12:57 PM
Clint
Excellent questions continue to pour in on the FAQs - Ask Your Questions post I wrote several weeks ago. I've been taking some of these questions and featuring them in a series of entries known as the Commenter FAQs series, and this post will be the third installment. If you'd like to ask a question that may possibly be featured in future Commenter FAQs series post, follow this link and post your question(s) in the comments section.
If you'd like to read the first two installments, you can do so by clicking here (Communication Edition) and here (Spanking Edition).
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My husband and I have kind of begun a DD marriage. The problem is that it seems he wants to do this only a few days a week. How can I get him to be more consistent?
This is an extremely common question. There are a lot of couples who have this problem, and it's certainly not a good problem to have. It's not an easy one to fix, either. A wife can't make her husband be more consistent - he has to want to be more consistent. In order for him to want to be more consistent, he needs to know why consistency is so important to his wife and their marriage, and he needs to understand how his inconsistency makes his wife feel. Once he understands how important it is to his wife that he be consistent with the rules/punishments, and once he understands the negative feelings his wife deals with from his lack of consistency, he should have two strong incentives to correct the problem.
If a husband has no idea this bothers his wife so much, things won't change. For there to be any kind of improvement on consistency, the wife is going to have to discuss the problem with him and convey the importance of consistency. I've written a post on this very thing and I recommend those with this problem read over it. Conveying the importance of consistency to the husband is the first part of the discussion. The second part is explaining, very articulately, how the husband's inconsistency makes the wife feel. In most cases inconsistency makes the wife feel unloved, uncared for, or feel as though the marriage doesn't mean as much to the husband as it should. Whatever the wife is feeling about the inconsistency problem in the marriage needs to be expressed, in detail, to the husband. In my experience, most husbands make an honest effort to be much more consistent after hearing how terrible it makes his wife feel when he isn't. All a wife can do in a situation like this is ask her husband to step up, be a better leader, and be more consistent.
What should I do if my wife pouts and/or gives the silent treatment after a spanking?
In a situation like this, I recommend the husband very calmly, and with legitimate concern, ask his wife about what may be bothering her. She may or may not open up at that moment, but the husband should at LEAST show some concern or care about the issue rather than dismiss it. I'd recommend saying something along the lines of the following:
"I can clearly see something is bothering you sweetheart. I'm not going to know what that is unless you tell me. If you don't want to talk right this moment that's fine and I understand, but at some point I'd like to get to the bottom of what's bothering you so I can fix it, and so it doesn't bother you anymore. I'm willing to discuss this if you are."
If there's no response at that point, then I'd recommend the husband continue to comfort his wife silently (if she accepts his comforting) until she has regained her composure. It wouldn't hurt to say something like, "Take all the time you need, honey. I'm ready to talk about it whenever you are," at this point, either. The husband shouldn't be forceful about it, or ask dozens of times for his wife to open up - he should simply express concern, express willingness to discuss the problem, and leave it at that. The wife will talk to the husband when she's ready to do so, and the husband should be understanding of that. At this point the husband has done all he can do and where it goes from there is up to the wife.
Once the wife opens up about the problem, the husband should listen attentively and take all the necessary measures to correct the problem. It's unhealthy to the marriage to allow problems to fester, so I definitely recommend couples discuss any and all problems, regardless of how major/minor they may be, with understanding and reason to determine the best course of action for harmony in the home and marriage.
I want to begin DD but my boyfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago. I approached him about the idea and asked him to think about it. Do you think this is something that we can make work even though we're not together? He is the only person I can trust to do this with.
Unfortunately, I don't feel Domestic Discipline will benefit a couple that is consistently going through turbulence in the relationship. Domestic Discipline is more for couples who have an established relationship dynamic, and who know they're committed to one another monogamously long term. Furthermore, a young relationship shouldn't be built on Domestic Discipline. Relationships should be built on trust. I don't know how a woman could proceed in a Domestic Discipline relationship without full trust in her partner. I understand this may be the only person you trust to do DD with which is great, but if a couple isn't together then it simply isn't going to work. Too many emotions are involved with Domestic Discipline and it would be unhealthy to try and make this work when two people aren't committed to one another.
These were more wonderful questions, and I hope the answers are helpful to those having these problems. Again, if you'd like your question featured on a future post, please ask your question in the comments of this post for consideration.
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