It shows a lot of maturity on a wife's part to actually want to be spanked harder. For those reading this that may think their fellow DD wife is crazy for wanting this, let me briefly explain to help you understand why a wife would want to be spanked harder.
A wife that wants to be spanked harder understands that the pain from the spanking is the correcting influence on her negative behaviors, and understands the pain from a spanking will help her to think before she acts. When her behaviors are corrected and she's thinking before she acts, she's a smarter, safer, and better wife to her husband, and a better mother to her children (if she has children). The current way her husband is spanking her is not giving her these things to the extent both her and her spouse are looking for, therefore nothing is really improving or getting accomplished. She wants to be spanked harder as a means of improving the way DD is practiced in her marriage, which, upon accomplishment of that, would improve the overall happiness and harmony in her marriage and home.
Now it doesn't sound so crazy, right? It's the mature, responsible, and correct thing to do if the current way a couple spanks has little to no effect on influencing her behaviors for the better.
As with everything else in a healthy DD relationship, this situation needs to be approached and handled somewhat delicately. If a wife approaches her husband and basically tells him how to spank, he may take it the wrong way and see it as her questioning him in some fashion. So rather than saying something like, "this isn't working...you need to spank me harder", there's a more delicate way to ask your husband to increase the intensity of your spankings.
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Respectfully saying this first lets him know that you have something important on your mind, and still allows him to decide when you two discuss it.
"I appreciate you taking a minute to talk to me about this honey. It's not easy for me to say what I'm about to say, but it's something I've been thinking a lot about lately, and something that I think will really help us if you decide to do it. Obviously Domestic Discipline has really improved our marriage. I think we both can agree on that. It has been wonderful so far, and you're doing a great job of helping me get on the right track, and of keeping me on the right track. I do have a small suggestion I'd like you to consider, because I really think it would help me a lot. While the spankings are definitely helping me, I'm just not afraid of being spanked like I think I should be. Since I don't fear them as much as I probably should, I'm thinking we may need to spank a little harder than we are. It's up to you, of course, but I think spanking me harder would really help me to think before I act and help me to behave better for a longer period of time. I know it sounds crazy, but that's really how I feel. What do you think?"
I put some parts of that in bold so I could make a couple of points - these parts in bold are doing two things: 1) they're still deferring the decision to him, which is how a DD marriage works, and 2) it's stroking his ego, and letting him know that he is helping you and he is doing a good job of leading the marriage, even though you're making a suggestion on how to improve your spanking practices. Husbands like those two things.
After he gives his thoughts on it, continue discussing it and continue making your points as to why you want to be spanked harder. Getting spanked harder would help you to think before you act, it'll help to improve your behavior, it will help you to cry which is therapeutic, etc. Whatever you feel. Keep using the word "help". Men naturally like to "help", particularly when the person they're helping is their wife.
As far as him actually spanking harder, well, that's obviously his decision. You can't make him do it. But, you can encourage him to do so, and once he agrees that it needs to be done, you can stress the importance of him following through with it. Stress how important it is to you and let him know you can handle it. If he's having some hesitation issues, I recommend you both read this.
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Here are a couple from Learning Domestic Discipline that may help:
- What is Domestic Discipline?
- Spanking vs. Abuse: Clearing Up Misconceptions
- Discipline Spankings vs. Erotic Spankings
- Domestic Discipline Pros and Cons
- What IS and What IS NOT Domestic Discipline
With that said, I have a recommendation that I often give couples in this particular situation, particularly for the wives in this situation. That recommendation is this - even if he isn't on board at first, start living the DD lifestyle anyway without his help for the time being.
What does that mean?
Well, you have an idea as to what it means to be in a Domestic Discipline marriage. Forget the punishments for a moment - I'm talking about your vision of a more calm, more stable, more harmonious marriage and home. What are you NOT doing that would get your home functioning that way? More importantly, what are you NOT doing that would make your husband happier?
Whatever those things may be, have the self-discipline and self-motivation to do them on your own, if only for a short while. Even if you only do it for a month, give it a try. You'll need his help at some point, but for now you'll have to do it without his help until he's on board with the lifestyle. If you don't regularly cook meals, start doing so every day. If you procrastinate the laundry, dishes, household cleaning, or anything else you know would make your husband happy by doing them, put yourself on a daily regimen. When he asks you to do something, just say, "sure honey, I'd be happy to" rather than give him some snappy response. Whatever it is, start living the way you envision your DD lifestyle to be and stick to it.
He'll notice the change, trust me. And he'll love it. When he comes to that point, let him know this is what a Domestic Discipline lifestyle is, and you want his help in making it a part of your lives forever. Let him know you can't do it forever without his help. You need him there to get you back on the right track when you veer off course from time to time.
He'll be much more willing to give the lifestyle a try when he's experienced the benefits of it first hand.
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Here are the Learning Domestic Discipline boot camp resources:
- Domestic Discipline Boot Camp Basics
- Boot Camp book available at Lulu.com
- Boot Camp book available at Amazon.com (for Kindle owners)
Unfortunately you can't make your husband do anything he doesn't want to do. If he doesn't want to practice the lifestyle anymore, then he doesn't want to. It's as simple as that. You can encourage him to reconsider, but if he isn't 100% committed to a better marriage by having this lifestyle a part of it, then, sadly, there isn't much a wife can do about it. All I can recommend is that the wife keep encouraging her husband to reconsider his decision, and continue living as though DD IS a part of her marriage, as described in the previous question. That, assuming the husband appreciates it and it makes you both happy, of course.
I wrote a guest post addressing this problem over at Knowing Your Roles (my wife's blog). For my answer to this question, stop by my wife's blog and check out this post.
My goodness that was a long post. If you made it this far, I thank you for taking the time to read it all. These, once again, are terrific questions and difficult situations to be in. If you're in these situations, you certainly are not alone. These questions come up regularly. I hope these answers will help those of you dealing with these things. As always, feel free to share your thoughts, opinions, questions and comments in the comment section below.