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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Immediate Swats

  The most effective way to modify a behavior is by administering a punishment as soon as possible after the unwanted, dangerous or detrimental behavior is displayed.  I think we all understand that fundamental principle within a Domestic Discipline relationship.  Holding the wife accountable immediately after the infraction is made will yield the quickest and most immediate change for the better in the behavior.

  Spanking as recommended on Learning Domestic Discipline is a process.  It's a process for many reasons (which are given on the spanking posts) and can take quite some time to conduct.  As such, this can cause a couple to hold off on conducting the spanking for a period of time until a more convenient time presents itself.  There isn't anything necessarily wrong with that, and it's rather common.  The spanking process will still be effective even when done several hours after the infraction was committed.

  There is an alternate option to consider, however, that offers a more immediate consequence to any given infraction - swats.  Swats are not the same as a spanking (as described on this blog).  They're similar, but they are done without the lecturing aspect of a spanking, and are done without an elaborate comforting session afterward.  Those two differences distinguish swats from spanking.
What are swats?

  Swats are when the husband strikes the wife on the buttocks using his hand and his hand only, in a "right then and there" fashion.  No other implement is used.  Swats are recommended to be done over the knee, although they can be administered when the wife is standing straight up as well.  In any swat situation, the recommended number of swats is between 8-10, varying on the severity of the infraction.  Swats are done IMMEDIATELY after an infraction is made, right then and there.  It's essentially a quick "spanking" (without the lecture, extensive comforting, and "process" of spanking) to immediately address and curb the negative behavior of the wife.

  To illustrate the dynamic, I'll explain a brief (very brief) mock scenario in which swats would be used/effective:

   A husband and wife are enjoying a quiet night together watching their favorite television program.  At some point the wife realizes she left the garage door open and cusses out loud, breaking the "no cussing" rule of the household.

  "(Expletive), I think I left the garage door up.  I need to go close it.  Just a minute.  I'll be right back."

  "Hold on - before you do that, I heard a cuss word in there.  Come here.  We'll take care of it right now," the husband immediately replies.

  After some brief discussion, the wife reluctantly lies on her husbands lap in the over the knee spanking position, right there in the living/family room, and is administered 10 swats on the buttocks.  Then, once conducted, she gets up, the couple embraces for a moment, she's reminded why the swats were necessary, and she goes to shut the garage door.  The couple then carries on with their day.  Done deal.

  In this mock scenario, the swats address the cussing issue.  The decision of whether or not to punish the wife for leaving the garage door open is ultimately determined by the husband.

Image courtesy of quotescoop.com.
  Obviously that's a very brief illustration, but that's what swats are.  They're done quickly and immediately, and serve as a reminder to the wife that she needs to follow the rules of the home at all times.  They're an immediate consequence to a behavior and, over time, can correct the behavior long term.  This, of course, assuming the husband is extremely consistent with them.

  Swats are effective, however they are NOT as effective as a spanking in getting any given behavior corrected long term.  They can be effective for long term correction of a problem, however it takes numerous swat sessions and meticulous consistency from the husband to achieve those long term results.  Spankings should be administered for the most serious offenses, but for "work in progress" situations (such as breaking a difficult swearing habit, for example), swats offer a means of addressing an issue very quickly and help the wife remember to follow the rules at all times.

  Immediate swats are not always possible, understandably.  The couple may have children, there may be guests at the house, etc.  Swats are not recommended to be done when others are present.  But, when and where possible, immediate swats can be effective if done correctly and consistently.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Reverse Lecturing

  Next to being inconsistent, there may not be an aspect of a Domestic Discipline marriage that husbands (or HoHs) struggle with more than lecturing.  As difficult as it may be to do, it's important there be a lecture during the entire punishment process to achieve long-term correction of any unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental behavior.  When a mistake is made or poor judgment is exhibited by the wife, generally speaking she wasn't thinking just moments before the mistake/poor judgment happened.  That's the purpose of a lecture and why it's so important - to take her back to that moment, get her thinking about it, and offer suggestions in order to change her thought process in a positive way for the next time she's in a similar situation.

  Lecturing has been discussed on Learning Domestic Discipline before.  The importance of lecturing and how it's recommended to be done is detailed in length within that post.  As such, this post won't go into the how and the why of the lecture since that has already been covered, but will rather discuss an alternate way of doing so that some wives respond better to.
Image courtesy of superstock.com.
  This method is known as "reverse lecturing."  Perhaps contrary to your initial thought, this is NOT a concept where the wife lectures the husband in any given punishment situation.  I'm sure many wives would appreciate the opportunity to do so, however that isn't how reverse lecturing works.  Sorry to burst your bubbles, wives.

So what is reverse lecturing?

  Reverse lecturing is when the husband conducts the lecture after the punishment has been administered to the wife.  Rather than lecturing prior to the punishment, the lecture is conducted afterward when the wife is in a more receptive, cooperative, and - as much as I dislike this term - submissive state.  Husbands, generally speaking, are also in a more calm and more rational state of mind after the punishment is carried out, which is beneficial to the overall effectiveness of the lecture.

  If and when the lecture is done prior to the punishment, there are a couple of problems that may arise.  The wife may be upset and uncooperative, or she may not be listening attentively, or she may not be taking her husband and the points he's making seriously, or she may simply be in a defiant state of mind and unwilling to participate or cooperate with the lecture.  When the wife exhibits any of these behaviors, not only does it escalate frustration and disappointment in the husband, it also renders any lecturing done far less effective.

  Reverse lecturing offers husbands an alternate way of approaching the lecturing process that can be effective for a lot of couples.  As I mentioned earlier, after a punishment - particularly after a spanking - the wife is much more receptive to what her husband says, and much more cooperative with him.  The message has been sent through punishment that any defiance will lead to additional punishment, therefore she listens more attentively, understands more clearly, and takes the situation much more seriously.  In short, the lecture "sinks in" much easier when conducted after a punishment for some wives.

  With everything said, I still recommend lecturing prior to the punishment the most often.  There are three reasons for that.  One, the wife understands very clearly why she's being punished and what punishment to expect before it happens.  That's only fair to her.  Two, it gives the couple an opportunity to communicate, give each side of the story, and give both spouses time to calm down before the punishment is carried out if either one happens to be upset or angry.  Three, since the lecture was already done, the primary focus after the punishment can then be on comforting and emotional bonding, which is extremely important to the health and growth of any relationship.

  If lecturing prior to the punishment is ineffective for a couple for whatever reason, or if the husband encounters any of the previously mentioned problems with his wife when he goes to lecture her (her not listening, her not taking it seriously, her being uncooperative, etc.), then reverse lecturing offers and alternate way of conducting the lecture that may prove effective for their marriage.

  Every wife will respond differently to the lecturing process.  Some will respond better to lectures before the punishment, some will respond better to lectures after the punishment.  While reverse lecturing may be effective for one couple, it may not be for another.  As with most aspects of a Domestic Discipline relationship, couples should work together in finding what works best for their marriage.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Special Network Announcement!

  
THE LDD SOCIAL NETWORK IS LOWERING ITS RATES!

  That's right - the LDD Network is lowering the rates!  In addition to lower monthly rates, we will now be offering special 3-month and 6-month rates as well!  It must be LDD's birthday or something!  This is madness!!


  Many seemed to think the network was just a money making ploy for my wife and I and I hate to have to break the news to those people that they were incorrect in their assumption, but they were incorrect in their assumption.

  The network fees are - and always have been - for the operation costs of the network. The host site of the network, Ning, charges a lot of money for our network to be up and running due to the features on the network that we have added (like the chat feature, for one).  They will continue to be for that reason.  The more members that join and become paying members, the sooner the rates can drop again.  It's as simple as that.

The new rates are as follows:

Individual Month-to-Month Membership: $4.99/mo. (down from $5.95/mo.)
Couples Month-to-Month Membership: $7.99/mo. (down from $9.95/mo.)

Individual 3-Month Membership: $12.99/quarter (about $4.33 a month)
Couples 3-Month Membership: $19.99/quarter (about $6.67 a month)

Individual 6-Month Membership: $23.99/semi-annually (under $4.00 a month!)
Couples 6-Month Membership: $35.99/semi-annually (under $6.00 a month!)

A couple of things:
  • The LDD Network still offers one free week of membership with no questions asked.  Your first invoice is not generated until your first free week has expired.
  • You need a PayPal account to sign up.  PayPal accounts are free, and you can sign up here.  I know this is a bit of a hassle, but this helps ensure members are 18 years of age or older and helps keep any bank account information private.
  • For current members, the new rate takes effect on your next invoice date.
  • Current members can change to 3-month or 6-month memberships at anytime to take advantage of the lower average monthly costs. To do so, just email me (on the network) or Christina (the network billing administrator).
  • For new members, the new rates above take effect immediately (after the first free week).
  • If you have discontinued your membership and would like to return, you will be charged at the new rate going forward.
What does the network have to offer?

  Everything from forums to chats to private blogs and more.  You can completely customize your profile and control your own privacy settings.  We understand privacy is extremely important in the DD lifestyle, and your privacy is important to us.  You control what information is public and what information is not.  You can read all about the additional features of the network by clicking here.

  And, since we're in such a celebratory mood given the one year anniversary of LDD, we'll offer two months for the price of one if you sign up within the next month.  This offer expires on May 12th, 2012 so sign up now to take advantage of it! NOTE: 3-month memberships will get an additional month, and 6-month memberships will get an additional month under this promotion.

  There's never been a better time to sign up with the LDD Network.  Now is your chance to meet other wonderful DD people and learn from them, interact with them, and make those friends you've been trying so hard to find within the lifestyle, including my wife and I.  We're in the network so come join us!

See you there!

SIGN ME UP!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Happy Birthday Learning Domestic Discipline!

  Today Learning Domestic Discipline turns one year old!!  That's amazing!!  I figured this day would come, but I had no idea it would come so fast!  It has been a wonderful first year for Learning Domestic Discipline, and I want to thank you for making the blog, the network, and the book an overwhelming success.
Image courtesy of crossfitlgn.com.
  Before the blog launched, I had a vision on how I wanted to present the information and how I wanted to "walk" a brand new couple through the complex topic of Domestic Discipline.  I had no idea how that presentation would be received.  What I DID know, however, is that I wanted my blog to be different from the others, and have something more to offer readers.  There were/are an abundance of excellent personal experience blogs out there, many of which I link to on this blog, but I wanted this blog to stand out for better or for worse.

  With that goal in mind, I took my knowledge of and experience with the lifestyle and made that vision a reality.  There have been many who have made it clear they don't like me, or my blog, or the LDD network, or the book, or my overall attitude and "arrogant" style of writing.  However, the positive response to all of those things trumps the negative response ten fold.

  I want to personally thank you for reading the Learning Domestic Discipline blog.  Even if you hate me or the blog - I still thank you very much.  There's a reason you read it, and regardless of what that reason is, I appreciate you taking the time out of your busy life to read, share, and interact on the blog and in the network.  There is no way the blog would have lasted a year without you.  You're the reason I continue to write, and you are the reason I'm always looking for ways to improve your DD experience in any possible way that I can.  Thank you for making that possible for me.

  Also in the past year, my wife and I have made many new friends throughout the blogging community.  I'm not talking about "acquaintances" either.  I'm talking about real, true, meaningful friends.  There are many wonderful people we've met and become friends with that live this lifestyle from all walks of life.  We've met police officers, lawyers, doctors, accountants, social workers, teachers, stay-at-home moms, business executives, students, hair stylists -- all of whom practice Domestic Discipline.  That fascinates me.  This isn't a "niche" lifestyle, and it's a lot more popular than you think.

In fact, let's look at a few numbers from LDD alone.
  • 3,317,656 - The number of page views on this blog and counting as of the writing of this entry.
  • 1,839 - The number of comments left as of the writing of this entry.  And those are just the ones I have approved.
  • 206 - The number of comments I have not approved.
  • 169 - The number of members in the LDD network.  Not every person is active, but that's the number of people that have signed up since it's creation in June of 2011.  With the success of the network, a big network announcement is coming in a couple of days.  Stay tuned! :)
  • 132 - The number of public blog followers.  The key word in that sentence is "public".  Who knows how many more are following privately.
  • 92 - The number of feed burner subscriptions.  If you'd like to subscribe, click on the orange icon at the very top of the page (the icon next to the Facebook icon).
  • 78 - The number of published blog posts on Learning Domestic Discipline.
  • 46 - The number of @LearningDD Twitter followers.
  • 12 - The number of Couples Challenges on the blog.
  • 5 - The number of recipes courtesy of my incredible wife on the blog.
  • 2 - The number of guest writers of Learning Domestic Discipline (my wife and Christina from Red Booty Woman).
  • 2 - The number of absolutely blessed parents behind the two blogs of Learning Domestic Discipline and Knowing Your Roles.
  • 1 - The number of absolutely gorgeous children to those two blessed parents.
  • 1 - The number of amazing marriages between those two blessed parents.
  • 0 - The number of Super Bowl titles won by the Denver Broncos since the new millennium.  Man, I had such a good thing going, too! :)
I would say the presentation of Learning Domestic Discipline has been well received.

Here are the top 10 most popular LDD posts (as of April 10th, 2012):

10) - Punishing In Public - How To Handle It
9) - Addressing Spanking Issues - Hesitation
8) - May Couples Challenge - The Rules
7) - Punishment #5: Intermediate Level Spankings
6) - Silent Spankings
5) - Maintenance Spankings
4) - Spanking Implements
3) - Spanking Positions
2) - Punishment #1: Corner Time
1) - Punishment #3: Beginner Level Spankings

  To celebrate LDD's birthday, we're offering ONE FREE LIFETIME LDD NETWORK MEMBERSHIP to one reader (and their spouse if the winner is married)!!!

  It's easy to enter - all you have to do is express how the LDD blog, network, and/or book has positively impacted your marriage and/or life in the comments section below.  One month from today, May 10th, we'll randomly select the winner using the site random.org.  The winner will be announced on the blog and on the @LearningDD Twitter page.  If the prize is not claimed in 24 hours, we'll select a new winner until someone claims their free membership!

  If you have to post an anonymous comment, make sure to leave a unique name (even if it's a fake name) so we have some way of identifying you as the winner.  Maybe only a few people will comment, meaning you have a good shot at winning if that's the case.  You never know.

Good luck!

  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for making LDD a resounding success.  This year has been a lot of fun.  Here's to another successful year, and many many more enhanced and happier marriages.

-- Clint

Monday, April 2, 2012

April Couples Challenge - Spreading The Word

  April is here, and April is a big month for Learning Domestic Discipline.  The blog turns one year old this month!  Big news!  A lot of Domestic Discipline information has been covered on LDD over that calendar year, and there have been 11 different challenges at the beginning of each month to help you and your spouse along in the DD journey.  Hopefully the blog and those challenges have enhanced your relationship in all the ways they were intended to.

  I plan on writing a more extensive "thank you" letter to you, the reader of Learning Domestic Discipline, but for now I'd just like to quickly say thank you so very much for making LDD a success.  This site would not exist without your support, and I genuinely appreciate you taking a few minutes out of your lives to see what's new here each week.  Thank you.

  If the monthly couples challenges have helped your relationship, or if you have found any the information on the blog useful/helpful, or both, then I'd like to ask you one little thing in return.  I don't ask much from my readers, but for this month's challenge I AM asking something of you.  You should have seen it coming given the last post.
APRIL COUPLES CHALLENGE

  Bring at least one couple to the Domestic Discipline lifestyle.  Do your very best in educating them on the lifestyle, give them resources to learn more about it, and help spread the secret to a stronger marriage to at least one relationship that could use it.

Image courtesy of Yamhill Valley.
  This challenge isn't about promoting LDD in any way.  I don't really care about all that.  If you want to use this site to help with the challenge this month that's wonderful, but I honestly don't care if you do or don't.  This challenge is about helping others who need it.  This challenge is about giving the gift of a stronger marriage to another couple.  This challenge is about helping to spread the word that this lifestyle doesn't have to be - and isn't - as crazy as it is perceived to be. 

  I wrote a post last week specifically for this challenge.  It's about approaching other couples with the idea of Domestic Discipline, and you can read it here.  This challenge means so much to me that I asked my wife to write about approaching other couples with the idea of DD as well.  You can read her post here.

  If you've done zero of the couples challenges up to this point, please do this one.  Please.  This one means a lot to me.  This is why I write about Domestic Discipline, this is why I spend countless hours interacting with readers via comments and emails, this is why I spend so much time and effort in the network, this is why I write books about this topic - this is why I do what I do.  I want to help as many marriages as I can, and I'm personally asking you to help me in doing that.

Just one couple.  That's all I ask.  I don't think that's asking too much.

If you missed past Couples Challenges, you can find them with these links:

May Couples Challenge: The Rules (a must for beginners)
June Couples Challenge: Great Qualities - Part I
July Couples Challenge: Great Qualities - Part II
August Couples Challenge: Confessions
September Couples Challenge: Planning Improvement
October Couples Challenge: Spontaneity
November Couples Challenge: Gratitude
December Couples Challenge: Charity
January Couples Challenge: Compliments
February Couples Challenge: Addressing Faults
March Couples Challenge: Appreciation

Good luck with the challenge, and thank you in advance.

 
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