spanking. So, then he finds out that I had hid the ticket from him and he was REALLY mad. For that I got a severe spanking and had to stand in the corner afterwards, bare bottomed, for 30 minutes and then I was sent to bed at 8 pm! With no TV or anything and I wasn't allowed to get out of bed for anything without getting a swat with the belt (my least favourite implement). So I stayed in bed. I thought that was harsh but that would be the end of it. But no he said that was only for the ticket and for hiding it from him I had to get the same thing the next evening!! Is that too harsh?? I told him I thought that was too harsh and he said he makes the rules an just for saying that he added 5 swats to the second spanking and my bedtime was 7:30 instead of 8!! And it was a weekend!!
So, yeah, do you think that is too harsh for the crime??
But also to add to my post...since then I've been on my best behavior, especially with driving! So, I guess the punishment worked. I hope if there is a next time though that the punishment is lessened...that REALLY hurt.
@Anonymous - I'm glad you enjoy the blog! Thank you so much.
This is a difficult question to answer since every HoH is going to punish differently for different offenses. We're talking about two different issues here, and both of them are big problems in my opinion. The first being speeding and the consequential ticket - a life threatening offense - and the second being hiding the truth from your husband. So I agree with the punishment in the sense that two spankings fit the two "crimes".
The corner time and early bedtime you experienced are perhaps a result of things you're not telling me. Perhaps you argued with him a little bit, perhaps your attitude about the situation was poor, perhaps you moved around too much during the spanking, etc. Those punishments could be a result of anything. I'm not saying you did do any of those things, I'm just trying to illustrate how hard your question is to answer.
Overall there was a lot of punishment involved here, but I don't have a big issue with any of it based on what I know. There may be more to the story or there may not, but I feel overall that this was a fair punishment for the two "crimes" committed. I hope you understand your husband is protecting you because he loves you. The last thing he wants to see happen is his wife get killed in a car accident, or see another innocent family get killed because his wife was irresponsible behind the wheel. This, in my opinion, is a pretty big problem.
I'm glad to hear the punishment has helped you be more careful when driving! That's what it's all about. Remember, soreness from a spanking or two for a little while is much better than your husband continuing on with his life alone, particularly if you have children.
All the best.
-- Clint
Thank you for your opinion, it means a lot to me to have a third party's thoughts on the issue. I usually get about 15 minutes or less of corner time after each spanking...it was increased for these punishments because I put my hand in the way for the first spanking...huge no no. I don't often get spanked so I'm not used to it and I reached go reflexively. The second corner time was for the usual 15 minutes to "think about my actions".
The bedtimes were because he was so disappointed...that doesn't usually happen but it was because the offenses were so big. He was extra concerned about the ticket too because it wasn't the first time that happened.
Anyways, I guess I agree now that I needed the punishment and it did help me.
We are actually trying to have a baby right now and I wonder how we can keep our unconventional relationship with a children running around...I told him about your blog and the silent spanking...I hope that doesn't hurt too much though. He said he will buy the cream.
@Anonymous - You're most welcome. I'm glad I could help. The cream certainly stings, so make sure you're husband understands that only a small amount is needed for the desired results. Please feel free to contact me again with any other help you need.
All the best.
-- Clint
This is anonymous from Aug.4, 8:37. Thank you Clint and James for great advice. I decided to revisit the topic of our bare-bottom policy with my wife. She expressed to me her dislike of feeling exposed, and I let her know I absolutely understood her feelings. I reassured her that having her bare her bottom wasn't so that I could ogle her or take advantage of her vulnerable situation. She in turn listened to my reasoning, and once again agreed to this policy. Unfortunately, this weekend I found myself in the position of having to spank again. After a lecture I politely asked my wife to slip her jeans and underwear off. Right away she started to shake her head and back away. This time instead of arguing, I calmly walked her to the corner and told her to think about our discussion, and to let me know when she was ready to face her punishment. In less than 5 minutes she told me she was ready. Although there were some silent tears and I could tell she was embarrassed, she fully cooperated in undressing and getting into position. I just told her that she was doing great, and it would be over soon. Afterwards, I held her through her tears and told her I was proud of her. She told me that the corner time had given her time to calm down and realize that she could endure a few moments of embarrassment, because she trusts me to have her best interests at heart. That felt great to hear, and I really feel that we are now on the right track. Thanks again.
@Anonymous - It sounds like you did a great job. Nicely done. It's always important to address all of your wife's concerns when it comes to any aspect of Domestic Discipline, and it appears you did so. You stated she agreed to this policy, so it sounds like everything is in order for you both to continue spanking in this manner. I'm glad everything worked out for you in the end.
You're very welcome for the help. It was my pleasure. All the best.
-- Clint
I am also very glad that the advice proved helpful in this situation. You should be proud of yourself for acting so sensitively in a situation which had proved so challenging. I would like to specifically compliment you for telling her she was doing great when she complied after a few minutes corner time and told her that you were proud of her after the spanking. Her agreement to the bare bottom spanking policy indicates that the part of her mind that craves structure wants to be spanked on her bare bottom when appropriate. Your role is to help her overcome her impulsive reaction when it is actually about to happen. Praising her for complying instead of anger at her initial refusal reflects your sensitivity to the power of her impulse at that moment and her strength in overcoming it. I think it is wonderful for you express pride in her for taking a spanking. In most cases, DD wives are not spanked because they are worse behaved than the average wife. They are spanked because they are more committed to self improvement than the average wife. Therefore, a husband should be proud of a wife who has taken her spanking, and should not be afraid to tell her that. Good luck in the future.
I'm sorry but I really don't understand being THAT embarrassed about baring for your own husband. That is the man you have sex with and who has probably seen their wife naked hundreds of times. I can only reason that some women need to feel more comfortable about their bodies and in their relationship with their lover. It is never without a little embarrassment...but like I say..it is your husband!And the embarrassment can make sex even better later and create more intimacy. Maybe your wife was only scared because she knew it would sting so much more?
Anyways that's just my two cents. a couple should feel comfortable with either and eachother's bodies.
Hey Clint,
This is Amber (made the above comment and the comment earlier about the speeding ticket). Anyways, I find myself in another predicament. I got in a lot of trouble last time as you remember for hiding something from my husband. I'm not supposed to drink anymore because I used to get really wild. But he was gone last night and I had today off and my gal pals were going out for a few drinks...now I was only going to have one but I started drinking a lot and I partied pretty hard at the club (I didn't do anything against my marriage, I didn't even dance with another guy or anything). Anyways, he asked what I was all up to last night and I was so scared to tell him! The lie slipped out and I said I had coffee with the girls and went to bed early....I'm racked with guilt! I know I need to tell him but I'm still scared. He will be so disappointed. What should I do? Be completely honest and let him punish me how he will or can I ask him to spare me this one time?
anyways, if you can help again that would be great...I can't sleep I'm so worried. I suppose any punishment would be better than this.
@Amber - I think you should tell your husband the truth and always be open and honest with him. He will know best how to handle the situation. Maybe, if this is something that is important to you (to go out with friends and have fun), maybe have a discussion with him about why you would like to have some room to do this every so often with his approval, and how you could do it responsibly (i.e. designated driver, etc)? To me, it sounds like you are so used to not being allowed to drink anymore, such a drastic change from your old habits, that you were overcome with the excitement of the moment as there are not many opportunities for you to drink now.
Good luck,
Ash
Very true Ash. I think I'm going to tell him I've changed since the times that I used to drink too much. I used a taxi that night so I did do it responsibly. This might open up a good discussion. I'm definitely going to tell him though, better he hear it from me.
Anonymous,
I feel for you - I do. Having to tell my husband something that's happened or I've done, is hard for me too. The last time, I worked myself into such a bundle of guilt and nerves that I didn't sleep an entire night.
Yes there are consequences, but in the end, its better to get them over with and have a clean slate than not tell him and feel guilty about keeping it from him, or worse, taking the chance he'll find out about it himself and then you're on the hook for keeping it from him.
Just my advice and I hope it helps you make your decision.
Good luck!
@Amber - I think Ash and Christina have given you wonderful advice, but I'll also chime in on the subject to give you the guy's point of view.
I think we're all in agreement here that it's best to tell your husband not only about the night of drinking, but about lying about it as well. I know that's extremely difficult, but you'll feel so much better about it. I promise you.
Yes, punishment will ensue, I'm sure. I mean, obviously I don't know your marriage, but judging by your feelings of guilt you already know a spanking is likely coming.
As a HoH myself, I always want to know about things like this since I want to make sure my wife is safe. A night out with the girls may seem harmless at first, but it could lead to some very dangerous things, or things you would regret. It's not my place to sit here and lecture you, but I'm just trying to express how the husband feels. He will likely be disappointed, but at the same time he'll be very proud of you for having the courage to tell him your mistake, and for having the recognition that this is something you shouldn't be doing.
Hopefully by being truthful the punishment won't be AS bad, but since you've lied about it once already..I just don't know. The bottom line here is you both will feel so much better about this once you can put it all behind you. A spanking and having a few hours with a sore bottom are much better than getting no sleep and dealing with the feelings you're dealing with. Not to mention much better than partying and putting yourself in a potentially dangerous situation.
Best of luck to you, Amber.
-- Clint
Okay...I told him by e-mail earlier today (so he read the e-mail at work) he e-mailed back saying we will discuss this when he gets home (ANY MINUTE NOW) and that I should not making any plans tonight. He said he is proud of me for finally telling the truth but overall disappointed. I am hoping that after a discussion he might reconsider spanking me...but probably not. I think there might be other punishments too...not sure yet of course. I am just patiently waiting for him to arrive home soon...chances are next time I comment I will have a very sore bum.
Amber
PS I am happy I finally told him though and I will accept any punishment he decides to give.
@Amber - You did the right thing, and I commend you for having the courage to do so. Punishment is never a fun thing to go through, but I think you'll feel so much better in a matter of hours. Great job.
-- Clint
Hey, okay I'm allowed to tell you what all happened and then I have to go to bed (early bedtime again). I feel so much better on the inside but my bottom is BURNING and STINGING!
My husband was very understand but he said I definitely needed a spanking. He calmed me down first though so I could handle it. He did the usual hard spanking (like for the speeding ticket) that got me crying and hurting a lot and then we had a 10 minute break with me in the corner. And then I got 8 strokes with the belt! Only because the keeping stuff from him thing. I think I'll have welts! But all is worth it. It took me a while to stop crying but I also got a lot of comforting.
He knows I hate the early bedtime so I'm getting that. He said it was that or the two spankings like last time..So I reluctantly picked the bed time. At least it gives me more time to think about my actions. And with the pain I feel right now I really doubt this will occur again!! If I was honest in the first place I won't have gotten the belt or the bedtime probably.
thanks for your support...bedtime now with my sorry and sore bottom that I'm not allowed to rub...I really want to!
Amber
@Amber - Thank you for sharing, and again, I commend you for your honesty. You did the right thing. For what it's worth, I feel the punishment was fair, and I hope things work out for you both in the end.
All the best.
-- Clint
I guess I agree about the fairness. He said he wished he didn't have to use the belt and he hopes he doesn't have to again for a long time or never again (as I said earlier that is my most loathed implement).
I definitely still feel it today and I was reminded of my punishment all day today sitting in the office on my sore bottom. At least I felt well rested after all that crying release and the early bed. Probably the best sleep I've had in a long time.
This might have been the only time he has let marks but I know I deserved it and he didn't mean to leave marks of course, he is always really careful and does the warm up and everything.
Thanks Clint and I'm feeling a lot better.
Amber
I have enjoyed reading this feed and wanted to comment regarding the wife who felt shy about baring herself before a spanking. I TOTALLY understand her feelings Alough my husband and I are not in a true spanking DD marriage he has spanked me a few times in the past. On thoes occations he has never requested me to bare myself or put myself in position. For that I am thankful as I would be very embarrased and even feel imodest and less femine.He has alwayes just asked me to come to him and he bares me and places me in postion. It gives me a real sence of security and care as he, not me leads the whole situation from start to finish. Kinda like the feeling you said that your wife gets when you place your non spanking hand in the small of her back. Some might comment that the baring oneself and the negative feelings that come with that are all part of the punishment and that when a wife bares herself it demonstrated her yeilding/obediance to her husband. This may be true, but a wife who stands non resitant having her husband bare her and place her in position with a submissive heart produces the same result, it just has a positive for her as she follows his leadership and calm gentle control over the situation. I am sure if the husband who posted the feed of the shy wife approached his wife this way it would help her a great deal.
was wondering if this last post was read or did I post it wrong? I was interested in some feed back as to what people thought.
I think its wonderful that you shared your experience, thoughts and opinions and I'm sure that anyone who is challenged with this issue will find your answer thought-provoking!!
Just my feedback :-)
I wish my husband would do the baring and positioning, also. I find it a bit humiliating to do it myself, but I guess it is not up to me to say how spankings will be done.
@Anonymous (October 13th 7:07 PM) - Thank you for your comment. It's always nice to get another opinion/perspective on the situation. I feel it's best for the HOH to lead the way when it comes to punishment, and of course do so in a very calm and loving manner. I also feel the wife should have a say on what makes her feel uncomfortable and what doesn't. If something makes her feel uncomfortable, then I feel the HOH should make adjustments to help her feel at ease with the situation, and feel comfortable at all times, even during punishment times. Thank you once again for your input.
All the best.
@Anonymous (October 15th 10:56 AM) - Have you expressed to your husband how you feel about these things? If you feel humiliation during these times, I would certainly express your feelings to your spouse. Although he makes the final decision on how punishments are carried out, I would hope he would take into consideration your opinion and feelings on the matter. Communication is key in any and every aspect of a DD marriage, and I certainly encourage you to do so with your husband. Hopefully it would help.
Best of luck to you!
-- Clint
Clint I have been naturally spanked by my husband since I was 16 years old. He regonized early on from our childhood dating that I needed a spanking. They were sometimes done seriously and at other times playfully but never for erotisim. I am now 40 and have been married for 23 years. I recently started researching the subject when I begin to identify how the spankings have helped me and I was curiouse to see how normal this need I have had was and how other women felt about it. Not that I am insecure or care what the world thinks about me. I have found my needs put into words on this website and am now able to connect the pieces and benifits together for myself. Recently my behavior had become out of control due to the sickness and death of my father in law. My husband recently spanked me after the kids were gone to school and I found myself crying and releasing alot of pent up emotions concerning my loss. My husband was able to indentify my behaviour and its causes. I am at no other time able to connect my dots. This process is natural to our marriage and it not something we have ever prediscussed but this website has showed me why for me its benificial. I am a future RN and am very educated so I have always presented myself as a strong willed woman. It takes a heck of a man to make a difference in my life and sometimes I dont hear logical reason so I think my husband did what he felt was natural and it allowed me to find my place under him. I dont agree with everything presented on this website for me and my relationship not that it does not work for others. I feel like if my husband wants my panties off to spank me he is going to have to pull them down. He is the man and he needs to prove that he can make those desisions. I also would never consent to corner time because I am a woman not a child. I agree to allow my husband to spank me because I repect his headship and the benifits of it. I think to stand in a corner for me would be to tear down my self respect and cause me to revert back to childhood. I think its important for a woman to regonize even though her husband spanks her she is still a woman not a child. I think corner time could easily confuse roles. I do not judge those that practice it but I am not an advocate of it. I will also say that if a man feels like his woman deserves a spanking its the mans choice as to when and where and how. This brings back a sense of control to the marriage and makes the woman feel secure.
@Anonymous (December 10th 10:30 AM) - I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your father-in-law. I hope you and your husband are coping well through this recent time of difficulty.
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and experiences.
All the best to you going forward, and happy holidays to you and yours.
-- Clint
In my opinion, a spanking should be on the bare bottom,and the husband should lift the skirt and lower the panties, which emphasizes the fact that he is the one in charge. Bare is also safer. He can see the effects and tell when it's time to stop.
On another aspect of this, I see no need to delay making love if you both want to after a spanking. I know that I want to be kissed and comforted, and that will often lead to love making. Why wait? The punishment is over.
My husband died when we were very young. Her did spank me on thr bare bottomed when I misbehaved. What I want know is when a woman becomes too old to be spanked. If I remarried I would want this kind of relationship again...An Angelbrat
@Penny - I appreciate you taking the time to offer your thoughts. Thank you so much.
@An Angelbrat - I don't feel an age limit should be put on the lifestyle. If a couple is physically able to conduct spankings and carry out punishments in an effective manner, age shouldn't matter. This is just my opinion, of course. In the end it's decided by whomever you choose to remarry.
I'm terribly sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. I understand it happened some time ago, but I'm sure it was and is a difficult experience to endure. I certainly wish you the very best going forward.
-- Clint
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